I swat the thick cloud of smoke from in front of my face as I walk into the den. Joe, or one of his men, came onto my property, without anyone fucking noticing. He's mocking me. Anger sears its way through me. He could have killed us all, but he chose not to because he wants to watch me crumble, he wants to force me down on my fucking knees. He wants me to fear him, and I refuse to fear any-fucking-body.
"Marney, we need to leave." My tone is overly calm, which causes Marney to cock his eyebrow at me.
"Yeah." He takes a sip of whiskey and swishes it around in his mouth.
I glance over to Paul and Rich sitting on the couch. "You two leave. Don't tell me where the fuck you are going, just be ready to come when I call for you." They both stare at me. "Get up and get the fuck outta here, do you hear me."
I eye them as they stand and make their way out of the room.
"I bought a house a month ago," I say to Marney. "Down in the Caribbean. It's in Tor's name... well, her alias."
A smirk creeps across his face as he raises the glass back to his lips. "Huh, why'd you go and do that?"
"Because I fucking wanted her to have somewhere to go." I snatch the glass from his hand and slam it down on the side table. "The second I find that fucker, you are going to take her there and make sure she's fucking safe." I flip the cushion off the couch and stare down at the loose piece of material. I tug it back and pull out a large metal box, and then hand it to Marney. "Go get the rest of the money we've got hidden in this house and pack it up. I want you to take all of it, and the money in the stocks. If anything happens to me you make sure she's taken care of, you understand me?"
"Yeah," Marney chuckles and slowly rises from the chair. "Ain't nothing gonna happen to you boy. Stop being so damn dramatic." He tucks the box underneath his arm and makes his way down the hall.
I comb my fingers through my hair and glance around the house. There is too much evidence in this house to just leave. I have so many pieces of collateral I've taken possession of... I'm going to have to burn this place to the fucking ground. And maybe, just maybe Joe will be stupid enough to think I'm dead. Doubtful, but I'll take anything at the moment.
I hurry back down the hallway and up the stairs to my room. The hinges creak when I push the door open. Tor is cramming clothes into a bag, and she glares up at me. "I'm leaving, with or without you," she yells. "I'm going to find him, and I'm going to kill him!"
She's lost it. She looks fucking insane right now. I arch a brow at her and cock my head. "You need to calm the fuck down. Stop shouting!"
"I can't live like this, Jude!" Her voice wavers slightly, and I take a deep breath, pinching the bridge of my nose.
I grip her firmly by her shoulders. "Killing him won't take any of this fucking shit away. It won't bring Caleb back. It will change nothing."
Tears fall down her cheeks as she shakes her head. "This is what he wants. He wants me to fear him." She steels herself. "He killed Caleb, and I'm going to kill him. I won't live looking over my shoulder. I would rather die trying to get to him." Her eyes narrow and something sparks to life within them. "I want him to suffer, Jude."
This is the first time I've seen some fight in her, and I almost want to breathe a sigh of relief, but this is not where I wanted her to go. There is no helping this. There is not a fucking thing I can do or say that will take that thirst for blood away from her.
"You cannot kill him, Tor." I walk to the closet and grab several suitcases, tossing them out into the bedroom.
"No," she whispers. "But I can if you help me."
I stop on my way out of the closet and stare at her. She's gone batshit fucking crazy if she thinks I'll let her anywhere near him. "Are you in-fucking-sane? Do you think I will let you close enough to him to kill him? Fuck no!" I'm breathing heavily just thinking about it. "I'll fucking kill him, but you won't even be in the same goddamn state!"
She studies me for a few minutes. "I'm not a pet you can keep in a cage, Jude. That's not the way this works. You weren't there. You can't understand this. I need this."
Her comment pisses me off. I do understand this. That fucker single handedly killed my entire family and destroyed the one person left that I care anything for.
"Don't say that to me." My eyes land on the picture of my mother and sister before drifting back to Tor. "I understand plenty," I growl.
She drags her hands through her hair and picks up the bag again. "Fine. I'm telling you, you can't stop me," she dismisses, shoving past me and walking into the bedroom. "You don't own me."
A flash of anger jolts through me, and before I realize what I'm doing, I grab her and shove her against the wall, pinning her to it with one hand. I brace myself with my other hand as I place my face inches from hers, my jaw clenched. "You will do what the fuck I tell you to do. I don't own you but damn it, I know what's best for you. You will not do this to me. Do you hear me?" I remove my hand from the wall, and she flinches away from me, squeezing her eyes shut and bringing her hands up to protect her face.
Shit. She thought I was going to hit her. She's conditioned to this now. I am going to fucking slaughter, Joe. "Fuck, I'm... sorry, Tor. I'm sorry." I reach for her cautiously, gently brushing my fingers down her cheek, and she slowly lowers her arms. Her face is pale, her eyes unfocused. I cup her face in both hands and stare into her eyes. "I would never hurt you, doll. I—I just can't let anything happen to you." Her eyes drop to the floor.
