As soon as the words leave my mouth, I know I messed up. A look of embarrassment covers Rose’s face before she steels herself, hangs up, and books it out of the parking lot. Immediately, I realize I’m going to have to follow her because she’s definitely not going home. If she was before, she’s certainly not now.
No, I embarrassed her by saying I wouldn’t go out with her and now she’s going to go by herself. She’s going to go alone to some bar or some club and she’s going to drink. Even if I wasn’t completely crazy about Rose, I couldn’t let her go out alone in Weston at night. It’s not safe to go drinking alone for anyone. Whether she’s a woman or not doesn’t matter. What matters is that there’s safety in groups and her group is one.
Quickly, I take off after her. She’s upset and I doubt she’ll notice I’m following her, so I don’t bother trying to be discreet. As she drives, I wonder what’s gotten into Rose today. She’s always beautiful and always fun, but today I almost felt like she was coming onto me. I must be imagining things because in three years of working together, she’s never so much as looked at me twice.
That’s fine.
She’s way out of my league, anyway.
She’s sweet and gentle and kind and she’s not scarred by the world like I am. I’ll never forget the way I felt when I caught Janine and Mike together, but the pain was dulled by Rose. Did I ever thank her for that? No. I never bothered because I was embarrassed, humiliated. My best friend stole my girl away, but even I know that’s not really true. Janine had been leaving me for a long time and the relationship finally fell apart.
For two years now, I’ve been mostly single.
“Mostly” because I still go on the occasional date and bring home the occasional woman, but it’s never a relationship. I don’t do relationships anymore. Not now, not ever. The truth is that since Janine left, I haven’t even thought about being with another woman except for Rose.
And that’s wrong.
She’s Rose.
She’s delicate and precious and I’m not. I’ll break her, ruin her. I’ll destroy her because she’s fragile and I’m arrogant, demanding. I’m a hard boss, but we get along well together at work. I have no idea how that would translate outside of the office because we’ve never really hung out outside of work.
Until now.
She pulls into the parking lot of a bar and I park a few spots down from her. Rose hops out of the car and slams the door, then marches right inside.
Well, okay, then.
I guess my instincts were right and I feel a little bit of relief that I did follow her, but in reality, I should have just said “yes.” I should have said I’d go with her. I figured if I turned her down, she’d go home and I’d go home and our relationship would reset in the morning. No harm done.
The truth is that I don’t trust myself around Rose outside of work.
The boundaries are in place for a reason and that reason is she’s super fucking perfect and I want her.
All of her.
I can’t even count how many fantasies I’ve had starring her: starring Rose. How many times have I dreamt of setting her up on the desk and pushing her skirt up, spreading her legs? How many times have I imagined sliding my tongue up those creamy pink thighs? How many times have I wondered what her pussy tastes like?
Too fucking many.
I’ve spent too many nights jerking off to thoughts of her, too many nights thinking of how sweet she’ll look spread out on my bed. I’ve spent too many nights thinking about all the ways I want to make her come. I’ve spent way too many nights imagining what her nipples look like, imagining what her entire body looks like.
I glance at the time on the dashboard and realize I’ve been lost in my thoughts for nearly half an hour and I should probably go get Rose. Surely she’s had enough time to have a drink, maybe two. It’s late and we both have to be at work in the morning, but more importantly, I need to apologize for hurting her today.
I didn’t mean to make her feel rejected.
I head into the bar and I’m immediately assaulted by the sound of the jukebox and the smell of smoke. Is it even still legal to smoke in bars? I thought that had been banned years ago, but apparently there’s a bit of leeway for country bars, and there’s no doubt that this is, in fact, a country bar.
There’s a jukebox in the corner and tables fill one side of the room. The other side has pool tables and dart boards and at the back, I can see the bar itself. There are people everywhere: men in cowboy hats and women in shorts that could double as panties. A group of couples at one table look like they’re celebrating a birthday and there are a bunch of single women obviously having a bachelorette party. If the woman in the white mini-dress wasn’t a giveaway on its own, the four girls around her with bridesmaid sashes certainly are.
