EVERYTHING HAS PASSED by quickly for weeks and we are coming up on the holidays. Thanksgiving and Christmas are holidays that my family shares with Carter's family. I still haven't shared my news with my family yet, and Carter promises to be by my side for all of it.
I can't believe how stupid I have been. So reckless, as they would tell me. Not only am I pregnant, but I'm no longer with the guy who knocked me up.
I've been going to school, my student teaching, and either to my house or Carter's apartment on a routine. I'm trying to keep the stress down as much as possible. Still being in the first trimester is delicate, especially when I run myself ragged. I don't want to lose this baby and I can't wait to know if I'll have a boy or girl. Not knowing the way my life is exactly shaping up is so hard, but I'm doing well with Carter's help.
It doesn't seem right for me to just leash Carter to me and my now complicated life, even though he says he wants to be here for me and with me. My keeping him at a distance has been frustrating to him, I know, but he's so patient. Well, as patient as Carter Avery can be.
He's coming over later. I haven't seen him in a few days, much to his dismay. But I need to figure out my life, the life I'm bringing my child into.
Telling Carter no is something I have always had a hard time doing. He's just my person that I can always turn to. I missed him when we couldn't even speak as friends.
He's had a rough go at work lately, he told me all about his new partner Nick and the grueling workload they've been thrown together on.
He still tries to distance himself between work and me, a mistake he learned from when he left it on his shoulders and took his frustrations out on me. It's broken us before.
***
“You can't keep hiding away, Starfish,” Carter tells me as he walks in my house.
On a sigh, I walk from the door to the couch and plop down. “I'm not hiding, Carter. I just want to figure out where my life is going. I thought my life was going pretty well until a few weeks ago but then I was slapped in the face.”
He doesn't let me do this, he never has. One doesn't push Carter Avery away. “I hear you, I've heard in your voice how hurt and shattered you are. This isn't the happy girl I've always known you to be. But you need to listen to me and listen to me good, Andrea Jensen.”
“I'm listening.” I sigh in a deep breath.
“Life is shitting on you right now, but don't let it. Use this as your fuel, use this to make you rise that much higher. You're going to be a mom to that lucky little baby,” he says, pointing to my stomach. “When life gives you a million reasons to lay down and let it run you over, then stand up and tell it to back the fuck off because you aren't finished yet.”
“Carter,” I start.
“No, you don't get to just give up. I won't let you. You aren't alone, you'll never be alone because you have me. Push me away all you want to. I'm not going anywhere. I love you, I always have and I'm going to make it my life's mission to show you,” he says as he reaches down and grabs my hand.
I look down to our hands and then back up to him. He isn't going to let me go down. He wants to be here. He doesn't deserve to take on the trouble I've made for myself.
“Carter, I don't know where I would be sometimes in life without your strength. But I did this, I made this mess.”
“I won't let you do that. Take blame for something that happened in your life. You were actually happy and you were duped. It wasn't you, it was him.”
“I was stupid to not see it, to not take the warnings when I heard it. But I won't be stupid again Carter, I can't be.”
“And that right there is the smart girl I've always known,” he says with a finger touch to my nose.
I can't help the small laugh that escapes, this is how we always were. I've missed it, I've missed this. “Thank you for being here when you don't have to be.”
“I don't have to be, I want to be and that's the difference. Now get up, I'm taking you to eat. It's been a long day and I just want to spend time with you.”
“I'd like that.” I get up from the couch to grab my purse and phone. I see I have a text message. Opening it up I see it's from Trent. On a small sigh, I read it.
Trent- I've been quiet and left you alone. I made a decision and I don't care what you think. I don't want you or this baby, and I don't care what you do with it.
Seeing this makes something in me crack, a shift I've never felt before until now. The need to protect my child and forget I ever knew Trent Zito is strong now.
