Something about a dining hall full of humans under fourteen amplified everything. Counselors shouted over kids excited to be away from home for a week. Trays banged against tables, silverware against plastic dishes. The camp’s kitchen staff hurried kids down the buffet line. Cooked hamburger meat battled with body odor—I was glad not to eat near the boys.

Cabin nine sat in the middle of the hall with Manning in the center of the picnic-style table. The boys laughed at what he said, looked up at him between bites of sloppy joes, showed him stuff from their pockets.

Peals of giggles at my own table brought my attention back to where it should be. Hannah sat at the opposite end of a long wooden table, eight nine-year-old girls between us. “What’s so funny?” I asked.

“Bettina likes Bobby Newman.”

In the four hours we’d been here, it wasn’t the first boy-talk I’d heard. “Which one’s Bobby Newman?”

They all pointed at Manning’s table and Bettina turned a bright shade of red. Luckily for her, the only “boy” who noticed was Manning. He sucked his teeth, holding back a grin, as if he knew exactly what we were talking about. Bettina’s secret crush. Mine, too.

“What activity are you girls most looking forward to?” Hannah asked.

Reluctantly, I pulled my gaze away from Manning’s. Was it fair to feel as if I knew him well enough to say he was happy? I hadn’t seen him so relaxed, so quick to laugh and smile, as I had since we’d gotten to the parking lot this morning.

“Horses,” one of the girls screamed.

I was the only one at the table who didn’t agree. Climbing on a large, unpredictable animal sounded no safer than riding a hunk of unreliable metal into the sky. It was the only activity I’d sit out. Like last year, I planned to wait at the stable while Hannah and the instructors took the girls.

“We have arts and crafts next,” I said.

Some of the girls groaned, some tittered. Katie tugged on my sleeve. “Can we make friendship bracelets?”

“Of course.” We still had an afternoon full of things to do, so I did a drink check. “Did everyone have at least one full glass of water?”

“Yes,” they all replied.

Hannah and I exchanged a look. We’d only gone through one pitcher between ten of us. I stood. “I’ll get more.”

As I waited for a refill from the kitchen staff, Manning came up next to me and set his tray on the buffet. He held his plate out to Bucky, who was packing up the chafing dishes. “Fill her up.”

Bucky was a local I recognized from last year. He scrunched his mouth so hard, it almost touched his eyebrows. “No seconds.”

“Come on, man. You got plenty left and I’m a growing boy.”

Bucky’d just served food to over a hundred kids, but it didn’t matter. He always looked that grumpy. “Please, Bucky?” I asked.

He snatched the plate and began shoveling food onto it.

“Do you always get seconds?” I asked.

“Are you calling me fat?”

“I wouldn’t quit weightlifting just yet if I were you.”

Manning laughed. “I’d ask if you want me to get you seconds, too, but it sounds like you can handle yourself.”

I’d eaten everything off my plate but I wasn’t satisfied. “There’s dessert,” I said.

“Yeah? You want some?”

“I’m always hungrier up here.”

He took his plate back from Bucky and I got the water pitcher. Manning walked me over to the dessert section, picked out two chocolate puddings, and handed me one. “Are you having fun?” he asked on our way back to the tables.

“Yes, but I knew I would. Are you?”

“I am,” he said. “A lot, actually. All the outdoor activities remind me of being a kid again. The boys’ enthusiasm is infectious, and it’s been a while since . . . I mean, they stink like hell, but they keep me on my toes.”

I giggled. Manning’s boys were nine, too. Same as last year, some of them hadn’t discovered deodorant yet. “Do we have anything together today?” I asked since the same age groups were often paired for activities. “Just asking in case I should bring a face mask.”

“I don’t know.” He nudged my arm with his elbow before stopping at his table. “Guess we’ll see.”

I went to turn away but stopped. I lowered my voice. “After lights-out, most of the counselors come back to the dining hall to hang out and play games and stuff.”

“I heard.”

“Will you come?” I asked.

He looked over my head a second. “Maybe.”

When I returned to my girls, my smile must’ve been as bright as a light bulb. I was sure it took up half my face.

“I want dessert, too,” one of the girls said. I handed over my pudding without protest.

“Have you seen Tiffany?” Hannah asked, nodding across the cafeteria. “You might want to go check on her.”

