Nova

I sit in the rocker in the nursery, looking around with a wistful smile. We still have things we need to get for the baby, lots of things, but for the most part the nursery is complete. The mural I painted turned out amazing. I ended up going with a moon and stars motif. I love the way it turned out, it brings a wistfulness to the room without being cutesy.

The crib is put together—Jace bitched the entire time, because apparently the crib was designed by people from NASA, according to him. It didn’t look difficult to me, but I didn’t actually try to help. 

The bedding I picked matches the décor perfectly, and I added a few pillows and stuffed animals to the crib for the time being since it looked so bare. But once the baby is using it those will have to come out.

The dresser is full of clothes ranging from newborn to twenty-four months since I seem to have no self-control when it comes to baby things.

With Greyson, I wasn’t allowed to be happy that I was pregnant. I didn’t look forward to his birth, instead I dreaded it, because I knew he’d no longer be with me. At least when he was inside me he was there.

There’s a soft round gray rug in the center of the floor. I currently have my shoes kicked off and my toes curled into it. It’ll be a perfect spot for the baby to lie and play. 

Jace pokes his head in the door and smiles when he sees me. “Ready to go?”

I nod. “Yeah.” I put my shoes back on and stand. 

We head to Xander and Thea’s house for Xael’s first birthday party.

I can’t believe she’s one. So much has happened. It feels like five years have passed.

When we get to their house I can’t help but laugh. The snow-covered lawn is decorated with pink confetti, and pink balloons are tied near the front door.

Jace parks and we let ourselves into an explosion of even more pink.

I shouldn’t be surprised. Pink is Thea’s favorite color.

Pink streamers hang from the ceiling in an arch, and there’s more pink confetti on the floor. Someone’s going to have fun cleaning all of it up.

In the kitchen there’s a two-tier round cake that’s, shocker, pink. There’s some kind of shimmery dust on the icing so the cake shimmers in the light. Beside the cake is an even smaller cake, just for Xael. Food and snacks are laid out on the counter so people can eat as they please and mingle.

I spot Xander and Thea, near the fireplace, Thea holding Xael while they speak to his parents. Thea’s mom and boyfriend stand by the counter, munching on some pretzels, and offer a polite hello when they spot the two of us.

I don’t see Cade or Rae and assume they haven’t gotten here yet. 

For once, we’re not the last ones.

I place our gifts with the others and then grab some snacks, hoping I can keep them down. This week so far has been better in regard to the nausea. I’m still playing it safe, though, not wanting to anger the beast.

Jace pulls out one of the counter stools and sits down. 

Thea makes her way over to us, Xael no longer on her hip. When I look over I see Xander’s parents playing with her while Xander laughs at something his dad says.

“Jacen,” Thea greets.

“She-devil,” he replies, not missing a beat.

I shake my head. “You two act like brother and sister.”

Jace glares at me with narrowed eyes. “Are you saying we’re alike?”

“Um, yeah.”

He makes a face. “I’m seriously going to have to reconsider the status of our relationship if you think that.”

My jaw drops.

“Kidding … sort of.” He laughs and I smack his arm.

“How are you feeling?” Thea asks me.

“Fucking amazing, thanks for asking, darling,” Jace replies before I can.

Thea rolls her eyes and looks at me waiting for an answer. “Much better. This little guy is treating me better lately.”

“Hey, guys!” Rae calls, breezing through the door with Cade behind her carrying a few pink wrapped gifts. 

Rae joins us and Cade goes to the refrigerator, muttering something about, “needing a beer to get through this girly pink shimmer fest.”

“Get me one too,” Jace pleads.

I shake my head.

Boys.

Thea bumps my arm, getting my attention. “So,” she says as she grins, “have you guys picked a name yet?”

Jace and I have talked about names exhaustively. Naming a kid is really freaking hard. You want something unique but not weird, something you like, but isn’t used all the time. 

I glance at Jace. “Want to tell them?”

He cracks open his beer and uses it to point at me. “Go ahead.”

I smile at Thea and Rae, and I notice everyone else is paying attention too. 

“We’ve decided to name him Beckett Clarke Kensington.”

“Aw, I love Beckett. It’s a great name.” Thea claps her hands and does a little happy dance. 

“Wait.” Rae’s brow’s furrow. “Are you hyphenating Clarke Kensington, or is Clarke actually his middle name?”

“Clarke will be his middle name,” I reply, touching my stomach.

“So many babies.” Thea claps again. “I’m telling you, Rae, you need to get to work.”

Rae looks horror stricken. “Not yet, thank you very much.”

