Chapter 30
Avidya
Sitting with one leg underneath me, the other pushing the swinging chair back and forth, I stared off into the distance. The warm fall sun shone on me, warming me from the outside in. I knew that the weather would be getting cold in a few weeks, and I certainly was not looking forward to it. For now, I’d enjoy it while I could.
Two months. Two months before I’d marry Zachariah Melendez. I had the perfect dress, Julia was setting everything else in motion, and yet I still had no idea what I was going to do. I still had no idea who I even really was.
For the past couple of days, I hadn’t read any of the journals. I had slightly given up that they would really help me figure anything out at all. My mom was still missing, and Cody was making threats to me, of all people. If she didn’t return in his timing.
Cody’s threats were being handled by Zachariah and his men. I kept my nose out of it, preferring to not know what was going on outside of the house. It was better; safer.
I finished the third journal, and there hadn’t been much in it that told me anything. Rachael fell in love with Aaron, despite her father’s wishes as they secretly dated behind his back. She only said where they went, and how she was falling in love with the man. She didn’t write down anything about the man, who seemed to like her well enough.
At the end of the third journal, where I stopped reading, Rachael said she wanted to give him everything. She wanted a life with him and was going to bring up the idea to run away together to start somewhere new.
“There you are,” Zachariah said, taking a seat beside me. “Jonas said you were out here.”
I turned my face to him, giving him a small smile in greeting. He had been gone more often the last week, getting things in order so he could take a few days off for the upcoming wedding and honeymoon. He made sure to be home in time for dinner every night, even on nights I didn’t feel like cooking.
It was getting to the point that I had this craving to make Zachariah happy in any way that I could. I knew he didn’t care if I kept the house clean or make meals, but what else did I have to do? He seemed happy enough when he came home to the house smelling of a warm meal.
Jonas had been here constantly when Zachariah was gone. I didn’t mind most of the time, as I wasn’t sure I really wanted to be totally alone with my thoughts.
“Just thinking,” I replied with a shrug.
“About what?” he asked, cocking his head to the side.
“Life,” I offered, not sure how else to state what I was thinking of.
“I’m here if you need to talk, Avidya,” Zachariah stated in promise. “I want you to be happy here.”
“I know,” I replied, turning away from his burning gaze. “I want to be happy,” I muttered the last part to myself. I wasn’t sure how to be happy, let alone how to be most days now.
“Hey,” Zachariah said, quickly kneeling before me. “Don’t think like that. I can see those wheels turning, and not in a good way. I understand you may feel lost now with not knowing a lot of things and being thrown into this life with me, but you will be happy. I promise that’s all I want from you, Avidya.”
“How can I possibly be happy if I don’t know who I am?” I fretted. I fought back the tears that welled up. I woke up feeling off this morning, confused on what I was to do with my life. He never went out of his way to tell me what I should do. Zachariah didn’t seem to care, but it made me feel like I should be doing things. Things to make him happy.
“You are Avidya Ray, soon to be Melendez,” Zachariah said, taking my hands into his. “You are a bright, smart girl, and you will make a difference. You will find out who you are in time; don’t rush it. Just enjoy every living moment and in time, everything will work out.”
“I don’t know what I want to do,” I said, feeling a tear escape.
“I believe that’s a normal thing for many people at the age you are,” Zachariah said with a smile. “Do you want me to set up things for you to do? Will that help? I know life is more . . . lax here than when you lived with Cody and Lynn.” That was an understatement. I could do nothing here and get away with it.
Would that help? Could it possibly help me to figure out what I liked and didn’t like? Would it tell me who I was if I went back into a schedule?
“I hated living like that,” I stated after a moment of thought. I loathed the idea of having to do things I didn’t want to do every second of the day. I also hated not knowing what I should do, here. Wasn’t there something that I should at least do?
“How about this,” Zachariah said in thought. “What if I set out a few ground rules. Rules that I would set out for any submissive of mine. That will help get us both on the right page so we know what you like and dislike.”