I looked over. Tiffany had her finger in one of the girls’ faces as though she were scolding her. She’d been assigned to a cabin nobody wanted—the twelve-year-old girls. They were vain, boy-crazy, and learning to test boundaries. Part of me thought it was fair payback for how snotty she’d acted at that age, and the other part worried only Tiffany or the girls would survive the week—not both.

I got back up, crossed the hall to cabin eleven, and plopped down next to Tiffany. “How’s it going?”

I hadn’t meant to sneak up on her, but she jumped a mile high, whirling on me. Dirt streaked her temple, and her normally perfect hair looked as though it hadn’t been brushed in a week. “Jesus, Lake. Hell on earth. That’s how it’s going.”

I had to laugh. “It’s the first day. Things are always a little crazy.”

“You have to get me out of here.”

A couple of Tiffany’s campers looked over. I shushed her. “They’ll hear you.”

“I don’t care. They’re a bunch of brats.”

“You’re a brat,” said one girl.

“Shut up.” Tiffany pointed at her. “I told you all to be quiet.”

“Tiffany, stop. You can’t say that to them.”

She sighed, her upper body slumping. “I don’t like this, Lake. My co-counselor is only two years older than them and she’s not any help.”

I bit my thumbnail. “Try to remember what it was like to be twelve. There’s a balance between being their friend and commanding their respect.”

“Can you help me? Please?”

“I have my own cabin to deal with,” I said. Since I felt sorry for her, I added, “Once they’re in bed, all the counselors come back here to hang out. We can vent then.”

Tiffany grabbed my arm as I stood. “Don’t go. Please.”

“I have to. I’ll see you tonight.”

The girls were in their beds by eight and after some policing, including a lecture on gossip, they’d fallen asleep. Once I was sure they were out for the night, I grabbed Hannah to take her to the dining hall. It was a short walk, but we had to pass through woods to get there, guided only by the moonlight the trees let through.

“You’re sure this is allowed?” Hannah asked.

“Yep. Once the kids are in bed, we all hang out, even Gary. Head counselors take turns throughout the week walking through camp to check on each cabin. You might have to at some point.”

“By myself?”

“Are you afraid?” I teased. “You know I made up that story about the bear to get the girls to hand over their candy, right?”

“Really? So there aren’t bears out here?”

One quick glance around the deadly silent dark made me shiver. “No, there are.”

Hannah made a noise. I hurried her along—it actually was a little scary—but I also wanted to see if Manning would come tonight. I supposed I should talk Tiffany off the ledge, too.

In the cafeteria, the tables had been moved to the room’s perimeter, clearing the area. A boom box sat on the fireplace mantel and a junior counselor rapped along to “Nuthin But A ‘G’ Thang.” Some people stood off to the side talking, while others had brought cushions and blankets to sit on the floor in a circle.

Manning sat with Gary and some other counselors in plastic chairs they’d formed into a half circle. Hannah and I walked over, all eyes on us as we approached.

“What’s up?” Gary said. “Grab a chair.”

Manning stood. “I’ll get some.” He walked off to the side and lifted a seat in each hand. A girl I didn’t recognize had her chair a little too close to Manning’s. Now I not only had to worry about Tiffany, but other girls, too? “Move over,” I said to her.

“Um.” She glanced behind me at Manning.

“Please,” I added.

She scooted aside as Manning added our chairs to the circle.

“When did you get so bossy?” Gary asked me as I sat. “Last year you were much more shy.”

Even though my cheeks warmed, his teasing made everyone look at me, even Manning. “I said please.”

“You should see her with the girls,” Hannah said. “She’s the boss.”

“That so?” Manning asked.

I arched an eyebrow at him. “You look surprised.”

“I didn’t say you were shy.”

Neither of us smiled, but the energy between us was light. Playful. Something about today had obviously softened Manning’s outer layer and I couldn’t help feeling responsible for that.

The song changed, and Hannah bobbed her head with the music. “God, I love LL Cool J.”

Manning shifted his eyes to her. “Yeah? I would’ve guessed Mariah Carey or something.”

She laughed. “I listen to both. LL is good to get in a certain kind of mood.”

“Yeah,” he said and laughed as if it were some kind of inside joke.

Maybe it was. I didn’t know what an “around-the-way girl” was, but they seemed to. “What mood?” I asked.

