WALKING IN WITH Trent holding my hand, the loud music can be felt all the way through my high-tops. I'm feeling good tonight and feel at ease with my body. I don't wear things like this in public and I didn't know how I would feel walking out so undressed. Not too long from now I won't be wearing anything that resembles close to this, I think to myself as my hand goes toward my stomach for a rub.
“Oh my God, Andrea! Girl, you are seriously pulling out some serious sexiness in that outfit tonight,” Amy screams while running toward me.
My eyes widen at how she pulled off her costume of Lisa from Weird Science. She seriously has a killer body after having twins. I am envious of her and only hope to look half as good after this baby is born.
“Me? Holy crud, look at you! That outfit is so perfect. Matt let you leave the house? I'm shocked,” I say, grabbing her for a hug.
He isn't far behind her as she turns a smirk his way. “Well, he didn't like it,” she says laughing.
“But I told him I might make him my own weird science experiment later on if he’s a good sport,” she says winking.
I can't help the laugh that erupts from me as I finally take in the costume Matt is wearing to match his wife. The bra on his head, with the button down shirt and jeans. It's priceless and I know we need to get a lot of pictures tonight to keep these memories alive.
Trent squeezes my side and whispers in my ear, “You want anything, baby? I'm going to grab us some water from the cooler.”
I'm taken back, he isn't drinking.
“Babe, you don't have to drink water just for me. You can drink with your family and friends, I will be fine I promise.”
“I don't feel the need to drink to have a good time, sweetheart.” He kisses me sweetly.
“Did I tell you how much I love you yet today?” I ask while pulling his sunglasses over his eyes and grabbing his shirt to pull him in for a better kiss.
“Yes, you did. But I always love hearing you say it,” he says, smacking me on the butt and going in search of water.
“Well, if you weren't already knocked up, I would say you would be getting that way tonight,” Amy says loudly next to me.
Shocked and only half humiliated, I smack her arm.
“Ouch! What? I'm serious. My brother seriously has it bad for you, girl. I've never seen him this way. He's so happy and I have you to thank for that.”
“I feel just the same about him. I've thought I loved before, but I’ve only got my heart broken. I am pretty positive my heart is safe with Trent.”
“You got that right. He won't be letting you go, that's for sure. You literally breathe the life into him,” Amy says seriously.
I feel my eyes misting up at her words. “Thank you for saying that. It really means so much to me. I know our situation isn't what people would call normal, but it's us and it works,” I tell her, squeezing her hand to keep from choking up.
“Okay, girly, enough mushy stuff. Let's have some fun and show this party our seriously rockin’ 80s while we dance,” Amy yells while dragging me into what I assume is the living room but is now cleared away for dancing space.
***
Amy and I are having a great time dancing. She's spinning around and shaking her hips like she is working out. Oh yeah, the 80s had nothing on her moves. Turning to see where Trent is with our waters, I am dying of thirst, my eyes collide with a face I would know anywhere. Carter. Carter Avery was the first boy I ever loved, the first boy I gave my heart to. Carter Avery was the first boy I gave my body to, and he was the first boy that broke my heart.
What is he doing here? My body is in shock right now as I just stand here staring. I'm suddenly sweaty and feel my hands trembling. My stomach feels queasy as my hands go to it. His eyes meet mine and the room stops around us.
He gives me a nervous lopsided smile as he approaches me. My body apparently tells me I need to see him. As he's walking to me, I hear a shrill laughter across the room. Looking up I see Trent making his way toward me with a not so happy look on his face. He's waving off Marissa. Great. The night just got even better.
Ignoring them, I decide I'm done with my surprises tonight and want to figure out exactly what is going on. Starting here, with Carter.
“Hey there, Starfish,” he says nervously as I approach.
“Don't,” I say quietly but firmly.
“You're a sight for sore eyes, that's for sure. It's been too long. You're the last person I thought I would see tonight.”
“What are you doing here, Carter...when...when did you….” I stutter, trying to gather all my thoughts from the jumbled mess in my head.
Just then Trent approaches me and grabs me around the waist. Looking up to him, he notices my face. “Sweetheart, are you okay? You look pale.” His voice is full of concern.
