My feet start backing away from him on their own. “I don’t understand.”

“Please, just let me explain.” He steps closer to me, but I step away.

“You’ve been lying to me. This whole time?” My voice is high pitched and I feel betrayed. I turn away, I can’t look at him.

Anger floods over me and I turn back. “I’ve told you things I’ve never told another person, and you couldn’t even tell me your real name?” I’m not sure which is stronger: anger or hurt.

He shakes his head as guilt and shame wash over his face. “It’s not like that, Jovi. I swear. I wanted to tell you, I did. But I knew if I told you who I really was while you were still hurting with everything so raw, you’d just see Katie, and that would make you hurt worse.”

“No. You don’t get to tell me anything anymore. You had your chance. You don’t know how I would’ve reacted. You didn’t even give me the chance. You just assumed it would be better for me if you lied.” I let out a laugh. “Well, that’s the last time. Find your own way home.” I turn and walk off the boat.

When I get to the car, I climb behind the wheel. I look up to see him leaning against the railing, hanging his head.

He looks so broken and part of me breaks a little. No, I can’t feel sorry for him. He’s lied to me for three months!

I back out as quickly as I can. I have to get back to the apartment and pack my things. I’m going home.

* * *

I get my things from the apartment we’ve been staying in, but I don’t make it out of town. My eyes are leaking tears so quickly, I can’t see to drive. I stop at the first motel I find and rent a room for the night.

I fall down onto the bed and curl into a ball. I can’t believe this. River is Josh – Katie’s brother. The brother she didn’t know she had until a few years ago. How could I have not put this together? I feel so stupid. I mean, it’s not like I ever saw a picture of him. I remember her irritated laugh when she would show me all the pictures she had taken on her trips to see him. He always had a way of ducking out of the picture, or covering his face at the last second.

This makes me realize that I’ve had more of her than I originally thought. I thought all I had was this list and her ashes around my neck, but I’ve had her brother this whole time. The same blood that ran through her veins runs through his.

I hate myself for running from him, but I need time to think. He lied to me. He could have told me, but instead he chose to keep me in the dark.

I dry my eyes and step into the shower. I need to wash this day from my mind. As I lather up, the memories of my summer wash over me and my heart longs for him. I’m completely fucking addicted. He owns me, even my heart knows it. But I can’t just go running back. I need to wrap my head around this. All of it, not just his lies.

When I get out of the shower, I sit on the bed and hold my phone in my hands, debating on calling George. He’s the only one who can give me the truth. I need the truth to make my decision.

I hit the send button and the phone rings. As I’m sure it’s going to go to voicemail, he answers. “Hello?”

“Mr. Hansen?” I nearly whisper.

“Jovi?” I can hear the concern in his voice.

I nod while wiping away tears that are falling on their own. “Yeah. It’s me.”

“What’s wrong? Where have you been?”

I take a deep breath. “I’ve been in Miami. I took Katie’s trip.”

“Oh.” I can hear the hurt from hearing her name lacing his words. “Well, is there something I can do for you?”

“Yes, actually. You can tell me about Josh.”

“Josh? My son, Josh?”

“That’s the one.” I stand and start pacing the floor.

“What is it that you want to know?” He sighs.

“Everything,” I breathe out. “I remember the fight. The one you and Mary had in the kitchen that day. And Katie told me some things, but I’d just like to hear it all from you.”

He clears his throat and at first I think he may not answer but then he speaks. “Well, back when I first started my company, I went to a seminar in New York. After a day of classes, me and my partner went out, and I met someone.” He takes a long breath. “We had several drinks and one thing led to another and…well, you know.”

Feeling slightly hysterical, I want to laugh because he can’t just come out and say they had sex, but I don’t. “Okay, what happened after that? I was told you paid her to get rid of the baby.”

“Before I left to come back home, we exchanged numbers. A couple of months later, I got a call. She was pregnant. I had just met Mary and I was head over heels in love. I didn’t want to let this woman I had a one-night stand with ruin my plans. I hadn’t known Mary long, but I knew she was the one I wanted. So…we talked and she decided to get rid of the baby. She said she couldn’t afford to do it on her own. She was living with one of her friends, and was only working part time. I told her I would wire her the money if she wanted. She accepted and I assumed she got it done. I never heard from her again.”

“So when did you find out?”

“Not until fifteen years later when he showed up on my doorstep!”

“And you turned him away?”

I hear the shaky breath he takes even though the phone. “I did. It wasn’t my finest hour, but I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t want to believe him, but he looked just like me. Same blond hair, same blue eyes. I knew he was mine the second my eyes landed on him, but I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t want to think about the problems it would cause in my family. So, yes, I turned him away.”

