Chapter 33
The steam from the cup in front of me fills the house with the smell of coffee. I stare at it dissolving in the air and disappearing into the kitchen. At least I managed to sleep. I woke up early, made Viv's lunchbox, took her to daycare, and now . . . nothing. Now I'm not doing anything, not looking for a job, not knowing what I want to do next. Are my options really unlimited, like Colin said? Is it time I go and study something or keep looking for a job that will allow me to be home early, as I had gotten used to? I sigh in frustration. How many mornings will I spend arranging and cleaning the house until I make a decision?
A knock on the door interrupts my thoughts. I get up from my chair and go to see who's lost in the neighborhood and in need of guidance.
"Who is it?" I call through the closed door.
"Your future husband." The answer that comes is meant to amuse me, but does the exact opposite.
It accelerates my pulse and forces me to take a look at my clothes—a pale pair of jeans and a dull black t-shirt.
Pathetic.
What does it matter what you’re wearing?
I open the door with the obvious intention of putting Colin in his place, but as soon as he steps in, the door slams behind him and he turns me and presses my back to it, holding my hands above my head.
"Tell me she's not home," he grumbles.
What? Oh, God help me. The pennies drop one after the other with loud clangs in my mind, when my body realizes what is going on.
He's done waiting.
"She's . . . no . . ." My eyes shine.
"Not at home?" His chest crushes against mine.
"Not home," I repeat his words, like a parrot.
"Glad to hear." His lips lean slowly toward my lips.
Now? We're doing it . . . now?
"I made peace with my father," I blurt out the most stupid thing I can. Colin freezes.
"Babe," he breathes deeply.
"I ate with my parents yesterday. My mom . . ." I can't finish the sentence, as Colin cuts me off with a growl.
"Please don't talk about your parents when we're about to have sex."
"Sorry," I whisper in embarrassment, sending hot waves to my reddish cheeks.
"Where were we?" He leans back toward my lips. My breath turns short, my head tilts back as I lean against the door and prepare my lips to meet his mouth.
"Ready?" he whispers, a second before our lips meet. I nod without being able to answer. I'm a stupid seventeen-year-old in a brutal hormonal attack, that's what I am. A mass of hormones going wild. "Good, because we're done talking."
The next moment he smashes his mouth against mine with a sweeping kiss that demands my thoughts. My head spins and my tongue plays with his. He releases my hands and they go straight into his hair. His hands come under me and he lifts me to him. I wrap my legs around his waist, our kiss becoming more demanding. He carries me lightly to the bedroom, opens the door with his foot and puts me on the edge of the bed. I bite his lip, trying to keep him close, but he straightens up, grabs at the end of his shirt and wildly pulls it off, flinging it into the corner of the room. My mouth waters. Standing in front of me is a sculptured mountain, making my breathing difficult. A mountain of a man who wants to take my body to places I haven't visited in a long time.
"I'm going to spoil the party for thirty seconds, during which time you can be upset, jealous, and make a scene." He gives me a penetrating look, confusing me. "This will be the last time we talk about it, so be prepared to throw everything you have at me."
"What are you talking about?" I'm still panting from our kiss.
"I guess you don't have condoms." He reaches into his back pocket, takes out some silver covers and holds them in front of my eyes.
"Wow," I lean back on my hands, aware of the fact that the party has indeed been dealt a blow. "Someone came ready."
"Someone had to think about it." He doesn't move, the condoms still in his hand.
"Someone slept with others," I mutter in disgust.
"Twenty seconds," he interrupts my time.
"I hate you." I take advantage of my last chance. "I hate them and I don't even know who they are. I want you to myself. I hate that they all stare at you and your inhuman muscles. I hate the idea that we need condoms because you left me."
"Ten seconds." He waves the silver bundles to tease me.
"If you leave me again, after you get what you want, I will haunt you to the end of the world, and you can be sure that I will find you and avenge myself."
"Five seconds," he answers in a steady tone.
"Have you slept with someone without protection?" My voice shakes with indignation.
"Yes." He doesn't take his eyes off me when he chooses not to lie.
Son of a bitch. Couldn't you beautify the truth?
"Recently?" I pray to God that I'll receive the answer I want.
"Not recently." He doesn't dare come near me, not even a single inch.
"Are you clean?" The tears come to me from the very thought that I should even ask, that I don't know. I was supposed to know everything about him, and here stands the man who was supposed to be my husband in the room that was supposed to be our bedroom, and he is a stranger.
