‘Come and dance with me!’ Liane yelled, trying to make herself heard over the sound of DJ Khaled’s ‘All I Do Is Win’.
The club had free entry and they’d all agreed they could manage it if they stuck to the cheapest drinks, paced themselves, and split own-brand shopping for the next couple of weeks.
Lou shook her head. She was grinding against some boy who was wearing glasses Liane hoped were ironic: huge and rimless, possibly also tinted. Hideous.
Liane looked around the club for Ella, but she hadn’t seen her since not long after they’d arrived. She was probably off in a booth somewhere kissing Nick. Paige was standing at the bar, talking to a tiny woman in an even tinier dress.
‘I’m going to go and find her,’ Liane said – pointlessly, since no one was listening.
She pushed her way off the dance floor, apologising as she bumped into a boy just as he held a beer up to his mouth.
‘Bitch,’ he spat out, wiping his chin with the back of his hand.
Liane paused for a second, one foot on the step, the other still on the dance floor. She wanted to yell at him, tell him it was an accident, ask him why he was so aggressive, but she also suddenly felt like she was about to cry, and there was no way she was going to be the girl crying in the club. She kept walking.
She found Ella and Nick exactly where she’d thought they’d be. In a booth, Ella sitting sideways on, her legs hanging over Nick’s, his hand on her thigh under her sequinned skirt.
‘Come and dance!’ Liane said. ‘I love this song. And we should all be together. Don’t you think?’
‘OK,’ Nick said, his mouth against Liane’s ear. ‘I just need the loo. Meet you down there.’
He kissed Ella on the mouth, before heading off to the loos. Liane watched him weave through the dancers. She saw him say something to Lou, who laughed and pressed a kiss to his cheek. He glanced back at Ella, looking partly bashful and partly something else. Liane felt rather than heard Ella laugh and she turned to look at her. Ella was looking at Nick with such happiness and love that Liane felt her eyes well with tears. God, what was wrong with her? Was she due on? That must be it. She felt Ella squeeze her hand – she hadn’t realised Ella was even holding her hand – but she squeezed back and then tugged on her arm.
‘Let’s go and dance.’
On the way past the bar, they grabbed Paige, who left the tiny woman behind. When Nick came back from the loo, he’d found Issey.
By the time they all made it to the dance floor, DJ Khaled was over, but they carried on dancing anyway. Liane loved it. The music was loud, the lights were flashing, she was with her friends who she loved. Nick and Ella were trying to dance and kiss at the same time while Lou yelled at them to get a room. Paige turned out to be an incredible dancer. Issey was filming them all on her phone. She turned to Liane, her eyes bright, shouting, ‘I love this!’
Liane felt like the music had stopped. Like the room had gone dark. Like she was the only person there. Just her. And Issey.
She grabbed Issey’s arm. ‘Can we go somewhere?’
‘Now?’ Issey yelled back.
Liane nodded.
And then they were moving through the club. They weren’t touching any more, but Liane could feel Issey right next to her. She didn’t even look back. Their friends would be fine. They were all going to be fine.
At the door, Liane put her key in the lock, but of course it wouldn’t turn. She kicked the base, muttering ‘fuck fuck fuck’ to herself as she twisted the key.
‘Don’t,’ Issey said from behind her. ‘You’ll break it. Let me do it.’
Liane moved to one side, leaning back against the wall. The bricks felt rough through her thin dress. Her hands were shaking.
Issey pushed the door open and Liane followed her inside.
‘What’s wrong?’ Issey asked, as Liane pushed the door closed.
‘I kissed you,’ Liane said.
Issey’s eyes went wide.
‘And then I just fucking bottled it,’ Liane said. ‘And there’s a few reasons and I want to tell you about them, but really I just … I want you to know that I don’t regret it. And I’m sorry if you do, but –’
‘I don’t,’ Issey said. ‘I never did.’
