I’m a Rebel

(EMILY)

Yeah, that’s why I’m here tonight. This is a statement. My parents need to learn I’m an adult. Maybe I should get that tattoo.

“Did your parents freak when you got your tattoos?”

“I ain’t got no parents.”

That’s awful, I wonder how they died? I feel bad now.

“Sorry,” I say. I wonder if that’s why he joined the carnival. It must be.

“Nothing to be sorry about. My family is all down in the camp right now.”

“Your relatives are in the carnival too?”

“No, but my family is.”

“You guys must all be really close, living and working together all the time.”

“One of the best things about this job, when I don’t want to smash their faces in.”

“What’s the best thing about being a carny?”

“Meeting you.”

I roll my eyes at the line he’s feeding me, and say, “Other than me.”

“Seeing the looks on the kids’ faces. Like that kid tonight at the Basketball Toss.” Steel shrugs.

“Courtney says you were just doing that to impress me.”

“Fuck her. Sometimes I get really fed up with townies judging me just because of their opinions of my job. I love putting a smile on a kid’s face.” He pauses. “To impress you, I screwed your ex-boyfriend out of his pride.”

“Connor didn’t break the rules?”

“He broke the rule of being a prick.”

“Yeah, but that’s not a rule of the game.”

“Sure it is, that’s the only rule of the game.”

“So you only did that to impress me?”

“That and show you my abs.”

“I was impressed with your abs,” I say, sliding my hands under his shirt. Man, he’s warm, and ripped. But oh so warm. I slide as much of my arms under his shirt as I can, to try to ease my icy skin.

We talk for ages, although I haven’t managed to find out his real name, or why he joined the carnival.

It must be after one by now. All the houses are dark, and the only light on in town is the McDonald’s sign. Although the carny party in their camp sounds like it’s still in full swing.

My arms are freezing, and every so often I move them deeper into his shirt. He wraps more and more of his body around mine, giving me as much warmth as he can. It feels good. He feels good. I’m afraid to complain about the cold because I don’t want to go back to the reality of the ground.

The party he talked about didn’t exactly look like the sort of place I’d feel comfortable. I’m much happier up here with Steel. Even if it is like being in a meat locker.

“Goldie, you’re not like any other girl I’ve met.”

I look up at him, trying not to smirk. “I bet you say that in every town.”

Steel’s face is serious, and even in the dark of the night, I can see honesty in his eyes. He runs his fingers along my cheek, the weight of his touch forces my eyes shut.

His fingers move to my lips and a sharp, short moan catches in my throat. I’m trembling again, this time from his touch instead of the cold.

My eyes stay shut. A moment later, his hand is tilting my head and his lips are on mine. They’re soft and warm and send a blast of heat through my body. His tongue runs along the seam of my mouth, and I part my lips for him.

Steel’s other hand presses between my shoulder blades, and brings my body tight against his. He kisses me harder, and a moan escapes my throat. All trace of cold is gone from me. My body is pure, bubbling lava right now.

And all he’s done is kiss me.

He breaks the kiss but keeps his face near mine, his eyes inches from my own.

“I ain’t lying when I said that.”

My eyes smile. I want to believe him. To believe this smooth-talking, charismatic man, but Courtney’s voice screams not to. No matter what happens tonight, I can’t let go of Courtney’s voice. I have to recognize this for what it is, a bit of meaningless fun. Otherwise I’m just an idiot.

“Do you believe me?”

“Yeah.”

“Now you’re the one who’s lying.”

“I’m not. I believe you.”

“You can’t lie to a carny, I’m a pro.”

“Okay,” I pause and take a deep breath, “I want to believe you.”

“I’ll take that.”

Before I can say anything else, his lips are back on mine. My God, this guy knows how to kiss. In hindsight, Connor was like kissing a fish. I could kiss Steel all night long.

His lips are soft, but somehow he’s in complete control of me. My lips and tongue are merely reacting to his.

We continue on kissing, and Steel’s hand grazes my skin as it travels from my back and through the curve of my waist. It comes to a rest on my hip bone, and a shudder runs through me. He pulls his lips away.

“What’s on your mind?”

“I can’t believe I’m letting someone with a neck tattoo kiss me.” I can’t believe I just said that.

“Do you like me kissing you?”

A massive smile spreads across my face. “You could say that.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“There’s no problem,” I say, leaning forward and trying to coax his soft lips back to mine.

He moves his head away and says, “I’m worried you’re cold.”

“Trust me, cold is the last thing I am right now.”

“Yeah, but we should go someplace warmer. ‘Cause I want to rip this dress right off you, and if I do it here, you really will freeze.”

“Okay,” I say with a coy smile.

I really am going to do this. And not because I want to prove something to my parents anymore. Because I want to. More than I’ve ever wanted anything else.

“Wait here.”

“Where else could I go?” I say, laughing.

Steel gives me a broad smile, then jumps out of the car. My heart stops for a moment and I hurry to look over the side. He’s grabbed onto part of the wheel just below us, and is making his way to the bottom.

It’s insane. He should have a safety harness or something on. Before long, the wheel is turning and my car reaches the bottom. Steel opens the door and grabs the fleece off my lap.

When I stand, he holds out his hand. I place my cold hand in his warm one and step off the ride. My heart sinks when he lets go of it, but he wraps the fleece over my shoulders, then takes my hand again. It feels right in his, even if it is only for one night.

“We’ll go to my bunk.”

I hesitate and say, “Is that where the others are partying?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll get you there without those goofs seeing.”

We move between and behind several trailers so big they have to be towed by big-rigs. The noise of the other carnies gets louder and louder with each step. If my hand wasn’t in Steel’s hand, I’d be turning and running in the other direction. But I trust him.

“You do that every night?”

“What? Party? Hell ya. Like I said, it’s one of the perks of the job.”

“That doesn’t get too much after so many months?”

“Hasn’t yet.”

We stop at the short end of a big white trailer.

“Wait here,” he says, poking his head around the corner, “I’m going to unlock my door.”

Steel leaves my side, and I feel exposed without him. To what exactly, I don’t know. I just feel so out of place here, surrounded by the living quarters of carnies.

He reappears in seconds, with his same movie star smile. My chest flutters like I swallowed a million butterflies. I can’t believe someone so gorgeous is taking me to his room.

Laying his arm tight around my waist, he starts to bundle me to his door.

But since I really am doing this, I have to tell him. I can’t not. I mean, he’ll be able to tell, right?

“Steel, I have to tell you something.” He urges me up the aluminum steps of the bunkhouse.

“What?” He hisses, turning his head from left to right as we hurry along the narrow aluminum walkway in front of several doors.

We reach his door and in lightning speed, he opens it, shoves me through it, follows me and locks it shut it behind us.

I swallow and say, “I’ve never done this before.”