“Yeah, I'm okay. I just feel like I've sort of seen a ghost,” I say with a small laugh attempting to joke the situation away. Trent is not going to like that I have an ex here anymore than I like the fact that his is.
“I see you've met our new friend Carter,” Trent says, leaning forward to shake his hand.
“Nice to see you again, man,” Carter says firmly while turning his eyes to mine.
“Do...do you two know each other?” Trent asks hesitantly.
“Something like that,” I say, shaking my head looking down.
He grabs me tighter around the waist and pulls me to him. “You are sure you're okay, sweetheart?”
Looking up at his beautiful face I smile. “I am.”
He leans down and kisses me gently while staring into my eyes.
Carter steps back and is looking away when I look back to him. His jaw is tight as he brings his water to his lips for a swig.
Marissa walks by just as Trent and I start asking questions at the same time of how we both know him.
Carter looks up toward Marissa and his face grows tight. “We can have these introductions another day,” he says tightly. “This isn't really the time or place for that conversation. It was nice to see you both,” he says, walking away.
I watch his six foot lithe form move fluidly through the crowd on a mission. People move out of his way as if he is a lethal predator. And he very well may be, at least to me. Carter Avery will always be the boy, the man that truly holds my heart. But I need to get over him once and for all, it's not fair to Trent I have a flame held for someone else.
Standing there stunned, Trent breaks my trance by pulling my face to his for a sweet kiss.
I hear the stomping of heels marching away as the kiss deepens to an almost inappropriate nature. Trent is staking his claim, at least he isn't peeing on me to mark me as his. But I'm carrying his baby, so it's all well and the same. I've been marked.
***
I watch Carter watch me dance from the doorway of the kitchen and have fun; he stands back and just looks on. Why? His smile is truly contagious to those around him and watching him watch me is pulling at my heart. Why did we have to fall apart? Why did he have to break my heart? He was my best friend and my world.
The music starts to slow down. Trent grabs me close and pulls me to him for a sweet slow dance as Pat Benatar starts singing about belonging together. He pushes off the wall and I go in search of something to drink. Just as I turn for the kitchen Carter sees me over his shoulder and I hold his eyes. He's looking at me so sweetly and tears shimmer in my eyes. I wish I wasn't still wondering what happened to us, but I am. What did I do wrong? He smiles sadly at me telling me through his eyes he gets it, and just nods. Throwing me a wink over his shoulder, he severs the eye contact by walking around the corner and I go for my drink.
As I am grabbing a water from the fridge, Henry goes by Carter. I don't watch them, but I can hear the exchange. “Mr. Avery, it's so great to see you came to enjoy the party with us this evening,” he says.
“Well, we are friends now,” Carter says on a deep laugh.
“That we are, my friend, that we are,” he says, clapping him on the shoulder. “Perhaps later you can join me for a tumbler of amber, Mr. Avery.”
“Please, call me Carter. Or just Avery. You don't call your friends formally, now do you Mr. Zito?”
Henry laughs loudly and it sounds like he claps him on the back. “You are correct in that, Avery. Join me out on the balcony when you are ready.”
“Will do,” Carter says as I turn and see him lifting his beer toward him in a salute.
***
“Well, well, well, if it isn't the panty wetting Carter Avery.” I hear purred behind me. Turning around and heading backwards, I see Marissa approach Carter. Of course she would make a play for him. Why not, right? I suddenly feel sick even though I have no right to feel this…not anymore. But this was the last scene I saw, the last I saw of Carter before I turned away; the night he broke me. He and Marissa outside his apartment door.
The day comes rushing back to me as I try to blend in the crowd gathering more around the kitchen.
“I can't handle you picking fights with every guy that looks my way, Carter. I won't live like this,” I scream at him as he just stands across the room.
He'd been with me at the Nickelback concert. We were having a great time, until he went all alpha Carter on any guy that came within reaching distance and looked my way.
“You think I like the way they eye fuck my girl?” he questions, yelling back at me as he picks up the glass off the counter and throws it against the wall across from him.
