TOSSING AND TURNING the night before, I wake up and try and get myself together before my appointment. I stayed at my house last night, I felt I needed my own reflection time. Moments I could steal away for myself.
My restless sleep from dreams had me unrested all night. Dreams of a sweet little head of dark hair held against my chest, but never being able to make out the face of the baby. Possibly finding out the sex of the baby has my head rampant everywhere. I first thought I wanted a girl, but I'm almost positive this baby is a boy. I don't know why I feel that way, I just do. Either way, a healthy little baby is all that matters to me. A child that resembles the best parts of me and none of the father that is biological. He or she needs to be raised right like that dad that wants to have him in his world. Our world. I don't know how he always knows what I need, but he does. That man has a heart the size of Texas. Who just accepts a baby in their life that isn't their own? Carter does. This baby's dad didn't want to be with us, but Carter takes us and loves us without question.
My appointment is at 1:00 this afternoon at Dr. Baker’s office. I've been told to drink water and hold it in my bladder, I'm not looking forward to that part. I hope it's not as bad as it sounds.
Coming down the stairs, I go to the kitchen to get some breakfast. The smell of coffee hits me in the face as I come down. Carter, he must have just come in. Turning the corner I'm met with Trent's smirk.
“Good morning, sweetheart, sleep well? Why do you look so surprised to see me? We have your appointment today. I made you breakfast,” he says, pointing to the bagel and cream cheese on the table.
I just stand here a moment. I'm stunned stupid. He takes advantage of that and comes over to me. “I'm home, baby, where I belong. With you and our baby,” he says, kissing my slacked mouth.
“I can't,” I whisper, finally finding my voice.
“Of course you can. You love me and I love you. Oh, is it because of Carter? I'm making sure he's happy, honey, don't you worry.”
He looks down and notices the small bump of my belly showing through my tight T-shirt. He puts his hands to each of my sides and pulls his hands toward the center of my stomach. I just look at the ceiling trying to find the strength I need. He doesn't deserve to have this moment with me.
“You've done so good taking care of yourself and our baby. Growing so well,” he says as he brings his face to mine. I turn my head away and he dives in for my neck. The tears leak from my eyes, the sadness and sorrow breaking me at the moment. He could have had this, but he messed it up not me. He didn't want us. He didn't want me. Carter, oh God, Carter.
Finding the strength I need, I push back against Trent.
“No, you don't get to decide to be back with us. Not after everything you did and said! I'm not this stupid girl, Trent. You can't have us!”
The sneer crosses his mouth just as he backs me to the wall and reaches for my throat.
His other hand reaches between my legs to grope me roughly, and he shoves his hardened cock into my lower stomach.
“You'll take me back, you little bitch, and we’ll raise this baby together. Just like a nice sweet family. You love me, you won't ever get enough of me. You're just lucky I'm willing to take your slutty little ass back after I know you've been with Carter,” he says, sniffing into my chest. He bites my nipple through my shirt while still holding my throat to the wall.
“I can smell him on you. Oh, this won't do. Time to get my scent back all over you, baby girl,” he tells me as he goes for his zipper.
It's then I bring my knee up. He catches it under his arm and I'm in an even worse position.
“Thanks for the help, baby, now I'll get in even deeper,” he says, laughing maniacally. I can smell the alcohol stench on him as he practically spits in my face.
The front door splinters against the wall as it's thrown open.
“Get the fuck off her, Zito.” I hear Carter's deep and angry voice yell.
“No, Avery, you need to leave my family alone. She's mine. This baby is mine. None of what you want you can have. Where's your little treat at? Done with her already?”
“Nice try, Zito. Marissa isn't a treat and neither is her little friend. I don't need your kinks. Just her,” he says, pointing to me as he grabs Trent and rips him back toward the kitchen table settled in the middle of the kitchen.
Trent stumbles in his drunken stupor, but recovers quickly to barrel at Carter. Carter backs himself up toward the front door as he blocks Trent's swings. They don't even get near him really, he's really out of it. He drove over here this way. Amy was right, it's gotten out of hand.
Carter backs out the door and onto the porch. He's done playing now but wasn't about to wreck my house.
He reaches forward and grabs Trent by the shirt. Using the motion of rocking back he takes the momentum and practically throws him to the lawn. He's on him quickly, as he rolls him over to subdue him. I've seen enough and I run to call the police. Trent broke into my house, attacked me, attempted to rape me, and now he's violent. On top of it all, he's an alcoholic who has clearly been tipping them back this morning, or through the night.
