Lex
“You ready for this, soldier?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” I admit, staring out the window at the passing fields and trees and cows.
“How long has it been?” Neil asks, his hands steady on the wheel of the car.
“Too damn long.”
I’m home early. I didn’t tell Tabitha, didn’t tell the kids. I didn’t want to. Not this time. There have been too many disappointments, too many times when I thought I’d be home for a birthday or holiday or special event, only to find my mission change at the last minute, only to let down the people I love more than anything else.
“What are you going to say to her?” Neil presses.
“I’m going to tell her what I should have told her a long time ago.”
“And what is that exactly?” I can see the bastard smirking, but I’ll say it anyway.
“That she’s mine. That she’s always been mine. That I’m going to take care of her ‘til the day I die.”
“Romantic.”
“Fuck off.”
“You know what I think,” Neil says with a shrug.
“You think I should top her.”
“She wants it.”
“She’s not like that.”
“She’s a natural sub and you’re stupid for not seeing it.”
Neil has been telling me for years that Tabitha needs a good spanking and a good Dom to give it to her.
I keep telling him to shove it up his ass, but he just chuckles and says, “No thanks.” In my heart, I know Neil is right. I think I’m just scared. I’m scared of pushing her away again. I’m scared of losing what little relationship we have. Things between me and Tabitha are strained. Tense. Desperate.
Things between us are so damaged that I’m scared any wrong move, no matter how small, could be the last of our relationship.
“You know what?” I sigh, letting my breath out, clearing my lungs. “You’re right.”
The words hang in the air. Neil is silent for a minute.
“Come again?” He finally speaks.
“You’re right. I’m stupid. She’s a sub and I should have started topping her a long time ago. Maybe I could have saved our marriage. Maybe I could have saved us all some trouble.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” Neil says. “You two had plenty of problems aside from just the topping or lack thereof.”
“I know,” I say. “But it’s easy to see what mistakes I made.”
“It doesn’t matter what happened before. What matters are the choices you make from this moment on. Are you going to let what happened in the past keep you from a potentially great future? Or are you going to fight for what you want?”
“I’ve had a lot of time to think in the last year. I walked away from Tabitha, from our marriage. I walked away from our mistakes. Being divorced hasn’t solved the problems we had. All it’s done is force us to face those problems alone instead of together.”
“You’re not the same man you were all those years ago,” Neil nods as he drives. Now that I’m talking, it’s easier to admit things out loud. “You’ve changed a lot since I met you. You’ve changed a lot on this deployment all around.”
Because I’ve made a choice, a decision.
I’ve decided what my next big move is going to be. I’ve decided where I’m going to go from here.
I’m going after Tabitha.
I’m going after my wife.
No matter how long we’ve been divorced, I still think of her as my wife, as my true love, as my other half. She completes me in a way I can’t really explain. She completes me, she touches me, and she moves me.
She let me down.
And I let her down, too.
We both fucked up so much in our relationship that it seems to be completely unsalvageable, at least from the outside, but I have something other men don’t.
I have a history.
Tabitha might have suitors. She might have boyfriends or fucktoys or partners. I don’t know. I’ve been gone a long time and I haven’t exactly asked her what her sex life is like these days, but none of those guys can compare to me.
None of them know her the way I do.
I had seven years of marriage to the woman to know exactly what it takes to make her come undone. I know exactly what it takes to get her off, to make her scream. I know exactly what it takes to make her moan and wriggle. I know how to make her body quiver and shiver and shake.
I know her.
And I’ve changed.
Shortly after our divorce, Neil invited me to join a BDSM club where he’s a member. Anchored is one of the best clubs around. I was a little hesitant to join him. Whips and chains have never really been my thing. When I was married to Tabitha, we were a little kinky sometimes. We’d have sex in public where we could “almost” get caught or we’d do anal. We tried handcuffs and bondage a few times, but the sex was always really romantic and really sweet.
I never would have thought of calling her dirty names and spanking her.
I never would have thought about fucking her in front of a crowd.
I never would have thought it would be fun to give her an erotic punishment.
Now I think about all of those things and I think about them daily.
More importantly, I think about how these things are going to help me win my wife back. Tabitha might not know it, but she needs me. More than that, I’m going to make her crave me. I’m going to make her desire me. I’m going to make her need me again.
She’s sweet and wonderful, but we have some serious issues to work through, and then I’m going to claim her, own her. I’m going to dominate sweet little Tabby because she’s mine to love and mine to care for. I’m going to make up for all of my past mistakes and I’m going to make the future good. I’m going to make it great.
I’m going to claim the future for the two of us because Tabitha and I deserve this. We deserve our happy ending. We deserve to be together.
We deserve to have something good, something great happen to us.
And now I know how.
“It’s not going to be easy,” Neil breaks the silence, and I realize I’ve become lost in my own thoughts. “But it’s going to be worth it, brother. It’s going to be so worth it.”
“I hope so.”
“Still worried she’s not going to like the Dom?”
“I’m not a pussy Dom like some of the guys we know,” I remind Neil. “I’m not going to let her walk all over me.”
“Just remember that things might not play out the way you think they will.”
“I don’t have any expectations except that I’ll be able to meet her needs.”
“Not having high expectations is good. Just remember that these things take time. You aren’t going to get home tonight and walk into the house and have everything be what you want it to be.”
“I need to see her first,” I agree. “And then go from there.”
“Nervous?”
“Of course.”
“Good. You’d be an idiot not to be. Tabitha’s worth fighting for,” he tells me. “But she’s a hell of a firecracker.”