‘This is just the best,’ Issey said a few nights later, rolling her beer bottle between her hands and grinning at the other girls. ‘Like our own personal pub!’
‘Jonny asked when you were next in,’ Paige said from the other side of the bar.
‘Aw.’ Lou grinned. ‘He missed us!’
‘The brewery have been wanting to get rid of the snug for years. Knock it all out, give the place a gastropub feel. Now he’s got you in there, he feels like he was right to say no.’
‘God,’ Ella said, ‘that’s terrible. This pub’s got so much character!’
‘That’s exactly what he says,’ Paige said. ‘Do we have “publican” on the list?’
‘Fuck off,’ Ella said, her cheeks flushing.
Paige grinned. ‘Anyone made any progress?’
‘Issey had a shit date,’ Liane said. ‘Tell ’em.’
‘With the guy who doesn’t speak much English?’ Ella asked.
‘Nah,’ Issey said, fiddling with a beer mat. ‘Different one. And it wasn’t exactly shit. It was just … meh.’
‘Sometimes they’re even worse,’ Paige said. ‘Like, you get all dressed up and it’s only OK.’
‘Yeah,’ Liane said. ‘I wouldn’t say worse, though. I mean, I’d rather it was only OK than completely fucking awful.’
‘At least if it’s awful you get a good story out of it,’ Lou said.
‘That’s what I was thinking!’ Issey said, leaning forward in her seat. ‘Like … give me something to work with here. Even if it’s that you’ve got a crush on your sister or you like to pee in car boots or something.’
‘Seriously?’ Lou said, staring at Issey with one eyebrow raised.
‘I don’t know!’ Issey said, shrugging.
‘What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?’ Liane asked them all, as she started to peel the label off her beer.
‘I kissed this boy and he had a spider in his mouth,’ Issey said, reaching for a crisp from the torn-open packet in the middle of the table.
‘What?’ Ella said.
Issey blinked at her.
‘The thing I love about you, Iz,’ Lou said, ‘is how you can say that as if it’s a perfectly normal thing for a person to say. And not totally batshit cray.’
Issey shrugged. ‘It was a thing he did.’
‘Wait,’ Ella said, frowning. ‘He had the spider in his mouth on purpose?’
‘I don’t know that he could have had a spider in his mouth by accident …’ Liane said.
‘It was a thing,’ Issey said. ‘He still does it, as far as I know. They call him Spidermouth.’
‘Jesus fucking Christ,’ Lou said. ‘What is wrong with people?’
‘Shame they didn’t call him that back then,’ Paige said from the bar. ‘You’d’ve known not to kiss him.’
‘I probably still would’ve,’ Issey said. ‘I was desperate. And he was hot.’
‘Hot enough to make up for the spider?!’ Ella said, appalled.
‘No one’s that hot,’ Lou said.
‘Dylan Jewell is,’ Issey said, cramming more crisps into her mouth. ‘He could kiss me with a tarantula in his mouth. Or a whole nest of spider babies. Poisonous spider babies.’
‘You’re so fucking weird,’ Lou said.
‘Which one’s Dylan Jewell?’ Paige asked. ‘I get all your boy-toys mixed up.’
‘From Bang!’ Issey said, picking up her phone and swiping it open.
‘What, the band?’ Paige asked.
‘I’m still stuck on the spider in the mouth, to be honest,’ Ella said. ‘Like … was it a pet?’
‘Look, though,’ Issey said, holding her phone out to show Paige a photo on Tumblr of Dylan Jewell wearing a sheer black shirt, his tattoos showing through it, his head hanging down, long hair covering half of his face.
‘He’s got tattoos,’ Issey said. ‘I could tick him off the list.’
‘And he’s in a band,’ Lou said. ‘Two birds, one stone.’
‘Imagine,’ Issey said. ‘Except he’d ruin me for other men. But it’d be worth it.’
Ella stood up. ‘Anyone want a drink?’
‘Beer for me, please,’ Lou said.
‘I want a cig,’ Issey said, standing up too. ‘I’ve been looking at this photo too long, I’ve flustered myself.’
‘Come on,’ Lou said, shuffling her bum along the bench seat. ‘I can spare you a fag.’
‘You OK?’ Liane asked Ella, who was still standing up, not looking like she had any intention of moving. ‘You don’t need to go round. Just wait for Paige to come back.’
They’d all got used to Paige disappearing to deal with other customers and then reappearing at their bit of the bar to join in the conversation as if she’d never been away.
‘Actually, I need the loo,’ Ella said.
‘I’ll get the drinks in then,’ Liane said, getting her own phone out. ‘No worries.’
They stayed in the pub until the end of Paige’s shift and walked home together. It was only two streets away, but the other four girls were pleasantly drunk and giddy and Paige found herself wanting to link arms with them, maybe sing something. It was very much not like her.
‘I’m glad I moved in here,’ she said, as they stopped at the front door and Lou wrestled with the sticky lock.
‘We are toooooo!’ Issey said, wrapping both arms around Paige’s waist and half nestling herself in her cleavage.
