Chapter 23
Avidya
I no longer knew who my mother was. Who I had once thought she was ended up being a lie. I was stunned, to say the least.
Was my whole life a lie?
I knew she hid things from me, from her husband even. I couldn’t blame her for that. I would have done the exact same thing and may do it myself if I end up in the same path as her. Mom had to do something to protect not only me as I grew up but also herself.
“Do you have any idea where she would have gone?” Zachariah repeated since I had yet to answer.
Why would she leave? Did she leave willingly? Is she still alive? Did father kill her like he had threatened a time or two?
“No,” I whispered out, still in shock. My thoughts wouldn’t wrap around the idea that she would do that.
Why was my mother missing, and only so soon after sending me everything that she had? Did my father have something to do with all this? Or was she really ready to get out the life she had now that she knew I was safe?
“A friend’s house?” Carlos asked, his voice calm as he sat at the table, laid back and seeming to not be in any rush to figure out where my mother ran off to. If she did run off.
Carlos had been the one that brought the news that my mother was missing after getting a call from my father. I couldn’t call that man my father any longer. I was sure he was the one behind everything. It could certainly explain why my mother felt she had no other choice, which led to me being taken in the dead night and given away as though I was nothing.
Behind Becca being murdered in cold blood. Behind me not even knowing who I was.
I was surprised that Zachariah even let me know what was going on. I hadn’t expected him to keep his promise. Maybe he wasn’t so bad.
“She wasn’t allowed to have friends,” I said, raising my eyes to meet his briefly. “Only places she went was to the post office, store, and church. Cody never allowed her to go anywhere. And if she happened to, I’m sure he monitored her.”
Heck, I hardly ever got to go anywhere other than school and to Becca’s. I always went to church every Sunday, just like mom. So really, she could have gone anywhere if she really did have contacts outside of the family that Cody wouldn’t ever know about.
“We just had to ask,” Zachariah replied, clearly seeing how worried and upset I was getting.
“Could it have been the same person that killed Becca?” I asked, fearing the answer but also needing to know.
“I can’t say yet,” Carlos replied, shooting a look towards Zachariah before looking at me again. “It’s possible, but I’m not entirely sure who took you. My son won’t give me a name.”
“Because I took care of it,” Zachariah said in a no nonsense way.
“I’d still like a name,” Carlos said, keeping his same tone.
“Don’t even think about asking,” Zachariah stated, already knowing his father was about to ask me. I couldn’t help but drop my head, looking at the tabletop. That was a silent command to keep my mouth shut if asked. A command I would certainly follow as Zachariah’s glare nearly burned his father to ashes.
“Alright,” Carlos said, holding both hands up in the air. “I will get a name sooner or later.” He paused before turning his attention back to me. “Becca’s parents have received help for the burial costs.”
I looked up at him, not sure why he was telling me this. Of course, Zachariah noticed my confusion, as he was quick to answer my unsaid questions.
“It was the least that we could do,” he said gently, laying a hand on my lower back. I could feel his warmth from his simple light touch, and I so desperately wanted to lean into him. “I can take you to her grave site when you are ready.”
“Really?” I asked, raising my eyes to meet his. I knew Cody wouldn’t let me go, even though he would certainly attend such a thing.
“Of course,” Zachariah replied, his eyes softening as he looked me over. “She was your friend, and it’s the least I can do since you have been brought into such a . . . different life within days.”
That was an understatement.
“Okay,” I whispered out, not sure how else to respond.
“Julia will also like to come by this weekend to start planning the wedding,” Carlos said, standing up from his seat.
“We have yet to talk about that,” Zachariah said, squaring his shoulders.
“Well, you better get to it then,” Carlos spoke, his voice instantly hardening. “You know what you
have to do, Zack. Please don’t draw it out.”
Zachariah glared at his father, and I couldn’t help but shrink back at the look, even if it wasn’t directed at me.
“Don’t try to kid yourself, son,” Carlos said, dark humor lacing his voice. “She was given to you as a gift. A gift that will not be put to waste. Your mother may not know that, but I do. Your men know that I have higher power than you over things. I am not the only one that expects you two to marry and carry on the name. Waiting a year won’t work. The wedding needs to take place within weeks before the family comes down on you for waiting.”
“I have no plans of carrying out the name,” Zachariah seethed. “Avidya will have a choice in everything.” Was he really sticking up for me?
