Chapter 20

Faith

Time passed slowly without Jackson. It was like everything was underwater. Color faded. Sound was muted. Light was dimmed. The minutes spread into hours but I hardly noticed.

The sound of a bike engine brought me out of Lacey’s room, but I couldn’t see through my tears. I couldn’t hear the words anyone said to me.

Grady spoke of trying to get to Jackson before he went into Wolf’s compound. He said he got there too late, Jackson had already gone in, he couldn’t stop him. All I could do was nod.

In the coming days, Lacey and the brothers were kind to me. Lacey was the only female in the house and she set me up in a guest room, brought me my meals, and told me everything was going to be all right. I don’t know if I’d have survived those days without her. She was my anchor.

Even my own mother never showed me that much kindness.

On my third day in the house, I went out to the living room and sat by the window. It was the first time I’d left my room since Lacey had taken me to it.

She came in with Grant and they were obviously worried about me.

“We’ve got some news,” Grant said.

My heart skipped a beat.

“Jackson?” I said.

“It’s not Jackson. There’s no word of Jackson. It’s about Los Lobos.”

I thought I would throw up. The very mention of the name made my blood boil.

“What is it?” I said.

“Two Lobos are dead,” Grant said. “They announced the funerals this morning. It’s in all the Nevada newspapers.

“Is Wolf dead?”

“Yes,” Lacey said. “Wolf and one of the others.”

“Does that mean?” I didn’t dare finish the sentence.

“It means Jackson killed them,” Grant said.

“Could Jackson be alive?”

Grant shook his head.

Lacey came over to me. “If Jackson escaped, we’d have heard from him by now.”

“Maybe Los Lobos have him?”

“If they caught him, they’d have killed him, Faith.”

I nodded. I knew that was true. Lacey sat with me and Grant got us coffee.

“How will I go on?” I said, more to myself than to them.

Lacey answered. “You’ll figure out a way, Faith. At least you have us.”

“How long can I impose on your hospitality?”

“Don’t speak like that,” Grant said, pouring the coffee and sitting to join us. “Jackson said to bring you here. You have a place with us for as long as you need it.”

“I can’t just hide away in your guest room and let depression overtake me,” I said.

“No,” Lacey said. “But you can let us help you start a new life. You’ve been through so much. Your ordeal with Wolf. Falling for Jackson and then losing him so soon after. It will take time, but life will go on.”

“I won’t be safe here. No one will be safe here now. This will start a war. If they caught Jackson, they’ll know the Brotherhood was involved.”

“They don’t know about the Brotherhood,” Grant said. “No one does.”

“So they won’t come here?”

“They have no reason to. As far as they know, Jackson was a lone gun who bought information from them.”

“Even with Wolf dead, the other Lobos will always want me dead,” I said.

“They’d kill you if they came across you, out of loyalty to Wolf,” Grant said. “But they won’t hunt you the way Wolf would have.”

“That’s true.”

“And besides, we’ll protect you,” Grant said. “We’ll always protect you, and your baby. All of us will.”

“I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You don’t have to,” Lacey said. “We’ve already discussed it. Los Lobos have lost two of the twelve. They don’t know about us. None of the remaining Lobos will be overly concerned with your whereabouts. With Wolf dead, Jackson made it safe enough for you to start a new life. With the Brotherhood at your side, you’ll be able to make a go of it here in the Socorro Valley with us.”

“How can I stay here without Jackson?” I said. “It’s my fault you lost him.”

“You’re not going anywhere, Faith,” Lacey said. “You’re part of the Brotherhood now. You’re Jackson’s girl. He chose you for a reason, and even in death, we look after our own.”

I knew what she was saying made sense. Jackson had made sure to burn himself into my very soul. It wasn’t just some fling, we’d had. It wasn’t just an affair. It was something deep. It went right to the core of my body.

My heart belonged to Jackson and it always would. My soul belonged to him. He’d dominated me in every way a man could dominate a woman. He’d put his seed in the deepest parts of my body. If I was ever going to escape his grasp, I couldn’t see how. I couldn’t see myself ever being with another man. I was tied to the Brotherhood now, and I always would be.

I vowed then to do my best. Life would go on, and I would make the best of it. Jackson had given his life to protect me, and now that I had the Brotherhood at my side I could at least try to make a new life for myself. I couldn’t allow the sacrifice Jackson made to go to waste. I owed it to him to make something of my life.

And I would start immediately.

“Lacey,” I said.

“Yes?”

“Will you do something for me?”

“Of course, Faith. I’ll do anything.”

“Will you take me to a drug store?”

“Yes, I will,” she said, smiling at me kindly.

I was quiet in the car. It was my first time leaving the house since I’d arrived, and I felt like an inmate who’d just been released from prison.

Everything around us was beautiful in the morning sunlight. The town was so pretty. They called it the Hills because it was perched high above the valley. It was the ideal place to start a new life. It was the kind of place I’d always pictured myself living. It was the kind of place where I could raise my child.

We got to the drug store and there was only one thing I needed—a pregnancy test.

“Do you think it’s too early for me to take it?” I said to Lacey when we were back in the car.

“Probably,” she said. “What does the package say?”

I couldn’t read the fine print on the side of the package. I was crying again.