Chapter 14
Vivian doesn't want to go to daycare.
I struggle with her, beg and then glance at the clock for the third time, watching the minutes pass, as she refuses to budge from the sofa, ignoring my pleas.
"He'll come at five," I say again as steady as I can, "he promised."
"Is it because of Dr. Diaz?"
"He's got nothing to do with it, honey, we've got to move, I can't be late."
"You don't want Colin to come because of Dr. Diaz," she accuses me.
"We're leaving now." I refuse to acknowledge her comment.
"No." She crosses her arms on her chest.
"Your birthday present is in danger," I threaten and regret immediately. Only yesterday she found out who her father is, she needs me to reassure her, understand her, put her difficulties before my own. She doesn't need threats.
"Dad will buy me what I want." Her words send a lightning bolt into my guts. Is she already calling him Dad?
"Colin and I will talk about your birthday present. I beg you to get up from the couch and get into the car." I try with all my might to keep my cool, a task that comes to me with great difficulty in this moment.
"I want him to pick me up from daycare." She doesn't move.
"He can't, he'll come at five." How many times do I have to say that?
"You're lying," she throws at me, and I lose my patience.
"Young lady, if you don't get up from the couch now, your actions will have serious consequences!" She opens her big eyes and they begin to shine. Her face turns red and she bursts into tears.
"I'm sorry." I jump toward her, lift her and wrap my arms around her, kissing her head again and again. "I'm sorry, Viv, everything will be all right, I promise, your father will come at five. Shh . . ." She buries her head in my chest and shivers with tears. Her life has turned upside down and I know the feeling. I know what she's going through, and I'm the only one who can protect her and help her through this change.
My day can't get any worse. I left Vivian at daycare after I updated Mrs. Robbins on everything, and in the last half hour I've been forced to hang out in the store with Danielle Cole, who has smiled at Henry nonstop.
I pack pictures, close them in crates and back again. Above all else there is the understanding that my time is running out.
"She's not going to fire me," Henry whispers as we bubble wrap one of the coffee tables.
"You think?" I whisper back.
"I know, she told me." I stop abruptly and stare at him. What is she up to?
"Did she tell you?" I follow him back.
"Yes."
"As far as I know, she's not the new owner," I say quietly.
"She said Colin wouldn't fire me," he says, adding, "You're really not staying?"
"To work for him?" I grumble. "No, thanks. When did you talk to her?"
"This morning before you came in, late." He stares at me disappointedly. Does he think his look will change anything?
"I had things to do at home." I don't elaborate.
"She was nice." He continues to describe the morning he spent with Danielle. "She asked a lot of questions."
"What else did she want to know?" They've rented the place, what else can she want?
"She wanted to know how old I was and what I liked to read, ah, and she asked if I had a girlfriend."
My body tenses with motherly defense at the last question. I don't trust her at all. I know girls like her. She flirts with Henry for fun, makes him develop hopes, just to feel better about herself.
"Watch out for her, okay?" I whisper as the door opens. I look up, my eyes fixed on Colin standing at the door. He doesn't move, looks troubled and tired, and doesn't take his eyes off me.
"Liz," Henry tries to attract my attention.
"Sorry." I shake my head and go back to wrapping the table with him, hearing the footsteps coming toward us.
"Elizabeth," Colin's voice rises above our chatter, "can we talk?"
I can't get away from him. He's everywhere.
"You're okay here?" I make sure Henry doesn't need me.
"Yes." He nods and looks up at Colin, who doesn't smile at him. I get up, then accompany Colin to a quiet corner and try to control my breath, which becomes strenuous when I think of Vivian in daycare.
"How was it this morning?" Colin inquires quietly, his eyes dark with worry.
"Difficult." I don't sugarcoat the situation. "She cried a lot. I think I'll pick her up early."
"Maybe I should have come anyway." He pulls his hair back.
"I don't know," I shake my head. "I don't think it would have made a difference, she has a lot to assimilate to."
"You're right, you know her and you know what's best."
"Why did you leave me?" I can't control the rage in my veins.
"I promise to explain." His answer is vague, again.
"Enough with the promises, Colin!" I raise my voice, completely ignoring the fact that we aren't alone. "You've had more than five years to explain why you disappeared and left nothing but a note. I deserved more than that, I deserve so much more!"