‘I thought …’ Liane said. ‘I mean … I was so drunk. And I wasn’t thinking. And then you didn’t say anything about it. And I told myself I shouldn’t have done it. And it was better just to forget it.’
‘Do you still think that?’ Issey said.
Liane stared at her. She took a breath. ‘No. I’m glad I did it.’
‘I’ve missed you so much,’ Issey said. ‘I mean … you’re my best friend. And it felt like you were trying to keep away from me –’
‘I was,’ Liane said. ‘A bit. Cos I was scared I was going to kiss you again.’
They stared at each other across the hall.
‘Kiss me again,’ Issey said.
Issey didn’t even see Liane move, but suddenly Liane’s mouth was on hers. She kissed her softly at first, but then Issey heard or felt herself gasp and Liane pressed up against her and her mouth became more insistent. Issey didn’t know what to do with the rest of her body. She wanted to touch, but she wasn’t sure if she was allowed. And anyway, her arms felt dead. Fucking cheap vodka.
‘This OK?’ Liane whispered.
‘God,’ Issey said before she could stop herself. ‘Yeah.’
Liane kissed her again, and Issey felt her tongue sliding against her lips. She opened her mouth and Liane’s tongue slipped against her own. Issey gasped again and pressed her hands flat against the wall. If she didn’t, she knew she’d grab Liane’s hips, maybe hook her legs up around her waist.
‘Can we go upstairs?’ Issey said against Liane’s mouth.
‘God,’ Liane said. ‘Yeah.’
They practically ran up the stairs. Issey wanted to laugh. Laugh and shout, ‘Oh my god! Liane kissed me! Again! Finally!’
‘Here?’ Liane said, as they reached Issey’s door.
‘Yeah.’
Liane pushed the door open and Issey followed her in, only having a moment to notice that her bed and floor were covered in clothes and magazines and textbooks, before Liane was kissing her again.
Issey let her own tongue stroke against Liane’s, ran it along her bottom lip, gently sucked her top lip for just a second before letting Liane take control again. Liane tasted like beer and smoke and lipstick. Issey had thought – when she’d let herself think about kissing Liane – that tasting lipstick, the feel of it sliding against her own lips, might be weird. But it wasn’t. It was soft and sweet and she wished she hadn’t wiped her own lipstick off earlier in the evening so she could have imagined the colours swirling together on their mouths.
Issey had no idea how long they kissed for. It sort of seemed like forever, but it also felt like only seconds later that Liane was pulling back and saying, ‘Wow.’
‘Yeah,’ Issey said, her voice cracking.
‘Good?’
‘Yeah.’
Liane leaned in and kissed her once more. Just quickly, the kind of peck she would have given Issey in the past. When they were friends. Just friends. And now they were more than friends. There was no question of that.
Issey thought about asking if they could kiss more. If they could maybe do more than kiss. But she couldn’t make the words come out. Instead she took the couple of steps across the room to her bed and shoved everything onto the floor.
‘You’re such a slob,’ Liane said, laughing.
Issey lay down on the bed and looked up at Liane.
‘You look beautiful,’ she said, her voice small.
‘God, Iz,’ Liane said. She was still standing at the foot of the bed, looking down at her. For a second, Issey worried Liane didn’t want this after all. That she was going to turn and leave. But instead she lay down next to Issey.
Issey’s fingers twisted in the bedding. She felt flat, like a rock was holding her down. But she also felt lighter than she had maybe ever. Like she could float up off the bed. Before she realised she was doing it, her hand was stroking down Liane’s side, curling into her hip.
‘I thought it might be weird,’ Liane said, her voice low. ‘After everything. But it wasn’t.’
‘No,’ Issey whispered. She brushed her fingers over the fabric of Liane’s dress, wondered what Liane would do if she pushed her dress up, slid her hands up over her skin, rolled on top of her and kissed her collarbones, braced her legs either side of one of Liane’s and rolled her hips.
‘I can stay in here, yeah?’ Liane said.
‘Course,’ Issey said.