I press a kiss against her forehead, inhaling her delicate scent. This right here is terrifying—when someone becomes this vital to you, it's the realest fear in the world.
"I would never hurt you," I whisper. "I promise." I hold her tightly for a few seconds before she finally relaxes against me.
"You okay?" I ask her.
She nods.
"We'll leave, okay?" I say as I push away from her and walk into the bathroom.
I stare at my reflection for a moment before I grab the mirror with both hands and throw it to the ground. The glass shatters and sprays all over the floor.
She appears in the bathroom doorway; her small figure swamped by my t-shirt. "What are you doing?" she asks, fiddling with a strand of hair.
I stare at the now exposed hole in the plaster. Stacks of cash are piled up like you'd find in a bank vault. "Getting my shit together," I mumble. "Bring me one of those suitcases, would you, doll?"
She drags the suitcase in, her eyes trained on the wall. She watches as I fill the suitcase up with money, never asking me anything. By now she knows how shit runs. I'm a fucking bookie. Bookies can't go to the bank. My house is a fucking bank.
Marney helps me continue ransacking the house. We bust up walls, rip up floorboards until we've stuffed every last dime into those suitcases. I have no idea how much money is there. It's well up into the millions, ten years' worth of work. And it's definitely enough to take care of us for the rest of our lives, and that's all I'm concerned about, taking care of us. Taking care of her.
I toss the bags onto the stairs and go to get her from the room. "Come on," I say as open the door, but she's not in here. I turn and stare down the hallway, noticing that Caleb's bedroom door is cracked.
I inhale and slowly push the door open. She's sat on the bed, clutching a photograph of Caleb to her chest. "Come on, let's go," I say softly. She pulls the picture away and stares at it before she stands up and silently walks past me. Taking one last look around my little brothers room, I gently close the door, grabbing the bags and following Tor outside.
Marney is waiting for us beside the car. I hand the suitcase to him as I say, "Put it in the car."
I place my hand on the small of Tor's back and guide her to the rear door, holding it open. "Get her in the car."
She climbs in, looking lost, and my phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out and glance at the screen. There's a text from an unknown number: I love watching you break. A video is attached. I stare at the phone, my throat tightening. I pull in a long breath as I delete the text. I will not fucking let him do this to me. I will take the upper hand.
"I'll be back soon, okay?" I say. Her eyes meet mine, and she nods.
I head toward the overgrown shed, forcing the rusted door open. The smell of mildew and gasoline overpowers me. I spot two tanks of gasoline and grab them. On my way to the house, I pause to glance at the headstones buried behind the tree line. Do not let this sadness overtake you. Fucking anger. Wrath. That is what I need.
I keep walking in the direction of the house and flip the lids to the tanks the moment I set foot inside the door. I pour the liquid along the floors, trailing it down the stairs to the basement, and through the narrow corridors. I can't stop the memories forcing their way into my mind. Fuck! I take a breath and keep going, focusing my attention on the sound of the gas as it splatters onto the floor. I come to the weapons room. All that Marney left in here is the box of explosives in the corner. I trail a line of gas over to it and dump the rest of one can inside the wooden crate.
I leave, dripping the remaining fuel onto the driveway before I throw the can down on the yard. I hear Marney start the engine.
"Go ahead and put it in reverse," I shout as I flick the flint to the lighter. I hold the flame in front of my face and stare at the house. I hesitate because I'm about to burn down everything I own, I am about to obliterate any tangible memories I have to the person I am. I swallow as I bend over and hold the flame to the fluid. I back away, watching the blaze snake up the stairs and engulf the front door before I rush to the car and climb in.
The tires squeal as Marney backs out. He pulls off before I manage to shut the door. We speed down the long driveway and fishtail out onto the dirt road. Moments later a loud boom rattles the windows of the car, and an orange glow reflects from the windshield. Tor slides her small hand into mine and squeezes. Leaning my head back against the seat, I close my eyes, rhythmically stroking my thumb over her wrist. That subtle touch somehow calms me, reminding me why I'm doing this. For her, for us.
"Where are we going now?" she quietly asks.
"To Marney's place in the mountains until we find Joe, then we're leaving for good." I turn to look at her, but she keeps her eyes trained out the window. All she does is nod.
By the time we reach the chalet, Tor is passed out, asleep on my lap.
I carefully lift her as I climb out of the car and carry her straight up to the bedroom. I tug the covers back and gently lay her down. When I turn to leave, her fingers cling to my shirt, and her eyes flutter open. "Stay," she whispers.
I stroke a stray piece of hair from her face. "I will, doll. I just need to wash this gas off of me real quick." I press my lips to her forehead before I pull away to leave the room.
I rush through a shower, not wanting to leave her alone too long. I dry off, pull on a pair of boxers and climb into bed. I wrap my arms around her and drag her body close to mine. I cling to her like she's fucking life itself as I breathe in her familiar scent. Having her against me like this causes my muscles to relax automatically. She is the only thing in my life that has ever felt right. It's fucked up, and it's wrong, but I love her. She's fucking everything.