Chapter 33
Zachariah
If I waited for the perfect time, it would never arrive. I knew Avidya was out sorts with all the information that she was processing. So much had happened in such little time. For us to move forward at all, and for her to be ready on our wedding night, I had to get things moving, at least a little bit. It wouldn’t do any good to put it off any longer.
I had her choose the natural place that she would feel most comfortable to go over the agreement contract. It was only right for her to pick the place, as I knew what I wanted in the long run. I’d go at her pace; couldn’t scare her away now that she seemed to be more willing to enter into my world fully.
Being part of the mafia family, one that was powerful but yet stayed undetected to an extent, was only part of my life. I wanted her to enjoy every aspect of our life together. I wanted her to be happy and to figure out who she was as a person, not a child that was kept in the dark about the world.
Sitting out on the back porch, the stained-glass table between us as we both took seats in the white wicker chairs, I couldn’t help but look her over again. Every time I saw Avidya, she took my breath away. Today, her blue eyes seemed brighter, but that would have been from the nice warm day. The warm days were slowly being limited, and she always made sure to spend some time outside before the weather turned cold. Her hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, the end of it over her left shoulder, hiding her strap on the dark blue tank top she wore.
“So, this here,” I tapped the small pile of stacked papers that were placed in the middle of the table. “Is what is called a contract. Nothing in this is binding legally. An agreement in the lifestyle I live day to day is needed so both parties are on the same page in understanding one’s needs and wants. It helps so we are both knowledgeable on what we both want out of each other, and on what we expect to happen.
“We will go over and discuss everything that is typed and printed, word for word. I don’t want you to fear my lifestyle at all. Being open about everything is the only way for us to be able to communicate to keep fears and doubts away,” I explained. I watched how her eyes jumped from the pages back to my eyes, as though she was trying to understand it all.
“I’ll answer any of your questions and concerns, as I’m sure you will have some. And not just today, but at any time, day or night,” I went on. I had to make it clear that her feelings were part of this, everything was a part of it. “We will go at your pace like I’ve told you before. The best place to start is here, lining out everything so you know what to expect. I have books upon books that can help, also.”
“So, you’re a full-time dom?” she asked, giving me a blink at her question.
“In some aspects, I tend to be, yes, though I don’t want a slave,” I answered slowly, gathering she read of the beginner books that I have left out on my desk. I didn’t actually think she would even take a second glance at it. “I like control, but never cause a ton of pain, ever. I only give what you can take. If you can’t take more than a spanking here and there, then that will as far as it’ll go.
“So, I gather you looked at the book I left out,” I stated.
“Maybe,” she blushed bright red. “Not much of it. I wanted to know things, and . . . I don’t know how to ask you about it all, or if I should.”
“You can always ask,” I stated. “In fact, I expect you to ask. And I expect you to be honest about what you feel. I left it out for you to look at, figuring it was the best place for you start if you wanted to know anything. How far did you get?”
“Not far,” she answered, her blush still in place. “I read what BDSM means, and how many different ways you can take it. It’s not . . . all too frightening. I don’t like the idea of being tied up or given pain while doing so. Or being stripped of my dignity.”
“You may change your mind about being tied up, but I will never take away your dignity. Never,” I promised.
The whole pain thing would come later when she was more comfortable in how she responded and what she wanted. “I don’t ever want to make you feel embarrassed, that is not how I do things.
“BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. Each word can be taken in a number of ways. It all depends on how each couple views the act.
“For me,” I summed up, guessing she already understood what the term was. “I am mostly into the dominance and submission, especially inside the bedroom. I won’t ever make you dress day to day a certain way, or have you eat something you hate, just because I want it. I want you to dress modestly, like the clothes that have been bought for you already. I don’t mind if you want to change anything up.
“I mainly use pain to lead to pleasure. I will never make you do something if you are not willing to do it. To me, that is abuse, which I will never want you to feel inside or outside this house. My lifestyle is not about abusing you in any way to get you to do what I want for my own selfish needs. It’s about finding what you like and don’t like. It’s about finding your true self.
“Discipline comes in everything, no matter if you want this kind of lifestyle or not. It goes hand in hand with having a job, raising a family and just living. It’s needed. As you have already found out I do believe in spanking if needed, for both discipline and pleasure. That’s where rules come in so we both know what we want out it all,” I went on before pausing to see if she had any questions so far.
“No sadomasochism?” she asked, almost confusedly.
“No,” I answered. “I don’t inflict pain just for the fun of it, Avidya. You have a natural submissiveness, and it’s not abnormal for others like you to find that what I have lined out in these papers will seem easy to understand in the end. It will all make you a stronger person, both mentally and physically.”
“Okay,” she replied. “No whips or chains?”
“Not until you are ready, and even then not to cause unwanted pain,” I answered as I met her eyes. “You may find out in time that you like to be spanked, or possibly chained up on a cross, but I’d never hit you to leave lasting marks. I will never take a whip to you in that way. Some Doms prefer to mark their subs as such, but none that I know personally. To me, that is abuse of power. There is a very fine line of what is considered abuse and what is normal everyday behavior, and that is where trust comes in.
“It takes a lot of trust on both of our parts to get anywhere. You have to trust me to take care of your needs, to trust your responses to my actions, and trust to make sure I don’t use too much power when I certainly could. I also need your trust to know that I will push your limits, but as I learn how you react to what I do, I can read what you can handle. You have to trust that I will take care of you afterward, which we will get to in a bit.
“Trust takes two people, and we will go as slow as you need to. I have a number of trust exercises that we will do on a normal daily basis for us to gain that trust,” I went on.
“So much to take in,” she whispered with wide eyes.
“Yes, it is,” I agreed with a smile. “But it will be worth it, babe.” I gave her a wink, causing her to let out a small giggle that made my heart sore.
