For the third time, I take a deep breath.

It does nothing to calm me.

I'm not getting ready for a job interview or a test or an interrogation.

I'm preparing to fuck my boyfriend.

To prove I'm capable of fucking my boyfriend.

To prove I'm capable of fucking, period.

He's already in my bedroom.

He's already tied to the bed.

It ruins the illusion that he's completely under my control, if he's able to tie himself to the bed.

But still.

This really does put me in the driver's seat.

That's a good thing.

In theory.

But it's scarier too.

If I can't do this, it's not because he tugged at my hair too hard or moved too fast.

It's me.

My inability to handle my shit.

I take another deep breath.

Let out another steady exhale.

The apartment is buzzing with sexy slow jams.

It's empty.

Kaylee is at Brendon's for the night.

The place is ours.

No distractions. No interruptions. No hiccups.

For the ten millionth time, I check my reflection.

My hair is in loose waves.

My makeup is perfect.

My black chemise is gorgeous.

But it's not right.

The lingerie, the lipstick, the R&B—this isn't me.

I toss the chemise on the ground. Pull on my everyday bra and panties. They're comfortable, but they're sexy enough.

I go to my computer. Switch the playlist to one that's right.

There.

A thrashing guitar riff fills the space.

Then a laugh.

Hunter finds me amusing.

He loves mocking my taste in music.

Which is… sweet, actually.

There's something about it. Something that says I love you.

He knows me.

Trusts me.

Wants me.

This…

I can do this.

I can do this as me.

I wipe off my subtle mauve lipstick. Find my favorite crimson red.

There.

Now, I'm Emma Kane.

Maybe I'm not a sex goddess.

Maybe I'm still a scared, vulnerable girl.

But I'm not running from that.

Deep breath.

Steady exhale.

I step into the hallway.

Push the bedroom door open.

The curtains are down. The only illumination comes from the string lights lining the walls. The same ones that used to adorn my old room. Tiny paper stars that glow against the darkness.

They're beautiful, soft, perfect.

And there's Hunter, sprawled over the bed in nothing but his jeans, his arms pulled over his head, his wrists bound.

I've never had fantasies of tying guys up.

But there is something appealing about him waiting and ready for me.

At my mercy.

I'm in control.

I can do this.

We've done so much.

Touched so much.

I've heard him come so many times.

Thought about him coming as I fucked myself.

It's just this one bridge I haven't crossed.

He scoots up the bed enough to push himself up.

Then he tugs at the restraints until they kick.

To show me they work.

That I can trust him.

I already do trust him.

It's that voice in the back of my head that always ruins this.

"You look gorgeous, baby." He gives me a long, slow once over.

"I was wearing this all day."

"Wanted to fuck you all day." An edge drops into his voice. He's not playing anymore. He's not flirting for the sake of it.

He wants me.

Badly.

I want him too.

I just…

No, I'm not going there.

I'm not getting lost in my head.

I'm staying tuned into this moment. The one happening right now.

I used to be good at that.

I miss it.

My eyes meet Hunter's. "How about this?" I place my foot on the bed. Peel my dress up my thigh. All the way to the edge of my panties.

His pupils dilate.

His tongue slides over his lips.

His breath gets low and growly. "Show me."

I shake my head. "I'm in control here."

He nods slowly. Like he's barely managing to remember that.

"You do what I say."

"I like the music." He motions to the Bluetooth speaker on my desk. "This is going to be my new favorite song."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." There's no pretense in his voice. He's not teasing. He means it.

"Your next tattoo?"

"Yeah." His eyes trace a line down my leg. "It's perfect."

"Is it?"

"It's you."

"You want me on your body forever?"

"Can't think of anything I want more."

"Really?" I pull my dress to my waist. Flash him my panties. "Nothing?"

"Fuck, Em." His voice drops back to that growly tone. "You drive me out of my mind."

"You do too."

"I want to see you."

"How?"

"Naked."

The need in his voice makes my sex clench.

"Coming."

I want more of that.

I really, really do.

Slowly, I pull my dress over my head.

His eyes go wide as I shift onto the bed.

I place my body next to his. So I'm kneeling, my knees brushing his hips.

His jeans are rough against my skin.

He's so close.

I can feel the warmth of his skin.

I can smell his shampoo.

And that faint hint of sweat.

It's never been appealing before.

But it is.

I want to work him hard.

Until we're both panting and dripping.

That's not happening today.

But one day…

Maybe I can get there.

Maybe it really is possible.

I take another deep breath.

This time, my exhale doesn't feel quite so heavy.

It's more… free.

I lean back on my heels as I bring my hand to Hunter's stomach.

My fingers trace the lines of his muscles.

Then his tattoos.

His eyelids flutter together as I drag my fingertips up his torso.

I make my touch featherlight.

Up his stomach, chest, neck.

Down the same path.

Past his belly button and that soft tuft of hairs beneath it.

All the way to the waistband of his jeans.

It feels good, touching him.

Watching need spread over his expression.

Bit by bit, I push my other thoughts aside.

Until there's only one thing in my head:

Must drive Hunter wild.

I undo the button of his jeans. The zipper.

My palm finds his cock.

The soft cotton of his boxers is in the way, but he's hard under that.

I rub him with my palm.

His lips part with a groan. "Em." He tries to reach for me, but the restraints catch him.

His arms fall back to the bed.

His eyes blink open.

He stares up at me as I rub him.

His eyes fill with the deepest, purest desire.

I need more of that.

To really, truly feel like he's under my spell.

Like I'm in control.

I push his jeans off his hips.

Then the boxers.

Mmm.

He looks good halfway out of his clothes.

Like he wants me so badly he can't bother to lose them completely.

I guess it's the other way.

I want him too badly to do away with his jeans completely.

