“Liam, I want to remind you that I’m in possession of many sharp objects here in the kitchen.”

I hear him snicker once. “You forget, I’m trained in knife fighting.”

“Ugh. Okay, can I just say uncle?”

“Maybe,” he says but then nothing else.

After a few seconds of silence, I try to ask again, “Liam? Uncle.”

No response. I wonder where the hell he went. I hear Aarabelle over the baby monitor and know I can’t stay here forever. “Liam?” Again, no response. I have two choices. I can try to keep myself blockaded in here or I can grow some lady balls and face him. I can do this. I’ve given birth naturally, buried a husband, and still manage to function. Screw him.

Slowly I creep the door open and he’s not there. Well, that wasn’t what I was expecting. I take a step into the hallway and look around. These guys are stealthy and Aaron used to love to scare the crap out of me when I wasn’t expecting it. He’d hide behind doors and in closets then jump out so I’d scream.

“Liam?” I ask, trying to sneak toward the living room. When I turn, I see him holding Aarabelle with a sly smile.

“Saved by the baby.”

“I wasn’t scared,” I say confidently.

“Liar. But I’ll let you have it.”

I laugh and extend my arms. Liam hands me Aarabelle and I pull her close.

“I like that sound,” he says almost as an afterthought.

“Huh?”

Liam steps forward and brushes my hair back. “Your laugh. It took a while to get it to come back more.”

My jaw falls and I stare into his eyes. He’s brought me back…almost. Given me back my smile and I hadn’t even known it. Liam’s been here and managed to help the old me come out. “I…” I trail off unsure of what to say.

“I gotta get going, but I wanted to give you this. I found something in Aaron’s glove box.”

“What?”

Liam pulls an envelope out of his back pocket and his eyes tell me what it is. The If you’re reading this letter. When I didn’t receive one after he died, I assumed he shredded it when he got out of the Navy. Considering it’s usually left with your closest friend, and neither Mark nor Jackson had given it to me, I presumed. Then with Liam being around, I thought for sure Aaron threw it out, not thinking we’d need it. But here it is.

I extend my hand and take it.

“Was there anything else?”

The one thing I wanted was our wedding ring. After the explosion, no personal belongings were sent back. Maybe he left it too?

Liam looks at the other letters in his hand, and I hate the pain I see. “A letter for Jackson, Mark, and one for me were in there as well.”

“I don’t know if I can read this,” I reply honestly.

“You’ll read it when you’re ready. I’ve got some things I need to get done,” Liam says and grabs his coat. He kisses the top of my head.

I nod and gaze at the letter in my hand. I want to read it, but I can’t right now. Not with Aarabelle awake. I have no idea how I’m going to handle this. I place it on the table and decide I’ll read it later.

The night passes and I get Aarabelle to bed. I’m exhausted and worn as I flop on the couch and turn on the fireplace. The letter sits there and the need to read his words is too much to fight. I miss him and maybe this will help me feel close again.

My throat is dry as my finger tears through the seal. My heart beats rapidly in my ears as dread begins to claw its way through my body. Can I read my husband’s final message? Inhaling through my nose, I count backwards as my hands shake.

The wind blows and I know he’s here with me.

Biting my lip, I think about Aaron and what he’d say to me right now. He’d tell me to “man up” and read it. I smile to myself as I hear his voice in my head. Tears blur my vision, but I wipe them away and read my husband’s last words to me.

Lee,

If you’re reading this, I’m no longer here. I’ve broken my promise to come home to you, even though it was a promise I knew I couldn’t really make. Know that I didn’t go willingly. I wanted a life with you—forever. There’s not a single part of me that ever wanted you to read this. First, because I’m not good at this crap. Second, because I’ve failed you on some level. I always told you I am a SEAL—the best, elite, and untouchable. I believe that. There’s a reason why we’re trained like we are—we do the shit that no one else could. So, somehow I fucked up. I got in a situation and my training failed. I’m sorry.

My life was never the same after we met in Ms. Cook’s class. You sat next to me and I knew I was a goner. Then I saw you before the homecoming game and you had that damn skirt on. I almost fucked up the game thinking about how to get you to go on a date with me. After weeks of telling you how awesome I am, you finally caved. I felt like I’d won the lottery. You were the best prize. Hell, you are the best prize. We went to that awful restaurant but you smiled the whole time. When I walked you to the door and you kissed me before I could have done some stupid awkward shit, I knew one day I’d marry you. I knew you’d be the woman I’d spend every night next to. Because you’re my fucking world, Lee. You’re the sun, the stars, and the everything in between.

Everyone says in these letters we give these great speeches about random things. I’ve probably rewritten this damn thing twelve times. I can only tell you this: I love you. I’ve always loved you and I’ll love you far past my death.

I can’t tell you what to do because, well, I’m gone and you wouldn’t listen anyway. But, you made promises. You deserve to have the life you wanted…one with a man who loves you more than his own life. A man who will give you a family and the love that you need. If we have kids, I hope you give them a father. They’ll need that. Someone to teach them to throw a ball, how to ask a girl out, how to keep the stupid boys who only want one thing away. If we have a girl she’s never allowed to date…ever. Make sure that no boy puts his dipstick anywhere near my daughter. Tell them about us. Tell them about how much I would’ve loved them. If they ask why, tell them I was protecting them. I’m not a proud man, but I’m proud of the life we’ve had. You’ve stood by me, pushed me, and made me a better man.

I’ve made mistakes in my life, but you were the best thing that ever happened to me. You loved me when I probably didn’t deserve it. Know that when I close my eyes at night I always see you. And when I draw my last breath at the end, it’ll be your name I say last. Without you, there would be no me.

Love me when I’m gone.

Aaron

The tears fall and I clutch the letter to my chest. “I’ll love you forever,” I whisper and hope somewhere, somehow, he hears me.