Chapter 28

Jackson

Holy hell. Sometimes, you’ve got an idea in your head of what’s going to happen. You’ve seen it all play out a million times. It’s like a book you already read, a movie you’ve already seen, and then, something completely unexpected happens.

That’s how it was when Faith walked in.

I was sitting next to Grant, the waitress batting her eyes at me like boys are an endangered species and I’m the last one left alive. Grant had been around the block more than once with Sue. He was keeping his eye out for something new.

I wasn’t keeping my eye out for anything. I had my night planned. I’d have a few beers, go home, get an early night. Next morning I’d get back to work on the farmhouse.

But then Lacey walked in, and behind her was Faith. My Faith.

Immediately, I ducked behind the beer taps and pulled Grant down with me. Luckily the place was busy and she hadn’t noticed us.

“Jesus Christ,” I said.

Grant had no clue why we were ducking. “What is it?” he said.

I indicated toward the door. Lacey and Faith looked around and found a high table by the wall at the opposite end of the bar.

“Did you tell Lacey we were going to be here?” I said.

“I might have,” Grant said. “I didn’t know she’d bring Faith.”

“Fuck.”

“Relax. She hasn’t seen you.”

“Fuck,” I said again.

“What are you so afraid of, Jackson? She’s your woman. She always has been. All she’s doing is waiting for you. Tonight’s as good as any for you to break the ice.”

“Jesus,” I said again and bit my tongue. “Sorry for swearing.”

Grant laughed. “You can swear all you like in front of me, brother. I ain’t sensitive.”

“Fuck me,” I said again, and laughed. “This is ridiculous. I know it is. It’s just, you ever felt like you really let someone down, and then you don’t know how to make it up to them?”

“You didn’t let her down, Jackson.”

“I put a baby in her, told her she was mine for the rest of her life, and then disappeared.”

“You were protecting her. She was the one who got involved with Los Lobos. You were undoing that. We’ve been over this a million times. You’ve got to let all that go, Jackson. It’s her choice whether or not she’ll forgive you for disappearing, but you’ve got to at least give her the chance to decide.”

I looked at Faith. It was the first time since my return that I had a good view of her. So much had changed. She looked more in control of her life, more mature. She had money, nice clothes. I was proud of her. She’d made something of herself.

And I knew then, it was something that happened very rarely in life. It was a second chance.

“Lacey did this on purpose,” I said. “She knew I’d be here.”

Grant nodded. “She might have.”

Faith, was every bit as beautiful as the night I first set eyes on her, all those years ago. My mind cast back to the image of her entering the motel bar, soaking wet, desperate for help, and she stole my heart in a split second. She was doing the same thing now. Just like then, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She was striking in every way. In this light she was even more beautiful than I remembered. She was making my heart pound.

You ever race a train to a crossing? We used to do that when we were kids. Damn fool thing to do. Get up to a hundred miles an hour, middle of the night, turn off the headlights, cross in front of a thousand ton machine moving almost as fast as we were.

That’s the rush I got when I set eyes on Faith. She had class. She was like a triple-A steak that had just walked into a hamburger joint. She blew every other woman in the world out of the water. I was sure every guy in the place noticed her.

I’d never been to Paris or Rome, but seeing her again put me in mind of places like that. She was elegant, and that’s not a word I use lightly. She was stylish, confident—she walked on those expensive high-heels like a runway supermodel. I just put down my beer and stared at her. Grant had to slap me on the arm.

“There’s your woman,” he said.

“There she is,” I said under my breath.

“Now when are you going to put everyone out of their misery and go up to her?”

“Fuck,” I said again.

“Calm down, brother.”

“Did she have any relationships with other men while I was gone?” I said. I was sure I knew the answer, but my heart was pounding so fast in my chest I had to stall.

“We’ve been over this, Jackson.”

“Don’t fuck with me. Has she been with other men?”

Grant looked at the women. They were sitting at their table, waiting for service.

“I don’t think a single guy got past the first date with her. And there wasn’t many of those either. She just couldn’t get over you, Jackson. She waited for you. And now you’re back and you won’t go talk to her? How unfair is that?”

“Shit,” I said. “Grant, what am I supposed to do? I never even felt this nervous when I had to kill people.”

“Jackson. You’re really worked up.”

