Chapter 11
"Elizabeth," Mr. Blunt calls my name just as I finish wrapping one of the mirrors I've removed from the wall. I really hope he has no more serious tasks for me, because I'm exhausted after not sleeping all night. I woke up late, rushed with Vivian to the clinic so that she could finally get her stitches removed, dropped her off at daycare and from the moment I got to the store, I’ve worked myself to the bone, trying not to think.
I look up and freeze in front of my boss. Beside him stands the wicked Mrs. Danielle Cole and . . . my ex. His hands are tucked into the side pockets of his gray canvas trousers, a white button shirt clutches against his chest, the top button open, and his smooth skin sticks out from under the shirt's neck.
What the hell is he doing here?
Lately I've been seeing Colin dressed so differently than he used to and, even I have to admit it's a crime. The button shirt, the canvas pants, and the dark brown shoes make him look like a serious businessman. Only the look in his eyes is somber, and I shrink in front of him like a little girl.
"Elizabeth," Mr. Blunt wakes me up from my daze. "The trucks will be arriving this weekend and I want to make sure everything is packed and ready."
Danielle tilts her head sideways with a fake smile and examines me from head to toe. What are you looking at?
"Everything will be packed," I manage not to stammer, to my delight.
"Everything will be cleared by Monday, Mr. Young." Mr. Blunt smiles at Colin, who doesn't move a muscle in his face.
"Did you hear that, Danielle?" Colin asks without looking at her. His eyes are focused on me, and only me.
"I heard very well, Colin. We'll bring in the goods on Tuesday."
"Excellent," he answers sharply.
"Excuse me," I manage to get a word out of my mouth.
"Yes, Ms. Heart?" Colin decides to be formal and remote.
"I thought you . . ." I turn to Danielle in confusion.
"I'm not," she raises an eyebrow. Pointing to Colin, "He, however, is."
He is the new owner? He is the reason I'm losing my job?
"You said you were a liquidator," I remember, "buying cheap stuff and selling it for profit or something. Why do you need the store?"
"I need a display area to reach private customers." He refuses to thaw, the cold coming from his direction driving me crazy. "I have items that are closed up in warehouses, I'll be happy to get them out of there."
"And the only place you could find is the store where I work?" I question in growing fury.
"This is the only place that was big enough and it’s in the best location. If I had not rented it, someone else would have."
"I understand."
"I'm sure we can use your skills as a saleswoman when the store re-opens." The words come out of Danielle’s mouth in a tone I don't like.
"Over my dead body!" I shout without thinking.
"Elizabeth," Colin's voice warns.
"You think I will come work for you?" I laugh contemptuously. "Rely on your kindness?"
"It’s too bad you don't have a college degree, don't you think?" He takes his hands out of his pockets to cross them on his chest.
"If I had a husband who shared my livelihood, I'd have no problem, don't you think?" I sting, regardless of the audience we have. "Enjoy the new store!"
"I'm not firing you, if that's what you think," he says between clenched teeth.
"You never hired me, Mr. Young," I retract to the formality he opened. "Therefore, I'm not working for you."
"I'm sure we can talk about this next week," Danielle tries to calm the situation, and Mr. Blunt looks confused.
"There's nothing to talk about." I throw the tape in my hand on the nearest couch. "I'm done."
Without waiting for an answer, I flippantly turn my back on them and hasten my steps to the door. He really came back to town to make my life miserable. To leave me destitute, dependent on the money he deposited in my account. Is that how he plans to force me to introduce him to Vivian?
"Elizabeth." A strong hand grabs me from behind. I fail to shake Colin off me, untamed tears rising in the corner of my eyes.
"Leave me alone." I'm suffocating.
"Why did you do it?" He drops his hand from my arm, his voice full of resentment. "Why the hell didn't you go to UT?"
"Because I loved you." I can't stop the silent crying. "I couldn't imagine my life without you, I didn't want to live without you, but you forced that reality upon me."
"You were accepted to medical school, it was your dream, and it was within your grasp."
"Which only proves what an idiot I was," I sob.
