Jade
DISTRACTED, MY FINGERS trembled as they traced the remnants of Tommy’s goodnight kiss over my lips. I wondered if he noticed the sexual charge between us or how he truly felt about it. Without warning, that similar energy manifested itself every time we were together. Yet, I was determined not to think about it.
I could have easily fallen for his genuinely sweet personality. The kissing on the cheek and whispering in his ear to do more than just appease his questions, were far too playful and inappropriate for someone I just met and needed to stop, because of the promise to myself—a promise I intended to keep. I was sure once we had dinner, I’d convince him being friends was best for both of us.
He’s going to hate me. Who am I kidding? I’d hate me too.
Frustrated, I dragged myself upstairs to wash my makeup riddled face and turn in for the evening. The cool water soothed my tired tear-stained eyes. Grabbing a towel to pat my face dry, I looked at myself in the mirror. I realized how stupid I had acted this evening, as second thoughts of Tommy crept back into my mind.
Again, I lied and allowed Tommy to come to my rescue with Reece. I was too afraid to tell Reece the truth; I hated it. Tommy was kind enough be my knight in shining armor because the evil king wouldn’t lay off when it came to his son Damien, no prince in my book. I should have told Reece from the beginning I wanted to avoid any serious relationships in my life. I wasn’t going to date. I wanted to see where the future took me, but Reece knew as well as I did, my idea to love em’ and leave em’ without the structure of a relationship was a good concept, but one I couldn’t go through with.
A jackhammer pounded inside my skull and violently hummed inside of me, while my body hurt to move. Running the water in the tub, I decided a long bath before bed was what my body and mind needed to wash away the humiliating events of the day. In the bath, my muscles slowly relaxed, as my body steeped in the warm water. I ran the sponge across my bare skin and let it settle between my legs. My thoughts drifted back to the one man I tried to put out of my mind…Tommy. I could hear his voice, feel his body, and I remembered the way he smelled and how he looked in his sweats when he came to check on me earlier.
The memory of him made me lightly rub my clit with the outer edge of the bath sponge. My head dropped back as the delicious feeling of my arousal began to build. My hips curled forward, the sponge circled my core. With my other hand, I firmly grasped my left nipple, moaning at the pleasure I gave to myself from the combination of the gentle wisps of the sponge on my hardened nub to the intense movement of my fingers caressing my breast. I knew I needed to come and wanted Tommy to be my fantasy that brought me there.
My thoughts of him intensified…his strong jawline, dark eyes, carefree dark hair, oh and his lips…his soft lips against my skin when he called me baby. The memory of his voice made me abandon the sponge for my fingers. Touching myself between my legs proved even the water couldn’t wash away how slick my pussy had become at the idea of him inside of me.
Vivid thoughts of Tommy’s body blanketing mine, his mouth taking my lips, my neck, my breasts…licking my swollen nipples, taking each of them fully…taking me fully, his hands affected every inch of me as he slowly pushed himself inside me, his tone commanding me to let go, to fall further and further in this imaginary world. A place I didn’t want to leave, where my desire for Tommy could be fulfilled…realized through my overactive imagination.
I slipped further down into the warm fragrant bath to surrender in the sexual thoughts of my new neighbor, thoughts which took over my body completely…where I couldn’t decipher between what was real and what was fantasy. I wanted to come, but I had to admit I didn’t want the intensity of this self-gratifying, secret moment, nor my longing for Tommy to end just yet. Shit! I couldn't believe how much I needed this or wanted him. Every girl was entitled to some sexy make-believe me-time now and then… besides, he’d never find out.
As the sensual assault on my breast was reduced to a delicate yet playful massage, the illicit attention I gave to my sex increased with each press of my fingertips. My heartbeat pounded, my breaths…shallow, almost non-existent. The throbbing between my legs grew more evident as my strokes became more deliberate. My entire body shook with this salacious feeling as my arousal peaked, I found my release through a strained declaration of Tommy’s name.