“Is that a normal . . . trait?” I asked, trying to still grasp his whole lifestyle. Maybe that was why I felt so out of sorts.
“Yes,” he laughed. “I forget that you are new to my dominate side despite your submissive traits. I have an agreement that the sub, which would be you, and I would go over and agree on everything she was willing to do. I’m pretty flexible on most things, but I think it’d help you figure out what you like and don’t like. It’d give you an idea of who you are, too.
“I don’t want to give you rules for every second of the day, but it’s clear that you need something to help you keep going. I hate that you feel like this,” he went on, keeping eye contact with me. “I should have done this sooner, actually, but thought maybe you’d like a bit of freedom to figure things out.”
“I don’t want to do anything normal people do,” I said with a watery voice. “I’m not normal compared to other people.”
“No, you certainly aren’t,” he replied with a charming, pleased smile that caused my heart to stutter within my chest. “Which makes you so attractive to me from the moment I saw you. You have deep submissive needs, and I should have taken care of them sooner.”
I simply shrugged, not sure how to respond. I was new to all this, to everything.
“I’ll get something printed up and ready for you to look over in a day or two. In the meantime, I have a number of books you can look through that I’ll sit out on my desk for you. That should certainly help to give you an idea of things that I like,” he said after a moment.
Somehow, once again, his explanation and plan helped to settle my nerves. With a deep breath in, I prepared myself to accept the new me, whomever I was destined to become.
“There will be trial and error, many times. I know a lot of the things in the books will be hard to grasp, and I’ll answer anything that you have concerns about. Anything at all. We’ll work together to figure out everything,” he paused for a moment, digging into his pocket.
“Now, Ms. Ray,” he went on, holding out a square dark blue velvet box. “Since we are technically already engaged, I thought it was best if I properly asked you to marry me. So, Avidya Ray, will you do the honor of becoming my wife?”
Slowly, he let go of both of my hands and opened the box. Inside, nestled into the silver cushion was the most beautiful ring that I had ever seen. One round three karat diamond with five smaller diamonds around the edge of the white gold band sat shining from the sun.
“Yes,” I stuttered in awe. I wasn’t sure what to say, what to think. It was . . . . not what I expected.
With a warm, thrilled and capturing smile, Zachariah took the ring out of the box before gently taking hold of my hand to slid the ring onto my finger where it fit perfectly.
I watched as the sun glistened off the diamonds, nearly blinding me in the process.
“Do you like it?” Zachariah asked once the ring was in place.
“I love it,” I gushed, meeting his eyes, a smile on my face. I really did like it. “I didn’t think it'd be so simple.”
“I know you don’t like anything fancy,” he said, seeming pleased that he picked out the right ring for me. “You are fairly easy to shop for, my soon to be wife.”
“Thank you,” I said right before I crashed my lips to his, taking him by surprise.
After a moment of pause, his hands went to around me, pulling me into him as I took charge of the kiss. My stomach filled with butterflies at the notion as my tongue slipped into his, battling against his.
He moaned deep in the back of his throat as he slowly ran his hands up and down my back, causing goosebumps in their wake.
A moment later, he pulled back with a look of happy surprise, letting his forehead rest against mine as we caught our breaths.
“You are going to be the death of me, Avidya,” he whispered out.
“But a good way to go, right?” I teased.
“Definitely,” he laughed. Pulling back, he stood before helping me to stand. “I have a guest that will be stopping by in a bit. I’m not sure if he’ll be staying for dinner or not. That will be up to how he behaves around you.”
“Okay,” I said, confused. He hardly ever brought anyone here. Only family and Jonas so far were even allowed near this place.
“Jonas will be staying,” he said, swiping his thumb against my cheek. He seemed to not be able to stop touching me when he was near, not that I minded. “Just please keep an opened mind, okay?”
“I’ll try,” I answered right before his lips met mine in a sweet, innocent kiss once more.