A New Beginning

My hands tremble as I look down at my wedding rings. I’m going on a date with another man. Isn’t this the point where I should be taking them off? I pull a silver chain from my jewelry box and slide my rings off. Bringing them to my lips, I kiss them tearfully and slide them onto the chain. I’m not taking them off completely, just moving them closer to my heart.

After I dry my eyes and finish applying my makeup, I step back and look at myself in the mirror. I haven’t put on a dress since their funeral. The first thing I notice is the shape of my hips and the fullness of my breasts. After having Nate, my body changed. Losing the baby weight wasn’t an issue because I barely ate for months. Things have definitely toned up since I started working out again, but I can’t believe I never paid attention to the more womanly shape my body has taken on.

My brown hair cascades over my shoulders, and my tight, red dress doesn’t leave much to the imagination. After tucking my ID, credit card, and anxiety medication into my black clutch I’m ready to go. My four-inch black Jimmy Choo’s will bring me closer to Sawyer in height and to his lips.

“Ready, Princess?” he calls out as he knocks on my door.

“Yeah, come in,” I answer as I psych myself up to have a good time.

He whistles. “Holy fuck, Mel.”

After catching a glimpse of him, I’d rather push him down the hall and straight to his bed. One look at him in his dark denim jeans, black boots, and charcoal-gray button-down has my pussy aching for him. My tongue darts across my glossy lips as he stalks toward me with a determined, predatory gaze.

His mouth crushes mine as he pulls me to him with one hand. I sigh into his kiss and let him elevate me to a higher place. As quickly as he starts, he backs us into the hall and pushes me against the wall. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to do that in there. You just look so fucking hot, I couldn’t help myself.”

I blush at his words and he brushes his thumb across his lips, checking for lipstick. “Smudge proof, don’t worry.”

A wicked smile flickers across his lips. “Maybe I should make it my mission to prove there’s no such thing.”

“Maybe you should.”

Suddenly, his eyes are wide and he grabs my left hand. His gaze darts between my hand and my necklace. “Shit, Mel, you didn’t have to—”

This time, I press my finger against his lips. “If this is truly a new beginning, yes I did. They’re still close to my heart, I couldn’t bear to lose them completely. But it’s okay, this is right somehow. It’s the next step.” I wish I knew what he was thinking right now, but considering the way he laces his hand in mine and squeezes it, I have an inkling.

Darren comes barreling down the hall as Nate and Cadence come running after him. “Damn, you two look sexy as fuck.”

I crouch down and hold my arms open wide. “Come give me hugs and kisses, you two.” Cadence reaches me first and kisses me smack on the lips. She’s just about a year and a half now and owns so much of my heart she might as well be mine. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for this little girl. Nothing.

Nate is only thirteen months, but he’s picked up a lot from her and is pretty advanced for his age. He climbs up onto my knee, practically throwing me off balance, and places a hand on each of my cheeks as he kisses me with a wide-open mouth. It’s adorable and kind of gross all at the same time; I’d never change it for the world.

Sawyer holds on to my arm to keep me steady and once I’ve had my fill of them, he helps me stand. “Have fun tonight. Don’t worry about us, we’ll be fine,” Darren says before swooping the kids up and running with them into the nursery.

We hurry to the door to avoid any crying. It’s usually fine, but Nate’s separation anxiety kicks in every once in a while and I won’t leave when it does. I feel like it’s his own form of PTSD kicking in since I didn’t have anything to do with him for so long.

As we step out into the driveway, there’s a Town Car waiting for us. With a raised brow, I look to Sawyer and he smirks as he opens the door. “I’m not going to apologize. I wanted a car with a divider so I could talk to you, or do things to you, that we don’t need Mac or Ryan seeing or hearing.”

“Hm, I wonder what those things could be,” I reply, and with my teasing tone he takes my hand and places it over his hard cock and groans.

“I should have worn slacks,” he grumbles, and I laugh. Then he pulls my hand to his mouth and kisses it. “I actually wanted to share something with you. Remember that song I was working on with Eli?”

“Yeah, it was really good. At least what I heard of it.”

“Well, I was limited in what I could let Eli hear because of the lyrics. But when I was spending time in the garage the last month, I laid down tracks for it and finally finished it.”

“Sawyer, that’s amazing. I’m so proud of you. What are you going to do with it?”

His shy smile greets me and he pulls out his phone. “Aside from play it for you? Nothing. It’s personal and private.”

“You mean I finally get to hear you sing solo?”

“That you do. I should warn you not to freak out or anything. A lot of times when I write lyrics, it’s another way of journaling. A way to purge those demons. But there’s always truth in them, so I want you to understand where my head was.”