I run back to the porch and Carter has Trent pinned to the ground on his back. He's wrestling Trent to flip over.
“Starfish, get in the house. You don't need to deal with this,” Carter yells back to me. The moment cost him as Trent leans up and head butts Carter right in his forehead.
Not a second thought is made on Carter's part. The pummeling fist lands swiftly and square under Trent's chin in an uppercut. The boxer in him never left.
I can't just go inside and ignore them on my front lawn. This is my fault, I brought Trent Zito into our lives. I'm so fucking stupid! All I can do is scream for it to stop, to just sit down on the porch and wish this was all just a horrible dream. But it's my reality, and becomes more real as the police pull up to the scene.
They jump from their cruiser and run to the scene. Carter starts yelling who he is. “I'm Detective Carter Avery, I'm subduing the man that broke into my girlfriend’s house.”
Another cruiser pulls to the scene. The police woman gets out and comes to me sitting on the porch. I imagine I look like a loon sitting here with tear tracked cheeks and swollen eyes in my shorts and T-shirt.
“Ma'am are you okay? Are you the one who called this in? Our dispatch said there was a female that called frantic and screaming.”
“Yes, I did,” I say as I clear my throat.
The cop from the first cruiser is helping Carter to get Trent in handcuffs and into the cruiser. It's then that Carter finally turns and runs over to me. He's checking me over and touching my arms and throat.
“Your throat is looking angry, his hand prints are pretty clear,” he says, looking to the female cop taking down notes.
“Miss…”
“Jensen,” I tell her.
“Miss Jensen, could you tell us what happened here this morning?”
I nod my head and relay to her what happened since I woke up to find a very clearly intoxicated Trent in my house.
She nods her head and looks to the other officer that's walked up now and listened to my recap.
“Would you like to press charges, Miss Jensen?” he asks me.
“Yes!” Carter yells as I open my mouth.
“Carter, please,” I beg for him to let me answer for myself.
“I don't think that's necessary. I just want him to leave me alone. Today was supposed to be an exciting day for us and I don't want to ruin it any more than it already has been,” I say, looking to Carter as he puts his hands on his head and clenches his jaw. It's clear he doesn't agree with my answer.
“Starfish, are you sure?”
I nod adamantly. “I'm sure. Please just get him out of here.”
“We will do our best to not have him bother you again, Miss Jensen. This report will be generated and if there are any other incidents after today, I suggest a restraining order. Without you pressing charges for his actions today, I'm afraid all we can do is detain him for a few hours.”
I nod my head in understanding as Carter wraps his arms around me, tightly holding me to his side.
“You have her Carter?” he asks, looking to him protectively holding me to him.
“I won't be leaving her side.”
The two officers nod to each other and turn to leave with Trent in the back of the cruiser.
As he opens the door to get in, I hear Trent laughing. He yells out, “I'll see you later, sweetheart. It was all just a big misunderstanding.”
His words send chills down my spine.
***
Pulling up to Dr. Shin’s office a few hours later, I'm still a little shaken up from the events of the morning.
Carter had me take a relaxing bath and made me some tea to try and calm my nerves. I've been shaky and on edge. I need to see my baby on the screen, hear the heartbeat, and know that he or she is alright. I haven't felt much more of the bomp bomps. Only sporadically.
I've taken in my fair share of water as advised before coming today.
Signing in, I sit down in the waiting room next to Carter. His hand goes to my leg as it's jumping around. I can't sit still, my nerves have the best of me.
“It's going to be okay. Pretty soon we get to see our healthy baby and hopefully know what the sex is.”
“I have to pee,” is all I can answer. My bladder is full and wants a release. I hope I don't have to wait much longer.
Carter just lets out a laugh and I start to laugh too. Only it makes the need to pee even more prominent. “Please don't make me laugh, I'm gonna pee my damn pants,” I say on a snort of laughter.
“Andrea?” The medial assistant calls from the doorway. I haven't seen her before.
Carter and I both get up from our seats and go to the door she's holding open.
“Right this way, room 3,” she instructs as she follows behind us to the door on the left of the hallway.
We walk in and I go to the bed lined with paper to sit down, Carter taking the seat next to the bed.
“I just need to get your weight and blood pressure before Dr. Shin comes in. We can get a urine sample when you're clear to use the bathroom,” she informs me.
I get up and go to the scale in the corner of the room.
“I hope it doesn't take too long before I'm clear to pee. I feel like I'm going to explode,” I tell her stepping on the scale. She just laughs at that.
