Tommy
THE LAST THING I expected to find was Jade at my door, let alone—my shower door. Barely dressed, wondering what was going on, and concerned with her demeanor tonight, I did the only thing I could do…
I took her to bed.
Not where I normally slept as I remembered Viv explaining the upstairs bedrooms were once occupied by Jade and her brother as children and eventually Jimmy as an adult. I didn't think to spend the night with her in a room where her brother slept before his accident was a good idea, so with a firm grip of her hand, I guided her back downstairs to the master turned guest room on the first floor.
We reached the kitchen island when Jade pulled back, dug in her heels, and demanded an explanation.
“Wait. Where are you taking me?”
With a coy grin, I simply told her, “To bed.” Without giving her a chance to speak, I turned away and pulled her along once more until we reached the main floor bedroom. Still holding onto her, I lifted the comforter with my free hand and tipped my head to motion her in. More than a bit of annoyance and confusion played on her face. Her hand slipped out of mine, as she did what she was told.
“Now…how’s your headache?” Asking with arms crossed trying to look as controlled as one could when wearing only a towel.
“What?” She leaned forward, her lips parted, not believing any of this.
“I said, how’s your headache?”
“It hurts, but it’s not something I can't handle.”
“If it worsens…”
“I know; I know. Don't worry, I’ll follow doctor’s orders,” She whined, cutting me off and avoiding the question she really wanted to ask, but I answered without her prompting.
“You’re probably wondering what we’re doing here in this room and what you just said is exactly why. You have a concussion and you're supposed to be resting through the weekend, but instead…” She finished my sentence.
“…I’m here with you.” Her sweetness softened me.
“Yeah.”
“Okay, now I have a question.”
“Which is?”
“How did you know I had a concussion? I mean I just got home. Who told you?”
“I have my ways,” I stated proudly.
“Which are?”
“I told the charge nurse at the desk I was your fiancé,” I reluctantly confessed.
A giggle with a gasp escaped Jade’s lips as she sat back studying me.
“What? Why is that so funny?”
“You told the nurse we were engaged? Don't you think that’s a bit over the top? I mean all you had to do was ask me once I got back from the hospital.”
“No more over the top than announcing to your friends at dinner that we were dating, especially since we had only met the night before,” I stated, as to justify my behavior.
“Fair enough, but neither of us knew who the other one was on that dance floor.”
“That’s true, but the next morning you knew who I was and you still proceeded to tell everyone we were a couple that night at the dinner table,” I teased, and she became miffed.
“I didn't see you complaining.” She plopped back on the pillow, arms crossed, justifying her actions, yet a bit sullen…defeated.
“Jade, listen, I want you to stay here for the night. I’m not talking about sleeping with me. I’m talking about me making sure your concussion stays a minor one. It wasn't my intention to upset you. I hope you understand that?” Jade’s face fell slightly.
Did I miss something? Did she want us to sleep together?
Compelled to figure her out, know her and get closer to her, I subtly sat next to her and placed my hand over hers. Jade stayed, no flinching or jumping or pulling away. It told me she was at least willing to listen and hopefully willing to stay the night after what I was about to say.
Staring at our connection and squeezing firmly, I began.
“I want you to know I’ve heard everything you've said from the very beginning. I know you're not looking to get seriously involved at the moment and that you're not sure if you ever will, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to you. I think you’ve figured that out by now. I enjoy being around you and if that means friends, then so be it, but as a friend, I’m not going to stand by and not make certain you're okay after the incident you had on the water today. I can’t, so don’t ask me to.”
I wondered if she’d thought I was overly intrusive. After all, we didn't know each other very long. I couldn’t explain it, but I felt connected to her from the beginning, and with her being hurt I wanted her here, where I could watch her…care for her, even if that meant no strings attached…I could be okay with that. At least I thought I could.
I stared at our hands. Hell, I looked everywhere but at Jade herself. She must have thought I was a fool. First, my plan to move here and now tonight out of nowhere basically dragging her into the bedroom and ordering her into bed like a child.