Thea rolls her eyes and mutters to me. “Our kids will be teenagers before this one decides to have her first kid.” She tosses a thumb over her shoulder at Rae.

Rae sighs. “Trust me, it’ll be sooner than that, but not yet.”

“But why,” Thea whines. “If you get pregnant our kids could be the three amigos.”

Jace interjects, “But would they have to wear sombreros?”

Thea glares at him. She’s mastered the perfect glare, but of course nothing fazes Jace. I’m pretty sure a bomb could go off beside him and he’d carry on as he was. 

“Nobody needs your sarcasm, Jacen.”

“Did you know sarcasm makes you live longer?” Jace jokes. 

“Then you must be a fucking vampire,” Thea replies, a hand on her hip.

Jace grins widely. “Yes. Yes, I am. So when you’re a withered gray-haired woman, I’ll still look like this.” He motions to himself.

“And then I’ll stake your cold dead heart with a rolling pin.”

Xander comes over and puts his hand on Thea’s shoulder. “Down, tiger.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” she argues.

Rae clears her throat, desperate to change the subject. Cade’s in the corner downing his second beer. I have a feeling a lot of his anxiety has nothing to do with the party itself and more to do with babies. His mom currently has him cornered and he looks like he’d prefer to melt into the floor.

“So,” Rae starts with me, “how’s the business going with Joel?”

“Slow, but okay, I guess. We’re getting maybe one paid shoot a month each, sometimes two.” I shrug. “I feel bad for Joel, though, because I’ve been focused on the baby I haven’t been putting as much time and energy into the business as I should have. Right now, we both still have our other jobs. I think it’ll take us a year or two to be where we can do this full time.”

“Well, you have to start somewhere,” Rae replies. 

I know it’s true, but sometimes it sucks. Joel and I have such a big vision for what we want to do, and not getting there sucks. I keep reminding myself one day.

One day, we’ll have all we’ve dreamed of.

“Have you heard anything at all from your parents?” Rae asks softly.

I shake my head. “No. It doesn’t matter, though. They are who they are and I have to accept it. So I can either try to have them in my life as they are or let them go, and I’m choosing to let them go. I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life, and definitely not in my son’s.”

Maybe it’s wrong of me to cut ties, they are my parents, but they’ve brought me nothing but heartbreak, and I can’t keep putting myself through that. I refuse when I have the ability to change the outcome.

“Well,” Xander’s voice booms through the room. “Let’s have Xael open her gifts.”

Immediately, the tone in the room changes. It’s back to light and happy. Xael’s set down on the floor and handed a gift one at a time while Xander and Thea sit beside her helping. Rae takes pictures of everything.

Xael giggles, whipping a piece of wrapping paper back and forth where the tape has gotten stuck to her hand.

“Come here, princess.” Xander grabs her hand and pulls the piece of paper off.

Xael immediately bursts into tears and screams, “No!”

Thea sighs and looks at all of us. “No is her favorite word,” she explains.

Xander hands her back the paper and the tears immediately cease, though there’s still the evidence left on her cheeks. 

When all the gifts are open, Xael is placed in her high-chair with the small cake. It has one lone candle, and Xander and Thea stand on either side of her chair as Xander lights it.

“Blow out your candle and make a wish,” Thea tells her.

Xael looks at her like she’s lost her mind.

Thea shakes her head and her eyes meet Xander’s. They blow out the candle together and Xael claps her hands, exclaiming a gurgled, “Yay!”

Thea removes the candle and Xander pushes the cake closer to her. 

“Go for it,” he tells her. 

Xael puts her hand in the icing and in the blink of an eye she slaps her hand against the corner of Xander’s mouth and cheek. Xander looks stone faced for a moment before he breaks out in a grin. 

“Just like her mother.” He shakes his head and wipes the icing off with a finger before sticking it in his mouth.

Xael smacks her chubby hand into the cake, completely destroying it. She grabs a handful of cake and shoves it in her mouth. Most of it ends up splattered on her face and clothes, but since she’s a baby she looks adorable and not like a drunk sorority girl.

“Anyone want cake?” Thea points to the other cake.

Jace’s hand shoots into the air. “I’m always game for cake.”

I shake my head and stifle a laugh. Jace’s love for cake is as amusing as it is endearing. 

“So, cake for everyone else and none for Jace?” Thea asks, meeting all of our eyes.

“Careful,” I tell her, “if you don’t give him any, he’ll steal mine.”

“Jace would steal cake from his pregnant girlfriend?” She sounds doubtful.

Jace shrugs and nods. “Cake is a serious matter.”

Thea sighs in resignation, “Isn’t everything?”