Chapter 38

Lacey

I felt strange after Rob’s call. I wasn’t quite sure what to do with myself. It was almost as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

I went outside and turned on the pool lights. The water glowed an azure blue. It was a clear night, absolutely cloudless. There were so many stars they reminded me of the sparkles I’d seen in the diamonds at the jewelry store.

I turned on the hot tub with the intention of sitting in it for a while with a glass of wine, but then I remembered I couldn’t drink wine. I had a baby to think of. I decided I might call Faith later and tell her what had happened.

I went inside, up to my bedroom, and changed into my bathing suit. I wrapped myself in my warm robe and then went to the kitchen and made tea.

When I went back outside, the hot tub was ready. I was about to get in, when I looked over at the barn. That night with Grant flashed through my mind. It would be with me forever. Not just because it was seared into my memory, but because it had made me pregnant. There was no undoing it, not ever. That’s what Grant had said he’d wanted, too.

He’d said, “We’re going to risk it, Lacey. We’re going to let God decide. If something happens, it happens.” I shook my head at the boldness of it. Had he somehow planned all of this? I knew it was impossible, but somehow, I felt if anyone could pull off the impossible, it was Grant.

I walked toward the barn, which felt strange in my bathing suit and robe, and opened the door. I checked on the horses. They were all fine. Jackson had been working with them during the day.

Then I looked at the ladder that led up to the loft. Without thinking, I went to it and started climbing.

That’s where it happened. That’s where it all began. Grant and I had merged our bodies right there on that hay. My heart fluttered just thinking about it. It had been ecstasy. It had been perfect.

Then I looked up at the beam above me. I wanted to check if Grant still had those photos of me. I reached up and found the flask of whiskey. It was almost empty. I put it back up on the beam, then I reached around for the envelope.

I found it and took out the contents. Sure enough, my pictures were still there. The young Lacey that Grant had secretly fallen in love with. It was still hard to believe he’d had such a strong crush on me all those years ago.

There was also a letter. I remembered there’d been a letter the last time I opened the envelope. I’d never actually read it. I’d been so swept off my feet by Grant’s passion to even think about a letter. Now I could read it.

I unfolded the pages and realized there were two letters there. The older one from all those years ago, and a much newer one.

I read the older one first.

Tears were falling down my eyes as I read those words. I clutched the paper to my chest. What might have happened if Grant had given me that letter all those years ago? How much different might our lives have been?

Would we be married now, with a family, with children? Would we be happy? Would my father have consented to our marriage? Those were all questions to which there would never be an answer. It was impossible to know how differently things might have been.

I opened the second letter, the newer one, not knowing what to expect.

Lacey,

I should have said these words to you years ago. I’ve been a fool. I know it. Please forgive me. I’ve always loved you. It wasn’t just a crush back then, all those years ago, it was the real thing, and it’s still the real thing.

The night we were together at Faith and Jackson’s wedding was the best night of my life. I can’t describe what I feel about it. It felt so right, like our destiny. I know we’re meant to be together, and I’m not going to let anything get in the way, anymore.

Be mine, Lacey. Forget everything else, forget all the mistakes I’ve made, forget what an idiot I’ve been, and give yourself, body and soul, to me. I promise I’ll take care of you and honor you.

Let me make you my wife. Let me make you the mother of my children. I beg you. I want everything you have to offer, Lacey. All the joy and love in your heart, I want it to be mine and no one else’s.

Be my bride and I’ll never be so stupid as to let you out of my grasp again.

Forever yours,

Grant Lucas

I almost fainted. It was as if someone had reached into the deepest depths of my soul and grabbed my most ardent, heartfelt, desires. All I wanted was for the contents of that letter to become reality.

When had Grant written it? It was since the wedding. Had he planned on giving it to me and then found out about my engagement to Rob? Would he still want to give it to me when he found out I was finished with Rob?

My heart was racing. My mind was racing. I breathed deep gulps of air. I was too overcome to even think straight. Two letters, written seventeen years apart, and they both said almost exactly the same thing. It was uncanny, surreal. It was destiny.

I quickly put the letters back in the envelope and placed it on the beam. If Grant was going to give me that letter, I didn’t want to do anything that would jeopardize that. I wouldn’t tell him I’d read it. I put the letter back exactly as it had been. He couldn’t know I’d seen it.

Then I sat on the bail of hay that we’d made love on, and started to cry.