ANDREA AND CARTER sending me to cool off in the tank did little to deter me from my end game. I will get Andrea back from the spineless fuck, and my baby too. I won't have this baby being raised without me.
I've let a few months pass now, but I've been working on just how I'll get her back and when. It's springtime now. Time for the romance to blossom between us once again.
I won't listen to any more of my family raking me over the coals about not being a man and taking care of my responsibilities.
School is in full swing and moving toward graduation. I've spent less time actively participating in the business venture I've had as of late. I've left much of it to Ed and the others to run. I have a plan and it can't be known where I'm involved if I'm to get her back. It's a good thing I know Andrea's class schedule well, it's here that I know I can get to her.
I've let Marissa and Tabetha go. I need to keep my distance from them. They do have each other after all and don't need me for their playtime, they play just fine together. Damn, those two are something.
Time to be the Trent I let her see when she first met me. Time to make my life the best it can be with Andrea by my side where she belongs.
It's a decently mild evening in March for Michigan weather, and I'll just catch her rushing off to class. Lifting the bottle of Jack to my lips in a big swig, I turn off to the U of M Dearborn campus and into the parking lot where I know she has English tonight.
Just as I'm swinging in, I see her rushing from her car crossing the parking lot. I swing into a spot closer to the building so she won't have any choice but to pass me. Jumping out of my truck, I step right into her path.
She looks up to see me standing in front of her, a look of sudden shock and panic crosses her face. Oh good, she's missed me and is excited to see me here.
“Hello, sweet cakes,” I greet her with a smile as she quickly stops a few feet in front of me. She's looking frantically around the parking lot.
“What do you want, Trent? You are supposed to be leaving me alone,” she says as she puts her hand to her much more protruding belly. She's gotten fat but it doesn’t matter. I'll make do with her new plumpness. More cushion for the pushin’, right?
“Is that any way to greet your man after not seeing him in so long?” I ask her, tsking and shaking my head.
“You aren't my man anymore, Trent!”
“But of course I am. How's our little boy doing?”
“H...how did you know it's a boy?”
“Oh come on, Andrea, you don't think people don't talk to me about you do you? Your friends? They make quite the conversation as I'm fucking them senseless. Now again, how's our little Jacob?”
“I need to go, Trent. You need to go!”
I weave back a little, the Jack doing its job and lightening the pounding in my head.
“Carter is meeting me here, he should be here any minute. He was just running behind from work,” she stammers and tries to cover quickly while looking around. No one is here, and no one will help her now.
“He knows you're crazy and you've kept sending Marissa and her friend over to him to try and get him away from me. It won't work, Trent, he loves me and wants only me!”
“You think I'm stupid, Andrea,” Trent growls, practically spitting in my face.
“N...no Trent. But I know you're clearly losing it and everything is not adding up. You've changed. You aren't the man I once loved,” I tell him while trying to hold my ground. Running my hand over my slightly rounded baby bump, I feel the need to protect my baby.
He turns around to pace the parking lot as I watch him, eyeing him cautiously. He's become more and more angry and irritable lately in calls and texts and it's clear he’s drinking so much more. So much more. I'm afraid for my child, for myself. Holding onto Carter has never been hard for me. He's been there my whole life. I needed out and away from this. I'm so glad I did. This man I once thought I loved has become a maniac.
“So your little boyfriend tells you something and you just believe him? Is that what our relationship has become, Andrea?” With a little bit of a crazy laugh, he turns to brace the car. “You think I'm fucking Marissa still? Is that what you think of me, Andrea?” he screams at me as each word grows in anger.
“Nothing you do makes any sense, Trent. You're clearly losing it and I know you've been with Marissa. And I don't even care! We don't have a relationship, we haven't for a long time now! I'm happy with Carter and we are going to raise this little boy right, and away from you,” I scream at him, hoping to garner some attention to get out of this.
The hatred I'm met with in his eyes frightens me. Who is this man? Coming at me quickly, he grabs my arm and starts to drag me to his car door.