“I'm sure you're feeling quite full. Shouldn't be too long,” she tells me as she writes down my weight in the chart. 135. I've gained ten pounds since my pregnancy started.
I go back to the bed as the paper crinkles under my weight.
She brings over the thermometer and blood pressure cuff as she sticks the thermometer in my mouth and proceeds to take my blood pressure.
“Good, everything is normal,” she tells me after a moment while releasing the loud Velcro of the cuff from my arm.
“Dr. Shin and I will be back in a moment and we can take a look at your baby. Do you want to know the sex if the baby lets us see?”
I look to Carter who just smiles big, his dimples on full display. I nod my head. “Yes, we would like to know.”
She nods and leaves the room.
I can't help the smile that comes over my face as I sit back a little and think about my tiny baby.
A few minutes later there's a little knock on the door and Dr. Shin peeks his head in.
“Hi, Andrea, it's great to see you again,” he says as he wheels in a big cart with a computer on it.
“Hi, Dr. Shin,” I answer back with a smile.
He rolls the machine over to the end of the bed and pulls his stool up as the medical assistant plugs it in. “I'm just going to have you lie back and pull your shirt up to expose your tummy. Push your pants down to your pelvic region as well.”
I lie back and pull my shirt up and tuck it under the underwire of my bra, then tuck my yoga pants down into my underwear.
He grabs a small towel and tucks it into the waistband of my pulled down pants, and grabs a small bottle from the cart. “I'm going to squirt this gel onto your tummy to help us get a clear picture of your baby. I'll take some measurements and then I'll let you see your baby,” he tells me as he squirts the gel onto my stomach.
It's cold, and my intake of breath must tell him I'm feeling it.
“I'm sorry it's so chilly, it should warm up in a moment as I pass the wand through it.”
I just nod my head and turn my head up to look at Carter sitting quietly in the chair next to me.
It seems like it takes forever as he passes the wand around, does some clicks on the keyboard, and then types some things in. Is something wrong? What's taking so damn long?
Just as I'm about to ask, he leans forward and turns a dial. The room is suddenly filled with a wooshing sound.
“That sound is the sound of your baby's heartbeat. It's holding strong at 173.”
I can't help the smile that splits my face at hearing the sound around the room. Looking to Carter I see he’s looking at me with the same smile. He just nods his head and gives me a little wink.
Dr. Shin turns the computer slightly and the medical assistant turns on a tv on the top of the wall I didn't notice before. I can see it clearly from where I'm laying on the bed.
I'm not prepared for the image of a tiny little body moving around on the screen. It's a small blob, but has arms very clearly with little tiny hands. The hands are moving around and the little head keeps nodding up and down. Tiny little feet are pulled up to the blob body. My heart soars at the sight of my baby, a tear trickling down my face and dripping into my hair. Carter is next to my head now kissing my temple and looking at the screen.
“There is your baby, Andrea,” Dr. Shin says with a smile. “It likes to move I see,” he says on a small laugh.
“I've felt little bomp bomps here and there, but he can't feel them on the outside of my tummy. I thought I was crazy.” I laugh through my tears.
“Most times it's too early to feel anything at eighteen weeks, but you're feeling your baby alright. It should be more prominent on the outside of your tummy in a few more weeks to be felt by others. Would you like to see if we can get the sex?”
“Yes please,” I say on an excited squeal.
He moves the wand around my belly a little and taps the screen. It freezes a moment and then returns to the movement of my baby. “I'm taking some pictures for you so you can take these images with you today,” he tells me as she does this a few more times.
He points to the screen in front of him showing me the spine, the heart that's beating, and all the tiny fingers and toes. I just smile and nod, not tearing my eyes away from my baby on the screen. I wish I had one of these machines so I could see he or she every day this way.
The picture zooms in a little and she moves the wand a little lower toward my hips and pelvis area.
“It looks to me, if I am seeing this right that you are having a boy,” he says as she points to a little line under the legs. “That looks like a tiny little penis to me.”
Carter comes to kiss my lips, a smile on his face and his own eyes filled glassy with unshed tears. “I love you,” he whispers quietly.
“I love you,” I say, kissing his big pouty lips.
Dr. Shin does a few more clicks to take pictures and turns the machine off. Paper starts to print as he reaches to grab a towel to hand to me. “You can wipe the gel off and are free to use the restroom.”
“Oh thank God,” I announce as I quickly wipe the gel off abs sit up.
“Make sure to leave a sample for us,” he tells me as I get off the bed to go into the hallway to the restroom.
“I will, thank you, Dr. Shin,” I tell him as I pass him quickly on my mission to free my full bladder.