Lex
After assuring Miss Bradshaw that our family is going to seek therapy immediately, she releases Piper to us. After a harsh talking-to, I’m surprised when she gives Piper a hug goodbye and even more surprised when Piper hugs her back.
“Everything is going to be okay,” she whispers to Piper, and Piper nods.
“I’m sorry,” she says.
“I know you are, honey. I know.”
Our little family leaves the school and heads home. We’ll be able to spend a little bit of time together before Gregory gets out of class for the day, and maybe it’ll be good to get to talk with Piper one-on-one. Tabitha still has work to do, but I’m going to spend some time with my daughter.
I’m going to be a father again.
I’m going to get to fulfill the role I was made to fill.
When we get home, Tabitha heads inside and I turn to Piper.
“What do you say, kid? How about we go to the park?”
“Okay.”
We walk down the sidewalk of our suburban neighborhood and head for the nearby playground. It’s one I’ve spent hours at with the kids, but Piper is growing up. Soon she’ll be too old for playgrounds and playtime with her dad. Soon she’ll be more interested in makeup and boys than anything else.
“You wanna tell me what happened today?” I ask her as we walk.
“I just get really mad sometimes,” she says after a minute. “And I want to hit someone.”
“What do you feel mad about?” I ask.
Piper suddenly finds her feet very interesting, but I wait as we continue to walk hand-in-hand to the playground. I wonder if she’s going to answer me. I have a feeling that I know what the answer is already. I have a feeling I know exactly why my little princess is upset, and it breaks my heart.
“I’m mad you went away,” she finally says. She still doesn’t look at me, but we stop walking.
“I’m sad I went away,” I tell her, squatting down so I can look her in the eyes. “I missed you every day, princess.”
“Why did you leave, daddy?” She asks, and now there are tears running down her face as she looks at me. “I didn’t want you to go.”
“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t want to leave. I only went because of my job, honey. I only went because it’s my job to keep our country safe.”
“Can’t someone else do your job, daddy? Can’t you just stay home with me?”
“I’m going to be home for a long time,” I promise. It’s a promise that I know I can keep, fortunately. I won’t be deploying again for a very long time, possibly ever. “And we’re going to spend a lot of time together, okay?”
Piper seems unconvinced, but after a minute, she nods and gives me a hug. Then we race to the park and spend a couple of hours on the monkey bars, the swings, and the slides. The entire time, I can’t stop thinking about how big my child is. The entire time, I can’t stop feeling bad that I left her or that I made her feel abandoned. I wrote to her and called her all the time. I made her videos and sent notes, but it’s not the same as being physically present. It’s not the same as actually having a dad around.
When we finally get back to the house, Piper heads upstairs to take a shower. Gregory is home and sitting on the couch playing Minecraft on his tablet.
“Well?” Tabitha asks, wrapping her arms around me. “How did it go?”
“She’s upset with me,” I tell her. “But we talked about it. I think we should try to find a therapist.”
“Got it taken care of,” Tabitha says. “We go tomorrow evening.”
“Evening?”
“Don’t you have work during the day?” She asks, looking confused.
“I completely forgot,” I admit. “I was having so much fun spending time with Piper that I wasn’t even thinking about tomorrow. You’re right. I do have duty. I should be back by six.”
“Perfect,” she says. “Our appointment is at seven.”
We sit on the couch with Gregory and watch him play Minecraft for a little while. So far, the kids haven’t asked a lot of questions about why Mommy and Daddy are sleeping in the same room again or why we’ve been hugging so much, but I know those questions are coming.
I know they’re going to ask if I’m moving back in, and I desperately want to say “yes.” I desperately want to tell them that I’ll move in tomorrow, that I’m never leaving again, that the only thing I want to do is spend the rest of my life loving them and their mother, but I don’t know if that’s the right move.
Our divorce was so traumatic on the kids that I don’t know how they’re going to react to us getting back together. I kind of think we need to take one adjustment at a time and right now, that just means getting used to having me around again. It’s going to be hard and it’s going to take awhile, but I think we can do it.
I believe in us.
I believe in our family.
And I believe talking to a therapist is going to be nothing but beneficial.