“Well, why don't we go ask her?” He opens the passenger door of his truck, all but shoving me in. I quickly put on my seat belt and hold my hands protectively over my stomach. I need to guard Jacob from this man, from his father. Jumping in the truck, he brings the engine quickly to life, and flies out of the parking space of his apartment way too fast.
Looking to me with a look of disdain I don't understand, he weaves in and out of traffic. I don't even know where he's heading, but I'm holding the door and Jacob as we go too fast down the winding back roads of Hines Drive. Pulling my phone out, I quickly send a text to Carter to let him know I need him. I'm scared and don't know what's going to happen. It's clear Trent has been drinking and is a whole lot off. He's off the rails angry and I haven't helped this situation.
Andrea - I don't know what's going on but I'm on Hines Drive with Trent. He's driving crazy and been drinking. I'm scared. Please track and find us, he needs to be stopped before someone gets hurt. He found me at school in the parking lot.
Just as I hit send Trent looks over and snatches my phone out of my hand. Weaving out of the lane and almost clear to the other lane, he reads my text to Carter. Laughing, he opens the window and throws my phone out.
Shit!
“How's your precious Carter supposed to save you Andrea? Huh? Little Starfish is scared? Poor fucking you,” he yells while grabbing my face hard. “You're mine, Andrea Jensen, you're carrying my baby and you're going to quit being stupid,” he says, spitting in my face.
I can't do this. I can't live like this. I think fast. I hope to get out of this alive but I need to end this right now.
“Carter is his dad,” I yell before I can think too much on it.
“What the fuck did you just say?” he shouts at me.
“I...I lied to you. This baby isn't yours, Trent. I was with Carter again just before we got together,” I lie.
The backhand comes out of nowhere and I hit my head against the window. My vision is spotty and he yanks my hair so my face is across the console between us and to his. He kisses me hard on the mouth and laughs. It's a laugh that will forever haunt me.
“He can't have you. You're mine and I will crash this fucking truck right now before I ever let him touch or see you again,” he says as he shoves his foot further down on the accelerator.
Grabbing for his arm, I beg, “Trent, please slow down and let's talk about this baby.” I have to do something, anything to get him to stop the truck.
He just shoves me back across the console away from him. The look of pure determination on his face and the speed of the trees going past me in the passenger window have me cold sweating with fear. Please, someone see us and save me and my baby from this man. A man I thought once loved me.
“I won't lose you to that fancy detective. Stupid fuck thinks he walks on water around here, and you look at him the same. You know Marissa tagged him too, right? She's been with both of the men you've ever given your body to.” He laughs hysterically while smacking the steering wheel.
While the thoughts hurt my heart at Carter touching anyone else or Trent using me all this time, I have bigger problems, like staying alive. I've long been over what happened between Carter and me before.
His laughing gets more hysterical as we turn the winding bends of the road. It's getting a little darker, the sunset just stretching its orange arms across the sky. I keep my eyes on that and focus on breathing. Rubbing my belly with Jacob tucked deep inside, I begin to pray. I beg God to let my baby and me come out of this alive.
“Prayers won't help you now, you little cunt. You should have just kept up the stupidity and stayed away from him. You were supposed to be the doting wife of a prominent attorney. The one they can look at and think well of me for. I never would have given that sweet pussy of Marissa’s up. That bitch likes it kinky,” he says while looking at me all red face and giggling. Giggling.
I don't know where the strength suddenly comes from but I slap him. Hard. Right across the face.
His laughter suddenly stops. He yanks me to him again by my hair over the console and kisses me so hard I think he cut my lip. The final goodbye.
Turning back to look out the windshield as I feel the truck take a hard left, he swerves across the lane and is headed toward the trees.
As the truck leaves the road and gets bumpy, I try and brace myself with my knees to my chest as tight as I can. I need to protect Jacob. I hold my left hand to the dashboard and hang on to the door with my right as we plummet down. As we hit the tree, the windshield shatters and my face hits my knees.
I look over to my right and everything goes dark.
