Chapter Twenty-Five

On the ride back, the radio kept cutting out from station to station and was driving me crazy.  Reaching down to the floorboard for my purse, I dug through it until I was able to find my phone. 

"Ugh!"

"What's the matter, babe?"

"It's dead. Do you have a charger in here?"

"Yeah, somewhere in my glove box."

I opened it, and sure enough there one was.

"Thank God. I wonder how long it's been dead. I haven't checked it since we got to the cabin."

"That was the plan. And honestly, it wouldn't have mattered anyway; there are no cell towers up there."

I plugged it in, but it was deader than dead.

"Do you have any battery left on yours?"

He pointed to the console where his phone sat next to his wallet.

"You can check."

Sure enough, he had half his battery. 

"Do you care if I sign in to my Spotify account? I just want to hear music and not static for a change."

"No, I don't care. Do whatever, babe."

Within minutes, I downloaded the app and turned on his Bluetooth. 

"That's much better."

"Whatever makes you happy is good with me."

An hour later, I checked to see if I could finally turn on my phone. It's funny how when you don't know it's dead you couldn’t care less to check it, but the second you know you can't it's all you think about. I pressed and held the power button, and like fireworks going off, it came to life. 

"You look awful happy over there for something as little as your phone having juice."

The damn thing started to go crazy in my hand. Alerts left and right. Notifications from Facebook and Twitter. Text messages. Emails. 

"Holy crap, Red, do you always get that many in a day?"

"I guess. It’s just spread out and not two days of backup hitting me at once."

I started scrolling through the texts first. One was from Arianna just hoping we were having a good time. Izzy sent five wondering why I wasn't answering her.

Facebook and Twitter was a quick mark all as read and move on fix. The emails were the time-consuming part. Junk mail, after junk mail. One from my college loan letting me know payments were now due, but the one that had me drop my phone to the floor due to my shaking hands had Jase pulling the truck over.

"Red, what the hell is wrong?"

I turned in my seat to look at him, but the shaking wouldn't stop.

"It's time. The job. California. It's time!"

His expression went from fear of the unknown to a frown. 

"Already?"

"Well yeah, if anything it took way too long."

"Yeah, I guess." He pulled back out on the road and continued down the highway while I tried to get ahold of myself. I needed to re-read the email. It just seemed unreal, too good to be true. Jase was being quiet but I knew he was just in shock. We had always known this was coming. I grabbed my phone and looked over it once more. Sure enough, it read the same way. They wanted me there the following day which meant I flew out in the morning. 

"I need to buy my flight out."

"When do they want you there?"

"Tomorrow."

He said nothing. 

"Are you upset?"

His hand slid up my thigh and squeezed, but when he looked at me I knew he was about to lie to me. His eyes were his tell sign always.

"No, doll, it just came faster than I thought it would."

"I didn't think they would do it that fast, either, but they have no idea where I live. If I were already in California, it wouldn't be so bad. Jase, this is what I have been waiting for. Please be happy for me."

His eyes smiled but hidden underneath was a sadness I couldn't change.

"I am, Red, I want you to be happy. That's all I want."

"You're coming, right?"

"I can't right away. I have to make sure Canyon has a replacement. He's done way too much for me to just screw him like that."

And then my heart hurt. I never considered he wouldn't be flying out there with me. That we wouldn’t be taking on this new journey together. So I did the same thing he had done seconds before. I lied. 

"Yeah, that makes sense. But we're only talking a few weeks, right?"

"Yeah, only a few weeks."

The rest of the ride home was quiet. I think both of us needed to process what it was going to be like without each other in our everyday lives. He had become a constant to me. The reason to wear a smile 24/7. But I needed to stop worrying. I knew a few weeks would be nothing if it meant the rest of our lives. We could withstand this. I had faith in us or I was at least trying to believe that.

We finally got back to his house around five o'clock that evening. Both of us got out of the truck and stretched instantly before we walked back to the bed to collect our bags. Jase reached in and grabbed mine first complaining, "That was a long ass drive."

"Worth every minute of it, though."  

The bags in his hand landed with a thud on the ground as he suddenly turned to me and pulled me to him.

"I hate that you're leaving me."

I was finally getting the truth from him, and as much as I wanted it, it killed me. Tears began running down my face with the acceptance of my own feelings. It hurt. My body shook as I attempted to catch my breath and his hold on me became tighter. 

"Don't cry, baby. There's nothing I hate more than seeing you like this."

He pulled back and looked down at me with a glaze of his own covering his beautiful eyes.

"We can get through this."