I continued, but with apprehension coaxed myself back to the present. Slowly, my breathing returned to normal, my heartbeat softened, and the constant ache that had once existed between my legs quelled and was replaced with total satisfaction. I stayed in the tub for a short time before the water cooled enough to provide me with the hint I needed to turn in for the night.
I finally climbed into my bed exhausted, but completely sated. My body was heavy, as were my eyes. I didn’t fight it, because I knew the sooner I slept, the sooner tomorrow would come, and that meant the sooner I would share an evening with the man that I had just secretly fantasized about.
I would hold on to this feeling through my dreams until tomorrow came, but in reality, the attraction for Tommy couldn't move beyond the confines of these walls. My secret allurement of my new neighbor would remain just that…my little secret.
The sun rose over the eastern side of the island like it did every day. I felt the warm glow on my cheeks as I woke from a completely restful night’s sleep. I was snug and contented. I stayed in bed for a while longer before I started my day.
Tuesday was my usual day off. I followed my normal routine of having my morning coffee out on the deck off my bedroom. While still in my nightshirt, I placed my mug on the table in between the two chaises. As I stretched out on the oversized lounge to enjoy this beautiful summer morning, my thoughts drifted back to last night. I squirmed as I remembered how turned on I was, and how exactly I worked off all of that built up sexual tension.
When I looked down from my chair, through the railing, I caught a glimpse of Tommy and Daniel on the oceanfront deck of my family’s old house. He still had on the sweats I saw him in last night, but now he was shirtless. I became wet almost immediately with the familiar pulse between my legs again.
What the hell was he doing to me? And how do I make it stop!
Feelings of apprehension and second thoughts ran through my head. I couldn’t do this. I couldn't explain my reactions, but I also couldn't keep leading him on, or myself for that matter. I told myself after Jimmy died, loving someone so deeply would only end in disaster. I was proven right when Damien broke our relationship in two and slept with Courtney. I decided back then I would not put myself or anyone else through the hurt I lived with every single day. I could deal with being alone, but I couldn’t lead someone as nice as Tommy on and hurt him because I wasn’t ready to love again.
Face it, Jade, you’ll never be ready.
Between my frustrated thoughts and my frustrated body, lying there any longer was futile, so I jumped up and changed into my wetsuit, headed down the stairs, grabbed my board, and drove out to the end of the island to catch some waves before the rest of the beachgoers hit the sand.
When I pulled up and walked to the edge of the lot and onto the sand, the beach was practically empty. Other than myself, there was a man walking his two dogs along the surf. The waves were strong and the water choppy. The weatherman had forecasted rain for later tonight, so the turbulence made perfect sense with an impending summer storm on its way.
I pulled my board out from the back of my car and headed for the shoreline.When waxing it was completed, I began my stretching ritual, as not to injure myself. I secured the leash to my right leg and headed out into the water. I paddled well beyond the breaks in the waves and finally reached my desired position. I waited and waited and waited until I caught my perfect one. I began to paddle, and at the precise moment, popped-up to ride it in.
Although I was far from a beginner, I continued to stay with my beloved longboard. After I took a few waves, I headed back to the sand and stretched out on the beach for a bit. At my towel, I removed the leash from leg and laid the board down on the sand next to me. Reclining back, I took in the warmth of the day.
I must have been more tired than I thought, or perhaps this morning’s surf run put my body over the edge, because when I woke up, the beach had become crowded. Looking at my phone showed it was noon already. I needed to get back home for a shower and to address so many things before dinner.
The market was somewhat crowded, as I picked up the food for this evening’s meal. I didn’t have any fresh treats in the house, so I decided to swing by my shoppe on the way back to retrieve something sweet and chocolaty. It was more for me than for Tommy. Although it did appear he liked chocolate as well, when I surprised him with the covered strawberries the other night.
