Chapter Twenty-One

On the car ride home, the three of us couldn't stop talking about what had happened. 

"Can you believe they were filming that for a video? I hope to God I look good."

Her self-esteem was never equivalent to her beauty. 

"Izzy, you always look good. I just can't get past what Brian asked Jase to do."

"Oh, don't start with that again. I have no interest in working security."

Izzy would have taken the opportunity if it meant being a roadie and not getting paid. She wouldn't have cared. Jase, on the other hand, wanted nothing to do with it.

"But, Jase, you could travel all around the country! How cool would that be?"

"I have traveled across the world to deal with crazy, I don't want anything to do with insane fanatical fans."

"It would still be cool is all I'm saying."

"Are you sure you have to leave? I think you might be my second favorite girl."

"Aw, you are just the epitome of adorable, but nothing in the world is going to keep me in Montana. Not when the beach is calling my name to get my butt back home."

"You will be missed is all I'm saying."

I loved that the two of them got to know each other while she was there. It meant I could openly talk to her with no judgements. As they talked, I reached down and grabbed the signed tour shirt they gave me from the floorboard. 

"This is going on my wall for sure!"

"Next to the unicorns?" 

Jase burst out laughing so hard at Izzy the car swerved.

"Laugh all you want, but I love my room. And you, drive carefully."

He looked at me like he was going to say something but then his right hand came to rest on my thigh with a slight squeeze while Izzy leaned forward from the back seat.

"I still can't believe you have never changed it. I mean, after how many years? I redid mine every two or three growing up."

"That's because you are a princess."

"I'm pretty sure the one with unicorns keeps the princess title."

"She's got you there."

"Whatever, call me what you want, tonight will go down in the record books as one of the best nights of my life."

They both agreed as we pulled back into the parking lot of the rodeo to get Jase's truck. Izzy moved to the front seat as I got out to drive and say goodbye to Jase. He took my hand in his as we walked to his truck. Once we were on the other side and out of eye shot, he pushed me against the door and kissed me. I loved and fed off of his eagerness. The way he could make me feel, if it could be bottled, would make women blissful for years. When he pulled his lips back from mine, he tapped my nose with his in the most playful, tender way before he said, "You make me happy, Red." 

His fingers brushed the hair away from my face as he looked into my eyes. The lights in the parking lot didn't give off much but that low glow made his shine. He had made such a big deal about the way I looked at him, saw him, but if he only knew what his eyes had the power to do. They made me feel full, adored—it was something I never wanted to lose. 

"You keep looking at me like that, I'll be following you home and sneaking in your bedroom window."

I blushed from the idea. 

"Izzy leaves in the morning and we have plenty of time for that. By the way, thank you. You made tonight so special for both of us."

He looked completely confused. 

"How do I get the credit for that?"

"It all started from you carrying me to the stage. Had you left me in my chair—"

"Just stop right there. You need to understand something. The girls that work to be seen, we don't really see them. We see the clothes and the makeup, never them. But you, Red, you have never needed any of that. You don't even know how beautiful you are, and whether or not I carried you up there, you would have been noticed. I have no doubt. You are the most beautiful thing that walks the earth."

I pulled his face to me and kissed him like it would be our last.

"What was that for?"

"Just a way to let you know I like you too."

I stared into his eyes letting it sink in.

"You could look at me like this for the rest of my life and I will live it as the happiest man."

When my heart tightened, I suddenly pulled my eyes away. I was leaving. Getting that close was only going to break my heart and his.

"Hey!" He took my chin under his fingers and lifted my face, forcing me to see him. "What just happened?"

I leaned in and kissed him quickly before I moved out of his grasp.

"Red?"

Looking back over my shoulder, I said shortly, "Izzy's in the car and I can't make her suffer any longer. I'll see you tomorrow."

He clearly wasn't okay with any part of how things had just gone down but instead of forcing me to continue, he stayed quiet and let me go. I made it back to my car as fast as I could, in fear he would want more and I needed space to think.