"Because of me." His jaw tightens.
"For you," I correct him, "and especially for me."
How much I loved him. I'm not at all sure that one can overcome such love, that one can let someone else fill the void. What if my mother is right? What if our history will haunt me until my last day? How can I sell another man the illusion that I'm not flawed, that my heart and my body are intact?
Colin's damn phone rings and he's rushes to silence it.
"God, how do you run a business, if you never answer?" I stare at him with teary eyes.
"Danielle takes care of it," he answers in a matter-of-fact, cold tone.
"Danielle takes care of it," I imitate him, as jealousy lifts its head and attacks me from nowhere. "Is she taking care of other things?" Now I envy other women in his company. Where does this come from, what do I care who takes care of him?
You'll always care. Don't lie to yourself.
"Don't cross that line," Colin warns, "your problems are with me, not with her."
"I should have gone to UT," I whisper in pain. "I should have left you behind, become a doctor, made something of myself and not be . . ."
"Vivian's mother," he reminds me deliberately of what I would have lost if I had given him up. If I had left him, my child would not have been born, and I wouldn't give her up, despite everything I’ve been through, despite everything he did. I couldn't imagine my life without him then, and I can't imagine it without Vivian now. Colin knows that, she's here because of him.
"Do you enjoy this?" I pull my nose and wipe the tears from my cheek.
"Not for a second," his voice cracks.
"Then stop it," I beg in a trembling voice. "Stop breaking me. I can't do this anymore."
"I just want to be her father." He is horrified at the idea of me coming between them.
"And you will be, once you prove that you are trust worthy." I open the shop door and run away. If only, for one hour, I could escape from myself.
"Why don't you invite Colin again?" Vivian asks innocently at dinner, making me choke on a piece of chicken.
"He's busy, honey," I hurry to busy myself with my glass of water.
"Is he always busy?"
"I don't know."
"Why don't you ask him?" She makes it difficult. "Don't you have his phone number?"
"I do," I nod and put another forkfull in my mouth.
"Can I call him?" she stares at me pleadingly.
"What? No!" I almost choke again.
"Why not?"
"Because he is my friend, not yours." I take a deep breath.
"Theresa wants to thank him for the gift." Ah, the little snake.
"She can draw him a painting."
"Like I did for Dad?" God, save me, please.
"Yes, like that."
"No. I want to call him," she insists.
"You can't." I manage to remain calm.
"You're not nice!" she gets mad. "You never invite friends!"
The thought pinches my heart. What am I teaching Vivian, to be alone? Children imitate their parents, is that what I want for her?
I just want to be her father . . .
"Okay," I surrender. "You can call him and thank him for the gift."
"Now." She crosses her hands.
So stubborn! I take my phone out of my pocket and dial Colin as my heart begins to pound.
"Elizabeth?" He probably didn't expect me to call.
"Hello, Colin, I'm putting you on speaker," I hasten to make it clear that our conversation at the store isn't going to continue. "Someone wants to talk to you, if it's a good time."
Breathe. That's what matters right now.
"It's a good time. I wonder who it might be," his voice softens in a second. Viv reaches for the phone and I stand up to clear the dishes as I listen.
"Hey, Colin."
"Hello." He sounds happy. I can't imagine what's it like not to see your child for so many years, not to talk to her, and then to live so close to her, and still be forced to stay away.
"Theresa loves her doll," she informs him.
"She does?" he laughs.
"Very much, but Mom said she was annoying."
"I didn't say that," I defend myself.
"She did, I heard her standing in the kitchen. It's because Elsa is singing."
"Does she sing beautifully?" he cooperates lightly.
"Yes, and her dress glows, and Mom wouldn't let me take her to daycare today."
"Your mother's probably right." Ha, he's smart enough to back me up.
"Daryl said I was lying, that nobody bought me the doll."
"Did he say that?" Colin's voice becomes firm and protective.
"Yes, he said no one ever buys me anything." The glass in my hand slides and shatters in the sink with a loud noise. I stare at the broken fragments beneath my fingers.
