I paced the apartment making sure everything was perfect. Chinese was on the way, the apartment was clean, and I had all her favorite drinks and snacks stocked just in case. God, why was I so nervous? I ran a hand through my hair and took a pull from my beer hoping it would ease my nerves.

I’d invited Bianca over to help me write my toast for Leika’s engagement party. I did need to write the toast, but more importantly I needed to spend more time with Bianca. I couldn’t lose her again. I’d survived without her, but I just didn’t want to anymore. She was worth the risk. I was through letting the past keep me from having what I wanted. And I wanted Bianca.

A light knock on the door had me rushing to open it.

“Hey,” she said breathlessly like she was just as nervous to be here as I was to have her here.

I motioned her inside. “Can I get you something to drink? Food is on the way.”

“Sure,” she said as she sat her purse on the counter and perched herself onto the bar stool.

I mixed up the Diet Coke with a splash of rum and handed it to her while I took my place next to her. “How was your day?”

“It was good. I’m actually coming from happy hour with a few of the guys at work so thank you for the suggestion.”

I stilled. Maybe I hadn’t thought this through. She worked with all men. Men who were not blind.

“How was it?” I asked when I found my voice.

She laughed as if catching on to my discomfort. “It was fine. Apparently, I’m a good wing man. I hooked two of the guys up with girls at the bar in under an hour. I’ve taken the Court Adams rule book and passed it on to more unfortunate souls.”

I chuckled and shook my head, ready to defend the wisdom I’d passed on to her when the doorbell rang. We settled in the living room with takeout boxes.

So, what sort of toast are you going for – sweet, funny, both?”

“Definitely funny. Leika and I don’t really do the sappy stuff.”

“Yeah, but this is different.”

I shook my head. “I’ll do sweet and sappy at the wedding.”

She nodded. “Alright, so whatcha got?”

I held the fork up to my mouth and motioned with my head to the kitchen. “I wrote down a few things. I’ll grab it when we finish eating.”

Her eyes widened in excitement and she stood and rushed to the kitchen. I watched her scan the counters and zone in on the folder Mercy Sterling had brought over.

Mouth full of orange chicken, I tried to wave my hands and get her attention, to communicate somehow that it wasn’t the right place, but it was too late. The look of excitement fell and in its place was a look of horror, and then sadness as she got to the pictures. She was lost to the contents of the folder, presumably at the check, and I’d crossed the room and was shutting it in her hands before she looked up.

“Is this…” her voice was shaky, and she looked up at me with disbelief. “Did he pay you off? Is that why you didn’t out him? Why you are suddenly okay with my mom seeing him?”

“No,” I said. My voice came out harsher than I’d intended. “Fuck, no. I never wanted his money. I wanted him to pay with his peace of mind and life of honor. He sent his wife over to make sure I wouldn’t go back on my word after your mom switched doctors.”

Realization dawned on her features. “I’m sorry, Court. He cornered me at one of my mother’s therapy sessions to see if I was in on it. I didn’t know what he was talking about of course, I thought Todd was the connection. Once I knew what you’d done, saw how terrible he really was, I couldn’t let him treat her anymore. He did treat her well, if that’s any consolation.”

“I guess it will have to be.”

“Why didn’t you out him publicly? He didn’t know our connection. Todd could have still got my mother in with him. Why did you step in?”

My jaw tensed at Todd’s name, but I considered her question. It was so simple, but was she really ready to know all my truths?

“I wanted to be the one to help you. To help your mom and your family. I’ve spent my whole life resenting dudes like Todd – like my father. And not just resenting them, wishing I was them. I was pissed off that I didn’t have that kind of life – it always seemed like the ones who least deserved it were the ones that ended up with money and power.”

“Oh, Court.”

“No, I get it now. I know that what he has is a shallow life. I don’t know who I’d be if I’d grown up with him as a dad, but I know I wouldn’t have met Leika or you – and you two are the best things in my life. I’d do anything for her. I’d do anything for you. I wanted to be the one you counted on. I don’t regret what I did. Your mother got what she needed. Maybe I should have told you first, but after you walked away, I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again.”

“I walked away, and you still put my happiness over yours,” she frowned, but placed a hand on my chest.

I shrugged. “That’s what you do when you love someone. The same way you put your mom first.”

“You loved me?” she asked and pulled her bottom lip behind her front teeth like she was trying to keep from smiling.

“Love, not past tense.”

I’d expected her to question me, analyze it like she did everything, or I even hoped she might say it back, but my little 8B took me completely by surprise when she threw herself into my arms. No words. No questions or proclamations, just her body pressed against mine. I took her mouth softly, wanting to give her this. Wanting to give her me. All of me. She reacted with a passion I’d forgotten her capable of. Okay, not forgotten, I’d savored those memories, replaying her kisses and moans so many times they’d become like a highlight reel. But I had pushed them so deep into my memories that it felt more like a dream than reality.