“With trust, comes communication. We both have to talk to each other respectfully. You have to tell me if I push you too much on anything, even now. If you need a break at all, let me know. If you don’t like something I do, tell me. I am a big boy and take things with a grain of salt, so to say. I may ask why you don’t enjoy something, and I expect an honest answer.”
“Okay,” she replied. “I can handle all that so far.”
“Good,” I smiled at her. “Now, aftercare will come in everything. That is my job, and I never forget to take care of you. Aftercare is where I make sure you are not hurt. If for instance, you are in one position for a certain amount of time without moving, I would make sure to rub you down with massage oil to make sure you don’t get muscle cramps.
“Another example would be if you are sick, and I make sure you have everything you need to be able to rest and get back to perfect health. Everything I do is with you in mind to make sure you are happy and taken care of.”
I paused, letting that sink in before tapping the pile of papers in front of us. “Shall we begin?”
“Sure,” she said shyly, giving the go ahead.
“Alright,” I breathed. “The first few pages goes through what BDSM is, which was have already gone over.” I turned the page. “This page has a list of books and websites that can help you understand anything. Ones that I approve for beginners, at least. I don’t mind if you want to go look things up on your own, but I don’t want you to be frightened by what you find. Some websites take things out of context.
“The next page goes into more description about safe words,” I went on, turning the page yet again.
“Red, Yellow, Green,” Avidya stated. “Red is for stop. Green is to keep going, and yellow is to slow down.”
“Very good,” I gushed, surprised. “We can keep those words, or change them to something different. The safe words are there for both of us. It’s not only the subs that need to use them. On occasion, Doms need to use to safe words just as often if the submissive pushes her own limits and he knows she shouldn’t.”
“Makes sense,” she said with a nod of her head. “Keep them the same. I think it’d be easier to remember.”
“Okay,” I agreed, writing them down along the line that I had put there before turning the page once more. “Now, the next few pages have hard and soft limits. This may take you a while to go through and see what you feel on each thing. On the line next to each, I want you to put soft or hard, and we can look through it together. If you need help to understand, you can always come ask me and I’ll do my best to explain it.
“For instance,” I said, pointing at one of the items on the long list. “This one says breath play. To me, this would be a hard limit.”
“Okay,” she replied with wide eyes. “Yeah, hard.”
“I already have my list, which you can look at after this is filled out and we can compare them,” I stated as I wrote hard down beside the item. “If you are interested in something, then put a check mark on the line and it can be something we can try. A few of them I will ask why you put the answer that you did, just to get an understanding, okay.”
“Okay,” she breathed out.
“We can go over them together if you prefer?” I asked, seeing she was starting to get a bit overwhelmed.
“Uh, no,” she shook her head. “That’s okay. I . . . it’ll give me something to do while you work.”
“Alright,” I said. “A few more things to go over, or do you need a break?”
“Keep going,” she said, meeting my eyes.
“I’d like it if you took advantage of my work out room. Keeping in shape will keep up your strength, and since you are already pretty active, it should be an easy thing to do,” I said. “At least a few hours a week, or more if you want to. I’d like if we could work out together one day every couple of weeks, but that’s up to you.”
“That’s fine,” she stated. “I miss running, actually now that I think of it.”
“Perfect,” I shot her a smile, seeing her cheeks flush red once more. “After we go over the limits, later on, we can figure out the time frame to test a few of them out. I’ll, of course, start out on the soft limits to get a reading on your emotions. I won’t have too much trouble on that, but it best to start where we are both comfortable.
“Another thing I would like you to do each day is to meditate while practicing you kneeling. I would like you to write down which of these if any felt the most comfortable. Which ones did you like? Which ones did you not like? Write down your favorites on a sheet of paper. Give them names and describe them so that you can remember them. I wrote down some different poses, or there is a book of beginner poses you can look through and try, which I have set out on my desk.
“Mediation can help with a number of things, especially while learning and exploring in this lifestyle. It helps to keep your emotions and fears in check, plus helps your balance. If you need noise to do so, something that doesn’t have words, so your thoughts don’t stray so much,” I said.
“I’d like you to start meditation and kneeling for ten minutes a day, and by week four, I’d like you to have thirty minutes. I won’t push it too hard too fast, but I want you to find your relaxed place,” I went on.
“Alright,” she spoke. “I think I can do that.”
“I think so too,” I smiled. I knew she could do a lot. She just didn’t give herself enough credit. “Some of the poses are in the limit’s section also.
“I’ll give you a couple of days to look over everything. I’d like to play with a few limits this weekend if possible. It would be good if the meditation could start tomorrow, along with working out. I think that’s about it unless you have questions,” I concluded, hoping I wasn’t going too fast for her.
“Okay,” she said once again. “Can I write down my questions as I come across them? That way I don’t keep bugging you constantly.”
“Of course,” I answered easily. “Tomorrow after dinner, we can sit and talk about a few of them. Then on Friday, we can go over all the limits and figure out where to start.”
“Sounds good,” she said, squaring her shoulders.
“You know, most people would already have a bunch of questions and demands,” I joked with her, putting the papers back into a neat pile and sliding them towards her.
“I’m not like post people, Zachariah,” she said with a small smile on her lips. “So far, I like everything I’ve seen. I’ve always known I was different, and doing all this just feels right.” She motioned towards the papers and us.
“That will make everything easier,” I said. “Now, how about we eat some ice cream and watch a movie?”
“Sure,” she easily agreed.
We really were perfect for each other. Most woman would have demanded we start now, not wanting to think about what we went over. Of course, most women already knew of the lifestyle and of my wants. Avidya didn’t, and that would make this all so much enjoyable to explore with her.