Chapter 7
Avidya
Later that night, after Zachariah left to do some ‘business’ and leaving Jonas in charge of my safety once more, I locked myself in the bedroom. Well, as much as I could, given there was no lock on the door. But I was left alone. I had no idea if I wanted to be left alone or not.
I could hear Jonas turn the TV on, but otherwise, it was quiet. Normally, I could hear cars and whatever my father would listen to while I had music playing on my phone as I studied. Mom would be cleaning after dinner and getting things ready for the next day. She was always cleaning, it seemed.
I knew what was expected of me ever since I was a small child. Most of that was the same here, except what I was to do. I wasn’t required to keep the place clean, even though I did for the most part. Nor was I required to sit and study, which was a relief. That was one thing I knew I never wanted to do again.
I knew my father was preparing an arranged marriage for me, just like his father had for him. My mom was not happy, that was no secret inside our house. Now, I wondered what my future had in store for me. He seemed to be in a hurry to find a man that wanted me the last few weeks, which I found odd. Apparently, all of them had backed off the deal, which left my father grumpier than normal. Not that I had met any of the men he was considering.
Surely dad would no longer want to marry me off, so hopefully I would get more out of life. At least I could hope. The idea of marrying some stranger that would treat me like crap was not appealing. I saw how father treated mom daily, and I knew in my heart that was the not the way for a husband to treat his wife.
Would I even have a say if I got back to my parents? Would I get back to them? Flopping onto my back, I sighed out, thinking. My hair fanned out behind my head in a crazy disarray. Thinking of everything and nothing all at once.
I felt horrible for my mother. She must be so terrified. Maybe whatever plan that Zachariah had would bring her to see that I could handle myself. She was just a pawn too, having no say in her life. None of this was her fault, nor mine.
I must have dozed off as I bolted awake by what sounded like a door slamming. Giving up on sleep, I made my way out of bed and quietly to the door. I pressed my ear to the door, listening. I was unable to hear anything but my own breathing and beating heart.
Opening the door, I quietly made my way out, finding the living room empty. I could hear low grumbling coming from the kitchen. The main door was not in sight of the kitchen, and I could easily make my escape.
Instead, I peeked around the corner, seeing both men. Mr. Melendez paced the kitchen back and forth, a look of fury on his face. The table was filled with a number of papers and pictures. Jonas picked up two, but from the angle I was at, I was only able to see one. It was a woman that looked a lot like me, but it was aged at least ten or more years.
What was going on? I thought.
“I can’t believe . . .” Zachariah muttered. “I have to be missing something.” He was agitated, something I had yet to see about him.
“Zach . . .” Jonas sighed, almost like he didn’t want to believe it himself either. “It is possible Vidie doesn’t know her parents aren’t her real ones.”
“How can he have gotten away with this for so long?” he muttered again. “Fuck!” he then punched the cupboard, creating a hole with his fist. I couldn’t help but jump back in shock. I gathered he was not a man to test, ever. Yet it still surprised me. He knew something. Something that it seemed my parents were hiding from me. Something I had wondered, but never asked out of fear.
Jonas began talking, adding things together as the water in the sink was turned on. I was unable to hear what he said over the flowing water. I took my chance, knowing I wouldn’t get another one anytime soon. My heart pounded in my chest a million miles an hour as I took that first step.
Good thing that the door, nor the floor, creaked as I sprinted to the door shoeless. I opened it slowly, checking behind me to see if I was noticed or not.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
I froze. For only a moment, as my eyes connected to Jonas. His look begged me to not do it. To not test this one thing, and not right now. His eyes were sad, knowing what would happen if I tried.
But I had to try. I had to. Didn’t he get that? I couldn’t just sit back and let strangers have a say over my life. I’d rather die. I mouthed ‘sorry’ before running out of the door. I didn’t care where I ended up, just anywhere but in that apartment. I couldn’t face the possibility of one of my darkest fears.
I came to a stop at the elevators at the end of the hall, and quickly pushed the down button a number of times, trying to hurry it up by sheer will. My heart thumped in my chest as adrenaline rushed through my body. My hand shook in fear. I wasn’t giving up that easily.
“Hurry up,” I muttered, tapping my shoeless foot.
“Avidya,” Zachariah’s hard voice called out to me from around the corner.
Without turning around, I stepped into the elevator, quickly hitting the button to close the doors. They closed just in time as Zachariah’s hands banged against the bars, a look of utter shock and surprised painted on his face. My heartbeat was fast in my chest, nearly beating out of its cage.
I hit a random floor number, knowing that I really had nowhere to run to. I was confused and hurt.