She pulled back and I missed the taste and feel of her immediately. She was lit up and smiling brightly as she took in ragged breaths. Touching her lips, she looked at me like she wanted to go another round and I was ready. So damn ready.

“I should go,” she said, and I faltered.

“What? Why?” I could feel my forehead crinkle as I struggled to understand why she was leaving.

“I need to do some extra work tonight and get to the office early tomorrow. It’s my dad’s birthday tomorrow night so I planned to take off a little early.”

“Oh, okay,” I shoved my hands into my pockets. “You didn’t even hear my toast.”

“I’ll hear it Friday. You don’t need my help. Leika will love whatever you say because it comes from you.”

She leaned up on the balls of her feet and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. “Talk to you tomorrow.”

I watched her go, completely dumbfounded. The door closed behind her and I paced. I replayed the entire night. What the fuck?

I tore out of the apartment and skipped the elevator, choosing the stairs instead to get to her faster. I reached her on the sidewalk, her hand lifted to hail a cab. I watched her, so damn beautiful and she looked so young and happy. She smiled as the cab stopped and she slid into the backseat and shut the door. The street was busy, and horns blared as traffic stopped and started all down 42nd street. As the cab driver edged back into traffic her eyes met mine with surprise. I lifted a hand, realizing how ridiculous I probably looked staring after her, but that sweet smile was back, and she lifted her hand to her lips and then blew a kiss in my direction.

I texted her as soon as I got back up to the apartment.

 

Me: Why’d you run off, 8B?

 

I tapped my foot waiting for a reply. It came as soon as I’d given up and put the phone on the counter where I couldn’t obsessively wait, or worse send a second text.

I dove for the phone, eager for her reply.

 

Bianca: “Always leave them wanting more”

 

“Motherf-” I grinned despite myself.

 

Me: What did I tell you about those rules. Throw them all out. You don’t need any of them. I just want you.

Bianca: Maybe that’s just because I’m following the rules. Maybe you’re unconsciously reacting to them and don’t even know it. Who knows what’ll happen if I go back to being myself.

 

She was teasing. I was almost certain, but I couldn’t help but wonder if there wasn’t some concern and truth to her words.

God, I was an idiot. I’d told her she needed to be someone other than who she was to get the guy and now that guy was me. My chest ached, and I was pissed at myself and at fucking Todd, too.

Those rules had been the best thing that had ever happened to me – it brought me closer to my sweet 8B, but they weren’t what held us together now. I was going to prove to her, somehow, someway, that she was perfect just the way she was. The way she’d been the first time I’d met her and that I didn’t want her any other way.

 

Me: Toss the rules and let me prove it to you. Sweet dreams, 8B.

 

 

The next day found me tense and grouchy. Bianca would be busy with family stuff tonight and not being able to see her had me irritable. Leo stopped by my office to show me the latest design specs for the new website, but I was only half-listening.

“These look great,” I told him sincerely as I scanned the pages of the mock ups. “You’ve got a really good eye.”

“Thanks,” he mumbled with an embarrassed grin. “You coming over tonight?” I hesitated, but he continued. “Birthday dinner for my dad.”

When it was clear that I hadn’t been invited, he gave me a one shoulder shrug. “I’m sure Bianca just thought you wouldn’t want to come, but Mom’s making enchiladas and you don’t want to miss out.”

I laughed as he patted his stomach.

“Thanks for the heads up, but I think I’ll let you guys have your family time. Sounds like you guys need it with how busy you all have been lately.”

He nodded without another word and backed out of the office.

I’d always treaded around people’s family time giving it a wide berth. Maybe that had been more about me than them, but wasn’t the point of family time for the family to spend time together? I felt uneasy about just showing up. Wouldn’t have Bianca invited me if she really wanted me there? Or was Leo right – was she afraid of pushing me to do something I’d made clear was uncomfortable?

Leika called as I was leaving the building.

“Hey, bridezilla,” I answered.

“Har, har. What are you doing?”

“Just leaving work. You?”

“Trying to pick out a wedding dress,” she answered sounding more than a little defeated.

“By yourself?”

“Well I can’t exactly take Jeff.”

“What about his mom or one of your girl friends?”

She let out a huff. “His mom would have me covered head to toe in lace, but yeah I should probably ask one of my girlfriends to come with me. I’m way out of my league in these stores. So many white dresses and they all look the exact same to me!”

I laughed. “Anything you need me to do before Friday?”

“Nope, just show up and be your charming self. Preferably with Bianca by your side. Have you talked to her yet?”

I realized for the first time, Leika was out of the loop with my current life. I’d turned to Bianca instead of her. That made me happy and sad. And it also made me realize how little I’d been there for her since she’d started dating Jeff. I didn’t think she’d minded or even noticed. He’d become her rock. Her world. The same way Bianca was becoming mine.