I sling my legs around his thighs. Shift myself into position. Rest one hand on his stomach.

Wrap the other around his cock.

Slowly, I lean down.

Brush my lips against his tip.

Then it's my tongue.

He tastes good.

He always does.

We've done this a lot.

Fuck, I can't remember the last time I did this so much.

But I'm not getting tired of it.

The more I suck him off, the more I want to.

It's fucking thrilling, driving him to the edge, watching pleasure spread over his expression.

I pump him as I take him deeper.

He bucks his hips.

Groans my name.

He's egging me on.

He wants more.

He wants everything.

But, right now, I'm in control of exactly how this goes.

For once, I actually feel in control.

I reach my free hand up his torso. Brush my fingers against his chest.

Take him deeper.

"Em…" His wrists tug against the restraints. "Fuck me, baby."

My sex clenches.

My nipples pang.

My knees go weak.

God, I want that.

I want that so fucking badly.

I push myself up.

Then I climb up his body until my sex is against his cock.

There's a thin layer of fabric between us.

That's it.

There's only this tiny layer of cotton separating our bodies.

Fuck, he feels good against me.

He's so close.

So close to being mine.

To us being exactly where we're supposed to be.

I grind against him as I unhook my bra and slide it off my shoulders.

His eyes go wide.

Again, he tries to reach for me.

Groans as the restrains stop him.

There's something about Hunter denying himself.

Or me denying him.

It's hot.

Not as hot as him touching me.

But still fucking hot.

I stare into his eyes as I grind against him.

His cock presses the soft fabric of my panties against my clit.

It's just enough friction to drive me out of my mind.

I shift my hips, rubbing against him.

My nipples pang.

My sex aches.

My breath catches.

Fuck, I'm close.

This is already so much.

So good.

But I need to come with him inside me.

I need him inside me.

Period.

I dig my fingers into his stomach.

Force my thoughts to steady.

This isn't going to work if I rush myself.

I can't convince myself I'm ready.

I have to be ready.

My body is screaming Need Hunter Now.

Am I ready?

Or am I just that close to the edge?

I shift my hips to grind my crotch against his again.

He reaches for my hips.

Catches on the restrains. "You're gonna make me come, baby."

Yes, I want that.

I really, really want that.

I shift off him. Onto the bed.

Then I lift my hips, push my panties to my ankles, kick them off.

Hunter watches with rapt attention as I climb onto him.

As I wrap my hand around his cock.

I can do this.

I can really fucking do this.

I stare into his eyes as I lower my body onto his.

His tip strains against me.

Fuck, that feels good.

And not like with Vinnie.

I take him one inch at a time.

Until I have all of him.

Until I'm so full I think I might burst.

It's different.

Good different.

He looks up at me with hazy eyes. "Condom."

"Oh." Fuck, he's right.

There's nothing between us.

Only his skin against mine.

God, it's intimate.

And the lack of rubber—it makes it easier to push that night further away.

But I can't be stupid.

I don't need any other complications.

I force myself to pull back. Then I climb up the bed, grab the condom from the bedside table, rip the wrapper.

He stares down at me as I roll it over his cock.

I'm far from smooth.

I'm incredibly awkward.

But I don't care.

As long as I get him inside me again.

It clicks in my head.

My first thought isn't that I need to prove I can do this.

Only that I need it.

My thoughts fell so far away I forgot protection.

Even if this isn't perfect, that's a fucking win.

I'm getting there.

I sling my leg over his hip and shift into position.

His cock strains against me.

He's hard.

And warm.

But the tug of rubber.

Fuck, it's familiar.

I suck a breath through my nose.

Exhale slowly.

It happened.

I'm not running from it. Or putting it in a box. Or pushing it into the corner.

I'm acknowledging it and moving aside.

Vinnie hurt me.

But Hunter isn't Vinnie.

I trust him.

I really fucking trust him.

Concern streaks his blue eyes as he stares up at me.

He's worried.

Scared for me.

I'm not okay yet.

There's a long way to go.

But I'm getting there.

And I'm here.

I spread my thighs.

Take him deeper.

Fuck.

That's intense.

Good intense.

So fucking good.

The moment washes over me.

The growling vocals pouring from the speakers.

The soft string lights.

The sigh falling from Hunter's lips.

He groans as I press my hands against his shoulders.

I start slow.

Shift my hips forward and backward.

A little.

Then more.

Then just enough he hits me where I need him.

Fuck.

My eyelids press together.

But that's no good.

I need to stay here, in this room, with him.

I force my eyes open.

Force my gaze to him.

"Fuck, Em." He bucks his hips, shifting deeper.

He's close.

I need that.

But I also need to come like this.

With him inside me.

I press one hand to his chest. "Watch me."

I bring the other to my clit.

I rock against him as I stroke myself.

The tension in my sex winds.

He hits me just right.

And the pressure of my fingertips—

Being in control of this, of when I come—

It's exactly what I need.

I don't draw it out.

I barely even savor it.

My fingers work hard and fast.

A few strokes and I'm at the edge.

A few more and I tumble over it.

"Hunter." I groan his name as I come.

I rub myself through my orgasm.

Then he's shifting his hips.

Driving into me.

Deeper.

Harder.

Fuck.

"Em." His head falls backward.

His fingers curl into his palms.

With his next thrust, he comes.

His cock pulses inside me.

Even with the condom, I can feel it.

And it's everything.

Once he's finished, I untangle our bodies.

I untie Hunter.

He does away with the condom.

Then he wraps his arms around me and he pulls me closer.

I nestle into his chest.

"You're too good at this, baby." He presses his lips to my chest. "I need to make you come again."

I shake my head. That was good. Perfect. But it was all I can take. "Tomorrow."

"That a promise?"

"Yeah."

"Perfect."