‘Jesus,’ Paige said, bracing herself against the wall to keep her balance.
‘Fuck me,’ Lou said, glancing over her shoulder. ‘I think you’re the one trying to tick off “sleep with a girl”, Iz.’
‘Piss off,’ Issey said, straightening up, her cheeks flushed. ‘I’m just being affectionate. That’s allowed, isn’t it?’
‘Course it is,’ Ella said, draping one arm around Issey’s shoulders and hugging her. ‘Ignore the sex fiends. They’re all obsessed.’
‘Are you seeing anyone?’ Issey asked Paige as they all fell into the house.
‘Not really. There’s a girl I see sometimes. Sharda. But I haven’t seen her for a while.’
‘Girlfriend?’ Lou asked. ‘Or just like a casual thing?’
‘Definitely casual,’ Paige said.
Issey was just falling asleep when Liane crawled into her bed.
‘Whatsup?’ she mumbled into her pillow, shuffling over towards the wall.
‘I’m going home this weekend,’ Liane said. ‘Tomorrow.’
‘Oh yeah,’ Issey said blearily. ‘Forgot.’
She felt the mattress dip behind her and then Liane said, ‘I don’t want to. That’s bad, isn’t it?’
Issey rolled over to look at Liane. ‘No? I mean, it’s not your fault.’
Liane sighed, one arm over her face. ‘I get jealous sometimes, you know? Of, like, Ella’s family. How they all love each other so much. And you and all your sisters.’
‘We fight like bastards.’
‘Yeah. But you love each other.’
‘Your mum loves you,’ Issey said. ‘I bet.’
‘She does,’ Liane said, dropping her arm and rolling over so she was facing Issey. ‘In her own way. It’s just that her way makes me feel like shit.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Issey said, her face serious.
Liane shook her head. ‘No, I’m sorry. Sorry to be such a fucking downer. It’s only two days.’ She rolled onto her back again and stared up at the ceiling. ‘What do you think of dick pics?’
Issey snorted, rolling onto her back too. ‘Not much. Why?’
‘This guy from my seminar sent me one. I haven’t even spoken to him.’
‘Put a Snapchat filter on it and send it back,’ Issey said. ‘Is it nice? Can I see?’
‘It’s all right, I guess,’ Liane said, passing her phone over.
Issey shuffled up against the pillows and looked down at the photo. Toned abs. And a hard dick in white Y-fronts.
‘Retro,’ Issey said.
‘I just … Am I meant to like this?’ Liane said. ‘Like, is this something I should be cool with? Cos I feel like it’s gross. And you know me, I don’t mind dicks in general.’
‘I think it’d be different if you knew him,’ Issey said. ‘Or liked him. Or asked for it!’
‘Yeah. Like, I’d never send him one back, you know?’
‘I don’t think fanny pics are a thing, are they?’ Issey frowned. ‘Maybe they are and it’s just that no one’s ever wanted one of mine. I did take a tit pic though. And, you know, I’m a prude. Sometimes.’
Liane laughed. ‘You took one? Who for?’
Issey’s face heated. ‘Not for anyone. I mean, just for me. I posted that one in the mirror on IG and took some for myself.’
‘Was that because I called you a prude?’ Liane leaned back and Issey could tell she was looking at her, but she couldn’t bring herself to look back. ‘You know I was joking, right?’
‘Yeah,’ Issey said. ‘Not cos of that, really. More cos … Paige’s photos are nice. And I wanted to see what I’d look like … like that.’
‘Lemme see!’ Liane said, shuffling up the bed.
Issey pulled the duvet over her head. ‘No!’
‘Aw, come on!’ Liane said, yanking it away again. ‘I showed you mine!’
‘That’s not the same!’ Issey said.
‘Come on, Iz,’ Liane said. ‘I wanna see! The one you put on Insta was so nice.’
‘Nooooo,’ Issey said. ‘Go back to your own bed.’
‘Let. Me. See,’ Liane said, punctuating each word with a poke to Issey’s side.
Issey curled against her friend’s fingers. She was really fucking ticklish and Liane knew all her spots.
‘OK, OK,’ Issey said, pulling her phone out. ‘But you can’t laugh.’
‘Why would I laugh?’ Liane said. ‘Show me.’
Issey unlocked her phone and clicked on the photos, then closed her eyes and just held her phone over her head for Liane to take, before pulling the duvet back over her face.
‘Oh wow,’ she heard Liane say.
She pulled the duvet closer until all she could hear and feel was the cotton fabric and her own breath. What had she been thinking? Showing Liane? What had she been thinking taking them in the first place?
‘Iz,’ Liane said.
Issey could feel her trying to pull the duvet away.
‘Let go!’
Issey relaxed her fingers a little, just enough to let Liane pull the duvet free.
‘You look so fucking gorgeous,’ Liane said.
‘Shut up,’ Issey said.
‘You do,’ Liane said. ‘Like a model.’
‘A tiny tit model,’ Issey said.
‘Shut up. You’ve got lovely tits.’
‘Oh my god,’ Issey said, rolling over and burying her face in the pillow.