What was I thinking?
I was about to apologize for my behavior when Jade did the unimaginable. She let go of my hand, climbed forward, placed a kiss on my cheek, and sat by my side on the edge of the bed.
“You’re sweet, Tommy.” She smiled, but it was slightly forced.
“What do you say? Will you stay tonight? You shouldn't be alone with a concussion.”
She continued to smile and nodded.
“Can I get you anything? I’m sure you haven't eaten.”
“I’m not really hungry, but I’d love a cup of tea. If it’s not too much trouble.”
“It’s no trouble at all. I’ll be right back.”
“Tommy, wait… I’d rather stay out on the couch, if that’s okay with you?”
I was perplexed, but whatever she wanted was fine. I put the water on and excused myself to trade my beach towel for a decent pair of sweats and a T-shirt.
When I returned, Jade had made herself at home by curling into one corner of the sectional and taking the large throw from the back of the sofa and placing it over her. She settled in and perused the lack of progress I made on the living room/dining room area.
“I know…go on say it.”
“Say what?”
“How unfinished this room is.”
“Why would I say that?”
“Because it’s true?”
“You can’t be serious? You haven't lived here long enough to complete a tenth of what needs to be done. Remember, I know what shape or lack thereof this place was in.”
“I appreciate that. It means a lot coming from you. Thanks.” Her words and my relief brought a smile to my face.
“You don’t have to thank me. I understand.”
I wanted to kiss her, but instead, I made small talk.
“Would you like to see some of the plans and changes I’m thinking of making? I’d love your opinion.”
Jade nodded, as I handed her the tea and went to retrieve some of the photographs I took and magazine clippings I saved to give her an idea of where I was going with the renovations. After gathering the items I needed, I returned to find Jade asleep where I left her. It was a long day for both of us. I kissed Jade’s forehead, making sure not to wake her. For me, I settled in the guest room downstairs; in case any issues arose in the middle of the night.
It wasn't long before I heard what I thought was a small whimper. I listened further, my head cloudy and in sleep mode; I dismissed it. What came next I couldn't dismiss.
“No, no, no, Jimmy…why…no…no!” Jade’s anguish echoed through the house and engulfed me. Frantically running to her, she was up, awake, sweating, and holding her head.
“Jade, Jade…what’s wrong?” Fear’s ugliness crept through my body, questions swirled in my head as I sat down to take her close.
Had I caused this? I should have let her be.
Jade’s breathing rattled, her body trembling…physically and emotionally she was weakening before my eyes. I had to do something. I did cause this by insisting she stay.
“Let me take you to the hospital?” I declared, lifting her body in my arms.
Pain shot through my shoulders. Her fingers dug deep.
“No, Tommy, no, I’m not going back to the hospital. Please…put me down.” Sobbing, yet completely adamant she wouldn’t allow me to help.
Fixing this wasn't going to be an easy task. She needed medical attention. Viv wasn't here. This was more than a memory or a nightmare. I was lost on how to help. I could call Blaze, but that would only set-off Montgomery, and she didn't need him or his help. Daniel hadn't seen Jade after Jimmy died, so I wasn't sure if calling him would make things better or set her further down a darker path.
Think …
“You definitely need medical attention. Let me call my doctor friend. It’s late, but he lives here on LBI and I’m sure he’d be happy to help.”
The pounding of her breath was reduced to a muffled murmur, but still present. Jade nervously nodded in agreement, so without hesitation, I continued to hold her in my arms and called the doctor.
He arrived shortly thereafter.
Letting him in, he immediately honed in on Jade’s weakened state on the couch across the room. He looked to me, but I said nothing. What could I say? I wanted him to do something, anything to make her well.
“Jade, I’m Dr. Roth. It’s good to meet you.” He extended his hand and Jade gingerly took it. Holding her focus at the connection of their hands at first, but then with shallow breaths and teary eyes, she acknowledged him.
“Thank you for coming. I’m so sorry you have to be here at such a late hour.”
