TURNING OFF THE engine to my Mustang, I grab my purse from the passenger seat and open my door to head inside. The door jingles as I walk into the pharmacy, and I'm greeted by the sweet, older lady who has worked there for as long as I can remember.
“Hey sweetie,” she calls to me.
“Hi Shirley, just running through real quick on my lunch break,” I say, smiling nervously.
I don't want her to see what I'm buying. She'll ask! What would this sweet lady think of me? I cannot take that look of pity or distaste. I just can't. How the heck did I get myself into this? Oh yeah, the hot guy in the bar who happens to be in some of my classes at school. Our general study has us in the same speech class together as fate would have it.
Shaking my head and smiling over my shoulder at Shirley as I go down aisle five, I get busy with what I'm looking for so I can get the hell out of here. Squatting down in front of the rows and rows of pregnancy tests, I'm lost with which one to choose. I haven't even missed my period yet; maybe this is wrong. But something is definitely not right. Closing my eyes, I give myself a pep talk. I have to know.
Grabbing the one that says it is ‘accurate early’, I head quickly to the checkout hoping Shirley doesn't ask. I grab a pop and chips on the way. Maybe she won't even notice. Just act normal Andrea, I tell myself.
I set the Mountain Dew and Doritos on the counter. Squatting down, I check out the gum selection below the counter as Shirley walks over to the register. Grabbing the wintergreen flavored pack of gum, I throw it up on the counter with the rest of my purchases.
She looks up at me while she throws everything in the bag. I really hope she doesn't address the elephant in the room at the moment.
Handing over my money, she winks at me. I try to smile back naturally, but it feels strained.
Shirley hands me my change, receipt, and bags. When I take them, she puts her other hand over mine and smiles sweetly while looking right in my eyes.
Mine well up as I read what she is communicating to me with her eyes, trying to tell me it will be okay, no matter what happens. Wiping my tears, I mouth a silent thank you, grab my bags, and head to my car.
The drive to my house is on autopilot, which is thankfully only a few miles from school. Getting home, I check the clock. Crap! I only have thirty-five minutes left before I have to be back for class! Running to the bathroom, I grab the twin pack box of tests and rip it open as fast as I can. Putting the seat on the toilet down, I look over the directions on how to use this foreign thing.
Once I've peed on the stick, I cap it and set it on the counter and wash my hands.
Side-eying the test, I know three minutes aren't up yet. Ugh...this wait is forever! No big deal...it's only the rest of my life! What will Trent think...what will he do? I'm feeling so sick to my stomach right now with anxiety over the entire situation. Pacing and wringing my hands like I'm about to start a race does me no good. I need to do something...anything else.
Wasting time, I go and grab my Mountain Dew and hope to calm my nerves a little. My hands shake as I get the top twisted off and take a swig. Putting it down, I head back to the bathroom dragging my feet to face my fate.
Taking a deep breath, I pick it up off the bathroom counter. Where the heck is the one line or two? Sighing, I scowl at my reflection in the mirror. “Now what?” I say to myself, just as the test slips out of my hands and lands in the sink. Looking down to grab it, I now see that I had it laying on the counter upside down.
I am staring wide eyed at...two…pink...lines.
No, no I have it backward. Pregnant is one pink line and not pregnant is two. Yes...isn't it?
Crap! I grab the directions again and look, while hyperventilating. “Oh God,” I scream as I drop the test in the sink with a clatter. Shaking and dropping to the floor, I sob. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant! I wish I wasn't here by myself now; I should have waited for Trent. This is a lot to take in while having no one here.
I take a deep shaky breath and prepare to call Trent. I'm not sure he will like getting news like this at work, but I couldn’t care less. I'm sitting here finding out our new future...by myself. It affects him just as much, and I need to talk to someone before I totally freak out!
Moving to the living room, I grab my phone on my way to the couch. Sitting down, I dial Trent on his cell and hope he will answer. I need to calm down before I head back to class. Knowing his reaction could go either way scares me. To say I’m in shock is an understatement, but maybe he will be okay with it. Either way, I need to rip this band-aid off.
“Hey, babe,” he answers on the second ring.
“Hi, how's your day so far?” I ask, trying not to let my voice show my shaky emotions.
“It's been busy, but not too bad so far. I’ve had a lot of meetings with corporate on some changes coming through the firm,” he replies.
Trent is interning at his uncle’s law firm, learning the ropes while still studying at the University of Michigan like me.
“How's your day at school so far, babe?” he asks sweetly. Taking a deep shaky breath, I try to answer, but it comes out on a squeak. “It's okay.”
“Babe, what's the matter? Why are you being so short? This isn't like you. Talk to me,” he pleads. I can hear the concern in his voice down the line and it breaks me.
A sob comes rushing out. “You know how I just haven't felt like myself?” I ask.
“Yeah...” he draws out.
“Amy told me she felt like this when she found out she was pregnant with the twins.” The words come rushing out.
“What are you saying, is that what you think? That you're pregnant?” He sounds like he's clenching his jaw. “I thought you were on the pill!” he whisper yells.
“I am!” I yell back, thinking he better get the accusatory tone out of his voice right now.
“Then why would you think that? If you still are, then there's little chance you are.”
“I am!” I say, it quickly rushing out.
“I'm sorry, what was that? What exactly are you telling me, Andrea?” he says tersely.
A sob rips through me. I'm so afraid of how he will react. What will he do, will I be alone? “I got a box of tests on the way home,” I start. “I took one about ten minutes ago. It was positive. I'm pregnant,” I whisper.
“Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Calm down, babe. This just wasn't anything I expected you to call about.” He must have sensed the panic in my voice, as his own is now more calm and steady, instantly making me breathe a little easier.
“You said you got a two pack? I'm coming over after I leave here tonight. Do you have class tonight?” he asks.
“No, I’m very thankful for that,” I say on a sigh. “I do need to get back to class though, I can't be late.”
“Okay, babe. I’ll see you later tonight.” I can hear the soothing in his voice I need, maybe a small smile of relief on his handsome face.
Even though he can't see me, I nod my head as a remaining tear rolls down my cheek. “Okay,” I whisper quietly.
“Hey, babe, don't cry okay? We will be alright. I love you,” he says.
“I love you too. I'm just so scared,” I tell him, wiping at my eyes and checking my face in the hallway mirror.
“Have a good rest of your day. You can do this,” he assures me.
“Thank you, I’ll try. You too, bye,” I say hanging up.
“I’m going to be a mom,” I say aloud as I tentatively touch my hand to my lower stomach. It sinks in a little and a warm feeling floods me. I smile through the tears and start laughing like a loon. “I can and will do this,” I tell myself and the baby. “No matter what happens little one, we will be okay. I promise.”
Laughing to myself, I think about a conversation we had about a month ago. I had asked him if he wanted a family or if he was ever serious enough with anyone to consider it. I wondered if he had any scares, or kids out in the world. He laughed and said he hadn't but that was a scary thought. He even remarked, “for all I know I could have super sperm.” Spoken like a true man.
We aren't out of the woods with this surprise yet.
Can our relationship survive this while being so new?
What about school?
What about his drinking?
I should have listened to my dad. I should have waited until I was married to have sex. Then I wouldn't be in this mess, worried if he really is okay with this, that it will be a happy thing or if I will be alone.
I pray this doesn’t make him spiral to drinking even more…I am fearful of this problem the further we go. I'm the only one that pays attention to it. And I'm the bad guy most time for making a bigger deal out of it than it is…so he says. That thought is truly terrifying. I'm afraid it's so much more.