"What happened?" Colin's voice panics from the commotion.
"Mom broke a glass," the little snitch tattles.
"Elizabeth?" he calls my name anxiously.
"I'm fine, it's nothing," I grumble. That Daryl boy. If he doesn't stop bothering my girl, he'll be dealing with me!
"Mommy's clumsy," Viv laughs at me.
"I don't think that's true, I've known your mother for many years."
Yes, Colin, we know how many years you’ve known me, you don't have to mention it.
"Daryl's mother bought him a spaceship," Viv continues. "He let me play with it so we can fly to the moon. Daryl wants to live there."
"Oh, that sounds like a good idea," I can't resist.
"I want to live there with him. You can come with us, Colin."
My loud coughing must have been heard on the other side of the phone.
"I'd be happy to come." The bastard can't stop himself.
"Hey, Judas," I remind him of who's side he's supposed to be on.
"I think your mother will miss you terribly if you go to the moon."
"She can come with us."
"I'm staying here, thank you." I finish picking up the broken pieces of glass from the sink and throw them in the trash.
"Because you're no fun. My mommy isn't fun," Viv protests in her pouty voice.
"I'm not supposed to be fun, I'm supposed to be your mother," I defend myself immediately.
"She's supposed to be your mother," Colin answers in a serious tone, though for a moment he sounds like he's teasing me.
"Thanks."
"You know I don't have a dad?" Vivian's words cause silence to occur at once. My eyes are fixed on the phone from which a response is due. "Mom says he left, she doesn't know if he's coming back."
"She doesn't?" Colin mutters in a disturbing tone. It's time to end the conversation between these two.
"Colin," I warn.
"Do you want him to come back?"
"Colin!" I raise my voice.
"All children have a dad. I drew him a painting. Mom, where is Dad's painting?"
"Yes, Elizabeth, where's the painting?" Colin sounds as if he’s accusing me of a crime against humanity.
Fuck.
"It's in the living room."
"What did you paint?" He tries to develop the conversation with her. Enough.
"I think it's time for your shower, Vivian." I wipe my hands on the kitchen towel. "Say goodbye to Colin."
"Bye, Colin!"
"Bye, Vivian, thank you for calling," he says, before I snatch the phone from her hand and hang up immediately. That was close. Way too close. How long can I go on with this?
Colin Young: I want my painting.
My cell beeps at ten past nine. I mute it, lying on the bed, watching Vivian sleep.
Elizabeth Heart: If you give me your address, I'd be happy to send it.
Colin Young: I can come pick it up.
Elizabeth Heart: I don't think so.
Colin Young: You want to meet for coffee?
Elizabeth Heart: No.
Colin Young: We need to talk.
Elizabeth Heart: About what?
Colin Young: Vivian, of course.
Elizabeth Heart: Talk.
Colin Young: I want to see her again. I want her to know who I am.
Elizabeth Heart: Not yet.
Colin Young: When?
Elizabeth Heart: I don't know.
Colin Young: You can't hide it from her forever.
Elizabeth Heart: Are you sure?
Colin Young: Elizabeth, she should know, and I need to see her. Let me take you out for dinner.
Elizabeth Heart: Why?
Colin Young: Why not? What does she like to eat?
Elizabeth Heart: There's this place . . .
My fingers come to a halt a second too late. The message has been sent. There's this place, and of all places, it’s my daughter's favorite.
Colin Young: What place?
Shit.
Colin Young:?
Elizabeth Heart: Maples.
Here it comes.
Colin Young: She loves Maples.
Elizabeth Heart: I know.
That was our place. That's where we'd go, when we wanted time for ourselves or when we were looking for a quiet corner. We knew exactly when to go, when it wasn't busy.
Colin Young: Tomorrow?
I should refuse him, but perhaps, this way, I can let him see how much work it takes to raise a child. Yes, that would scare him away. That would make him pack his bag and disappear.
Elizabeth Heart: At six.
Colin Young: Good.
We're meeting at Maples, out of all the places in the world. It brings back memories that should have been forgotten, buried to never emerge.