I hear glass clanking together, like he’s pouring a drink. I can see him now, in his home office, pacing the floor with a glass of scotch in his hand.

“I didn’t want Mary and Kate to see him and ask questions. Not because I didn’t want them to know, but because I needed the truth for myself first. It took me about a week, but I finally found her number. I called and she told me everything. She said she couldn’t go through with it. It damn near crippled me because this whole time, I had a son out there that thought I didn’t want him, and then I went and turned him away.”

“And then what?” Tears are still leaking from my eyes and I don’t even know why anymore.

“Well, then I told Mary. She was mad. She thought I had known the whole time, that I kept it from her, and she stormed out on me. When I got off work that day, I came home and that was the fight you girls heard. We fought about it for a long time. I wanted to contact him, give him whatever he needed, but Mary, she didn’t even want to acknowledge that he existed. But finally, I told her that I was going to meet my son and there wasn’t anything she could do about it. That’s when I told Kate about the whole thing.”

“That’s when you guys went to New York to meet him.”

“That’s right. We made a trip to New York every year to visit. Josh and Kate talked weekly on the phone. He became family. I think he only moved out here because of his and Kate’s relationship. They were close. Jovi, why are you wanting to know all of this?”

I decide to come clean. I should talk to someone about it. “He came to Miami with me. I didn’t know who he was. I met him at your house the day of the funeral. He told me his name was River.”

“I see. Now you feel like you don’t know him at all?”

“Exactly. I told him things that only Katie knew, and he didn’t even tell me his real name. I love him, but can I excuse this?”

Talking to George is like talking to my own dad. He knows me better than I know myself because he knew me before I was me. He watched me grow from a small kid with scraped up knees to the woman I’ve become.

“Jovi, listen to me. Life is too short to hold grudges. Whatever Josh did, he’s a good kid and I’m sure he has his reasons. I’m sure he was only trying to protect you. There comes a time when you have to ask yourself, is the lie he told so bad that he can’t be forgiven? If you love him as you say, shouldn’t you forgive him?”

I nod. “I should, but I don’t know if I can. I will always be wondering what else he’s lying about.”

“You don’t love him because of his name, Jovi. Love is blind. It will sneak up on you when you’re least expecting it. You love him because of the way he makes you feel. That wasn’t a lie.”

He’s right. Who cares what he wants me to call him. I love him. “You’re right,” I whisper, suddenly realizing how badly I’ve fucked this all up. “I have to go. I have to find him.” I stand and grab my bag.

“Be careful. And please come by and see us soon. We miss you,” George says.

“I will, I promise,” I say before wiping my cheeks and hanging up the phone.

I toss my bag into the backseat of the car and rush over to the apartment. I left my key inside when I left in such a rush, so I pound on the door relentlessly, but he doesn’t answer.

I stand on my tiptoes and peak into the frosted glass window on the top. The place is dark. He’s gone.

It feels like my whole world comes crashing down on me. My chest hurts as I turn back for the car, admitting defeat. He’s gone, and I’ll be lucky if I ever see him again.

I don’t have the strength to drive all the way across the country by myself. I can’t do it. That will be entirely way too much time to think about how I fucked this up. I just want to run home and crawl into bed. I want to be surrounded by my things, my memories. I want to be someplace where I can talk to Katie, a place where I feel close to her.

Luckily, I rented the car from a nationwide company. I turn over the car and get a taxi to take me to the airport. The whole way there, my stomach is in knots. I temporarily forget about the problems I caused with River. All I can think about now is getting on a plane so soon after my best friend died on one.

I’m almost having a panic attack by the time the cab pulls up front. Without allowing myself any time to think about what I’m doing, I climb out of the cab and rush inside to buy a ticket home.

Home. That’s my only thought right now.

I buy a ticket, but the next flight is booked, so I have to wait until tomorrow morning, but even that will get me home faster than driving. I walk through the airport completely drained. The stress of the day has worn on me more than any other. I’m exhausted, worried, stressed, lonely, and afraid. I can’t even bother to lift my head. I walk through the airport hanging my head, watching the floor, trying not to let the fear overwhelm me. Trying not to remember the images on the screen that fateful day.

Suddenly, every hair on my body seems to stand on end and a tingling forms in my stomach. My heart begins pounding wildly, and I look up in confusion, not sure why my body is acting this way.

I see vibrant blue eyes staring back at me and a mess of blond hair. His eyes narrow on me as he flexes his jaw. He looks angry, and sad, but so fucking sexy. I want to forget all about our fight. I want to rush into his arms and ask him to never let me go, but I can’t seem to make my feet work. I’m frozen in fear because I don’t know if he will want me after the way I acted.