Manning looked at something behind me. “Never mind.”

“What are we talking about?” Tiffany asked a second before she fell into Manning’s lap. He oophed, and she put an arm around his neck. “Oh, please. You’re twice my size.”

“Now I see where Lake gets it,” Gary said.

Tiffany flipped her hair over her shoulder, sending a telling waft of Herbal Essences in my direction. There was no sign of the dirt I’d seen earlier, and she had on a full face of makeup. The girl had showered. “Gets what?”

“Playing the boss.”

“I don’t play. I’m bossy, and I make no apologies. How else would I get what I want?” Her eyes twinkled with everyone watching her. She looked up at Manning. “Right, babe?”

“Are you two dating?” Gary asked.

Tiffany looked at Manning, so we all did, too. “No.”

“We’re taking it slow,” Tiffany said.

“It’s cool,” Gary said. “Just leave that stuff at home this week.”

“You have my word, man.” Manning patted Tiffany’s outer thigh. “Up.”

She kissed his cheek and stood, then motioned for me to let her sit. “Scooch.”

I could barely function enough to slide over and share my seat. She just kissed him when she wanted. Hugged him. Sat on him. She didn’t know how lucky she was. I didn’t think I’d ever just reached out and touched him. I looked at my hands, at the dirt in my cuticles from planting trees earlier.

“How’d today go?” Manning asked her.

“Great.”

Her smile was so fake, I couldn’t believe Manning bought it, but he smiled back. “I’m glad. I was worried about you.”

“Aw. Next time come check on me,” she said. “I missed you, and I could’ve used some back up.”

“Thought you said it was all right?”

“It was . . .” She shrugged. “But they’re a little hard to handle.”

“Too bad you aren’t in charge of boys.” Manning stretched his long arm along the back of our chair, his thumb ghosting over my far shoulder. “You’d have no trouble getting them to do what you say.”

Tiffany actually blushed, which was rare. Meanwhile, my heart dropped a thousand miles. Why was he worried about her? Why did she miss him? They didn’t even care about each other. She took a sip from a red Solo cup I hadn’t noticed before.

“What is that?” I asked her.

“Special grapefruit punch.”

I looked in at the pink drink. “With alcohol?”

“Yep. Want some?”

Manning had turned away to talk to Gary. I took the cup from her and sniffed the rim. It didn’t smell like grapefruit. More than once, my dad had come home groaning that he needed a drink. I’d never really had the desire to get drunk, but Tiffany and her friends and mine all made it sound so glamorous. Like fun in a bottle. Much better than feeling like this, jealous of my own sister, invisible to the only man who’d ever seemed to see me.

Still, I wasn’t brave enough to drink it. Camp was no place to be reckless. I wasn’t sure where Tiffany had gotten the alcohol, but it definitely wasn’t allowed.

I went to hand it back when Manning’s arm flew over my head. He grabbed my wrist so fast, punch sloshed over the side onto my top. “Don’t drink that,” he said.

“I wasn’t going to.”

“Oh, come on,” Tiffany whispered. “One sip won’t kill her.”

He turned on Tiffany, keeping my arm firmly in his hand. “What are you doing?”

“What?” she asked. “Our parents aren’t around for once. I just want her to have some fun.”

“That’s your little sister. She looks up to you. If you tell her underage drinking is okay, she’ll believe you.”

My ears burned with embarrassment. I didn’t feel this childish when my parents scolded me. “I’m right here,” I said.

“If she gets caught drinking, you know what’ll happen?” he asked Tiffany. “Did you even think about that?”

She shrunk down. “No.”

Manning lowered his voice. “Gary will kick her out faster than she can apologize.” He looked at me. “He’ll call your parents to come get you. Tonight.”

Going home was the last thing I wanted. I tried pulling my hand back, but I couldn’t even move him. If he was trying to warn or scare me, his grip was having the opposite effect. My insides flurried as I realized the extent of his strength. I wondered if this was why Tiffany sometimes did things she wasn’t supposed to. If she thought this kind of attention was better than none at all.

Tiffany took her drink back. “Sorry, Lake. I’d die if you left me up here by myself for the week.”

Finally, Manning let me go to take the cup from Tiffany. “That goes for you, too. Where’d you even get this?”