“Not with marrying you,” Carlos said with power. “There is no way out of that.”
“So, you’re here on Grandfather’s wishes,” Zachariah stated with hatred.
Carlos simply shrugged as an answer.
“Fine,” Zachariah said, barely containing his anger.
I took that moment to slowly and quietly slip away the men, feeling like I shouldn’t be there. I knew what was expected of me, mostly. I knew I had no choice but to marry this man, and I had come to terms with that. With marriage came children. That was a known fact, not only from Cody but just in life in general.
As the two men glared at one another, trying to show who had the most power for only a few moments, I slipped out of the kitchen and made my escape. My heart was heavy with even more worries now. I was pleased that Zachariah did try for my sake, as no one had ever done that before. Becca did, but we were always in the same little boat in life, so that was never new.
As I reached my room, I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. I wasn’t even sure why I was crying, as I knew what would happen.
Making my way to the window, I leaned my head against it as I wrapped my arms around my middle, trying to hold in my sobs.
So much had changed in such a short time and I had no one to talk to about it with. The only person I would be able to talk to was no longer here.
Things were already different here, nicer even. I could see myself enjoying living here, having a life here with my soon to be husband. Even maybe have a child or two that were loved by both parents and not just a means to an end.
Maybe I was just upset about Zachariah not wanting any children, but why? I was sure I’d have to have one, two maybe, within ten years. Did I even want any?
“Avidya?” Zachariah’s voice reached me as he entered my room. His soft footsteps stopped right behind me, but he didn’t touch me. “What’s wrong?”
I shook my head, fearing that my lack of control over my emotions would make a comeback. Surely, he’d get tired of me crying constantly. I wasn’t one to cry over everything, so why was I now?
“I’m sorry for what my father said,” he said, seeming to be saying the truth as his voice softened. “I know I need to talk to you about it all.”
He pulled me into his arms, wrapping me in a tight hug against his chest. My head rested right below his chin and I couldn’t help but think how perfect we molded together. My arms were still wrapped around my chest. His clean scent helped sooth my over sensitive nerves that had seemed to come out of nowhere.
Here in his arms, as his hands trailed up and down my back, soothing me, I couldn’t find myself to push him away. I felt safe here, and never wanted to leave his embrace.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, my tears dried up, but I didn’t want to move. I didn’t want to face the reality that was becoming of my life. Couldn’t I just hide here forever against Zachariah’s chest?
“I’m here if you ever want to talk,” Zachariah whispered against my ear. “I know you have been thrown into my world in a way that no woman should be, but I can listen. I’ll try to help as much as I can.” He paused, brushing a light kiss to the top of my head. “I can get you out if you don’t want a life with me.”
“No,” I mumbled with a shake of my head. “I’d rather know I can be safe than looking over my shoulder every single day.”
“Alright,” he sighed out, relieved. “Then why are you so upset?”
I simply shrugged, not sure myself.
Pulling back, Zachariah let me go for only a moment before he cupped my face in his palms and lifted my head so my eyes would meet his. His dark eyes held so much depth and secrets that I was sure would be shared with me one day.
“If you’re worried about what will happen after we are married, there is no need,” he said softly. “I will make sure that you are ready for that night. You know what will be expected, and it’ll be a night that you’ll never forget.”
“You will be begging me to take you,” he went on, his lips right against my ear as he spoke. “If not, my touch alone will cause you to beg me for me to take you. I’ll make you a writhing, wet mess, Princess.”
My breathing grew heavy and my lower belly grew warm by his words. I had no idea what was going on, but if my body responded to his words, then surely his promise of a night of worthwhile would be even better. My eyes slid closed on their own as his lips trailed to my cheek, gentle and caressing.
Before I knew what he was planning, his lips met mine lightly with the barest of touches.
I gasped, surprised by the turn of events. He didn’t take a second chance before pushing his lips harder against mine, still being careful of my bruised cheek as he did so.
His warm lips were soft, but controlling, as he molded to my own. My breathing turned into soft pants, my hands bunching into the front of his shirt, pulling him closer towards me once more. My stomach swirled in anticipation as he kept total control.
I could die kissing this man.
“I don’t want to get carried away,” he panted out as he placed his forehead against mine, his eyes bright with happiness.
“What if I want you to?” I asked, surprising myself once more.
“In time,” he laughed, pressing one more light kiss to my lips before completely pulling away.