Track 12: Hiding my Heart
Kate
This afternoon is the rehearsal and Natalee’s been wired since before her morning coffee. More family has been arriving to town and staying at the hotel where the venue is being held. She’s been pretty calm up until today and now I’m worried she’ll blow at any moment if anything is out of order.
Gabe and I barely have a chance to talk before Nat and I head to the church to decorate. Not that I’m entirely attempting to talk to him right now, especially after my chat with Natalee yesterday. I feel even guiltier than before and now my mind is so confused, I’m not sure what to do. I can barely even focus on any of that, because her bridesmaids all meet us at the church to help decorate. We manage to get it done in just a couple of hours, but between them talking and laughing, I can barely hear myself think.
Next is decorating the venue, so we all carpool to the hall. The girls and I chat, making easy conversation about how we all know Natalee and when we all expect her to get pregnant.
“I hope she has twins!”
“Me, too! One boy, one girl!”
“Oh my God, that’d be so cute!”
They all gush in high-pitched voices and excitement overload. I’m trying to be as excited as they are, but I just can’t. Even if she got pregnant on her wedding night, I wouldn’t be around to experience her pregnancy or meet the baby.
And that crushes me.
Gabe and Trace meet us at the hall and help us finish setting up all the decorations, centerpieces, and lights that drape along the head table. I see a couple of the girls chatting with Gabe and the fact that he’s even giving them the time of day irks me. I don’t expect him to ignore them and be rude, but does he have to give them the same glowing smile that he gives me?
Once everything is finished, we load up to head back to the church for rehearsal. The pastor is meeting us there in a few minutes and Natalee told me she’s hopeful we can get through it in just a couple of run throughs.
But knowing the perfectionist in her, I’m not so certain.
Trace’s brother, Nathan, is the best man, which means I’ll be walking down the aisle with him. The church coordinator puts all the bridesmaids and groomsmen in line to walk down the aisle together. Nathan and I are at the end, but Gabe is two rows ahead of me with some perky, obnoxiously loud, giggling, long-legged girl. Her name is Yasmine and she has jet-black hair and naturally tan skin. She looks like something out of an exotic magazine, and I hate that she’s draping her arms all over him.
I blink, trying to look away, but the fact that Gabe hasn’t even looked back at me or rather, has hardly spoken to me today, sets me on a jealous fury, which I fucking hate.
I hate that I feel jealous. I hate that I feel like he’s mine, when he’s clearly not. I hate that I believed we had something special this week when it’s so easy for him to flirt with this gorgeous girl right in front of me.
And the worse part? Yasmine is probably the nicest girls of the bunch. She seems intelligent and career-driven, which of course, only fuels my jealous rage more.
Nathan is pretty nice, but he’s nothing like Trace. He’s ten years older than him and is really quiet. He’s not much of a threat to Gabe, if he even cared.
“So are your wife and kids here with you this weekend?” I asked as we stood in line once again.
“They’re driving in tomorrow morning. Margo couldn’t get off work and the kids had school. So I came early for tonight.”
“Oh, cool. How old are your kids?” I ask to keep the dry conversation going.
“Ben is eight and Jordyn is six.” He pauses and before I can say anything, he continues. “The twins are three and Ava is eight months.”
My eyes widen, a small chuckle releasing from my throat as I turn and really look at him this time. No wonder he’s so quiet. He’s exhausted!
“Five kids under the age of eight? Wow…”
“Yup,” he says dryly. “Margo wanted a big family.”
“Well, pretty soon you’ll have your own football team,” I say with a soft smile.
He finally smiles in return. “She’s also three months pregnant.”
I smile in return, wanting to give the guy a flask of whiskey or something, but soon it’s our turn to walk down the aisle again, one final time.
My hand loops through his arm as we take small steps toward the altar. We’re the last ones walking down, so everyone’s eyes are on us, including Gabe, and the thought of him leaving in a couple days has my body on edge. I feel fidgety and tense, and I hate that I want him to stay, especially since he’d be staying for me.
Before we part ways in the front, my leg goes numb, and I stumble over my feet. If it wasn’t for Nathan grabbing ahold of me so quickly, I would’ve landed right on my face.