“I have my ways.” She pouted. “What about later, when it’s just you and me?”

“No. And don’t bring it up again.”

I couldn’t handle this. If they were making plans to be alone, I wasn’t sure if it was better to know or pretend it wasn’t happening.

Manning tensed in his seat. “Is that the guy from the fair?” he asked.

Tiffany and I followed his line of sight to Corbin Swenson, who looked as tall and swoony as ever in a sweatshirt, jeans, and skate shoes. Corbin walked toward us, his hood pulled over his head, hands shoved in the hoodie’s front pocket.

“Corbin!” Gary said. “You made it.”

Corbin opened his arms. “You wanted a baseball all-star, here I am.”

“I didn’t know you’d be here,” Tiffany said. “You weren’t at any of the meetings.”

“Lake knew.” Corbin winked at me, and Tiffany and Manning looked over.

“I asked him to drive up for a day to play some ball tomorrow,” Gary said.

“Maybe teach these boys a few things,” Corbin added.

“What’s wrong with just throwing the ball around?” Manning asked.

“Nothing.” Corbin shrugged as he and Manning locked eyes. “But when you have access to an all-star, might as well take advantage. I came here as a kid. Same as Lake.”

It was a weird sensation to hear a Swenson say my name at all, but to have him do it in front of everyone made me giddy.

“So proud of you, man,” Gary said. “Take a seat.”

Corbin grabbed two chairs, and everyone but Manning scooted to open the circle for him. Maybe because of that, Corbin set both seats down on the other side of Manning. “Looks like you could use one of your own,” he said to me, since Tiffany and I were sharing.

“I’m fine where I am,” Tiffany replied, putting her hand on Manning’s knee.

“I was talking to Lake,” Corbin said.

With all eyes on me, including Manning’s burning stare, I went to sit between Manning and Corbin.

Corbin took his hood down, ruffling a hand through his honey-colored hair. “How’s your summer been?” he asked.

“Fine.” Nobody spoke. I had the distinct feeling they were all listening to our conversation. “Keeping busy.”

“’Course you are. Every time I see you, you’re reading or with friends, or,” he clucked his tongue, “eating cotton candy.”

Oh, God. Corbin Swenson was flirting with me, and all I wanted to do was check to see if Manning was watching. Was he maybe just a little jealous? “You make it sound like I just screw around all day.”

“Don’t you?” he asked. “It’s summer.”

“No. My dad doesn’t let me. That’s why I was reading at the beach. For school.”

“Ahh.” He sat back in his seat, crossing an ankle over his knee. “Charles, right? That’s your dad? My old man works with him.”

“I know.”

“So you’re not screwing around here?”

“No. This is for my college apps. Just don’t tell my dad I enjoy it.”

We smiled at each other.

“I sense a love connection,” Gary said, waggling his eyebrows at me. He sat forward. “But listen, you two—”

“Leave that stuff at home,” everyone recited before erupting in laughter.

“All right, all right,” Gary said. “I just expect you guys to set a good example for the kids. No alcohol, no sex.”

“Unless you’re the one having it?” Tiffany teased.

More giggling.

“You’re all a bunch of degenerates,” Gary said. He stood and stretched. “I need my beauty rest. Remember—Reflection is at seven tomorrow morning and not a minute later. Last cabin to show gets dining hall cleanup duty.”

Hannah and I exchanged looks. “It won’t be us.”

Corbin got up, too, and gently touched my shoulder. “I’ll be right back. I’ve got a few questions for Gary about tomorrow. Don’t go.”

I just nodded, watching him walk away.

“I’m bored,” Tiffany said.

“There’s a deck of cards,” Manning said. “We could play a game.”

“With alcohol?”

“Christ, Tiffany. I already told you no.”

“I said I was bored, not fifty. I don’t want to play cards.”

“You don’t have to.” Manning nodded at a group of counselors across the hall. “You know any of them?”

“No.”

“Why don’t you go introduce yourself? Part of this experience is meeting new people.”

“Because, I’d rather do other things, like . . .” Tiffany inched her chair closer to him and whispered in his ear.

Manning kept his eyes on the floor. “We can’t.”

“Why not?”

“You know why.” His eyes shifted to my feet but stayed down as he stammered, “We’re not . . . and I promised your mom.”