“No problem at all. Can you tell me what happened? I’m aware of the concussion. I was making rounds when you came into the emergency room this evening, and although I wasn't assigned to you I did see your chart.”
Looking to both of us, a slanted smile played on Jade’s face.
“You mean Tommy filled you in.”
Cautiously, he sat next to her with me behind him like a hovering but concerned idiot.
“Yes, that too…now can you tell me what’s going on? Have you had nightmares before? Or is this the first time?”
Jade stalled.
“I can leave and give the two of you some privacy,” I said, walking towards the stairs.
“No, Tommy, please don’t go.” Desperation rose from Jade’s voice instantly. She climbed over Dr. Roth and off the couch to stop me.
My arms folded around her, nuzzling her. “Okay, baby.”
She turned to him, still holding me…her anchor, my strength lending her strength to explain what happened less than an hour ago.
Shaking her head, letting out a blunt sigh, Jade explained more than I anticipated.
“No, it wasn't the first time and although it’s been awhile, I’m sure it won't be the last.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Well, Dr. Roth…” Jade released me and positioned herself back on the couch to explain.
“…Tommy told me you're from LBI and you're a doctor, so you’re obviously aware of my brother’s sui…death. It was in all the local papers. You couldn't miss it, besides, you know how people talk.” Her weakness was replaced with an arrogant resentment.
“Yes, well…living in a tighter community and the fact that your brother was somewhat of a local legend, I understand, but that doesn't completely explain tonight’s situation. You have a concussion, and by all accounts, that alone can cause confusion and some temporary neurological effects post-trauma, but your nightmare doesn't appear to be a symptom of that alone.”
“I wish it were.”
“Why is that?”
“If this was an isolated incident then it more than likely wouldn't happen again or at least once my concussion healed, but…”
“But it’s happened before.” Dr. Roth didn't ask. He inquisitively stated.
“Yeah, for the most part. In the beginning, it happened all the time.”
“The beginning? You're referring to the period after your brother’s death?”
“Yes, you see, I was living in the city working for Reece Montgomery at one of his restaurants while Jimmy was living at the center in Philly after the accident. This house was unoccupied, so I’d come down and stay here versus my parents’ place.” Jade stood and ambled around the room explaining more.
“My parents had been consumed with the ‘what if’s or what could have been’ and I couldn't deal with it. I was dealing with my own shit as a result of Jimmy’s accident. Then when he died, I got it. I caught it like something contagious…what if Jimmy had told us about The Mavericks? What if I had only tried harder to stop him? It went on and on and on…and so did the nightmares.”
“Did you speak to someone?”
“In the beginning I did. The counselors at the center where Jimmy had been were great and for a brief period afterward, I did speak with them, either in person or by phone, but eventually, I stopped.”
“Why?”
“I felt better. Maybe better’s not the right word. I felt like the situation was livable. My parents restricted me from staying at the house. They eventually started to rent it out and I had one built next door. I could finally do the day to day living. Eventually, the bouts of hysterical crying ended. Life was easier again. I could do this life all day long. The nightmares lessened almost completely.”
“But…” Dr. Roth knew there was more.
Jade sat back down and faced us. Running her fingers through her long strands, feeling more comfortable, she continued.
“But my then fiancé decided I wasn't enough for his palate, so he screwed my brother’s ex in a bed we shared in my new house. That’s when, although less frequent, the nightmares started up again…not a lot, just here and there.”
“You learned to live with them?”
“Yeah, in fact, until recently they were almost nonexistent.”
“Shit! I caused this! I’m so sorry!” My outburst interrupted their conversation, but I couldn't just stand there and not own up to the past few weeks. My delicate hints to Jade for us to become more than neighbors. Pushing to take care of her tonight. Going along with and helping her fabricate a fake boyfriend. It all added to her stress and to her emotional state.
Jade looked at Dr. Roth and then to me, partially grinning.