I put the phone down and just grip the counter in the kitchen a moment. With my head down I take a few cleansing breaths. I'll ignore him. This doesn't even deserve a response. He's gone and away from my life.
“Starfish?” I hear behind me as Carter comes next to where I'm standing. I don't answer him.
“Everything okay?”
Taking a deep breath, I turn to him with a small smile. “It is now,” I say showing him the text message.
His jaw just clenches and he closes his eyes a moment. When he opens them, there's a storm in those honey brown eyes as he stares at me intensely. “You're both mine,” he whispers.
“Huh?” I ask quietly.
“He doesn't want you guys, but that's even better because you weren't his. This baby may have been his biologically, but he or she is now mine. You've always been mine.”
I don't know what to say, my heart is bursting and the tears pour from my eyes all on their own.
I throw myself in his arms, just sniffing his neck on a big inhale. He's home, and he wants me and my baby to be his home.
He squeezes me tightly and kisses my head.
“One day I will make you both mine in every way possible. But for now, just know I'm not ever leaving you again,” he whispers in my ear. His solemn promise to never break my heart again. Only heal it.
***
Riding with Carter in the car the next day, we are headed to my parents for our combined family's Thanksgiving dinner.
“I contacted Henry Zito this week,” he tells me as he grabs my hand across the console.
“Oh?”
“I was working with him and his firm on a case involving one of his clients. I've resigned from the assignment and gave it to another detective from my department. I told him it's a conflict of interest for personal reasons and I cannot continue to work with them.”
“Who did you have take your place, Nick?”
“No, another guy. He's a good detective and will work well with them I think. Ed Rowenski.”
“I'm sorry I'm getting in the way of your job, Carter.”
“No, Starfish, you're wrong. Work has been getting in the way of you. For too long now and I'm fixing that,” he says as he brings my hand to his mouth for a kiss.
I just can't help the smile that splits my face. We can do this. We can really make us work again, to just be the Carter and Andrea we've always been.
“What do you say we tell our families our happy news?”
“I don't think I'm ready to tell them about the baby and explain the Trent situation to my parents, Carter,” I say quickly.
“No. Not about Trent. About us and our baby.”
“Carter,” I whisper as emotions clog my throat.
“This is our baby, Starfish. I'm so proud and I promise to be the best dad I can.”
“I don't even know what to say. That's such a beautiful promise,” I tell him as I lean up and kiss his cheek.
“A promise I intend to keep to you and that little one. You're it for me. I was just too stupid and let you go before. Not again. You can push all you want but I'm patient, Starfish. I can't live without you again.”
He pulls into the driveway of my parents’ house, puts the car in park, and turns to look at me a moment. Biting my lip, I just look at him. The emotions clogging my throat have me unable to speak so I just mouth to him, “thank you.”
He reaches down and undoes my seat belt, and grabs my face on both sides with each of his large hands. He brings his lips to mine in a long, soft, and lingering kiss. He just holds his lips to mine breathing me in. A silent promise being made to follow his words. It's then that I hold his hands with mine and open my mouth to let the kiss deepen. He takes the moment to briefly let his tongue dance with mine. The tingles shooting straight from to my toes and core.
I pull back with a soft peck to his big pouty lips and give him my smile. He gives one last peck and turns to open the door.
Our parents don't know we are coming together, so this will be a surprise for everyone today.
“You ready to let everyone back into our world?” he asks me as I get out.
“I'm ready,” I say with a nod as he comes to meet me at the front and grabs my hand in his.
We walk together silently to the door. It opens up and my mom stands there smiling brightly at both of us, looking down to our hands and back up.
“The world is set straight,” she says as we walk up and each embrace her in a hug.
“Hi, Mom,” I tell her with a kiss to her cheek.
She kisses my nose and then turns to grab Carter's face giving his cheek a kiss.
“Come in, come in,” she tells us as she retreats to the kitchen.
I take a deep breath and turn to follow her, knowing that tonight is going to change both our families forever.