"I'm clean. I'll still wear a condom, and your time is over." He throws the covers on the bed and they land beside me. He pushes me back, his body lying on top of me, covering me, his bare chest calling for my fingers to caress it.
"You ruined the party," my voice brakes.
"It starts now," he leans over my lips again. "The matter is closed, now kiss me."
Now or never. Now or forever I will regret the moment when I didn't kiss him, and I don't want to regret it. I don’t want to wait another minute and miss my second chance. I kiss him like I never have before, with my lips and tongue, with sighs released from my mouth and my quick breathing. I kiss him and bite his lip and pull at his hair, holding him against me. He runs his hand between us into my shirt, pulling my bra down and clenching my breast, playing my nipple with his fingers until I moan with pleasure. I lift my hips, but he pushes them back to the bed, his erection pressing me to the mattress.
"Time to undress you," he mumbles as I feel his erection between my legs again.
"Help me."
He slides off the bed with a light movement, unbuttoning my jeans and releasing the zipper. He puts his hands in the space between my pants and my waist and peels them away slowly, torturing me, making sure I feel every hungry inch of my skin.
"Sit." He throws my pants to the floor and holds out his hands to me.
I use him to sit up, raise my hands and let him take off my t-shirt, leaving me in my bra and panties.
My gaze wanders over his body as he dislodges his shoes and socks, unbuttons his jeans and pulls them off his muscular thighs, his calves, until they disappear into the pile of clothes, and all that remains are his boxers.
My trembling fingers barely manage to release my bra. I take off one shoulder strap, then a second, feeling a strong desire to cover my chest with my hands.
"Don't hide," he climbs back to the bed.
"I'm shaking," I mumble and lie down again.
"I can see that." His mouth meets my collarbone. "Breathe, Elizabeth."
He walks slowly with his lips toward my breast. I spread my legs, and Colin lays between them, placing himself above me, flipping his mouth over my nipple. His teeth tease it, command it to stand up. He doesn't pause. His kisses slide down to my navel, toward my scar. His tongue inquires, chilling, not missing a millimeter. He rolls down my panties, pulling them down my thighs and knees until they cross my ankles and are thrown to the floor. I remain completely naked beneath him. Under his mouth, blowing at the knot between my thighs.
"I'm going to kiss you, Lizzie." His head dives again, his lips clinging to the hill hidden between my legs and he sucks with lust, until I shout, and my head is thrown back wildly. He's not done, he's not even started. He doesn't take mercy on me, and before I can catch my breath his fingers are inside me. I drizzle, I feel them slide in effortlessly, my body urging him to continue. My back arches, Colin reaches for my pelvis, holding me in place, his tongue everywhere. The tension is building, begging to break free with every sigh I release. He increases the rhythm with his fingers, inside me, on my clitoris, with a force that sends lightning up my spine.
"I . . ." I can't breathe or finish the sentence or tell him I'm close. So close he must not stop!
He bites and pulls, strokes, and I scream like I have never screamed. My body swings on the bed, a wave of pleasure exploding between my thighs and misting my senses. It doesn't stop him, he squeezes my orgasm more and more, and in the next moment he rises and stands beside the bed to remove his boxers.
I gasp when his erection springs out. He reaches for one of the silver packages, opens it skillfully, and rolls the condom on the throbbing organ. Then he climbs toward me briskly, puts his hands to the sides of my head, his erection wanting to go where his fingers were.
I spread my legs more, grasping his shoulder blades and not taking my eyes off his as he penetrates me, slowly pushing himself into me. His forehead drops to mine as he hisses a juicy curse. My heart goes wild, my lips searching for his, finding them and kissing, my tongue squeezing into his mouth.
He moves inside me. He comes out, then in, refusing to increase the slow pace. Savoring every second, every breath, my fingers scratching his skin.
"You're killing me," he claims. "I'm sixteen again."
"Sorry." I sigh and lift my pelvis to meet his next move.
"Do that again, and I won't be responsible for what I do." He growls like an animal.
"This?" I groan as my pelvis rises to him uncontrollably.
"I warned you." He slams himself to the hilt.
Oh God!
"Again?" He slips out slowly.
"Yes," I answer, and he fulfils my wish, increasing the pace abruptly, the slowness disappears. Now we are one body moving in perfect synchronization, in and out. He captures me, I groan and wrap my legs around his waist as his penetration deepens.
