I’d just settled into bed when the ping of an incoming text set my heart to beating wildly. It didn’t matter that it had been months without talking to him – every text still had me hopeful that it was him. And every time I looked at the screen, that hope dissolved into a wave of disappointment.

Leika: I got engaged! Party next Friday at 7pm. Address attached.

Me: Congratulations!

I didn’t tell her I’d be there. Even the thought of being in the same place as Court had my stomach flipping.

Leika: Say you’ll come. PLEASE? I know things are weird with Court, but I promise to shield you from him if that’s what you want.

I sighed. Was it what I wanted? It was what I probably needed. I vividly remembered the hurt and anger in his eyes the night I’d discovered his father was Dr. Sterling. I didn’t think that was a pain that I could erase so easily with a casual hello at a mutual friend’s party. In truth, I was surprised she’d even invited me. We’d shared a few text messages over the past few months, but I’d known where her loyalty laid. I typed back quickly before I could talk myself out of it. If Leika had invited me, she’d either cleared it with Court or knew he’d be okay. She wouldn’t knowingly inflict pain his direction. Maybe he’d moved on. The idea of that was even more depressing.

Me: I’ll be there.

And so, it was settled. I was finally going to lay eyes on the man who haunted my dreams.

The next afternoon I still reeled from the idea of seeing Court. I’d been late to work, spilled coffee on my dress, and now I was late again.

“I’m here. I made it. I’m sorry I’m late,” I gasped as I jogged up to the front of the hospital, cursing the strappy sandals I’d chosen to wear, where my mom and Donnie stood waiting.

“You’re late,” Donnie said with an annoyed glare and turned, pulling mom with him to the sliding glass doors that would bring us into the main lobby of the hospital.

“I think we already established that,” I grumbled and pushed my purse strap back up to my shoulder.

I’d been accompanying my mom to her therapy twice a week. Even after it was clear Donnie had it covered.

I wasn’t sure what I had expected in terms of therapy, but the exercises were less of the weight machines and yoga I had anticipated from the research I’d done, although she did some of that, but more things like playing ping pong and dancing.

Donnie had taken on the role of my mother’s daily guardian and caretaker with a possessive hold and he took that job seriously. And, unlike the rest of us, he’d been able to make it fun. To make mom feel less like a patient and more like she was out doing something fun with her teenage son. I loved him for that, but it made me feel sad and hopeless at the same time. I’d come back to be of help and to spend more time with her, but it felt like all I did was make her sad and remind her that the disease was progressing.

Donnie and I flanked her to the check in desk, but I stayed back as they entered the therapy floor.

“I’ll just be over here,” I said and pointed to the small waiting area.

My mom gave me a small smile, but Donnie kept his eyes on our mom as he held the door open for her. I watched for a few moments, just let myself see and try and come to grips with what was happening. My mother was sick. The therapy was helping in some ways – she was less stiff, she said she felt more alert, but she wasn’t going to ever be able to hold down a waitressing job or hand stitch the hem of my dresses. Her shaking was sometimes subtle and other times so pronounced I wanted to hold her hands as if I could steady them and make it stop.

On a positive note, my work was going well. They’d even been understanding with my mother’s condition and allowed me to work a somewhat flexible schedule so I could attend her therapy sessions. I hadn’t regretted coming back, which made me feel confident that I’d made the right decision. A master’s degree wasn’t off the table, I was planning on applying at NYU next semester and though I knew it would take more time to do it while holding down a full-time job and helping out with mom, I looked forward to the additional work. Busy hands left less time to stare hopelessly at the pictures of Court that I’d been unable to delete.

Just thinking of him made my fingers itch to pull up his contact information and send him a text, but what could I possibly say? To my knowledge, he hadn’t exposed his father, at least not publicly. I’d kept an eye on the news waiting for the destruction Court might be able to cause the revered doctor with a bombshell of an abandoned son he’d had over thirty years ago when he was barely a teenager.

Each time I typed in the google search bar I half-hoped and half-dreaded the outcome. I knew it cost Court something to keep the past buried and I wondered if he’d ever truly be able to move on until he felt vindicated somehow. I didn’t think exposing his father publicly and putting both their jobs and reputations on the line was the way to go, but I understood the need he felt to right a wrong.

As if I’d materialized him with my thoughts, Dr. Sterling appeared at the reception desk. He spoke quietly with the receptionist as he handed her a stack of papers. When he looked up and caught my stare he gave me a polite nod and a weak smile.

His demeanor toward me had never been as friendly as that first night with Todd. Whether this was just how he was when dealing with a patient’s family or not, I couldn’t guess. Maybe I wore my barely concealed anger at him more flagrantly that I thought. This man was responsible for hurting someone I loved, but also responsible for helping someone else that I loved, and I didn’t know how to wrap my brain around that.