I watch it shatter then look to him standing there angry. His shoulders are shaking as he tries to calm down. I walk straight over to him and point my finger in his chest. “Grow the fuck up, Carter. My eyes weren't anywhere else, but maybe they should be if this is how you're going to behave,” I say, goading him.
“You fucking walking away is supposed to make it better?” he asks, screaming in my face. “Go ahead, Andrea, have your fill of any of the men you want!”
I slap him hard across the face. “Fuck you, Carter. I've only ever wanted you my entire life. I love you and have only loved you!”
He laughs sarcastically.
That succeeded in pissing me off. I step back and raise my hand to slap him again, to slap the stupid smirk off his face. He catches my arm. “Go run to your little boyfriends at school, Starfish. I'm sure they would all love to take a bite of what I have,” he says, crossing his arms. He's daring me now and I don't like it, not a fucking bit.
“That’s what you want?”
He just laughs and holds his hand out to the side. “Be my fucking guest, baby,” he says, smirking down to my face.
I turn on my heel and walk to grab my purse from the counter in his apartment. I drag it across the counter so it hits the little ceramic pot sitting at the edge. It crashes to the floor as I make my way to the door. I'm not going to stand here and listen to any more of this.
“Go ahead sweetheart, show me your best and I'll show you mine!” he yells as I open the door and look back.
“Maybe I will,” I yell back over my shoulder and give him one last look. He just laughs.
“Fuck off, Andrea. I can't handle any more of you on top of your school schedule and the fucking department.”
I feel like he just slapped me across the face. He's never talked to me like this before.
“You walk out that door, baby, we’re done,” he says, daring me to leave. I don't hesitate a moment and walk out slamming the door behind me.
“Asshole!” I scream with both middle fingers in the air as I make my way down the stairs in his building and out to my Mustang.
Sitting down in the driver's seat, I just sit for a moment and see if he will come after me. He doesn't. That's when the dam bursts and I cry. I slam the steering wheel with my fists hoping it will quell the anger and hurt from me. It doesn't do a goddamn thing. I can't drive in this condition so I call Dawn, my long time best friend, and ask her to come pick me up. When she pulls up, I get in her car and tell her to just take me to cool off for a bit so I can come back for my car.
A few hours later I come back to grab my car from his building. I'm not sure what to think and I haven't heard from him since I left. Are we really over? It's then as I sit in my car with the key in the ignition that I hear giggles. Looking up, I see him with a blonde girl outside the door to his building. He's stumbling as he gets his keys in the lock. Her hands are all over his back just trying to dig her claws in. He leans down and yanks her head back with his hand in her hair and brings his mouth to hers. He kisses her hard, as I sit there stunned.
I can feel my heart shatter as his keys clatter to the ground when he shoves her against the door to the building, thrusting his hips between her parted legs wrapped around his hip. I don't stick around to see any more. I crank the engine and speed out of there like a bat out of hell. I see him in my rearview mirror looking up to see me leave. I don't look back.
At least he doesn't look to be enjoying the exchange. He actually looks annoyed.
“I'm here as a friend to Henry and not for a hookup, cupcake. Those panties won't be dampened by me tonight,” he tells her. I can't look away from the exchange. It hurts my heart, but I need to know how long he continued on with Marissa after we were done. Did he love her? Did he enjoy her body more than mine?
Giggling, she moves around to stand in front of him. All dolled up in her little sexy nurse outfit she gives him a pout as she teeters on her too tall heels. Flipping her blonde hair, she gives a little grin. Does she think this is sexy? Clearly she has had her share of alcohol tonight. I don't know who she thinks she is and I don't care.
“Come on sexy, come dance with me,” she whines.
“Not into dancing, and I already made it clear I'm not interested. There are plenty of other guys here that I am quite sure would love to have you for a night. I've been there, cupcake. I like my pussy sweet, sorry darlin’ but yours isn't. I'm just not him,” he says giving her a tight smile.
Her eyes go big and her mouth opens and closes with a response she doesn't have. Clearly no one has told her anything remotely close to this. It's comical actually. The girl who wants to own every man, or at least the men that were mine isn’t getting what she wants.
“Suit yourself, cowboy, but you had your chance,” she says, trying to shine with some dignity I suppose.