"I know."
"So stop dodging," I lash out sharply, "and start providing answers!"
"I told you it was complicated," he bursts back.
"Don't sell me stories!" I raise my hand in front of him. "I want to know why one day you stopped loving me. I need to know how your twisted head works before you run your tricks on my girl."
We both fall silent as the door opens and two men, who look like thugs, appear at the entrance, inspecting the store. Something in my guts signals that they are not here by chance. Something inside me screams that they are looking for trouble. What did Mr. Blunt get into?
"Elizabeth," Colin's voice drops, "take Henry and go to the back office."
I can't move. My feet refuse to cooperate as they step inside, walking past Henry in total disregard of his existence and moving toward me.
"Elizabeth," Colin grits his teeth, "to the back office. Now."
"Young!" Bully number one locks his gaze on Colin, who stands up, his huge body radiating danger. Are they looking for Colin?
"Not now, not here," Colin answers in a menacing tone, stepping in between me and bully number two.
"Just making sure you remember us." Bully number one cracks his knuckles, making a disembodied sound as he presses them in his palm. I can't breathe, my eyes running from one creature to another, to Henry who's bending behind one of the couches.
"I said not now." Colin manages to keep his cool. "You'll get the money by tonight."
God. What did you do, Colin? My knees are trembling and the nausea is growing in my stomach.
Please god, don't let me vomit.
"By tonight, Young," bully number two threatens and looks over Colin's shoulder, his eyes catching me. "Is this your lady?"
"No." Colin moves his enormous body so that he hides me better.
"What do you say, Craig, do you believe him?" bully number two turns to his silent partner.
"She's his lady, I saw them with the girl. Nice family you have there, Young."
I'm about to collapse. I want to push Colin, jump to the door, and fly to Vivian's daycare.
"Elizabeth, give me your driver's license," Colin says in a cold, sure tone.
"What?" My voice is shaking.
"Your driver's license," he repeats the words without looking at me, his eyes on the thugs.
"It's in my bag, behind the counter."
"Go get it," he instructs me.
"I can't move," I whisper to him in horror, a tear streaming from the edge of my eye.
"Her bag's right there," he turns to Craig, "see for yourself. Her name is Elizabeth Heart. She works here, just a friend."
"Heart?" Craig tries to catch my eye.
"Yes," I nod, "I work here, we're just friends."
I hope they believe me. I hope they just look at the license, see that I'm not married to him and leave.
You owe me so many explanations, Colin! What did you get us involved in? To what complication did you get yourself in?
"Don't screw up." Bully number two gives Colin another threatening look.
"Don't come here again, Jimmy." Colin shows no signs of fear. "And don't threaten me or my friends, or I won't be responsible for what I do."
"Your old man didn't lie," bully number two, or Jimmy, smiles a nasty smile at Colin, who clenches his fists. "The army made a man out of you."
"Get lost, and don't come back." Colin seems as if he’s about to leap at them any second regardless of their numerical advantage, the way he must have leaped on my father and his friends waiting outside the gym.
Jimmy points a warning finger at Colin, "The clock is ticking." He turns slowly to the door and Craig follows him kicking in a mirror that stands on one of the armchairs, shattering it. The door opens and they both go outside, leaving behind a tense silence that lasts only for a single second.
"Idiot!" Danielle's voice is carried around the store in full force. "I told you to take care of it, Colin!"
She knows what this is about? Am I the only one who has no idea what the hell happened? I push Colin back with all my strength. He steps forward and turns to me with a shocked look.
"What did you do?" I scream at him hysterically.
"Not now, Elizabeth." He stares at me intently.
"Are you kidding me?" I open my eyes wide. "What's the story, Colin, what did you and your father get into?"
"My father died four months ago," he grumbles.
His father died four months ago? God, Colin, how did you not say anything? With all the hatred I have for the man who raised Colin, my heart brakes. Brakes for the man I loved whose only family he has left is the daughter I'm trying to keep away from him. No wonder he is fighting me.
I want to hate him, to remember how much he hurt me, how he abandoned us both, but I fail in a big way.
My head and my heart are struggling with each other and the strong desire that spreads in my veins to hug him.
"Colin," I whisper in astonishment at the news that has landed on me and the feeling that holds me, as it did in the past, to protect it.
