Jade
DAYLIGHT HEATED MY cheeks. The warmth of the morning’s sun mixed with a coastal breeze carried with it the alluring scent of coconut and briny saltwater, and the sounds of early beachgoer’s muted breakfast conversations on the sand, gently coaxed me to wake.
That wasn’t the only warmth I felt that morning. The coziness of Tommy’s body around mine, and the heavy blanket he’d covered us with compelled me to stay put. It was a long time since I had been with a man, and yet never in that time, had I responded the way I had with him.
Secretly, I didn’t want our night to end, and now I didn't want our morning to begin. I wanted to keep the closeness, the intimacy that we’d shared for a bit longer. Before the world woke up and the mindless bullshit of the day came crashing in. I wanted it to be just us, hidden away from all outside interferences.
“Hey,” Tommy murmured, then kissed my temple as he pulled me closer to him. Raising my chin, I kissed the edge of his jawline.
“Morning,” I said as I buried my head against his chest, pulling the covers higher, not wanting to move.
He didn't protest. Instead, he deepened his embrace, letting out a sated sigh and letting me in on a little secret. It wasn’t morning. With yesterday’s disruptions from Reece in the midst of my girls’ day with Kim and Blaze, the surfer who thought he knew the deep blue sea, the accident that followed…the hospital, the beautiful memory of Jimmy, then the not so good nightmare, Dr. Roth’s evaluation of me, and ending the night with the incredible sex I had with this man next to me, my body slept past noon.
What I thought were the sights and sounds of morning were actually midday.
See what being in bed with Tommy does to you?
“Noon…huh?” Thank goodness for my staff. After the accident, I came home and called each of them to explain what occurred, knowing I would be out of commission for a few days, but told them they should call me if any problems should arise while I was recuperating.
“Baby, your body needed it. That reminds me. How’s your headache?” He asked, lightly massaging my temple in the spot where the longboard hit.
“Gone. The sex cured it.” I playfully smiled.
He returned the smile. “It did, did it? Did the sex also cure your lack of appetite? As I remember, you haven't eaten anything since this time yesterday.”
“Now that you mention it. Yeah, I am.”
“Good. What should we order?”
“Order? You mean you're not going to cook me lunch?” I teased.
“I would if I could, but that kitchen in there seems to be closer to a fire hazard than I originally thought.”
I laughed because Tommy’s description wasn't far from the truth.
“Eggs, French Toast?”
“Breakfast it is.” With a quick peck on my mouth, a push back, and then another more intense kiss, Tommy left to place the order.
After he left the room, I swiped my clothes from the floor and dressed. He returned to the living room in a pair of old jeans and a loose-fitting tee, carrying the plates, napkins, and utensils for when the food arrived. Once it did and we were eating, silence emanated throughout the room, which proved we were both starving. Finally getting through a few bites satisfied us for the moment, our conversation began.
“I’m glad you stayed with me,” Tommy said, not smiling and sounding unsure of himself.
“So am I.” Three words that relaxed him visibly. The night with Tommy was more than natural. All things considered, it was perfect. I hoped perfection would continue now that we were fully awake and talking. Though by the looks of things, I doubted it.
“I’m happy to hear that.” Tommy’s somber appearance as he stared at his plate told me he had something on his mind. I think I knew what he was thinking.
“You are? You don't look happy.”
Throwing his napkin down, he explained, but I knew what was coming.
“Shit! Jade, I don't want last night to be…the last night.” He stood and walked around the room and began to pace. “I want to start fresh. I wish I never told you about…”
“Your plan?”
“Yeah, my bright idea to change my life on a schedule.”
“Why have you been so insistent on a timeline?”
Tommy stood in the doorway leading to the patio. Leaning on the doorjamb, rubbing his chin, I saw my question took him back, possibly to a time or to feelings he may not have wanted to revisit, but did for me.
“I never asked to go to Italy and stay with my friend Rain and her family. I was a little boy when we moved there. Cella, Rain’s mom, seemed to have a way of manipulating situations and everyone around her. My parents were traveling with their business and much of their time was spent in Europe for long stretches. Back and forth to the States was grueling, but my mom didn't want to leave us with others during those trips, so we went with them. As we grew closer to school age, Cella suggested that we live on the compound her and her husband owned in Capri. This way, my parents could commute by boat or plane and, except for a few instances, be home in time for dinner. It worked out well for the adults in the room, but I was thrown into something I didn't know how to handle as a child, yet I adapted; I had Rain right there with me. She and I were inseparable, and the closeness had grown stronger as the years went on. It wasn't sexual; it was so easy to be with her and to not have any expectations placed on me or on her, for that matter. As grownups, we dated other people. We came to each other if there were problems…when there were problems. Then one day, Rain’s world changed, and from that day on, she needed me less and less.”
“Why? Did she meet someone?” I asked.
“Yes, she did.” Tommy turned away from the view to focus on me while he continued his story which led to his explanation.
“She met the love of her life. A man who was her polar opposite. He was as controlling as her parents were, but couldn’t control her because Rain was older and stronger and wouldn't allow it. She became his weakness and him, her strength. I know I said she was stronger, but in some ways, it was a facade. He broke that down. I hated every minute of it. I hated what it did to her at times, but in the end…Rain won. She got a love she wasn't looking for but found in him. I watched them over that year; how they fought to stay together when everything around them was tearing them apart. I wanted that. I wanted that kind of love for me.”
“So, you set out on a journey that led you here?”