A few of the girls squeal as Gabe takes a protective step toward me, but once he sees that Nathan caught me and asks if I’m okay, he backs away. I’d be lying if I said I was disappointed, but I can’t let things like that bother me anymore.
The realization that this is all ending soon, both with Gabe and life, hits me hard.
“I’m fine,” I whisper to Nathan, bowing my head as I walk to the front and stand in my spot. The music begins and Natalee walks down the aisle again. My leg is tingling and soon starts to burn.
I knew the symptoms when I was first diagnosed, but they’d been pretty minor up until now.
Natalee is finally happy with the rehearsal and invites everyone over to the house for the rehearsal dinner. She’s catered in food and a wine bar and as much as I want to get drunk and forget this week with Gabe is ending soon, I have to remind myself that this is not my reality. Living life to the fullest and with no regrets is starting to catch up with me. I feel myself falling harder and harder for this man who I don’t even really know. The small parts I’ve given and the parts he’s revealed have been just enough to get under my skin and aim straight for my heart.
I ride back to the house with one of the bridesmaids who can’t stop talking about how her boyfriend took her to Rome. A couple of the other girls gossip and start asking me questions, such as Do I have a boyfriend? Am I totally excited for all the single men that will be at the wedding?—because apparently being single means I’m always looking—and Have I ever seen a famous person in New York City?—I get that one a lot.
My leg finally starts to feel better, so I stay for the dinner through the first course before I finally catch up with Natalee and say goodnight.
“Are you sure you’re okay? I saw you stumbled a little down the aisle?” Natalee’s on her third glass of wine, thank God—she’d been going Bridezilla there for a moment—and even through her slurred words, I can hear the concern in her voice.
“Oh, I’m fine. I think the exhaustion was just getting to me. I’ll be in tiptop shape tomorrow,” I say with a smile, reassuring her with my light tone.
By her goofy grin and the wave of her hand, I can tell she buys it. I let her know I’m heading up for the night and before I can step away, she grabs my arm and pulls my body to hers in a dramatic bear hug.
“I love you, Katie Bear. Thank you so much for being here.” Her grip is loose, but she sounds like one of those tipsy college girls who can’t hold her liquor.
“I love you too, Nattie Bug. I wouldn’t miss this for the world,” I say honestly, the guilt boiling up my throat, threatening to seep out of my skin and reveal the truth.
As soon as one of her friends calls her name, she’s walking-slash-stumbling toward them with her wine glass in hand. Walking upstairs, I smile as I think about Natalee and how she’s always been such a humble, sweet, and genuine person. She’s the very definition of classy and perfect, but the moment she gets around her old college friends, she’s a loose cannon.
Good for her though. I’d rather see her drunk and happy then stressed and sober.
Once upstairs, I head right for the bath, the steamy water and bubbles covering my body and easing away all the aches and spasms. I barely saw Gabe after the rehearsal. After our day alone together, things have felt weird, and I can’t help believing he’s feeling that way, too. Or maybe he’s just getting started on the inevitable and forgetting my very existence in the first place.
Humming to myself, I try to remind myself to stay in the moment. This is Natalee’s day, and I want her to enjoy it. As long as I stay busy helping her, I won’t have time to think about anything else.
I hear a loud thump and the sound of Gabe’s bedroom door slamming shut. Footsteps and giggling, bodies merging into the walls, and the squeak of the bed all have me sitting upright in the tub as I focus on the room next to mine.
It doesn’t take a genius to know what’s happening. His door is right there and every sound they make echoes through the bathroom, letting me know he has a girl in there. I hear more of her giggles as she chucks her shoes off. The sound of her heels hitting the floor vibrates the wall and I’m up and out of the bath the next second.
Rage and jealousy fill my head immediately. How the hell could he do something like this? I know we aren’t a couple or even anything close to it, but he knows my room is right next to his. He’s barely acknowledged me the last twenty-four hours and now I know why.
I haven’t ripped my clothes off for him.
Well, okay, technically.
Heated and pissed off, I wrap the towel around me and stomp out of the bathroom, slamming my door behind me. I doubt he’ll even notice considering whoever he probably has bent over the bed by now is screaming her mercies.
So much for one last night with Gabe. I won’t even be able to look at him tomorrow…