Once I was in and closed the door, I was prepared to apologize for taking so long to Izzy but I found her asleep. It didn't really shock me. She was definitely having fun and I was surprised she hadn't passed out ten minutes after leaving the bar. She was always one or the other. Balls to the wall or asleep, but there was never much of an after party for her when it came to drinking.

I sat in the driver's seat with my hands on the steering wheel feeling extremely guilty about what had just happened with Jase. Would it have been so hard for me to just be honest with him and tell him how scared I was? I opened the door back up and was prepared to get out when I noticed his headlights turn on. At that point, I rushed out of the car, feeling the need to tell him everything I was holding in, but he never gave me the chance. The truck pulled away and so did my opportunity. I walked back to my car frustrated to say the least.  Instantly, I climbed in, grabbed for my cell phone, and dialed his number. He answered moments later.

"What?"

I felt my stomach turn over.

"I'm sorry."

I heard him let out a breath and then suck in another before he let me have it.

"I don't know up from down with you, Red. You let me hold you all night looking at me like I'm everything you want and need, then you shut me out like I'm a piece of shit."

"Stop! That's not it at all. In the little time we've had together you have made more of an impact on me— You know what? This is the freakin’ problem! Did you forget that I'm moving?"

"No, I didn't forget. What's your point?"

He was angry but disappointment seeped from his words.

"My point is, do you … Is this? Crap, Jase! I am scared of what we are doing."

"Scared? How is having fun scary?"

I leaned forward and laid my arms over the steering wheel while I looked up at the stars. 

"It's not always fun." I paused and tried to collect my nerves. "Sometimes you can smile at me and my stomach flips. Other times, my heart races so fast that it seems hard to breathe. When I feel lost in your eyes, those are the times I don't want to be found. This is more than just having fun, Jase. What's happening is so much more for me."

It had taken me more time to get that out than I thought, but instead of being scared that I shared my fear, I actually felt relieved. If he was serious about wanting something from me, I was letting him know he already had it. 

"Jase? Are you still there?"

He didn't say anything, forcing me to pull the phone away from my ear to see if we were disconnected. He was still there, and I was considering hanging up, knowing I went too far and probably killed the chance of … Then I saw the headlights.

"Oh, my God."

My hands went over my mouth as my eyes went wide from shock and disbelief as I watched his truck pull up in front of my car. My phone went flying when I tossed it on my way out the door.

"Oww."

Clearly, I hadn't thought that through when I hit Izzy in the head.

"Oh, crap. Sorry!"

I waited until I knew she didn't wake, stepped the rest of the way out of my car, and then stopped.

He was standing before me with an expression I couldn't decipher. His eyes were soft but his body was stiff, as if he himself didn't know what to say or do.  

"I—"

"Red, don't say another word. I came back to do one thing and that's to say this. So please, don't interrupt me."

When I said nothing, he continued. 

"Whether you are moving to live somewhere else means nothing to me. Don't give me that look and just hear me out." When my hands went to my hips, he knew what he said hit a nerve.

"Do you want to know why?"

I didn't drop the look because what he said was flat-out rude. And, of course, I wanted to know how he could want me so much and then not care that I was leaving which is what led me to ask, "Why?

"It's because of you."

He closed the gap between us and took my face in his hands staring directly in my eyes.

"I would follow you to the ends of the Earth before I would give up seeing you smile. If it means I live in California, then screw it, I move. I have no fear of what will happen if I fall in love with you, Red. The only thing in the world that scares me is going back to a life I just get through instead of living. I am a man. A Goddamn solider of the American Army. I have fought wars you can't even dream about. I can handle anything. But the thought of not seeing you look at me the way that only you can is bone chilling."

I opened my mouth, but he took his hand and covered it.

"So what I am asking you is this: stop fighting. We've always been back and forth with each other, but now we're even. We've both pushed each other away. The war between us needs to end. You and me—"

I wanted to scream enough already but his hand was still covering my mouth. So, instead, I jerked the hand off and jumped in his arms, giving him no warning. 