“It’s not your fault. The house has always been here, whether you lived in it or not. Jimmy existed. Damien still exists, just not in my life. No one can change that, nor would I want to. Tommy, things happen. The nightmares, the sadness, the anxiety happened before. They went away and now they've happened again, but I’m pretty sure they'll disappear as quickly as they came.” Jade was calm, almost practical, which told Dr. Roth she was better for the most part and this episode was over, but I had gotten the feeling he was not completely convinced.
He tried to give her a prescription to help her sleep and explained she should couldn’t start it for at least seventy-two hours, even so, she wouldn’t take it. She said she had never relied on medications in the past and wasn't going to start now. We both thanked him for coming out and Jade promised to make an appointment to see him in a week.
I walked him out.
“Do you think she’ll be okay?”
“For tonight, yes, Tommy, I’m a medical doctor and no expert, but I do believe Jade hasn't resolved the hurt that went along with her brother’s passing. I’m not talking about the initial shock and grief. I’m talking about the here and now. The way she’s living.”
“I don't follow.”
“You heard her. She was very practical, and it appears that she’s come to terms with it. Perhaps the issues she had with her ex, yes, but her brother’s death seems to be as prevalent as it was when it happened. Like I said, I’m not an expert, but I do think she needs to speak to someone…a psychologist or a counselor.”
“Doc, I’m in no position to suggest that.”
“I’m not saying you are, but you know her friends and relatives. You should explain to them what happened and have them speak with her, and of course, I’ll discuss it with her when she comes in for her follow-up.”
“Thanks, Doc.”
“No worries. Say hello to Rain and Dominick for me when you speak with them.”
“I will. Thanks, again.”
Once Dr. Roth disappeared down the steps, I went back in to check on Jade.
The inquisition began the minute I stepped foot in the door.
“So he wants me to see someone I presume?”
“Were you listening?”
“No, but thanks for the heads up.” A sly smile formed on Jade’s face.
“Great, I couldn't even do that right.” Running my fingers through my hair, I slumped next to Jade on the couch.
She reached for my shoulder. “Please don't worry. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that Dr. Roth would want to refer me on to a specialist, but I’ve been through all of that, and I’m not going to be analyzed any further.”
“Maybe it would be good for you to talk with someone and get the past off your chest.”
“The problem isn’t with the past. The past is the good and ugly blended into one memory. It’s there because it happened. It’s not something to be denied by me, that’s impossible, or picked over like a vulture, as some therapists would like to do. The problem is with moving on.” She stood and abruptly turned back, contemplating how to put all of this in perspective…for me, not her.
“Like I told Dr. Roth, I could do this life here on the island all day long…on autopilot. It’s when I think about how different it could have been…I don't know.” Shaking her head, she paused. “I don’t know how to explain it, Tommy. Jimmy was always better at coloring things than me. I guess I wish I could get the ‘what could've been’ out of my head and stop rethinking it after all these years. Believe me, I’m not in denial. I know what happened. People make it look easy, but it’s harder than you could ever imagine. I lived it and now I live with it and for the most part, I’ve made peace with it in my own way. That’s all anyone has to understand and respect my feelings about it. That’s all I ask.”
“In some weird way, I know what you're going through. It’s true I haven't had a devastating loss, and please don't misunderstand me, I’m not minimizing your pain in any way, but my brother and I had a bad falling out months ago and we've been barely speaking to one another. I miss our relationship because prior to what caused our situation now, we weren’t only brothers, we were the best of friends…were being the present tense.”
“You have to make amends. No matter what happened between you and your brother, you have to work it out. Nothing is ever that bad and even if it is, it’s not more important than the two of you or your relationship. I mean it. I get it and, yet I can't get what you could have…back. It’s gone forever. You’re both alive, and life is far too short for bullshit.” She came to me and kneeled in front of me, placing her hands on my thighs. Searching my eyes. Desperate for me to agree with her—agree I would try. She wasn't hysterical. Her words weren’t frantic. Jade was determined and nothing in her would allow a bendable plausible excuse.
“Promise me you’ll try?”