“Of course I am. Look at her. You ever seen a lady like that before in your life? She’s the love of my life, Grant. She gave me a son. I walked out on her twelve years ago and she doesn’t even know I’m back in town. You’d be shitting yourself too if you were in my position.”

Grant looked at her and raised an eyebrow. “You want me to go over? Break it to her gently that you’re back.”

I shook my head. I’d been waiting so long for this. The moment I revealed myself to Faith had to be special. It had to be perfect. After waiting so long, she deserved at least that much.

From behind my beer I glanced at her—her light brown hair, her big, dark eyes like pools of water, her knockout body. She still had all the right curves in all the right places.

I got up from my seat.

“You’re going over already?” Grant said.

“I don’t have time to play games any more,” I said. And I wasn’t kidding. Just looking at her made my dick hard. I had to get her back. But first, I had to take a deep breath to calm myself. I looked down at my jeans to see if there was a bulge. There was. I was so hot for Faith I could hardly contain myself.

I downed my beer.

I couldn’t believe I hadn’t said anything to her when we were in her car that night. I’d been feeling strange. I’d been off my game. I’d given her the necklace. She must have put it together after that. I was glad. If she at least knew I was still alive, if she suspected I might be back in town, then it would be less of a shock to her now when I showed up out of nowhere.

The adrenaline started pumping through my veins. I focused on the task at hand. I’d always been good at focusing my will, building the confidence I needed to go through with a deed.

After all this time, I was going to reclaim what was mine. I was going to reclaim my woman and my child. She’d drop her panties for me again, bend over, take what I gave her, and beg for more. I knew I could win her back.

This was my natural habitat, my hunting ground. She was in my territory now, and she wouldn’t escape. I’d show her I’d been faithful to her. I’d show her I’d been true. I’d show her I loved her.

I put ten bucks on the bar. “Have yourself a beer on me, buddy. I’ll be occupied for a while.”

Grant shook his head.

“You seem real cocky all of a sudden,” he said.

“You’ve got to be the man you choose to be,” I said.

What if Faith slapped me in the face? What if she burst out crying and ran out of the bar? I could take it. I could take whatever came. Like Grant had said, she deserved this much. If she was angry at me, that was fair enough. She had every right. But the very least I could do was pay her the courtesy of allowing her to be angry. Of allowing her to lash out.

“Sue,” I said, speaking to the waitress, “what’s the nicest wine you’ve got in this place?”

Lacey told me about the business she’d started with Faith and I knew she’d appreciate a good vintage.

Sue shook her head, as if to say don’t order the wine.

“Listen,” I said to her. “I’ve got some of ours in the back of the truck. Would you mind if I brought in a bottle?”

She shrugged. She didn’t care what I did. She was annoyed that another woman had caught my attention. I didn’t care if she was disappointed. I didn’t care about anything except Faith.

I slipped out to the truck through the back door of the bar and grabbed a bottle of the pinot noir Grant had been perfecting. It came from my father’s vineyard. Grant had worked it during my years of absence and he’d done a good job.

He said he’d wanted to slash the vines at one point, because the grapes were bitter, but he’d decided to give them a second chance and was glad he did. It was a fine wine. Grant had a gift for developing subtle, complex flavors. In the glovebox was a pocket knife with a corkscrew on it. I grabbed that too.

When I got back into the bar, Faith was still sitting with Lacey. Sue hadn’t gone near them, which I was thankful for. I approached decisively. This was one of the moments in my life I had to act with confidence or not at all.

“Have you ladies tried the second chance Pinot Noir from Socorro Valley?” I said.

Faith looked up at me and the blood drained from her face. The entire world froze. The music in the bar disappeared, all the sounds died. My vision narrowed and faded so the only thing I could see was her face. My heart pounded in my chest.

She looked at me like she was seeing someone she’d thought had died a long time ago. Tears filled her eyes.

“Faith,” I said.

Goddamn it. She was even more stunning than I remembered. Her eyes were like sapphires, deep blue sparkling like jewels. Her make up was smokey. She was wearing a low-cut, black dress that made her look like she knew what she was doing. I could see just enough cleavage. Fuck me, I couldn’t have been more stunned if she’d pointed a gun at me and pulled the trigger.

“Jackson?” she said.