"Woooo."

He lost his balance for a second but then he got it back, and with it, we laughed.

"We are going to have some fun together, Jergensmeyer."

"Bring it, woman."

I grabbed the back of his head and crashed my lips to his. The fever he could bring with each pull of my bottom lip had me ready to give up any air if it meant I had to stop him. Knowing he would do whatever it took for us to work meant I could let my all my fears disappear, and that was everything to me.

He never let me go. If anything, he held on tighter as he walked us to the back of his truck and lowered the tailgate to sit me down on.

"Was I getting too heavy for you?"

"Not in the slightest, I just wanted to be able to do this."

His hands traveled to the bottom of my shirt and then tugged it from the waistline of my jeans. 

"What do you have planned?"

"Just let me kiss you."

He laid me back and then slowly leaned forward, lifting my shirt in the process until it rested just underneath my bra. Cold chills ran across my skin as his breath tickled me before his mouth came in direct contact. 

One kiss was placed directly over my belly button. The next was on my left hip bone and then my right. 

"I want to kiss every inch of you, Red."

One simple word would tell him how I felt in that moment. "Yes."

His hands dragged my shirt up just enough to expose my bra before his lips traveled to the crest of my breasts. The chills became goosebumps in an instant. Everything in me wanted him to never stop but he lifted his head and shook it back and forth before he pulled my shirt back down to cover me.  

"This isn't going to happen in a parking lot."

I sat up to look at him and let him know just how well his teasing affected me but when I saw the tent in his pants, it was clear I wasn't alone in this. 

"Staring at it isn't going to make it go away."

When I met his eyes, we both burst out in laughter before he asked me to scoot over.

I made room for him to join me thinking he was just going to sit, not jump up on the tailgate and walk back to a toolbox and pull out a blanket.

"I never would have expected you to keep something like that in there."

"I'm full of surprises. Now, stand up for a second."

He held his hand out for me to take and then pulled me up alongside of him.

"What are you up to?"

"Truth?"

"Well, yeah, I don't want you to lie to me."

He unfolded the blanket and threw it out over the bed of the truck before he looked back over at me and smiled.

"Just give me a second."

Before I could answer him, he jumped out of the bed and climbed in the cab for something. He wore the cutest smile ever as he came back to stand in front of me.

"What are you planning here?"

He pulled his phone out, typed a few things in it, and then rested it on the roof of the cab before he turned back to me.

Music started playing, and I recognized the song immediately—“H.O.L.Y” by Florida Georgia Line.

"Come lay with me."

He took a seat and then pulled me slowly down to him, ending with me lying beside him, resting my head on his chest. 

"What's your favorite ice cream?"

My head came up immediately.

"That's the last thing I expected you to ask me."

"Lay back down and give me this, okay? I want to know everything about you."

He wore a smirk that had me complying in seconds. My face brushed against the cool fabric just as I felt my hair brush back from the touch of his hand.

"Cookies and cream."

"What's your favorite color?"

I giggled softly. The conversation was just what I needed.

"Purple."

"Favorite food?"

"Steak."

"Favorite song?"

"’Amazed’."

"Who sings that?"

"LoneStar."

"Oh, I know that one. Okay, next question. What did you want to be when you grew up? Not what you decided, but when you were little. What did you dream of being?"

"I wanted to grow up to be just like my sister."

I could feel his body shift before he asked, "Why like your sister? You didn't want to be a dancer, or a princess, or whatever little girls dream of?"

Trying to get him to understand was going to be difficult. 

"Most little girls dream of being everything, but the most prominent one is who they admire most. For me, it was Arianna. She is the strongest, most loving person I have ever met. If I can be half the woman she is, I will have surpassed most."

"She is pretty great, but, Red, you've already achieved that."

"I'm not even close yet but thank you." I pushed myself up enough to be able to look at him.

"It's my turn."

"Oh, great. Should I be scared?"

I wiggled my eyebrows to tease him before I asked, "Same question. What did you want to be?"