I returned home by four in the afternoon. I cleaned the house and showered again before I dressed for the evening. I called Blaze to see if she was coming down from the city this weekend, but her phone went directly to voicemail, so I left her a message to give me a call when she came in.
Looking at my recent calls, I don’t know how I missed it, but there was a voicemail from Daniel, which stated Tommy took him back to the center this morning and he was sorry he didn’t get to see me before he left, but he would be back for the 4th of July holiday and that he would see me then. I made a mental note to call him sometime tomorrow. I didn’t want to wait until the Fourth before we spoke again. Now that Daniel and I reconnected, I didn't want to lose our friendship, as we had before.
Next on the call chain to-do list was Aunt Viv but she wasn’t home either. She had been out a great deal lately. Oh well, she must have been working with her garden club or at the animal shelter in town or one of her other pet projects that she tended to join when the springtime began.
It was getting late, so I prepared dinner and put it in the oven before I went upstairs to my closet to decide on what to wear. We were having a relaxed evening at my home so something comfortable would suffice. I chose a pair of white jeans, a red low cut, v-neck tee and a pair of white thong Ralph Lauren sandals.
Slate grey clouds began to roll in, confirming an impending storm. I finished setting the table in the dining room near the sliders off the first-floor deck, making it easier to be close to the kitchen while the food cooked, and without fear of becoming saturated from the rain if we ate outside. I put a CD in the player, filling the house with the soft sounds of some jazz music. A few candles on the table in the living room needed to be lit, but not too many. I wanted the atmosphere to reflect a relaxed and casual mood, not a romantic one.
Tonight, I resolved myself to the fact I needed to ignore the undeniable attraction I had for him because last night clearly proved I wasn't ready to be with anyone. My emotions were raw and all over the place. It was my hope Tommy would get used the idea of us being friends and just friends…loud and clear; and this dinner tonight would set straight some of the ridiculous things I involved him in since we first met.
The DVD player displayed 6:45. He’d be here soon. Out of nowhere, I became nervous at the thought of him spending the evening with me tonight.
Jade, you were the one who accepted his invitation. No turning back now. You have to go through with it. It’s not a date or anything. He said so, himself.
I shook off my unwanted and unwarranted nerves. It was dinner, that’s all. It wasn’t like he would be staying the night. Just as I was about to continue to overanalyze it, there was a knock at my door. I looked up to find Tommy there with his arms full. I smiled and hurried to let him in.
“Thanks. It looks like the rain is going to start at any moment,” he said, as he walked in.
“They said storms for tonight. Can I take any of that from you?” I asked because he hadn’t attempted to hand me what was in his arms or place anything down on the table in front of him.
“Yeah, sorry… these are for you.” Tommy handed me a beautiful bouquet of sunflowers. Then he showed me the two bottles of wine he brought to dinner. One was the Champagne we had the other night and the other was a Pinot Noir from Italy.
“Hmm…Pinot Noir, it’ll be perfect with the Beef and Mushroom Risotto I have in the oven.” I took the bottles, opened both, and poured the Champagne, which had been previously chilled. The Noir I left on the counter to breathe before dinner. I found a vase that would be a good size to accommodate the sunflowers.
“Dinner sounds and smells delicious,” he remarked, as he took his glass, looked around, and took a seat on the couch. He was comfortable, not the type of man who needed to stand up and command a room, but one who was at ease with himself. One who, unconsciously, was in command.
“Thank you for the flowers. They’re my favorite,” I said, as I put the vase with the sunflowers on my coffee table.
“I know. I called Viv to ask her what you liked.” He grinned with an audacious sense of pride in his voice.
I’m smiled at him. “I’ll need to have a talk with my aunt about revealing my secrets,” I joked, but was kind of honored he went out of his way to find out what I loved.
The timer buzzed on the oven. Excusing myself to set up for dinner, I was about to bring the hot serving dish out to the dining table when the house reverberated from a powerful electrical boom sounding outside. Along with that sound came the roar of the thunder, the violence of the rain, as the loss of electrical power ceased, and the room went dark.