"Jesus Christ!" His skin shines with sweat, our eyes locked. "Elizabeth . . ."
He slams into me again and again, breathing rapidly, until his body shudders and he curses, pushing himself deep inside me, his head thrown back with a loud sigh.
"Lizzie!"
He falls into my arms, his head in the hollow of my neck, his chest rising and falling.
I kiss his hair.
I run my fingers on his back.
I love him, and I'll kill whoever tries to come between us again.
If it was possible to stop time, this is the moment I would choose, the moment before the words. The seconds where the eyes speak, the breath and the fingers travel on the skin. The silence in my bedroom and Colin's lips on mine. When the world is locked out and is not permitted entry into our temple.
This is the moment I would choose to frame, the picture I would bury under my pillow and look at every night.
His look says it all.
"Are you okay?" he whispers almost without a sound, without disturbing the perfection.
"Yes. Are you?" We lie so close, face to face. The air comes out of one and enters the other, like a circle without beginning or end.
"No," he softly presses his lips against mine, "I'm not okay."
"Why?" I frown.
"You're not my wife. Yet." He raises his eyebrow mischievously.
"Oh," I swallow, "that."
"Marry me," he asks, again. A moment after he met my body and my heart, a moment after he got what he wanted, he wants more.
"You won't stop asking, will you?" My voice cracks in a whisper.
"No." He smiles.
"What will we tell Vivian?"
"The truth. We'll tell her Mom and Dad love each other and want to be a family."
"I'm afraid of confusing her."
"She's five. If we're clear, she'll understand."
"Don't you think it's unnecessary?" I lie down on my back and stare at the ceiling, but Colin won't accept the distance, his body clinging to my side. "We don't have anyone to invite, just my parents, and Henry and Danielle."
"Since when are we getting married for them?" he asks with a smile.
"Since when are we getting married?" I remind him that I haven't said yes yet.
"I thought it's what you wanted."
"I thought so too, but now it seems unnecessary."
"What's changed?" He strokes my forearm, chilling me. I don't want to hurt him, but things have to be said. The dream of the white dress suddenly seems so childish, almost unreal.
"A wedding won't change anything," I reply hesitantly. "If someone wants to leave, nothing will stop them. Not a signed document, not even a pregnancy."
"Are you still waiting for me to leave again?" he murmurs in frustration.
"No."
"Good."
"I'm just saying that a wedding is not what will stop you." It didn’t stop him before, and it won’t stop him in the future. He will stay because he'll choose to, not for any other reason.
"So a wedding in your eyes was a safety measure?" He seems to have trouble understanding. "Is that what you thought before, that this is the way to tie two people together so that they can't part?"
"Yes," I realize how naive I was, "and I was wrong. Now I don't think it's something I need."
"And what if it’s something I want?"
"You'll have to convince me." It won't be easy.
"Okay." His voice is confidant.
"Okay?" Is that all he has to say? Is he not going to present me with an argument and prove his righteousness?
"You don't want to get married, I do. We have to talk about it more, but right now we have five and a half hours for ourselves, and I won't waste them talking."
Ah. That explains a lot.
"What do you have in mind?" I turn my head to him.
"Your orgasms." His answer causes my cheeks to burn. "You need a few more, and I haven't been inside you for a long time."
"It's been fifteen minutes since you were inside me."
"Like I said," he kisses my lips, "long ago."
"You're going to exhaust me, aren't you?"
"Hell yeah." He has a mischievous spark in his eyes. God only knows what he's thinking, what ways he has to leave me breathless.
"Why did you bring condoms?" I insist on destroying the moment at the worst possible time. Why can't I shut up for once?
"What do you mean?" He purses his brow.
"You said you were clean."
"I didn't say I expected you to believe me."
"Did you think I'd ask to see your blood tests?"
"Yes, and I wouldn't blame you." He knows me. He knows I won't accept his explanations easily, certainly not when it comes to my health.
"I want to see your blood tests," I whisper in the hope that he won't be offended.
"I'll email them to you. Will that satisfy you?"
"No." I smile mischievously, and with slow motion I climb on top of him, straddling him, his body under me, moving my pelvis on the erection growing between my thighs, as Colin reaches for the nearest condom. "You will satisfy me, and you have five and a half hours to do so."