As the elevator came to a stop only three floors down from where I had got on, I quickly ducked under the bars as they opened. It wasn’t hard to find the stairs, and I took two at a time upwards. Sweat covered my body.
Each step was a blur, but my thought was only getting as far as I could and to a spot that wouldn’t be checked. I was out of breath when I came to the last door. The only door that lead to the roof. I didn’t even care if I was found, truthfully. I had nothing left. There was no reason for me to return home if I had no parents.
I panted, bent over with my hands on my knees, as I stepped out onto the roof. The cool wind blew against my heated, sweaty skin. Right then and there, I couldn’t help but mentally thank my father for making me take sports and be in shape. If I hadn’t been in shape, I wouldn’t have made it up here. Five flights of stairs were a lot of work. And add lack of food to that didn’t help, being in shape or not.
After a few minutes, my heart calming, I stood up straight. This part of the building wasn’t in use. There was a thick layer of rock and dirt. There wasn’t really anything up here other than that. No one came up here unless it was to fix something, I’m sure.
The night skyline was lined with lights from the city, but otherwise, it was quiet and the light wind blew over my body.
The door was firmly closed, and It wasn’t a huge concern if I couldn’t get it opened again as I took steps farther on the roof. I hated heights, though. There was no doubt about that. I was fine on the balcony, but here with no railing, frightened me to the core.
I walked around a bit and found a place that would work good enough to sit and lean against. The floor was smooth, even covered in a light sheen of dirt. It didn’t bother me as I sat, looking off into the darkness. I was just . . . tired. Tired of everything.
I knew for years that I never fit it. My parents always seemed to be different, and not just because they were forced to marry one another. That was part of it, but there was something else. I had asked a few times when the idea that I wasn’t theirs came up. Father had such darker skin, and I was so light. Mom had lighter skin, but still not as light as my own. I didn’t even look like them, for Heaven’s sake!
They always said I was their child, born and raised. Mother would give me this look that said to not push the issue, and I would drop it. Could I possibly really be adopted? Was my entire life a lie? I no longer knew who I was. Was my name even real?
I have no idea how long I sat there, lost in thought. My butt became numb, but it was better than facing the truth. At least for now. What was I going to do? Did I have a choice?
I let my head lean back, closing my eyes. I was done. Done with life. Done with trying to be someone I knew I wasn’t.
I jumped, startled, letting my eyes snap open as the door was banged opened. The sun was just peaking over the horizon, and if the timing wasn’t so off, it would have been a sight to see. I always enjoyed watching the sunrise. It was the one thing I got to like without any influence.
I heard footsteps walk around, but they didn’t come towards where I sat, so I stared off into the distance, watching as the sky became brighter by the minute. I felt . . . . empty. Maybe my body just knew. Knew what was to come and what would happen to me.
A shadow fell over me a few minutes later. I blinked. Blinked again.
“Avidya?” Zachariah’s voice asked softly. He kneeled beside me, not touching even though he could easily have done so. He seemed . . . . worried. He didn’t seem like the type of man to worry. Worrying about me was laughable. “Hey, sweetheart.”
I blinked again. I had nothing to say and nowhere to run to. God, did I want to.
From the other side of me, a cold water bottle was pushed into my unresponsive hand with the order to drink. I simply took a small drink of the cool liquid before nearly dropping it. Jonas caught it before any spilled while Zachariah sighed.
“Come on,” he spoke, “Let’s go back in.”
I blinked, letting my head stay against the wall. I had no plans of going anywhere right now.
“I think she may in shock,” Jonas whispered out.
“It’s something else,” Zachariah replied, taking his hand and placing it on my cheek. His thumb rubbing the tears that I didn’t know had fallen. Now that I knew I was crying, the tears came even faster as my heart shattered. Shattered for who I thought I was. Shattered for what would no longer be.
Before I could process what had happened, Zachariah pulled me into a hug, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. My face was in his chest as sobs shook my body. I couldn’t stop now that I had started, as all my fears and worries flowed as fast as my tears.
He didn’t say anything, just let me cry it out. I had no idea if I’d be able to reply, or even take in, anything that he said anyway. My heart hurt for what I had lost. But in truth, it was everything I never really had, to begin with. Everything was a lie, wasn’t it?
As I calmed, his hand rubbed up and down my back, soothing me even more. I had no idea how long I had been out here. So many whys were still unanswered, and I was sure that wouldn’t change anytime soon, either.
I kept my head against his chest, sniffling. My eyes were closed as my breathing evened out. I had no idea what would come, but I’d get through it. Hopefully.