“Great…that’s just great,” I said and gazed up at the ceiling as if I would find the answers to my power issues floating somewhere above my head.
Tommy looked out the window to check on the storm. His silhouette was illuminated by the light of the candles nearby. His physique, accented by the tight-knit t-shirt he wore tonight, was incredible.
“Boy, it’s coming down out there. Don’t worry, I’m sure it will let up soon. These types of storms usually pass quickly.”
“I’m not worried. I just don’t think dinner will work out quite as well in the dark.”
“Would you like to have a raincheck? We can do this another time.” He misunderstood. I didn’t want him to go, so I had to think fast.
“No, I’d like you to stay. We can eat in the living room around the coffee table. I think it will be easier than trying to maneuver with no light in the dining room.”
He walked closer to me. “I’m glad you want me to stay,” he said, as his fingertips lightly grazed my cheek.
Goosebumps covered my skin from his touch.
Maybe it wasn't a good idea to have dinner with him, after all.
He turned around to survey the room, clapped his hands once, and rubbed them together as if we needed to get down to business. “Do you have any flashlights?”
“Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I have two under the kitchen sink. Let me get them.”
I fumbled a bit in the dark but eventually retrieved the flashlights. Yet, when I returned, Tommy had already lit additional candles in the living room. My house glowed with hues of gold, white, and cream.
I handed Tommy a flashlight, but the living room was now bright enough, so we didn’t need them.
He placed his on the coffee table. He was quiet, but then reached out for me to take his hand. “Come and have a drink with me before dinner.”
I placed my hand in his, as he pulled me to the couch. We raised our glasses and toasted to an enjoyable evening with great company.
We both took a sip. It was cool and delicious, as bubbles lightly tickled my face. Up until now, we made some small talk, which worried me. Even though we had just met, there never seemed to be a problem when it came to a conversation with him. Tommy’s awkwardness was explained once we were comfortable and he asked the burning question that must have weighed heavily on his mind. He put down his glass and took my hand again. This time he entwined his fingers with mine and gave them a supportive squeeze. He stared at them for a minute before looking up at me.
“Were you okay today?” He spoke softly and with a great deal of concern.
“Oh, is that what this is all about?” I deduced.
“I’m not sure I understand?” He appeared confused by my question.
“Well, you haven't said very much since you walked in, but I get it now.”
“You didn’t answer my question.” He voice was sexy and attentive.
“I told you last night I was fine. Slightly humiliated, but no worse for wear,” I admitted, as I looked down at our hands.
Tommy jiggled them briefly so he could get my attention.
“You have no reason to feel humiliation. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I allowed Reece to get to me, and I lied about us…again.”
“So?” He said bluntly.
“So, I guess he felt it was his job to insult you last night. Tommy, if it wasn't for me pulling you into this nightmare, you wouldn’t be dealing with Reece on a day to day basis,” I explained.
“I’m a big boy, trust me. I told you before I’ve dealt with a few Reece Montgomery types over the years.”
I nodded.
“Hey, I mean it. Reece Montgomery is not worth my time.”
“Yes, but he asked me if he could walk me to my door after we had an uneventful and almost normal dinner. Maybe I should have known he was up to his old tricks when dinner was too good to be true.”
“So?”
“So…” I stopped there and stared at Tommy. I didn’t want to talk about Reece Montgomery or Damien anymore this evening.
“C’mon Jade, you can’t believe because you agreed to let him walk you to your door, it was okay for him to think he could manipulate you?” He asked as if my view of last night’s situation was ridiculous.
“No. But I haven’t dated anyone since Damien, and I’m starting to think this is all my fault. If I had kept my mouth shut, he wouldn't be trying to trip us up at every turn when he sees us together.”
