The day of the funeral is rainy, which seems appropriate for a sad occasion. Parker and I sit together in a pew in the back of the church while the preacher talks about Janine’s life and the legacy she leaves behind. Mike is in the front row of the church. He sits up straight, but he dabs his eyes throughout the ceremony, and I wonder how hard it is for him to keep it together right now.
After Janine and Parker broke up, Mike stopped showing up around the office, which is understandable, but he also completely checked out of Parker’s life. As far as I know, Parker hasn’t seen him since the breakup, and it’s got to hurt them both.
They were the best of friends.
About halfway through the funeral, Parker squeezes my hand, then gets up and walks down the center aisle to the front row. The preacher doesn’t stop talking, but a few heads turn as Parker sits down next to Mike. I see Mike turn and look at him with surprise, but then Parker wraps his arms around his old friend and just holds him, and Mike relaxes.
And they cry together.
Nothing about this is easy or simple or clean. Love never is. There’s no such thing as a clean breakup or a simple split. This just doesn’t exist because love is messy and hard and dirty. You play for keeps and you play to win, but what happens when you lose?
Today, there are no winners.
Today, we’re all losers.
The funeral ends and Mike and Parker talk for a long time. I sit in the pew and wait patiently, watching all of the mourners who came to pay their respects. Despite the fact that Janine broke Parker’s heart, I can’t bring myself to think of her as a bad person. We all make mistakes. We all make bad choices.
Hers just happened to have a pretty big impact on a lot of people.
Finally, the crowd disperses and Parker and I leave the church. We get in his car and drive off in silence. He takes us to a little diner that’s close to the church. By the time we arrive, the rain is coming down in sheets and I can barely see the neon lights of the restaurant.
“Are you ready?” He asks, turning off the engine. We both eye the rain warily.
“Ready as I’ll ever be.”
We get out of the car at the same time and run into the restaurant. We stand in the doorway for a second, dripping on the tile floors.
The diner is empty, save for a lone waitress who looks like she hasn’t had a day off in years. Her smile is genuine, but she’s got dark circles under her eyes, and she eyes the puddle in the doorway wearily.
“I’m sorry for the mess,” Parker says, stepping further into the restaurant. He hands her some cash and whispers something I can’t hear, but suddenly, the woman’s smile seems a little brighter. She disappears and Parker and I head to the last booth at the end of the diner.
We slide in on the same side and hold hands. I lay my head on his shoulder and just think about the day, the week, the year. So much has changed, yet he still offers me comfort and peace when everything around me feels like it’s in turmoil.
The waitress reappears with two hot cups of coffee and a couple of menus. We thank her and she heads to the front of the restaurant to start mopping up our mess.
“How are you holding up?” I finally ask Parker. Today couldn’t have been easy for him, couldn’t have been simple. I’m sure there are a lot of emotions he’s experiencing right now.
“I’ll be okay.” He pauses, then continues. “I feel bad for Mike. I’ve missed him. I don’t know if I realized just how much until today.”
We sit there for awhile, together in the silence. Sometimes silence is what you need. Sometimes silence is good, freeing. Sometimes it gives you a moment to clear your head and think about where you’ve come from, to think about where you’re going.
Then Parker continues talking.
“He told me he had planned to propose to her next weekend while they were at the lake.”
Fuck.
“He never got his chance,” I say, the reality of it suddenly hitting me full force. Mike truly loved Janine, and he didn’t get a chance to tell her how he really felt. He didn’t have the chance to give her what he wanted: a promise of forever.
“He waited too long,” Parker agrees. “He wanted a perfect moment, but perfect moments don’t come naturally. You have to make them happen.”
Then Parker does something I don’t expect, something I never thought I’d see from him. Parker climbs out of the booth and gets on one knee, and then he takes my hand.
“Parker,” I whisper. “What are you doing?”
“I love you, Rose. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted. I always thought I was no good for you. I always thought you were out of my league, but I’ve come to realize that we’re perfect for each other. We both mess up and we both make mistakes and we have our faults, but I think we owe it to ourselves to try.”
“I love you, too, Parker,” I whisper. Now the tears are coming in full-force. I notice the waitress mopping at the door, and I think she’s wiping away a stray tear or two herself. “And I think you’re incredible. I can’t imagine my life without you. I can’t imagine going back to not having you around.”
“I want more than what we have, Rose. I want forever. I want you. I want you to marry me.”
He stands up and pulls me out of the booth and into his arms, then kisses me. We’re both still wet and cold, but somehow, the warmth in our hearts spreads to the rest of our bodies and suddenly, I think that everything is going to be okay.
“Marry me, Rose,” he whispers. “I dare you.”
“I’ve never been one to turn down a dare,” I whisper, and he kisses me once more.