Glancing around the room, I make my way to the back. I don’t see Rose until I’m actually at the bar. She’s at one end of the row of barstools and she’s gripping a shot of something in her hands.
Then she downs the shot.
And another.
The array of empty shot glasses around her let me know that she’s been hitting it hard in the time I’ve been outside. Five shots? Yeah, she’s not driving home. I motion for the bartender. He makes his way over and I pay Rose’s tab and give him a hefty tip. Then I walk over to her and place my hand on her shoulder.
“I have a boyfriend,” she says without looking up.
“That’s unfortunate,” I say quietly. “He must be a real asshole if he’s letting you drink here alone tonight.”
Rose’s head jerks up and around and her jaw drops when she sees me.
“I thought you didn’t want to come with me tonight.”
“Plans change.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to make sure you were all right.”
“Ah, so you wanted to babysit me. No thanks,” she turns back around and stares at the assortment of glass bottles behind the bar, but doesn’t try to order another drink.
“I didn’t come to babysit you,” I take a seat next to Rose. “I just wanted to apologize for being an asshole.”
“It’s not the first time you’ve been a dick,” she says.
“Come on now, I wasn’t that bad today.”
“I know.”
“Want to tell me what this is really about?” I ask her.
“What do you mean?”
“We’ve never hung out outside of work before, Rose. Why tonight?”
She doesn’t say anything and I wonder what she’s thinking. For the millionth time, I wish I could read her mind. Usually, her thoughts are all over her face. Usually, she’s very easy to read, but tonight, Rose is a closed book.
“It was a long day, Parker King. I just thought it would be nice to unwind a little bit.”
She motions for the bartender, who comes over. Rose pulls out her wallet and hands him a couple of bills, but he shakes his head.
“Already taken care of,” the man says, and jerks his head toward me. Rose looks surprised. Is she shocked I can be a gentleman? Or is she just annoyed I didn’t trust her to take care of herself?
“Come on, little flower,” I say, taking her hand. “Let’s get you home.”
We get into my car and Rose looks around.
“What about my car?” She asks.
“What about it?”
“What if someone breaks in?”
“No one is going to steal a Saturn, Rose.”
“I like that car,” she insists.
“I’ll have someone come get it,” I tell her. “Give me your keys.” She hands them to me and I get out of the car. I call up one of my security guys who works nights. He promises to come get the car and I promise to give him a bonus. I leave the keys with the bartender, along with another twenty, and go back to my car.
Rose is curled up in the passenger side of the car and she’s fast asleep, like a little kitten. For a second, I just look at her. She’s so damn sweet. So much of me wishes that we could be together in every way. Something tells me I wouldn’t be satisfied with just one night. Not with Rose.
I should take her back to her apartment, but instead, I find myself driving to my house. It’s really more of a mansion, but there are plenty of guest rooms. I park and glance over at her, but she doesn’t wake up. She doesn’t even stir. I gather Rose up in my arms like a princess, and I carry her into the house.
It’s after midnight when we get inside and most of my staff has either gone home or to bed. The house is silent as I make my way up to the second floor and down the hall. Rose stirs in her sleep and I hold her closer to myself, not wanting the moment to end, not wanting the night to come to a close.
Tomorrow, everything will return to normal.
Tomorrow, everything will go back to how it usually is.
Tomorrow, the princess returns to the castle and I’ll go back to my dungeon of isolation and loneliness.
But that’s not until tomorrow.
I make my way to a guest room and set her down on the bed. I grab a purple quilt from the foot of the bed and spread it over her. She stretches, yawns, and rolls over, then continues sleeping. For just a second, I watch her and wonder how my life would be different if she was the one I fell in love with instead of Janine.
I don’t think Rose ever would have hurt me the way Janine did, but now it’s too late. Now I’m too broken, untrusting. Now I’m too jaded to truly love someone like Rose.
Now I’m too dark.
I leave the room and shut the door quietly, wondering how I’m going to face the world tomorrow knowing she’ll never be mine.