“It doesn’t matter. Reece will keep trying to get you and his son back together, regardless of us. Like I said, I know his type. He doesn’t have boundaries.” Tommy’s voice became strained, as his hand tightened further around my fingers to the point I could physically feel his anger.
“I guess then I should be grateful you were home to rescue me, again.” I smiled, and his grip loosened.
“From the look of things on my end, you didn’t need much rescuing. You handled him pretty well, and appropriately I might add.”
“I’ve had a great deal of practice where Reece is concerned. I was pretty good, wasn’t I?” I teased.
“Yeah, you were pretty good.” He warmly agreed and looked at me with a new intensity I hadn't seen from him before. I didn’t know what to make of it or how to handle it, so I changed the subject quickly.
“Are you hungry?” I asked quickly.
He grinned because he knew what I was doing. Yet, he didn’t let on.
“Starving.”
“Okay. I’ll get the food. You get the plates. I set the table in the dining area. You can just grab them from there, and we can set it up over here.” I pointed to the large wooden coffee table in the living room.
My living space on the first level of my house had an open floor plan, similar to Tommy’s, except my living room and dining room were in one large great room up front, and my spare bedroom was toward the back of the house or should I say the front, near the main door and the foyer I rarely used, on the street side, away from the ocean. To most people that would be the front of the house, but to me the front was the beach, where my living area was.
Tommy’s place, on the other hand, had a more narrow layout for the living room, dining room, and kitchen. The living space was open, but parallel to those rooms was a huge master bedroom that ran the opposite length of the house, divided by a main wall. It wasn't always that way, but my parents had changed it when Jimmy and I were growing up so they could have a bedroom suite on the main floor. While Jimmy had the original master bedroom on the second floor, I occupied the smaller room adjacent to his.
I brought the dish to the table where Tommy had set out our plates and wine glasses. I placed the dish down and went back to retrieve the Pinot Noir I had opened earlier. Tommy placed some of the large throw pillows he took from the couch onto the floor around the coffee table so we could eat comfortably. He also brought some of the candles from my sideboard by the dining room window over to the table, giving us some extra light while we ate.
Tommy filled our glasses and proposed a toast.
“To lasting friendships” I mimicked his sentiment.
“This looks delicious.” He said, viewing his dish.
“Hold off on your judgment until you actually taste it.”
“Don’t be so negative.”
“Oh, I’m not. I must warn you, I’m not the greatest cook.”
“Huh? How can you say that? You’re a chef.” He appeared perplexed.
I laughed at his confusion.
“I’m a pastry chef, big difference. Some people are amazing chefs when it comes to savory foods, and some chefs have the art for sweets. Sweets are my specialty, savory not so much.” I explained.
“So… if I recall, you had my culinary skills in question last night, and that’s why we agreed you would cook for me tonight. Now you're telling me this food may be inedible?” He looked down at the plate before him in disappointed awe.
I smirked playfully at him.
“No, I’m just saying if you were expecting culinary genius, think again.”
With that, Tommy took a large spoonful of the risotto to give me his honest opinion. He was savoring every bite, but he gave nothing away. I couldn’t tell if he liked it or not.
“Well?” I coaxed.
He wiped his mouth and placed his napkin next to his plate.
“Well, what?” He continued to be vague.
“Stop joking. How is it?” I pressed him for an answer.
“Oh, you want to know how the risotto is?”
“Grrr… yes! I do. Do you like it or not?”
“Not,” he said.
“Oh no, it’s that bad isn’t?” With a grimace, I felt defeated. Give me an order for Creme Brûlée and I’d nail it, but give me a simple dinner and it’s usually burnt or raw. Yet, I was surprised about the risotto. I thought after all these years of practice I finally perfected it.
He laughed out loud.
“What’s so funny?”
“You.”
“Me?” I was confused.
“You can’t tell I’m joking with you. It’s amazing, Jade.”
“Amazing, really?”