“She isn’t here.” She tugged on his arm. “Can we go for a walk?”

He blew out a sigh. “I’ll make you a deal. You go over and say hi, make some small talk, and then we can go for a walk.”

She rolled her eyes but stood. “Okay, fine. Will you come with me?”

“Yeah. I’ll be right there.”

I couldn’t look at Manning. My face burned just thinking of them out there alone doing things you could only whisper—now, later, the rest of the week. One minute, I swore he and I had some unearthly connection. And then there were moments like this one, where I questioned how well I really knew him.

He leaned his elbows onto his knees and spoke for my ears only. “We’re just going outside for a cigarette. That’s all.”

“You said you weren’t going to smoke at all.”

“No, I said I’d figure it out.” He cleared his throat. “You know how hard it is to go all day without one cigarette?”

“Would you quit if I asked you to?”

He blinked slowly, as if seeing me for the first time. “What?”

“If I asked you to quit, would you?”

“Why?”

“It’s not healthy.”

“I don’t do it in front of you.”

My mouth fell open. “Yes you do.”

“When? Name one time.”

I thought back to the day I’d met him and the night of the fair and the time I’d gone looking for him on the site. He’d held cigarettes, put them behind his ear, even stuck them between his lips. But he’d never lit one, or if he had, he’d put it out as soon as I’d gotten near. It hadn’t occurred to me that was on purpose. I could recall the smell of smoke being near him, though. I could almost taste the bitterness on his mouth.

“You can’t think of one because it didn’t happen,” he said.

I opened my eyes, not realizing I’d closed them. My mouth was watering. “You’re right. But I’m not asking you to quit for me. It’s because I care about you. I care enough that I want you to stop hurting yourself.”

I’d never seen him look speechless. Quiet? Yes. Stoic? Definitely. But not speechless. “I will quit. One day. Soon.” He swallowed. “I’m down to two or three a day.” It wasn’t good enough, so I didn’t respond. “But if you want me to . . . I’ll try harder.”

I wanted him to not go outside with Tiffany. Truthfully, I’d come to like the smell of cigarettes because it reminded me of him, and I’d cherish the coarse taste on his tongue, the stink, if it meant one kiss, but more than that, I’d spent my youth learning about how cigarettes turned your lungs black and killed you over time. I didn’t want that for him. “Try harder,” I said.

He gave me a funny look. I hadn’t said it rudely, but who was I to tell a grown man how to live?

“All right,” he said. “I will.”

Tiffany waved at us from the doorway.

“She’s waiting for you,” I said, turning away in my seat.

“Who?”

“Tiffany.”

“Oh.” He didn’t get up right away. “I’ll be back. Stay here.”

Whatever. I always did what I was told, whether it came from my parents, teachers, Tiffany, or, now, Manning. And where had that gotten me? Here, watching him walk away with her. “Why should I?” I asked.

“Because I don’t want you walking around in the woods by yourself at night. That’s reasonable, isn’t it?” He didn’t wait for my answer, just stood and left.

What if I did walk alone through the woods at night? Would he put me in counselor time-out? He had no real power over me. Why should I listen to anything I said when he was outside with my sister?

“Are you all right?”

I looked up at Corbin, who towered over me. “Yes. I mean, no. I’m tired.”

“Long day, huh? Can I walk you back to your cabin?”

Manning had told me to stay put. I knew it was because he cared, but in that moment, I questioned what that even meant. I stood. “That would be nice.”

Corbin held the door open for me, and we passed into the night. As soon as we left the glow of the cafeteria, darkness was all around us. “Man, I love it here,” Corbin said as we crossed through the woods. “So peaceful. I would’ve done the counselor thing, but I start baseball camp this week.”

“Are you really on the all-star team?”

“Yep. I’m applying for scholarships, actually.”

“Really? Where?”

“My dad wants me to go somewhere in California, like Stanford, but I’ve always wanted to move east.”

I stopped to gape at him. “You’re kidding. You’re such a California guy.”

He laughed. “I know. It’s weird. But I love that the East Coast has history and that the city’s like the center of the world. I want to do big things, Lake. Be someone. That’s what New York’s about.”

“What about surfing? Skating? All that stuff?”

“You can surf in New York. There’s this place called Montauk. It’s bad-ass, or so I’ve heard. Haven’t been yet.”