I know he didn't believe what he was saying. He was simply trying to convince himself as much as I was. My confidence in us was rocked, and admitting it to myself was the hardest part. 

"Come with me to my house so I can pack.  I don't want to be away from you if I don't have to."

"You couldn't keep me away."

First, we went by my sister's to let them know. I didn't expect them to be so happy for me, but the congratulations and hugs I received gave me reassurance that this was the right thing to do.

Arianna carried on the most and had me wrapped in her arms, refusing to let go.

"I can't express how happy and proud I am of you. Have you told Mom yet? She's going to be so excited."

"Darlin', let the poor girl go. You're freaking even me out." Arianna pulled back but continued to look at me as she answered Canyon. "Oh, shush, she knows how mushy I can be and loves every minute of it."

"I sure do."

"See!"

Canyon and Jase laughed as we hugged each other again like it was the last time we would see each other. 

I had already said goodbye to the kids, but as they stood still against the wall, it hit me—it was like me leaving was no big deal. Then again, the bulk of their lives I had been away at school. I hated I had missed so much, but life doesn't always play fair. Guilt plagued me that I was basically signing up to miss that much more. 

"Am I making a mistake?"

Arianna jerked me back and forced me to stare into her eyes. 

"No, this is not a mistake. This is your life. Your dream. You deserve to fulfill it."

I shook my head up and down because words just didn't seem as easy.

"Now, you need to get going. You have to find Mom. She would be devastated if you left without saying goodbye."

"Oh, I couldn't do that. I wouldn't do that."

She pulled me to her one last time and whispered in my ear, "Then go. We love you so much. And, Shelby, don't give up on your dream for what might have been. This is the time to see what's to come."

I hugged her one last time before Jase took my hand and we walked out of the house I would forever call home. 

"Are you all right?" He squeezed my hand endearingly.

"Yeah, this is just harder than I thought it would be."

"I couldn't agree more."

We went to my house and got all of my things packed up first. Four bags later, we were done.

"Do you care if I go get dinner going while you say goodbye to your mom? I'm getting hungry, and to tell you the truth, she still scares me a little."

"Jase Jergensmeyer! My mother is not scary. She adores you."

"You can tell me that all you want, but when she looks at me I still feel like a little kid getting caught with my hand in the cookie jar."

I couldn't help but laugh. 

"Whatever. Yeah, I can let you off the hook this time, but you have got to get over this."

He grabbed me and pulled me into him.

"I hate this."

"Me too."

His lips gently grazed mine before he pulled back and looked into my eyes.

"Promise me I will get to hold you all night."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

My mother was a basket case. Everyone else had congratulated me while she cried and complained that she just got me back and wasn't ready to let me go.

"I promise I will come back as often as I can. And just think about the vacations you could take. You will always have a place to stay."

"You're leaving at such a bad time. Your sister is about to have her baby; I'm getting married. This just isn't the right time."

"I will be back for all of it. I won’t miss a single thing, Mom. I swear."

Mr. Franklin peeled her off of me wearing a sympathetic smile.

"She'll be fine."

"Mom, I hate leaving you like this."

She dove back at me wrapping me in her arms again.

"I will be fine. Just promise me you will kick ass out there."

Hearing my mother cuss had me burst out in laughter. 

"I promise."

They both walked me out to my car and hugged me goodbye. Driving away was the first time I allowed the tears to flow freely.  It was so different than leaving for college. I was moving for good and leaving everything I loved behind. 

When I finally parked in Jase's driveway, I tried to pull myself back together. I knew me leaving was crushing him and seeing me that way wouldn't make it any easier on him. I just hated that he wasn't leaving with me. I thought about calling Canyon to see if he would care if Jase didn't give him notice but that had to be something Jase was comfortable doing and clearly he wasn't. I respected him for that.

I noticed something out of the corner of my eye, and when I looked up I saw him walking toward me. I hadn't realized how long I had been sitting there, but when I glanced at the clock on my radio, it had been over ten minutes. I opened the door and got out just as he made it to me. All of my strength left me. Looking into his eyes was the catapult to my breakdown.

"I—"

He picked me up into his arms as I lost it.

"Shh, don't worry, babe, I got you."

When I was spent and the tears no longer fell, I wiped my face as I pulled back from his embrace. 

"Thank you. This just sucks."

I wiped my face again, trying to dry any moisture left.

"Come inside. I have a surprise for you."

He took my hand and led me across the lawn and through the doorway of his home. Only then did I jerk my hand out of his because it was needed to cover my mouth.

"Oh, my God, Jase! What did you do?"