“Yeah, amazing, just like you.” His expression changed into something I hadn’t seen on Tommy’s face before. It was dark and intense…not scary. It was hot and sensual.
I squirmed in my seat at the thought of Tommy and that statement, but I prayed with our close proximity he hadn’t noticed. I looked down. I didn't know how to respond. I couldn’t believe how self-conscious I felt around him. It wasn't something he did; it was me. I never had this problem around Damien. Or maybe I reacted differently back then, when Damien’s opinion of me didn’t matter as much as I once thought.
“Hey, don’t look down. I’m sorry if I embarrassed you.” He lifted my chin and stroked my jawline, making certain I heard what he said.
I surprised myself when I placed my hand on his.
“No, it’s not that.”
“Then what is it, Jade?”
“It’s not easy for me to take a compliment. I never know how to act,” I admitted. “Although my desserts are complimented on a regular basis at the shoppe. The personal compliments feel unnatural to me.”
“Unnatural? How can someone as beautiful as you not be used to men complimenting them all the time?” He was taken back by the fact I wasn't used to being the center of attention by any man.
I wanted to change the subject, yet I knew this could be the perfect time to set the record straight, and if he wanted to get to know me more, friendship and being neighbors was our only option.
Removing my hand and placing it on the table, he followed my action but gave no reaction when he looked to me for an explanation. Swallowing hard, I began what I thought would be a convincing declaration of why we should only be friends.
“Maybe unnatural is not a good definition? Maybe the word I’m looking for is insincere?”
“I think I liked unnatural better,” he teased, trying to break the tension that I caused.
“What I mean by that…and this is not directed at you in any way…” I clarified.
“Duly noted.”
“After Damien and I broke up, I had plenty of time to think and I realized, even when we weren't getting along, or I should say we weren’t being intimate, he would still compliment me and put on a show. You know, act like everything was good in public, but what came out of his mouth was forced. I hadn’t noticed it at the time.”
“That’s because you were dealing with something so devastating…real life.”
“Perhaps, but like I said, I’ve had time to get over it and I’m happy where I ended up.” Hopefully, Tommy would take the bait.
“Where is that?” He questioned.
Good…now for the hook, “Here on the island, building up my business and not having to answer to anyone but myself.”
“And to the occasionally nosy ex-father-in-law to-be.” Tommy justifiably smirked.
“I’ll give you that. Reece is nosy and stubborn and adamant and controlling, but unfortunately for him and fortunately for me, he will never get his way.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, positive, because I know I can never be with Damien again. Besides, I don't want to be with anyone else either.”
More bait…
“Why is that?”
Letting out of the breath I was holding, I explained.
“Because as heartbroken as I was to see our relationship crumble, I was far more broken without Jimmy.”
The elephant in the room was the silence that loomed between Tommy and me, brought on by the mention of my dead brother. Tommy studied his glass of wine, took a drink to ease the gravity of the situation, and then sat back and studied me.
“So what you’re telling me is that your brother’s death has changed how you feel about being in a relationship…about falling in love?”
“Yes, Jimmy’s death and Courtney and Damien’s betrayal have changed the way I feel about being in love. I don't want it. I don't want to think about it. I just want to have fun. No ties, no commitments.” As the words left my lips, it was as if I didn't even know who the girl was making that statement anymore.
I knew it’s what I said I wanted, but as I tried to justify my reasoning to Tommy it sounded more and more wrong, and it certainly didn't sound like me. Nevertheless, I put it out there, and there it would remain. I couldn't change my mind now.
“Can I ask you something?”
Not the reaction I expected.
“What’s your plan?”
“Plan? I don’t have any plan.”
Where was he going with this?
“Well, you said yourself that Reece is nosy and if you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone else, then how are you going to keep him from continually badgering you about his son? It’s not like you can avoid him.”
“Why not?”
“For one, he’s staying on the island and two, he's dating your best friend. You’re bound to run into each other. Besides, wasn’t it you who had dinner with him yesterday?”