***
Seeing Holly’s blonde hair peek into the truck as I scream for help, bleeding and hopeless...she's given me that. Hope. She's telling me to hold on and that help is on the way. Carter too, since I keep screaming for him.
The ambulance arrives and I'm carefully removed from the truck. As I'm being pushed into the ambulance, he comes- Carter. My angel of darkness coming to be my white knight.
He comes over to me as I cry out for him, he holds my hand and doesn't let go. No words are said, they don't need to be. Carter and I have always been able to speak wordless conversations and this is no different. He rides with me to the hospital, and kisses my head as I'm whisked away to emergency surgery. They need to perform an emergency c-section to get Jacob out.
I'm so scared, shaking and crying. I don't know what's happening. My face and wrist hurt but very little compared to my heart…I'm losing my baby, I know it.
Carter hasn't left my side, even during the c-section and he's the first to hold Jacob. I keep a connected eye with him as he holds him close, a flit of emotions running across his face. Something I will never forget. The clench of his jaw held in all the anger, sadness, and awe.
He looks to me and gives me his small smile, the one that always carries devastation but he doesn't want to be the one to tell me.
That's when I hear the doctor say it ...“Not much time.” My baby won't have much time and that's why he wasn't being whisked away. There was nothing left to do. It's all happening so fast!
I want to hold my baby if I only have a small window of time...I want to love him. My tiny purple tinged son that fits into the palm of my hands, the baby the doctors say won't live. I won't let them touch my wrist or face before I've had my time with my baby. I’ll never have this time with him again and it breaks my heart and splits my soul to know it.
Carter hands me my baby, wrapped in a blanket way too big for his tiny little body. I just stare in awe and in pain at the little boy that now carries my heart on the outside of my body. I start to pull him to my chest. The nurse understands what I'm doing and helps me pull down my gown to expose my breasts. With her help, I carefully place Jacob against my skin and feel his tiny heartbeat against my own. Looking to her as the tears cascade down my face, she nods her head and turns to write in my chart, giving me my moment with my son. I don't miss the tears in her eyes as she does. No mother should ever hold her baby and know it's the last time. No one. No one should ever feel this helpless devastation I'm feeling right now.
Carter silently lends me his strength as he places his large hand over mine, holding the tiny blanket to my chest. Just looking to him I crumble and the sob escapes me violently. I can't catch my breath, it hurts so badly. He moves without thought to sit on the bed with me and drops down to my side, nodding sadly in understanding.
Looking into his eyes, I see them shimmer. He's lost and doesn't know what to do in this moment. It's communicated all the same with a small nod. This isn't how it was supposed to be. We were supposed to raise this baby together. He as his doting daddy.
The odds weren't good that delivering at only twenty-four weeks that he would survive or be without complications. The silence is deafening as it stretches before me. I can hear the tick of the clock, the beeps of the monitors, my breathing in my ears. I'm unaware of the amount of time that's passed as I feel his tiny heartbeat getting weaker against mine beating wildly in my chest. I want so badly for my heart to make his beat. He has a small monitor on his foot to monitor his heart rate. I can't bear to look at the monitor to confirm what I already know. The time is here.
I kiss his tiny head and cry into the little crown that would no doubt have some hair if he had had the chance to develop further. The lights are so bright they hurt my sensitive eyes in the sterile room made up of white walls, white floors, and white bedding.
All I want is darkness and for it to swallow us up. Jacob, and Carter, and me. And to just keep us here together. Carter rubs my hand quietly while giving me my moment with our son. Hearing the monitor beep slowly, the nurse comes over and switches it to silent. It's now that I feel the final few beats of Jacob’s tiny underdeveloped heart fade away. The lines on the monitor are flat, confirming what I already know.
My sweet baby boy that never had the chance to truly live is gone.
Looking to the nurse and to Carter as I sob loudly, I cradle his tiny body tighter to mine. I don't want them to take him away just yet, I need a few more moments. She nods to me and leaves the room, no doubt to let the staff know of my deceased child.
Twenty-nine minutes…that's the time I've with my son outside of my womb.