I breathed a sigh of relief when he disappeared from sight only to be taken by surprise when he strode through the door into the waiting area.

“Miss Winters,” he said by way of greeting.

I stood because… well, I didn’t know why. He’d thrown me and put me at a disadvantage and standing made me feel less like a child.

“Hello, Dr. Sterling.”

“I wondered if we could talk for a moment in my office?”

“My mother should be done in about fifteen minutes, should we –”

He shook his head before I could finish. “This isn’t about her care.”

I nodded and swallowed, hoping to dislodge the lump in my throat as I followed him through the door and down a hallway of offices. He stopped at the last room and motioned for me to go in ahead of him. My mind raced through reasons he might want to talk to me and I worried at my lower lip as I sat and watched him round the large, wooden desk in the corner of the room and sit across from me.

“If this is about payment or insurance,” I started thinking back to the mail stack, not able to remember a single bill or insurance claim in the months she’d been under his care.

He lifted a hand. “No, that’s not it.”

He used that same hand to scrub over his jaw and for the first time, Dr. Sterling looked unsure. It was an odd look for a world-renowned doctor and it immediately put me ill at ease.

“Can you tell me what your relationship is to Courtney Adams?”

My mouth gaped open because this was the absolute last thing I had expected him to ask. What had Court done? Or had Todd somehow figured it out?

When I hadn’t spoken, he continued. “I’m sorry to ask, I know it isn’t any of my business, but I need to contact him, and I was hoping you could help me.”

“I don’t understand. Why do you need my help?”

His head bobbed around as if he were settling on how much to tell me. “He didn’t give me any contact information and I have a few things I need to settle regarding our business agreement.”

Shock turned to anger, and I balled my fists in my lap. And then I laughed because what else could I possibly do? “Business agreement? He’s your son.”

A pained expression crossed his face, but I didn’t have any emotion left to pity him. “So, you do know.” He nodded. “I wasn’t sure if you were in on it or not. Now that your mother’s care is underway I would like to try and talk with him. Try to reason with him. Get our agreement down on paper. A scandal wouldn’t be good for anyone. I’m sure you can understand that, but I’m afraid Court’s track record isn’t something I want to leave to chance.”

“In on what?”

He studied me for a moment. “Court threatened to divulge our relationship to the press if I didn’t help your mother,” he stated plainly.

All the blood rushed from my face and I felt shaky and disoriented as I tried to grapple with this information. Court had used the threat of his relationship to Dr. Sterling to blackmail him into helping my mom? How dare he use my mother’s disease as a bargaining chip in his plan to ruin his father.

“You didn’t know,” he finally said, and I shook my head.

Dr. Sterling sighed, and I finally allowed myself to see the situation through his eyes. God, no wonder he’d treated me so coolly.

“He had no right. I will talk with my family. If you could refer my mother to someone maybe half as good as you it would mean a lot to us. They had no idea about any of this,” I said as I stood on shaky legs.

“Please, Bianca,” he stood as well and motioned for me to sit. “It’s really best for all of us if he contacts me. I’d appreciate your help reasoning with him, so we can come to some sort of agreement, so we can all move on with our lives.”

“Move on with our lives?” I balked at him. “You think Court can just move on like none of this ever happened? Like you didn’t throw him away like garbage?” My voice rose, and I could feel the anger warming my face. “Did you even try and talk to him? Explain to him why you never contacted him throughout the years?”

I moved to leave, but apparently, I wasn’t done saying my peace. I whirled and clenched my hands into fists as I spoke. “Court is the most amazing person I’ve ever met, but the damage that you caused,” my heart squeezed, and tears stung at the corners of my eyes. There was so much more I wanted to say, but I didn’t trust myself not to break down.

“I suppose I’m going to need to buy your silence now as well?” he asked but didn’t wait for my answer. He opened a desk drawer and pulled out a checkbook.

“You’re unbelievable. God, I can’t believe I told Court he should give you the benefit of the doubt. I think he’s exceptionally lucky to not have had you for a father. He’s good and honest and leaving him alone is probably the most decent thing you’ve ever done.” I marched to the door, tears falling freely now.

I sent Donnie a text to tell him I’d had to return to the office and I did. I buried myself in algorithms for the next six hours, working well past my coworkers and into the early evening. I blocked out everything but numbers and equations until my fingers ached and my stomach rumbled so loudly I finally gave into my body’s signs that it was time to go home.