“You’re right, but our dinner was more about Blaze than Damien. That is until we’d gotten home last night. Yet, it’s true, I haven't really thought that far ahead. Reece has been on me about Damien ever since we broke up, but much of the time he was in Europe or in the city. I’ll have to see how it plays out. I can't be concerned about Reece Montgomery. I’m far too busy with my business to worry about him.”
“Yet, you were very concerned the night of your Aunt Viv’s dinner. Enough so, that you professed you were in a relationship with me.” Feelings of hurt emanated from Tommy’s statement. I couldn't blame him. Everything I did up until now in relation to Tommy and Reece was to protect myself. How could I be so selfish?
Jade, you're a rotten person.
Embarrassed by my actions from the time Tommy and I officially met, I stared at my food as I tried to come up with the words to mend fences with him.
“Tommy, I’m sorry. And I know all I’ve done is apologize since we've met, but I am truly sorry. The next time I speak with Reece, I’ll tell him the truth. I expected the truth from his son and yet all I’ve done is use you to avoid dealing with Reece’s wish to get Damien and me back together. I hope you can forgive me and we can start over, as friends.” I was leery of his response, but when I looked up and saw Tommy’s expression, relief blanketed me.
He laughed. “That was the nicest brush off a guy could ask for.”
“Oh no, it wasn't meant to sound like a brush off. Now I feel worse.”
He laughed some more.
“Listen, since we’re being honest, I’ll admit that I would have liked to get to know you better…and by that I mean more than just friends, but I can see you're not ready to do that with me or anyone else, so why don't we settle for building a new friendship and becoming better aquatinted as new neighbors? Okay?”
“I’d like that.”
“Me too, Jade.” Tommy left the awkwardness of the conversation there, and we continued our dinner.
Once he cleaned up as promised, I brought out the dessert…chocolate cheesecake in a cup.
“This looks delicious,” he remarked, as he raised his cup above his head to examine the contents and then to toast the end of our interesting evening together.
“Here’s to…” he started.
“To new friends and new summertime memories…” I finished.
He smiled and nodded and started to eat.
Sound…other than the clinking of our spoons scooping out our nighttime treat from the dessert cups…sound was nonexistent. The music had long since ceased, and Tommy hadn’t uttered a comment. I couldn't just sit there and eat, so now it was my turn to get to know him better.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“What made LBI your destination of choice for your new beach house? I know from what little you've told me, you've lived and surfed in some of the most exotic locations around the world. Why settle down here at the Jersey Shore?”
Looking into his cup, at the last remnants of his dessert, he carefully placed his spoon in the cup, sat back against the couch, ran his fingers through his dark locks, and turned toward me with his answer.
“I’ve always loved this place, and to be honest, all the traveling I've done in the past, whether it be for business or pleasure, never ended quite like I had imagined.”
“How’s that?”
“I don’t know, Jade. I guess I thought my lifestyle would have found me someone special to spend the rest of my life with. Yet, all it’s done for the past year or so is show me how far away I’ve gotten from what I wanted for my future.”
“Which is? No…wait you don’t have to answer that. Here I am going on and on about me, and then prying into your personal business, how rude.”
“Not at all. Actually, I don't mind discussing it with you. Up until now, only Daniel knew of my plans. It would be kind of nice to get a woman’s perspective.”
“Perspective? On what?”
“On why I moved here and my plan to move forward with my personal life.”
All this time I thought he just wanted to live at the beach, but his statement held hints of something far more serious…or someone.
“If you’re comfortable with sharing something so personal with an almost perfect stranger, I’d be glad to give you my opinion.”
“Baby, you're far from being a stranger at this point, and truthfully I’d love to hear what someone outside of my family has to say.”
Baby… I’ve got to get over him calling me that.
A bit of shyness came over me from his last statement, but I quickly brushed it off by straightening up, crossing my arms, and resting them firmly on the coffee table as I waited for him to explain his life’s journey.