The tears spilled from her eyes and fell over her cheeks. She couldn’t believe what was happening. She was in shock. She put her hand over her mouth and stared into my eyes, drinking me in. Drinking in the twelve years of age and scars that had appeared on my face.

“Faith,” I said again. It was the only word that would come to my lips.

“What’s going on?” she said, unable to believe what she was seeing.

“I know it’s been too long,” I said.

Faith looked at Lacey. “Did you know about this?” she said.

Lacey nodded.

Faith just stared at me as if I’d risen from the dead.

“Is it too late for us to have a second chance?” I said.

There was complete silence.

Faith took a long look at me, taking in all the details. I was a mess. Unshaved. Fresh scars since she’d last seen me. My white shirt had dust stains on it. My jeans were worn out.

Finally, Faith spoke. “I waited,” she said, and then her words trailed off.

“I know you did,” I said helplessly.

She couldn’t take it. It was too much of a shock. After all the time I’d been away, I couldn’t just walk up to her like this, as if nothing had happened.

“I waited through everything,” she said.

“I know, Faith.”

“I thought you were dead, I waited. I thought you weren’t coming back, I waited. I thought you’d forgotten about me, I waited.”

She was shaking her head. I didn’t know if she was happy to see me or mad. I didn’t have a clue what she was thinking. All I knew was that I loved her. I loved that woman like an animal loves its life mate. There are animals in nature that mate for life. If their mate dies, they’ll wail over the body until they die themselves. That’s the way I loved Faith.

“You were in my car,” she said. “Last week. That was you.”

“Yes, that was me.”

“I felt as if I’d seen a ghost after you left,” she said. “You used my name. You left the necklace.”

“Yes, I did.”

“Why did you return it?”

“You asked me to.”

“No I didn’t.”

“The very first time I met you, in the Los Lobos bar in Reno, you asked for it back.”

She cast her mind back. Her eyes lit up when she remembered the moment. “That’s right,” she said.

“I said I’d give it back to you when you forgot I had it.”

“You did.”

“I kept my promise.”

“You didn’t want it anymore?”

“Didn’t want it? No. Of course I wanted it. I treasured it every single day.”

“Then why return it?”

“Faith, I waited twelve years to come back to you. I’ve thought about you every single day.”

Faith looked at Lacey then back at me. I needed her to know that much. If she hated me that was fine, but I needed her to know the truth—I’d kept my word.

I’d been hers the entire time—hers and no one else’s.

“It was you assassinating Los Lobos members these past years, wasn’t it?”

I nodded.

“So you’re a killer.”

There was nothing I could say.

“Do you even know you have a son?” she said.

“Of course I know. That’s why I’m here, Faith. For you, and the boy. That’s why I came back.”

“You were gone so long.”

“I should never have left you, Faith.”

She was crying. Tears were falling down my face too.

“No, you shouldn’t have.”

“I had no idea it would take so long to make things safe.”

“Don’t talk to me about it.”

“I wanted to come back to you every single day. All I thought about was you.”

“Then why didn’t you come back?”

I looked from her to Lacey.

Faith got up.

“Don’t leave,” I said, desperately.

She walked straight for the door of the bar.

I watched her go.

“What the hell are you waiting for?” Lacey said.

I ran after her, catching up in the parking lot.

“Please don’t leave,” I said. “We’ve got so much to say to each other.”

Her eyes were filled with tears. She was still looking at me incredulously, as if asking how all of this was possible.

“And how can we say it?” she said. “How can we say twelve years of pain? Of loneliness? Of heartbreak? How can we put that into words?”

“Perhaps we’ll never be able,” I said.

“Are you even the man who left me?” she stammered.

I took a step toward her, I wanted to hold her, but she drew back from me as if I was a dangerous animal.

“Faith, I was doing what I thought I had to do. I was taking out the men who were a threat to both of us, to our son.”

“Our son?” she gasped.

“Yes, he’s ours, and I’m going to prove it to you, Faith. I swear to God I am.”

“You’ve never even seen him.”

“Faith,” I said, desperately.

“I don’t think I can take this,” she said. “Go inside and tell Lacey to come out. I need to go home.”

“I’ll take you home,” I said, taking another step toward her.

Again she backed away. “No, you stay the hell away from me.”