I needed to decide what to do about my mom’s care. About Dr. Sterling. About what it meant that Court had used my mom’s illness as a bargaining chip. But it wasn’t just about me. It was about dad, and Leo and Donnie.

And my mom.

The house sat quiet. Mom and dad were watching The Voice and barely pried themselves from the screen long enough to mumble a hello as I entered. Donnie was at work. He’d started a job as a dishwasher at a night club in Hell’s Kitchen. My parents hadn’t been pleased, but the pay was better than minimum wage and it left Donnie free during the day to be with mom.

Grabbing a plate of leftover meatloaf from the stove, I took it outside on the patio. Leo sat lounged on an easy chair with his sketch pad in his hands.

“Hey,” I muttered a greeting as I took a seat next to him.

“Hey,” he replied without looking up.

I watched him draw as I ate. The easy way his hands glided over the paper always amazed me, but tonight as he drew a portrait of a woman, I felt the day fall away and I felt truly at peace for the first time maybe since moving home. He shaded around the eyes, creating a dramatic look and then added wisps of hair around the face, giving the woman a carefree elegance. There wasn’t a picture attached, but I knew this photo from memory. So did he, apparently.

“She was so beautiful,” I said as he smudged strategically with his finger in certain spots.

He gave me a small nod and looked up as if just realizing I was watching him. He put the pencil down and stared over at my food. With an eye roll, I handed over the plate.

He grinned and shoveled the remainder of my late dinner into his mouth in three easy bites.

“You got any more?” I asked, nodding to the paper.

He shrugged, and I took that as an invitation. I grabbed the sketchbook and flipped to the front. Each page was her and there was something almost reverent about the way he’d captured our mom in the various stages of her life. I stopped at one, staring a long moment, before I set it back down in front of him.

“She’s even more beautiful now,” I said as we both looked on to the picture he’d drawn of mom. An older version of the same woman he’d been drawing – wrinkles around her eyes and mouth in this one, but the same heart-shaped face and big eyes that made you want to stare at her just a little longer.

“How’s work?” I’d avoided asking over the last few weeks because I was afraid even the mention of Court’s name would splinter my heart, but after today I felt like there wasn’t anything my baby brother could say that would make the day worse.

“Good.”

I rolled my eyes again because one-word responses were typical of my brothers, but damn did they always have to make me work for every scrap of information?

“What do you do all day? Fetch coffee? Run errands?”

It was his turn to roll his eyes at me. “Court’s not that kind of boss. He doesn’t make us do stuff like that.”

The first slip of his name and I had survived.

“That’s good,” I said.

“He hooked me up with the marketing team, told them I was thinking about a career in art, so they’re letting me work with them a few hours each week to help design their new website,” he said and then added. “Pretty cool.”

Pretty cool was the teenage boy equivalent of “OMG, that’s amazing!” and I felt like an ass for not having asked about his job sooner.

“That’s awesome,” I told him with a small punch to his upper arm which earned me a small grin. “Congratulations.”

He picked the sketch pad back up and I leaned back in the chair content to just sit some more with the quiet sound of his drawing lulling me back to reality – back to what was important, my family.

“I think he misses you or something,” he said, not looking up.

I stilled.

“He doesn’t ask about you, but he’s always asking me how things are going, and I don’t think he means work. Did you two, like, have a falling out or something?”

“No, we just –” I started and then sighed.

I didn’t want to lie to my brother, but I wasn’t about to tell him what had gone down. I wasn’t even sure how I was going to tell my mom that Dr. Sterling was going to transfer her care. I knew Leo wasn’t a child anymore, he’d grown up in the same house I did – with all the same issues that forced us to see things a little differently than our peers. We still got mad at our parents, sure, but we didn’t scream “I hate you!” and threaten to run away like our peers had – we’d held on tightly to the good.

But, sick mothers and poor families weren’t in the same realm as abandonment and the big sister in me didn’t want to put any more negative in his head.

“It’s complicated,” I finally finished.

“Why do old people always say that when they don’t want to say. Why not just say, I don’t want to say?”

“I’m old now?” I asked in mock horror.

He grinned, one side of his mouth pulling up.

“Fine. I don’t want to say.”

“Want me to quit?”

“What? No, of course not.”

He shrugged a lanky shoulder. “I don’t want to work for someone who treated you badly.”

Pride and a strong sense of protectiveness swarmed me. “It’s not like that. I’m really excited that you have this opportunity.”

Leo nodded and stood. “Cool. I’m gonna go meet up with Donnie. He gets off in a bit. See ya later.”

“See ya,” I said and watched my baby brother walk toward the door.

“Hey, Leo,” I called, and he turned. “Maybe just spit in his coffee once for me if you get the chance?”

He laughed. “Sure thing.”