I didn't respond. Instead, I ran my hands back and forth over hers, nervously. This night, this girl, this conversation placed me on edge. I missed Mike. I missed my life. The life I left. It wasn't perfect, but it was mine. Fuck! I could have done all of this that I’m doing right now and still shared it with my family instead of lying about it, keeping them in the dark.
Get serious! You couldn't have told them. They would have stopped you or gave you that same old advice that you weren't interested in. Wasn't your move the point of this renovating your life and not just a beach house?
What she said had my mind racing. Was I wrong? What now? The more I thought, the more I struggled with my decision in a way I hadn't before. I kept my connection to her. Feeling her skin kept me sane. It kept me in the present, shielding me from the past. Jade witnessed my distress and stopped it. Halted it completely by allowing her fingers to intertwine with mine, making our connection deeper.
Now it was just us…unveiling our weaknesses for only Jade and me to see. Her struggle to live a life without her brother. For me, it was to live a life away from mine because of the mistakes I had made. Mistakes that ripped me and Mike apart. Jade wanted me to make amends. Leaving, for me, was doing that. Giving him the space to not have to look at me, know me, or even deal with me…moving away allowed him to move on.
Jade saw through me. She saw the hurt—the hurt I never talked about. Hurt that stemmed from a reason and a situation she didn't know about, and one that tonight, didn’t matter. To her,
I mattered, and she did for me. Nothing else did, not our families, or friends, or the world beyond the roaring ocean outside these weathered walls…only us in this moment.
Not a word was uttered between us. In an instant, everything changed from her to me. I was caring for her and now she was doing the same in return. Her concern, our attachment, prompted her to stand and climb into my lap, not allowing our hands to break the link. Jade’s long mane fell forward, creating a veil of intimacy around us. She closed the gap, her chest against mine. Her breathing rapid, her nipples peaked through the thin swath of cotton she was wearing. My cock hardened, her body squirmed in response as it had on our first night together on the dance floor. I couldn't think. I wanted her and for tonight she wanted me. Could this be all we would have? Would I be satisfied with only a single night with her? Do I stop this now and regret it? Or make her mine for the moment and deal with the aftermath when it came?
Her lips brushed my mouth, as her pussy rocked my cock. I was crazy to think I could end it. I wanted her. I wanted inside of her. Our fingers pulled free with her arms draping across my shoulders and around my neck. My hands cradled her head and our lips pressed together, pushing, opening for our tongues to explore. To more than kiss, to free fall…exit our bodies that betrayed us with loss and hurt and guilt. Using what tortured us separately, to bring us together.
Our senses heightened…alive. Our mouths grasped for more…the more we needed to stop the hurt, heal the loss, and banish the guilt. The more—we could only find in each other. The more that I wanted to continue. I knew I was being foolish, but I needed to be sure she wanted me the way I wanted her. The day’s events were complicated enough without me adding to them…I had to know.
Breaking our kiss…“Baby, do you want this?”
Her breaths shortened…shallow, and her eyes closed, she uttered nothing.
“Jade.”
Looking up, her lips parted as she nodded, but didn’t stop there.
“Take away the nightmares, Tommy. Replace them with you.” Her kiss was brief but telling. She lifted her top over her head exposing her breasts.
Trailing my hands down, supporting her back, I kissed her mouth, her chin, her neck, her chest, reaching her nipple and covering it while allowing my tongue to trace my desire over the hardened bud. Her whimper muted, her skin washed in goosebumps.
Continuing, I teased, nipped, and licked, as I turned to lie her back against the cushions and settle between her legs. My fingers dedicatedly grazed across her throat, my head followed down between her breasts, making her body arch up in response. Her heart’s center was inches from me, within earshot; it aroused me further. Its beats created a frantic rhythm describing her inner wants, which mimicked my own.
My fingertips gently skimmed the top of her sweats. With each deliberate brush along the material’s edge, I lowered them slowly.
Jade’s back bowed further. Her moans characterized her needs. Her tone subtle at the start, strengthening in the present with each kiss I placed on her skin. My lips followed the deliberate trail of my hand below her waist. My mouth reached the line of material that needed to be crossed. Jade’s fingers weaved through my hair, pulling at first, then applying tender pressure to direct my mouth where she wanted it to go.