"I can't talk about it now." He takes his phone out of the back pocket of his jeans.
"Your father is dead," I can't keep my thoughts in order.
"Now isn't the time!"
"Now is the time, tell me what you got into and what you got me mixed in!"
"Stop being stubborn!" I see the storm growing in his eyes.
"If you want to see your child, don't evade me!" I shout without any ability to stop. A second later he closes his fingers on my arm and pulls me behind him to the office. My footsteps fail, trying to keep up with him.
"You brought this on yourself," he says as he slams the door behind us, and there's silence in the office. I gasp, my heart going wild, until I can swear Colin hears it.
"Explain to me, please." I cross my hands and keep my burning eyes from him. "And don't waste my precious time."
The past few weeks have turned me into a monster. There is no better way to define this character that has taken over me. A monster that threatens to swallow me in waves of hatred.
"Do you remember our wedding day?" He shifts nervously. "We agreed that I would meet you in the church. You didn't want me to see your wedding dress, you said it was bad luck."
Of course I remember that day, I remember every second of it.
"I spent the day in our house, and right before noon someone knocked on the door. I opened it without thinking twice, and the two morons, who you met a few minutes ago, burst in and caught me off guard."
"What did you do?" I manage to ask almost in a whisper, in terror.
"Nothing," he replies scornfully, "their problem wasn't with me, it was with my father. That didn't stop them from holding me against the wall."
"Your dad?" My legs begin to tremble first, and then the tremor climbs into my stomach and chest, until I think I'll collapse in another second.
"He owed them money, a lot of money, and they came to collect his debt. I asked how was I supposed to come up with the money, and the answer I got was a punch to the face. Jimmy made it clear that he didn't really care where the money came from. That they weren’t playing around . . ."
The muscles in my body harden and stretch, my guts begins to turn over in a growing nausea, as Colin continues. The loathing in his voice mixes with a note of pain he can't hide.
"All I could think to myself was how lucky my mother was for being dead, for not seeing where I'd ended up."
We didn't use to talk about his mom. The one subject we avoided, that we tiptoed around, was his mother. Colin's father knew and took full advantage of it. Took advantage of the young boy, full of longing, who lost his mother at the age of five and was left with a dad who drank himself to death.
"Why didn't you call me?" I don't know if I could've helped, but I was his girlfriend, his fiancé, hours from becoming his wife. I should have known.
"I wanted to, but your father showed up."
My dad? I give Colin a dismissive look. His story changes direction unexpectedly, and it's hard not to wonder if he's looking for someone else to blame. What is he up to now?
"You're lying, my father was with me in the bridal salon."
"You forgot your veil, you sent him to fetch it," he reminds me. My father did bring me my veil and then took me and my mother to the church.
"What are you accusing him of?" My father hated Colin, and he's the perfect scapegoat.
"Your father came into our house and found me bleeding and bruised on the living room floor, Jimmy kicking my ribs. You love him, and for the last few years he took care of you and was there when I wasn't . . . I thought I could hide it from you and not break your heart again, but your father isn't the innocent man he's trying to portray."
"Stop lying!" I raise my hand in front of him to shut his mouth.
"He offered to pay the debt if I left!" I can feel the earth trembling, swaying under my feet, and the room spins for a moment and carries with it every bright thought.
You are a liar without limits. Is that what you were taught in the army?
"I don't believe a word that comes out of your mouth," I shoot him a look that could kill.
"You hate me anyway, Daddy's little girl, I was bleeding on the floor, I wanted to call you, but Jimmy wouldn't let me go anywhere without getting his money, and I had no choice. Your dad threatened me that if I ever came back, I'd end up like Thomas Brooke. Do you know who that is?"
"Please . . ." My voice brakes. I cover my ears with my hands.
"Do you know who that is?" He raises his voice, moves a step closer, and holds my hands, pulling them down.
"No." I can't stop the tears.
"He was the guy who hated Morgan more than anyone. He was the one who tied your brother to the pole and brought the eggs."
"Stop!"
"He's dead!" His voice resounds. "Thomas Brooke died and your father said I'd end up like him!"
"What happened to him?" I whimper uncontrollably.
"Car accident. Your father laughed when he told me that, when he said there was nothing that couldn't be arranged with a little help."
"Are you accusing my father of murder?" I'm going crazy.