“Yeah, we talked. I’ll fill you in Friday night.”

She squealed happily in my ear and I pulled the phone away with a grin.

“See you Friday,” she said merrily.

“Later, kid.”

I headed out of the office and grabbed a cab. I stopped by the store Bianca and I had shopped in just two nights ago and picked out the first thing that caught my eye, which was unsurprisingly a crystal platter that Bianca had pointed out as an option for Leika’s engagement party. I had no idea what you bought the woman you hoped would be your girlfriend’s father for his birthday, but Bianca had assured me then “everyone loves crystal”. I wasn’t so sure, but I was trusting her advice wouldn’t steer me wrong.

Outside of the Winters’s house, I shuffled my feet, sweating and nauseous. I knocked and waited, cursing myself for thinking this was a good idea, when Bianca swung open the door.

Her eyes widened in surprise. “Hey.”

She didn’t open the door wide to allow me in but studied me and the gift bag in my hand.

It was Leo that saved me by yelling out from the dining room. “Hey, Court, you made it.”

She looked from Leo to me with a wary grin, but motioned me in. “We were just about to eat. Do you like enchiladas?”

“Love them,” I said with a wink.

Mrs. Winter, stood in the kitchen with Donnie by her side. They were setting dishes and silverware out and the smell of enchiladas and home and love was almost too much.

“Have a seat, Court,” Mr. Winter called from the dining room table. “You want a beer, or I think we have some vodka if you prefer.”

“A beer would be great,” I said as I stressed over which chair I should sit in. Did they have specific chairs they all sat in?

Bianca pulled out a chair on the end and nodded to it. “You want another beer, Dad?”

He lifted his empty in answer and she left me at the table while she moved to the fridge on the far wall of the kitchen.

“Happy birthday, sir,” I said and handed him the gift bag. “I gotta admit, I had no idea what to get so I won’t be offended if you want to return it. Receipt’s in the bag.”

“Call me, Glenn,” he said as he took the bag. “And you didn’t need to do this. We’re just glad you could join us.”

Bianca returned and placed a beer down in front of me and then moved to sit between me and her father, sliding his in front of him while she sat. She watched, looking a little nervous, as he pulled out the crystal platter and turned it over in his hands. She turned and shot me an astonished expression, telling me with a look that she noticed I’d picked something she’d liked. “Well, this is beautiful,” he said as he sat the heavy platter down on the table. “Look at this Lucy. It looks just like the one my mom gave us for our wedding.”

“The one Donnie broke,” Bianca said with a smile and glanced over her shoulder where Donnie stood protectively near his mom.

Mrs. Winter looked out from the kitchen and an endearing look crossed her face. “Oh, it really does. How wonderful.”

“Thank you, Court,” Mr. Winter said while still admiring the crystal.

“You’re welcome.”

Bianca. Somehow, she never ceased to amaze me. And it was no wonder, really, that her family was just as amazing. Maybe I’d avoided other families because I’d been waiting for this one. They welcomed me in so completely, never making me feel like an outsider at all. They laughed and teased, we ate, we sang an awful rendition of Happy Birthday, we ate cake that looked like it had been frosted by one of the boys, but through it all I couldn’t remember a time I’d smiled so much.

Bianca and Leo were washing and drying the dishes as I sat in the living room with Donnie and Glenn. I was actually sad the night was coming to an end and I would have to return to the quiet of my own apartment.

The Yankees were playing the Cardinals and Donnie shouted at the TV as St. Louis scored another run. I just grinned, only half-watching the game. My eyes drifted constantly to Bianca. I had so many things I wanted to say to her. At the bottom of the ninth, when it was clear the Yankees were going to lose, and Glenn was starting to yawn, I finally started to make my excuses.

“I should get going,” I said as I stood. I shook Mr. Winter’s hand, gave Donnie and Leo a small wave, and hugged Mrs. Winter so fiercely she yelped and giggled. “Thanks for having me. Those were the best enchiladas I’ve ever had.” I wanted to tell her it was the best night I’d ever had. I was pretty sure she was responsible for this family unit that was so loyal and loving and I wanted her to know how much I admired her. A hug was the best I could give her, and I hoped she understood.

She placed a hand on my cheek and smiled. “Good to see you again, Court.”

I pulled back and found Bianca standing at the door. “I’ll walk you out.”

The heat and humidity greeted us as we stepped out onto the sidewalk. Still, she wrapped her arms around herself like she was chilled.

“I’m sorry I didn’t invite you,” she said quietly. “I know family stuff is hard for you and I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

I nodded in understanding. “You know, incredibly, I wasn’t. Your family is really great. Don’t ever apologize for that or feel like you need to keep that part of yourself from me.”

I wrapped my arms around her and she skirted hers around me and hugged me tightly. “Thank you for coming.”