Tabitha
“Talking to the therapist was better than I hoped,” Lex says the next night. We’re in bed and the kids are asleep already, tucked safely in their own beds. “We should have done this years ago.”
“I was surprised at how well it went,” I agree. We’re going to go once a week for awhile. Right now, we’re planning to go for two months, but we can extend that if we need to. Our therapist is an older man who specializes in military families, which means he knows exactly what we’re going through, and he knows exactly what Piper is feeling.
Gregory is mostly along for the ride at this point. He’s such a flexible kid that he doesn’t mind going to therapy and he’s not upset with Piper for getting in trouble. If anything, he’s overly polite and encouraging to his sister. When it was Gregory’s turn to talk during the session, he was very defensive of Piper and used his time to list everything he liked about her. It was basically the sweetest thing ever.
And it gives me hope.
It gives me hope that we can find a new normal.
It gives me hope that we can figure out a way to make this work.
Lex rolls onto his side and props his head up with his hand. He looks at me like I’m sweet, like I’m innocent, like I’m perfect. He looks at me like he can’t get enough. He looks at me like everything is going to be fine.
“You did well,” he says. “I know talking can be difficult.”
“Not for you. You always seem to know what to say,” I point out.
“Not at all. I’ve just learned that life is too short to hold back. If you want something, you fight for it. You go for it. You don’t hold back because you’re scared or shy or not sure. You seek out the opportunities you want and you grab them.”
“Do you think this thing between us is going to work?” I whisper, scared to ask, but trying to be brave. I want Lex more than anything else in the world, but there’s still a part of me that’s afraid. What if we start to move forward, but things fall apart? What if it hurts worse the second time? What if this is all for nothing?
“Let me ask you something,” Lex says in response. His fingers trace circles on my stomach, gently running over my skin.
“Anything.”
“Did you ever stop loving me?”
“No,” I answer instantly. “I just wanted you to be happy.”
“I wanted that for you, too, but I’ve realized something.”
“What’s that?”
“I’m not happy without you, and I want to be happy.”
“I want to be happy, too.”
“I think we both thought it was selfish, staying together but being unhappy. We both thought splitting up would give us a chance to find someone better, someone who met our needs, but that’s not the answer at all. We had a hard time, Tabitha. Everyone has hard times sometime. We had a hard time, but we should have fought for each other. We should have stayed together and fought. I wasn’t ready then, but I am now. I’m ready to fight for you, baby. I’m ready to fight for us.”
“Me too,” I breathe out, the words a relief to finally say. “I’m ready, Lex.”
“Then let’s start with this.”
He kisses me softly, but determinedly. He’s not holding back with this kiss. Not my Lex. Not anymore. He runs his tongue over my lips, then dips inside, reminding me who is in charge now, reminding me exactly what he thinks of me.
When Lex looks at me, he doesn’t see me as a failure. To be honest, I still see myself as one most of the time. I should be stronger, faster, thinner. I should work out more. I should be a better mother. I should attend more events. The house should be cleaner. The laundry should be folded. There are a million things I should be doing that I just can’t seem to keep up with, but this? I can do this.
I can handle this.
He moves to my neck, kissing me softly, gently. His hands roam up and down my belly, teasing the edges of my breasts.
“Please,” I groan, wiggling. I want more than this. I need more. I want his hands on my breasts, on my nipples. I want him pinching me and biting me and teasing me. I’m already wet and he’s barely even started to touch me. How am I going to survive if he keeps going this slowly?
“Patience, pet,” he murmurs, kissing my nose softly. Then he takes my mouth again and this time, I see stars. Sex with Lex has always been good. It’s always been really good, but this isn’t good. This is great. I’ve been with several people since the divorce and I know he has, too, but none of them compare to him. None of them compare to the way Lex touches me. Something about him lights me up. Something about him makes me come alive.
He’s addictive.
He only teases me for a little while, and then Lex takes my breasts into his mouth one at a time. He licks and sucks. He bites. He nibbles. Then he slides over me and pushes my legs apart with his. He settles himself, finding the perfect spot, and then he bites my neck hard as he thrusts into me.
“Lex,” I groan as he sinks his cock into me. Hard and thick, he feels good, like he was made for me.
“Baby,” he murmurs. “You’re still so tight. Your pussy feels fucking amazing.”
“Faster,” I whisper. “Please.”
Right now, I don’t want to think.
Right now, I just want to feel.
I want to lose myself in Lex, in this moment. I want to lose myself in everything we have, in everything we’re going to have. I want to lose myself in hope for the future.
I close my eyes and just let myself feel. I close my eyes and just relax. I close my eyes and let Lex take me to a place I haven’t been in so very long.
I close my eyes and I’m one with him.
I’m one with Lex and everything feels perfect.
Everything feels as it should.
And then I fly.