"How do I know what he is capable of? He threatened my life, and so did Jimmy."
"He wouldn't do that to me, he was standing beside me in the church waiting for you."
"He told me never to come back and that is the truth. I wanted to take you with me, I wanted us to run away together, but your father said there was no chance in hell he'd let that happen. You were pregnant, what was I supposed to do, marry you and leave you a widow?"
"Why are you back now, and why are they still chasing you?"
"I needed time to make enough money and stand on my own two feet."
"Money?" I bark.
"Money is power! The confidence that no one will mess with us. Do I look like someone you wanna mess with?"
He’s a filthy liar, I have to get the truth out of him. If I just ask the right questions, his lies will crumble and the holes in his story will pop up. I can do it, I'll prove to him that I'm not stupid, that I'm not blind.
"They're still looking for you."
"My father's debts piled up again. He went on gambling. Only thing he owned was that shit of a house. I sold it and I needed a few days for the money to come in." He finds another logical explanation.
"How easy it is to blame others," I don't give up.
"Do you think it was easy not being here for so many years?" He fires at me and makes me jump in panic.
"I have no idea." All I can do is mutter in response to the growing rage coming from his direction. "As far as I'm concerned, you invented this story on the way here."
"Ask your father about the money I sent him." He takes his cell phone out of his back pocket and hands it to me defiantly. "Call him now, ask him."
"What money?" I stare at the phone confused.
"The money I sent him every month for you." Colin waves his cell phone, his tone full of disgust. "I guess he never told you."
"There is no limit to your imagination, is there Colin?" I refuse to take the phone from him. Unable to free my hands from my chest, I just hug myself harder.
"I sent him money every month from the time I enlisted, for you and Vivian. He knew where the money came from."
"Not a chance." I laugh in his face through my tears. "I can understand why you're trying to blame my father, you two never hid the resentment between you, but he would never lie to me."
"He would lie if he believed you would look for me, and we both know that's what you would do. You can ask him or continue not to believe me, but my father got in trouble, and his trouble was about to become ours. I couldn't let that happen, I couldn't risk anyone hurting you."
"So you lied to me?" I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
"I wasn't the only one who hid things," he says angrily, "you had your secrets. You wanna tell me you did everything you could to find me? The earth didn't swallow me, Elizabeth, I enlisted."
"You don't know what you're saying." I shake my head.
"Did you file a missing persons report?" He doesn't stop the charge.
"No one wanted to find you!" I glare back. "You left a note, I didn't think anything happened to you, what do you think the cops would have said about it?" My thoughts are running around, spinning in my head in circles. I didn't file a complaint with the police because my father said there was no point. Colin chose to leave, he wasn't missing. My heart is crashing in my chest. I listened to my dad because what he said made sense and, because of my situation, I let him make the decisions.
"You didn't look for me and your father's plan worked, until I came back." He gives up trying to push his cell phone my direction and returns it to his pocket. "Now he can't threaten me anymore, what can he possibly do to me, Elizabeth, kill me?"
"Don't talk like that!"
"I'm already dead!" Pain echoes in every word. "The only thing that kept me alive was the thought that someday you would let me be Vivian's father, and now you want to take her from me. You don't believe a word I say, so what else can I lose?"
"My father loves me." I forcefully push at the thoughts running through my head.
"Your father saw an opportunity to get rid of me and took advantage of it. He took advantage of my need to protect you at all costs."
"No," I refuse to believe him, "you are the one who left."
"That's why you went out with the doctor, to pay me back?" Now he remembers to bring up the subject?
"I went out with the doctor because I'm twenty six," I reply scornfully. "He asked me out and looked like a guy who wouldn’t run away, one who doesn't make up miserable lies." I can't stop and the words are just there, on the tip of my tongue and then out, "You promised you would never be like—”
"Like my father." His face turns pale with indignation. "Thank you, Elizabeth, I see I'm not the only one who breaks their promises."
He stares at me one last time, then walks past me, his shoulder rubbing mine, slamming the door behind him. Silence takes over the room. My heart thumps wildly and floods me with guilt again. I took the knife out of the saddle and stuck it deep into Colin's heart, and now we're both wounded, bleeding. We are dragging the ugly past into our frail present and now it's threatening to shatter on us with a deafening crash.