After two years of radio silence, I finally heard from Janine.
Well, more specifically, I heard from her mother, who called to tell me the news this morning. Now, despite the fact that we’re no longer together, despite the fact that we’re no longer in love, and despite everything she’s done to me, I’m reeling with the news and I feel like I can’t breathe.
I feel dizzy and unstable and I can’t fucking cope with anything that’s happening. I was already on my way inside the building when Grace called. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have even come to work. I would have stayed at home, would have told Christina to cancel my meetings for the fucking month, would have done nothing today but sat on the couch and stared at the wall.
I’m here, though, and now I have to face my day.
Whether I like it or not, I’m the face of AeroKing and it’s my job to make sure the company keeps running. I don’t get to have a bad day or a hard day or a difficult day. I don’t get to take a vacation or a break or a rest. I have to keep going because the company has to keep going.
For ten years, AeroKing has been my life. I’ve taken my place on my father’s throne and I’ve grown the company, made it flourish.
On days like today, though, I wonder if it’s worth it at all.
I wonder if I can keep going.
Somehow, I manage to make it into my office and I slump in my desk chair. My head makes it to the desk and I just lay there like a college student after $1 beer night at the local dive.
She’s gone.
Janine is just gone.
I hear a quiet, gentle knock at the door and I know exactly who it is without even having to ask. Rose is here. Most likely, Christina sent her in to make sure I actually get my ass to the Thomas and Johnson meeting, which, by my calculations, starts in about 26 minutes.
I don’t bother answering. Rose has been my assistant long enough to know when I need her, long enough to know that she doesn’t need permission to enter the room. She doesn’t need me to tell her to come to me. She doesn’t need me to go through pleasantries.
Sure enough, she knocks once more, then comes inside and closes the door behind her.
I smell and hear her, rather than see her. I don’t bother peeking up from my position leaning on my desk. I probably look like a huge piece of shit to her, but I don’t care at this moment.
I hear Rose approach the desk. Her shoes are noisy on the floor, loud. I know exactly why she wears the heels, though: they make her legs look fucking miles long. I squeeze my eyes tighter shut. I do not need to be thinking about Rose like that today. I don’t need to be thinking about her like that ever.
She’s my assistant: not my fuck-toy.
As much as I want her to be, that’s not who she is.
She deserves so much better than me.
“Parker,” her voice is soft, gentle. She sounds like she’s trying to coax a scared kitten out of its box. “Want to tell me what’s wrong?”
“I’ll go to the meeting,” I say, as if that explains everything.
“That’s not what I asked, Parker.”
I need to stop being a pussy, so I push myself up and lean back in my seat. I’m sure my shirt is wrinkled by now. Luckily, I keep an extra one at the office for times like these. We all have bad days and it’s best to be prepared. If someone spills coffee on me or I mess up my perfectly-ironed top, I don’t need to worry. Rose was actually the one who suggested I keep an extra shirt at work because there was an incident with a bowl of salsa and a new sales rep who didn’t wear her new shoes nearly as nicely as Rose does.
The poor woman twisted her ankle, slipped in her heels, and threw the salsa at me.
I did not catch it with my hands. Instead, I managed to catch the entire bowl with the front of my shirt.
That was the last time I came to work unprepared.
I finally open my eyes and see Rose for the first time. She smiles at me and somehow, it calms me. Fuck. She had no idea she has this incredible impact on me. She has no idea that when I see her, the whole world makes sense. She has no idea that when I see her, somehow, everything is okay. Everything comes together.
Her dark red hair is down. She curled it today and it looks beautiful, soft. Usually, her hair looks a little wild, like her, but today, she put in a little extra effort. She looks just as beautiful on her wild days as she does today.
Her glasses are perched on the end of her freckled nose and while she complains she looks geeky, she doesn’t. She looks like a goddess: a smart, beautiful goddess.
Her white blouse shows off her curves and the black pencil skirt makes her look like a pin-up girl from old magazines. The red stilettos complete her look and I groan. I really should tell her to stop wearing them. They’re going to be my undoing.
I’m sad and tired and overwhelmed and despite all of that, my dick is rock fucking hard just from looking at her.
How the fuck am I going to make it through today?
“Parker,” Rose is directly in front of my desk now.
“Rose,” I say.
“What happened?” She sits in one of the chairs in front of my desk, the ones where clients and colleagues occasionally sit during meetings. She doesn’t cross her legs. Instead, she leans forward and takes one of my hands in hers. “Tell me,” she whispers.
“It’s Janine,” I blurt out. Forget being in control. Forget being in charge. Right now, I just need a friend. Right now, I just need someone who is going to help me through the day. The only person who knows what I went through is Rose. The only person who understands even a tiny fraction of the pain I experienced is Rose.
And she doesn’t even know that much.
She was there the night I found out about Janine and Mike. She saw my face the night I caught them. She was there when I turned around, as I went into shock from the betrayal. She was there when I whispered what I had seen. She was the one who drove me home, put me to bed, promised me everything would be all right.
She was the one who promised to keep my secret, who swore she wouldn’t tell anyone what had happened to me.
She was the only one there for me.
“Oh, Parker,” Rose lets go of my hand and comes around the desk. She stands next to me, turns my chair toward her, and pulls me to my feet.
Then she hugs me.
For just a minute, I pretend everything is going to be okay. I don’t know why Rose can calm me in this way. No one else has ever been able to, yet she can. Something about her makes me feel like I’m safe, like I’m taken care of. Something about her makes me feel like the world can pass me by and nothing matters but her arms around me.
“What happened?” She whispers.
“Her mother called me this morning.” I hold Rose tightly. Her breasts are against my chest and her head nestles against me, just beneath my chin. I smell the vanilla scent of her shampoo and I close my eyes.
“Tell me,” she says.
“There was an accident. A car wreck. She didn’t make it.”
“Oh, Parker. I’m so sorry.”
I am, too. I shouldn’t be. I should feel justified, happy even. I should feel glad that Janine got what she deserved for hurting me, but she didn’t. No one deserves that. No one deserves to die alone. No one deserves to have something bad happen to them. Not like that. Not ever.
“I am, too,” I tell her. “The funeral is on Saturday.”
“I’ll go with you,” Rose offers, and I nod.
“I’d like that,” I tell her honestly. Janine and I were together a long time. We may have ended our relationship terribly, but I should be at her funeral. I need to be. I need to get a little bit of closure. I need to say goodbye. Despite everything she did to me, despite how deeply she hurt me, I still feel like I should go.
I should go say goodbye.
I owe her that much.
“But right now,” Rose says, “It’s time for the meeting. Let’s change your shirt, big boy. We’ve got a presentation to give.”