“For years I spent my time looking after others. Mainly, Rain…”
I stopped him for clarification, “Your business partner?”
“Yes, as I had said before, we grew up together, and I grew up protecting her. She was sick when she was young, and her parents, mainly her mother, effectively kept her sheltered, hidden if you will, from the rest of the world and a normal life.”
“That’s horrible, but at least she had you as her prince charming.”
“No, no prince. It wasn’t a romantic story in the least. Like I said, friends but very close friends. I’d never let anything happen to her, but then almost two years ago she met her husband, Daniel’s brother, and her life took a new direction. One that, in the beginning, I had a hard time dealing with, but in the end, I envied.”
“Envied? Why?”
Tommy leaned forward, then back again. He looked up for answers or possibly approval from the heavens to confess what he seemed to be struggling with for quite some time.
“She was free. Free from her past, free to move forward and to move on. She was happy…truly happy. And I was lost…I had spent so much time protecting her that I lost me—my one true self. Don’t get me wrong, I love Rain and I always will, but I’m so angry with myself that I allowed me to get lost in the process. That’s when I decided to stop all of the reflection in self-pity and move here.”
“To rebuild your life?”
“Yeah, ironically while rebuilding a beach house.” He smiled, possibly to push away the awkwardness he felt while admitting his story to me.
“So far, I don't see the problem. You're here building a new life and fixing up the house that in a year or so could be your new home. What’s wrong with that?”
“You’re only half right.”
“Then give me the other half.”
“I set out to do this with a specific plan in mind. I want to fix up the house, that’s true, and while doing so, meet the person I’d like to spend the rest of my life with.”
“Okay, I’m still not seeing the problem.”
“I have a timeline. I want to wrap it up all within six months.”
“I see, you want the house to be completed before the lease is up and want to see if my family will sell it to you earlier than agreed upon. I’m sure—” This time he interrupted me.
“No, no, no… I wanted to fix the house and find the woman I want to be with by summer’s end and start a family in six months.” He was matter of fact and to the point. It was almost clinical and as if his life depended on it.
“You realize although it’s not impossible, finding someone and making a life together shouldn't be contingent on a timeline. Love should grow naturally.”
With his eyes closed and a flat-lipped expression, Tommy’s demeanor changed as he shook his head in almost slow motion. “I knew it. I shouldn’t have said anything to you. I knew you wouldn’t understand.” Standing, he whipped his napkin onto the table and headed for the door.
Before he could leave, I reached for him and placed my hand on his arm. He stilled but didn't turn to face me.
He turned his upper body partially to face me. Looking at my hand, he gently took it to his mouth and kissed my fingertips. It took everything I had to keep my body from outwardly reacting to what was happening inside of me. My outer-self was fighting my inner-self. I wanted to comfort him more but held back.
Tommy’s jaw tightened, he further turned and faced me head on. His hands framed my cheeks. Our bodies quaked and our mouths came close enough to touch. We looked to each other for guidance…for an answer. Our breathing grew intensely shaky, and our breaths heated the small space between us. The seconds that passed heightened our emotions that had been building since we first met each other on the dance floor that fateful night.
The rain outside my door cooled off everything, everything except what was happening between us, right here…right now. I couldn't speak or swallow or move. All I could do was watch as Tommy changed course. He pressed his lips to my forehead…hard, and said, “I can't do this. I can't drag you into something I know is wrong for you, something you’re not ready for. Thank you for an amazing evening, Jade.” With that he let go of me, vigorously pushed the sliding door open, and without closing it, he rushed out into one storm…leaving the other brewing between us, behind.
The space in the room was filled with a numbness I hadn’t felt since Jimmy died. I quickly grabbed my bearings because my heart told me to go after him, yet my common sense, still fighting me, told me to let him be.
Unfortunately…my common sense prevailed.