We started walking again, his knuckles brushing my arm. “What about you? I know you’re a year under me, but have you started thinking about college?”

“I’m going to USC.”

He chuckled. “Just like that, huh?”

Just like that. Easy. Wasn’t it? I hadn’t really considered there might be other options. It’d only ever been ’SC. “Would you stay in California if your dad asked?”

“Only if I wanted to.”

The east coast seemed so far away. Going to school there would be like moving to a new country. If I was honest, even Stanford in Northern California intimidated me. “My dad went to USC. We’ve been working on stuff for my college apps since middle school.” We hadn’t even discussed it. Dad and I had just started planning at some point.

“That’s cool,” he said. “I mean, it’s a great school. They’ve got a baseball team, too.”

I looked at the ground, unsure of how to respond to that. For a few silent seconds, the only sound was our feet crunching on the forest floor and the chirp of crickets. I smelled the cigarette smoke first. It made its way through me instantly, leaving me warm and cozy, because it usually meant I was close to Manning. With as strongly as I associated him with it, it still surprised me that he’d never actually smoked in front of me.

“I hear voices,” Corbin said. “Who’s smoking?”

“Who do you think?”

“Your sister?”

I nodded and called, “Tiff?”

“We’re over here,” she said.

Corbin and I cut through the trees until two shadowy figures came into sight.

“What’re you doing out here, Lake?” Manning asked. “I told you to—” He stopped, and the four of us stood in silence a moment.

“Told her to what?” Tiffany asked.

“To stay where she was.”

It was so quiet, I could hear Tiffany shift in her platforms. “Why?”

I was following his rules. He couldn’t protest. And if he did, how would it look to Tiffany and Corbin? “He doesn’t think it’s safe to walk around in the dark alone,” I said. “But, as you can see, I’m not alone. So, goodnight.”

I felt his eyes on me. He wanted to say more. Now he knew how I felt, always having to keep things inside.

Finally, Manning took a drag of his cigarette and after a few seconds, he stepped back. “’Night.”

What had I expected him to do? Ditch Tiffany to walk me back himself? He couldn’t, but that didn’t make me feel any better. It just frustrated me more.

“He’s an intense dude,” Corbin said as we walked away.

I couldn’t answer, not without snapping at Corbin, who had nothing to do with this.

“You want to go check out the lake?” Corbin said. “It’s a little bit of a walk, but it’s amazing at night.”

“No, thanks. I have to be up early.”

“We both do.” Corbin didn’t speak again until we reached my cabin. He shoved his hands in his hoodie and backed away. “Later.”

“Are you mad?”

He stopped. “I don’t know, Lake. I’ve asked you out a couple times, and—”

“That was you asking me out?”

The corner of his mouth lifted. “Well. It was no big gesture, I admit, but you don’t have to be mean about it.”

Corbin had been nothing but gentlemanly tonight. Since I’d met him, actually. And he was right, I’d sort of blown him off both times. Me, blowing off a Swenson. It was so insane, I almost laughed. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m not really . . . I don’t date.”

“Never?”

I shook my head. “For one, my dad says I’m too young.”

“He’s a real hard-ass, isn’t he?”

“Kind of.”

“And the second reason?”

“What?”

“You said for one. What’s two?”

“Oh.” I didn’t have a second reason I could vocalize. There was crushing on a boy like him, and there was whatever I felt for Manning. They didn’t compare in my eyes. “It’s just an expression.”

Corbin raised the zipper on his hoodie. The temperature had dropped once the sun had disappeared. He nodded behind him. “It doesn’t have anything to do with that guy, does it?”

“Who? Manning?” Despite the chill, my scalp warmed. “No. Why?”

“No reason. Will you come to the baseball game tomorrow? Cheer me on?”

I’d pretty much been a jerk, turning him down, but he still wanted to see me. Corbin was sweet, fine, and by some odd turn of events, he might like me. I should just say yes. It was so much easier than this back-and-forth rollercoaster with Manning that left my stomach in knots. With Corbin, there were no knots. There wasn’t anything, really. Maybe that wasn’t a bad thing.

I nodded. “I’ll come.”

“Cool. See you in the morning.”

“Corbin?” I said as he turned. “Thanks for walking me back.”

He smiled. “Anytime.”