“Not here originally, but then it made sense. I loved the ocean. LBI was far enough away from the city where I lived, but still familiar and close enough to the ones I loved. Like I said, it made sense.”
“I see.” I thought he was done, but I was wrong, he continued.
“What didn’t make sense was you.”
“Me?”
“Yeah, I mean my immediate feelings for you didn’t make sense. I never had that with anyone before. I wanted to explore it. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t reading something into what happened between us…that wasn’t truly there. Do you realize no matter what I’m doing in this house, it always comes back to you? Whether you’ll like it or if it’s in keeping with what your brother would have done for the place? It always comes back…to you.”
“Why?”
“Why? Because I was worried I blew my chance to keep the house.”
I chuckled, not laughing at him, but because I found his statement bizarre.
“Jade, c’mon…Put yourself in my shoes. I just started these renovations, hoping in a year I would get to keep the house and start a family,” Tommy said, returning to share our lunch together.
“Like I said, it’s not out of the realm of possibility, but you're right. After last night, I’d say you need to revisit and revise.”
“Does this mean…?” Eager to know what I was thinking, Tommy stiffened and braced himself for what he assumed would be my change of heart.
“Tommy, like I told you before, I’m not ready for a serious or permanent type of relationship, but after last night, I know I’d like to spend more time with you and get to know you better. I just don’t want it to feel planned. I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”
“I can be spontaneous. Spontaneity is my middle name.”
“Yeah, that’s very true. I mean you did jump right in while I lied to Reece about us dating, and you played along on numerous other occasions, none of which were planned.”
He thought about it, smiled while he chewed a mouthful of food. He seemed satisfied with my description of him, but then Mr. Spontaneous turned the tables on me.
“I guess you're right, but what about you?”
“Me…what about me?”
“Well, think about it. You started this. I just played along. I would say you are far more spontaneous than I am, baby.”
“What are you getting at?” I smirked. I had a feeling he was leading into something to prove his point.
“As we established, you are just as spontaneous as me, possibly even more so, then why hadn't you been out there dating?”
I opened my mouth to speak, but he stopped me.
“And before you go off on me, I mean why have you sworn off men if you have such a carefree attitude?”
“I haven't sworn off men. I think last night proved that. I’ve sworn off serious relationships.”
“I see.”
“It’s true. I date, but that’s just it. I date, and I don’t have to deal with commitment or expectation or …”
“Or the complications?” He added.
“Exactly…I can be myself, and if we click, great, and if not, so be it…no harm done.”
“How’s that working for you?”
“Before last night, it was nothing special or surprising, except…”
“Except what?” He smirked.
“Well, except for you and me pretending we were in a relationship. Oh, and the guy I went out with last month.”
“I’m afraid to ask.” He sat up straight knowing this would be interesting.
“Don’t be.”
“Okay, I’m asking.”
“Well, after he asked me what I did for a living, and I told him, he said I was lazy.”
“Come again?”
“I explained that I lived here on the island, and that I owned a specialty food shoppe and I worked about six months out of the year, and he said it was because I was lazy and not motivated to move ahead in life.”
Tommy went to speak, but I interrupted him.
“Oh, yeah, and then he said he couldn't possibly be within someone like me because I lacked drive and initiative.”
“Holy shit. What an asshole.”
“You think?”
“So what did you say to him?” Tommy was smiling. I guessed partially because he was curious, and also because he had the feeling there was a punchline, and there was.
“I told him since he believed I had no drive in life, I would prove to him that evening that I had lots of drive. I had the car and I drove us to the restaurant, so I drove out of there leaving him to find his own way home. There’s drive for ya.”
A quick arch of my right brow and a smug purse to my lips ended my story but gave Tommy a huge belly laugh as he tilted back and clapped his hands in approval.
His smile faded, his laughing stopped, and his face darkened as he noticed the nausea from my stomach had cast a green hue on my face.
He moved closer.
“Are you going to be sick?”
My hands held his forearms, steadying myself, reminding me of our first night together on the dance floor, and the way I held him last night when I opened for him.
Deep, slow breaths in and out lessened the sickening feeling enough to respond to him.
“I’m fine. I think everything has finally caught up with me.”
“Can I get you anything? Do you want to lie down in the bedroom?”
We stood up together, Tommy holding my arms gently to make sure I didn't fall.
“Maybe it would be a good idea.”
I looked to find him watching me, regarding me. Something came over me…something I felt inside when I first met him…a security, a safe feeling…a trust. That’s when I did the spontaneous.
I leaned in, kissed his cheek, and said, “Thank you, for everything. Thank you for us… last night.” I couldn’t leave him there for some reason. I couldn't move away. I wanted the closeness now.
The tips of his fingers traced through the edge of my hair, as he studied me intently, “My pleasure.”
My insides deliciously twisted, “Tommy, did you mean it when you said you’d like us to be more than just pretend?”
“Yeah, I meant it. You know all of this. But I know that after what you went through last night…the nightmare I mean, I’m willing to slow this down. I never want to be the reason for…”
“Shhh…” I placed my fingertips over his lips to quiet his unfounded thoughts.
His smile carried a hypnotic power over me, making me feel a pull for this man that I hadn't felt for anyone in my entire life. One I had been trying hard to fight off. To keep the promise I had made to myself …to avoid getting hurt by not getting serious. Considering the attraction that started between us instantaneously, the almost immediate attachments we formed toward one another.
It looked as though I was in the toughest fight of my life…my love life. With Tommy I wanted to break the self-inflicted promise I imposed three years ago.
And the fight…was one I wanted to lose, slowly.