He took his eyes and brought them to the stars, let out a deep breath, and softly spoke, "It wasn't really what I wanted to be, it was more like who I didn't want to be."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Let me try again. Hmmm, what's your favorite thing to do for fun?"

"That's the dumbest question ever."

I slapped him then he grabbed my butt and squeezed, only proving his point even more.

"That one's obvious. What else is there?"

"I don't know, really. Since I got back, I've just been keeping busy. I hang out with the guys every once in a while but mainly I work at your sister’s."

"That doesn't even sound like the Jase I know. You were the life of the party."

"Well, a lot changes when you have had a gun pointed at your head."

I went quiet. Thoughts ran through my mind of how much I thought I knew about him, but in reality, the man before me was only the shell of my grade school nemesis. The core of him would forever be different. 

"Jase …"

"I didn't mean for that to scare you. And to be honest, I don't do much anymore. I don't know why that changed. I guess when I got back, most of my friends were still off at school, and the ones that stayed back didn't know how to handle me. Canyon seemed to be the only one to see me as normal so spending time around him was my best option."

"Can I ask you something personal?"

"You can ask me anything."

I always wondered why his mom left him with his grandparents, and knowing they were both now gone, why he didn't go back to her.

"What ever happened to your mom? And did you ever know your dad?"

He tensed, and I knew immediately I should have left my curiosity alone. 

"Remember when you asked me what I wanted to be when I was a kid?"

I didn't know how to backpedal, but I was clearly putting him through more than what I had considered when I asked the question. 

"Jase, you don't have to do this if you're uncomfortable."

"I don't want any secrets between us, and if this is something you want to know then I'm going to tell you. It's not your fault my parents are as screwed up as they come."

He moved to Montana a year after my mom came. He had no idea of my past, either, or he wouldn't feel so bad about his own.

"My family isn't going to win any awards, either. The only thing we have to focus on is how we turned out."

"Red, my parents were junkies. My mom got clean for a few years after she left my dad. My grandma told her she needed to get me as far away from him as possible and to bring me here. The idiot kept in contact with him, though, behind my grandma's back and when he overdosed on crack, she lost it and started using again too. Who in their right mind starts using the same thing their husband just died from? My grandpa was so pissed when he caught her he kicked her out. She never even cared to say goodbye when she left. Anyway, she killed herself the same way a year later."

"Holy crap! How did I never know about any of this?"

"My grandparents kept it from everyone, not wanting the shame coming down on me."

"I'm so sorry. That's awful. So, you have no family left?"

The thought of it made my heart hurt.

"Nope. But that's okay. I'm doing all right."

"I'd say you are doing better than all right. I am so proud of the man you have become, and I know your grandparents would be too."

"Come here."

I rose to meet that face I was falling hard for. I had never had a man open up to me the way he did so easily, and it meant everything that he trusted me. He pushed my unruly curls out of my face yet again making me laugh.

"They get in the way a lot, don't they?"

"I wouldn't change a thing about you."

He brought his face so close to mine I could feel his breath on my lips when we heard, "Are you guys done yet?"

Both of us turned to find Izzy standing at the end of the truck with her hands in the air. She smiled and then yelled, "I'll be in the car, but this time I won't fall asleep," as she walked away.

"I guess it's time I get her home."

Jase stood and offered his hand to pull me up.

"I'm not sure I'm ready to let you go yet."

"Then don't. Just give me a few hours to sleep and the morning to spend with her before she leaves. After that, we can go do something fun."

"I wish. I have to work, but you bet your ass I will see you tomorrow night. My place?"

I leaned forward and kissed him one last time.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world."

He helped me down from the truck bed and walked me to my car, opened the door for me, and then leaned down to tell Izzy goodbye.

"Hopefully this was just the first time and not the last."

"Aw, you're gonna miss me!"

"You bet I will."

He gave me a wink and then closed my door, throwing his hand in the air on his way back to his truck. As we drove away, Izzy out of nowhere said, "Nice ass too." As we laughed, I knew asking her to come was the best thing I could have done.