“Tommy, please,” her voice strained, requesting more of what I wanted to give.
“I know, baby.” My words were there to soothe, but also there to keep my actions above a snail’s pace, yet deliberately staying back enough to make our night together last.
Jade’s delicious pleas emboldened me. My mouth kissed her lower belly, my hands gripped the plush waistline of her bottoms, yanking them down, as her long limbs assisted in kicking them off.
I looked to her for permission, her eyes glazed over— she nodded. My eyes went to her closed off center. Gently, I pressed her thighs open. The scent of her sex invited me in; I stalled by touching—massaging her clit. Her body shuddered at the connection, as I pressed forward with my thumb, rubbing hard against her swollen nub. I continued to stroke her core, and my tongue followed. Her pussy was slick, needy, and fully engaged by my actions. She was running away from the past—escaping, focusing on what my hand and mouth were doing to her. Tasting her took away her pain, stroking her soothed her sorrow, but for me, it raised the emotional stakes. I knew having her now, made me want to take her further. Would there be more when our night was over? Apprehension battled my desires at every turn. I couldn’t let it win. I would make her mine, give myself to her fully. My physical body reinforced what I felt for her; I wasn’t like Damien…I didn't want or need anyone else.
Without knowing, Jade pulled me in the first time we met—there was no turning back for me. From that night on the dance floor, I felt it and I knew she felt it, too. I needed to bring that connection here fully…now. To take her to that moment, to the point where everything that was hurting her would be destroyed, and the only thing left would be us.
My wait was over. Her body arched back, completely giving in—strengthening our intimate bond, before she settled into the pillows, letting her shoulders relax down as her fingertips lightly feathered through my hair—her delicate touch coaxed my body up, while her hands took hold of my shoulders.
Her voice ached, calling my name. “Tommy, please don’t stop.”
With her plea, my mouth kissed hers briefly as I obliged and slid my body over her until I settled between her legs. My mouth on her mouth, we shared the taste of her arousal, as she slid my pants down, over my hips and away. She freed me, allowing her hand to take hold of my shaft as she guided me inside her.
I stilled. My head exploded with thoughts of us racing through my mind. Her pussy firmly pressed forward and pulled back, softly—hesitant to break our connection. Finding our rhythm, we buried our pain in the sex—for her, a love that was lost. For me, a love I never thought I’d find.
Her voice trembled, the way she begged—moved me. Being inside of her, making love to her, wasn’t real. It seemed an impossibility, but together…there we were, where I wanted to remain.
I hesitated, again. She’d been injured by her past. I wouldn’t hurt her—the possibility, the guilt… held me back. Skin to skin, I was careful…cautious. Somehow she knew…
“Tommy, I’ll be okay.” Her voice soothed me.
“I know.”
She met my gentle, yet deliberate thrusts. Our breathing accelerated, her cheeks flushed as my eyes flashed to her beautiful face. This was our time…together…entirely us, in the present. To let go, to release everything we held inside, our hurt, our desires, our wants, our secrets…our fears…the good and the ugly. No kissing, just watching, two imperfect people perfectly coming together. Her body quivered, tightening around me…holding on, yet still holding back.
I wanted my cock to stay in her body. I painfully held back, knowing once we reached that point … our first, it would never happen again. Hell, my mind ran with the thoughts of it being our one and only time together. My mind crushing me, tormenting me, keeping me steps back from my desires, holding off while savoring each and every second—searing them into my brain.
Please, I don't want this to end.
But the end came as did I, my release…spinning my mind and body out control, completely lost inside of her while hanging on for dear life.
There we were…our breathing balanced, but not yet tempered. Lying down carefully next to her, I buried my head in her neck. Her pulse against my lips kept me there with her, telling me she was real, but could this last or would this be over before it started?
I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to think at all. It was the same for Jade. She didn’t speak, she simply turned her body to mine, and we drifted off to find sleep together.