“I understand that more than you think. We’ve talked about this before. It’s the same way with writing. There’s always truth buried somewhere inside my fiction. Does the song have a title?”

He scoots closer and wraps his arm around my shoulder. I could drown in his masculine scent. “Amphetamines.”

“Seriously?”

With a shrug, he replies, “I know, but it fits, Mel. You’ll see, listen.”

He presses play on his phone and a melody as haunting as the lyrics I heard previously begins to play. When his voice fills the car, I’m sucked in completely.

Adrenaline courses through my blood

But I’m not high

You’re my only drug

Darkness closes in all around

Grips my heart and slams it down

Blood oozes

People scream

Smoke rises

Where’s my queen?

Hollow voices

Bright lights flash

Death surrounds me

My whole life

Is shredding fast

Can you hear me?

I scream your name

All while knowing

Nothing will ever be the same

Blood oozes

People scream

Smoke rises

Where’s my queen?

Darkness closes in

Fates collide

They are welcomed

To the other side.

But not you

Not my queen

Even if …

You wear his ring.

Holy shit. He’s staring straight ahead as if he’s afraid to look me in the eyes. I can only imagine how hard that was for him.

I reach over and stroke his jaw, waiting for him to turn toward me, but he doesn’t. Instead, I turn his head and look him in the eyes. “Sawyer, that was stunning. You are so incredibly talented.”

“You’re not mad?” His fearful words are matched by an equally fearful expression and my heart fills with love for him.

I hike up my skirt and throw my legs over him so I’m straddling him. Cupping his face in my hands, I lean in close so my words whisper over his lips. “No, baby, I’m not mad. I’m in awe of your talent and I’m so fucking proud of you.”

As soon as the word baby slips off my tongue, my heart races. Not with regret but with the knowledge I’m falling in love with him. Before I have time to think about it further, he kisses me. Sawyer draws out this kiss—it’s slow, passionate, and his hands are locked onto my ass while each stroke of his tongue sets my body on fire.

We stay like this for the entire trip to the club. As the car begins to slow, we break away breathlessly. My lips feel swollen, and my face is flushed, but the blissful expression on Sawyer’s face is worth it. He moves his thumb to his lips again and I laugh. “This lipstick was worth every penny. You’re still nice and clean.”

“I wouldn’t mind being marked by you, Princess, that way everyone knows I’m yours.”

Christ, I’m pretty sure I just dripped a little down my thigh with his heated words. I wouldn’t mind marking him, either. I move off of him when the car stops and he helps me out. A guard is waiting at the back door of whatever club this is and ushers us inside.

Upon entering, it’s obvious by the lush lobby we’re in this is their VIP entrance. A busty brunette in a dress so low-cut her nipples are practically on display smiles flirtatiously at Sawyer. “Mr. Weston, welcome back. We’re excited to have you with us tonight.” She rakes her nails down his arm and I want to claw her eyes out. Instead, I exhale slowly and catch the slight smirk on Sawyer’s face with my reaction.

“Down, Princess, I’m all yours,” he whispers into my ear, nipping it when he moves away.

Busty Barbie leads us down a hallway illuminated with red lighting from sconces placed intermittently on the walls. She takes us into an elevator that lets us out on the third floor and then down another hall. She slides a key card into a door and passes the card to Sawyer, along with a business card.

“Everything is here as you requested. If you need anything, pick up the phone and dial the extension on the card and you’ll be sent directly to my personal line. Should you need anything else tonight, or … whenever, my personal cell is on the back. Feel free to use it anytime.” This breathy, obvious bitch is getting on my last nerve.

Sawyer looks down at the card and back at her. “Thank you, Dawn. I’m sure we’ll be fine, but I’ll call should we need anything.”

I turn around and roll my eyes so I don’t have to watch her fake ass anymore. The room is large and dimly lit, with windows overlooking the dance floor. Leather couches and a table topped with snacks and water on ice fill the room. A bottle of Patron and two shot glasses are in the center of the table. Looks like Sawyer thought of everything. I hear the door close, but my attention is captured by a bowl of condoms next to the couch.

Sawyer’s arms wrap around me from behind and his lips move to my neck. “Don’t be mad, Mel. She’s got no chance in hell with me.”

“Sawyer, what kind of club is this?” I manage to squeak out. He turns me to him, the sinful gleam in his eyes telling me all I need to know. “You brought me to a sex club?”

“Not exactly …” I flash him a dirty look and he laughs. “It is a sex club, but it’s also a regular club. Their members can pay for VIP perks, hotel rooms, and private rooms, and they also get special nights that aren’t open to the public. They actually have a sex night where it’s a little more risqué, but tonight isn’t that night.”

Pulling away from him, I cross my arms. “Did you rent a room?”

He throws his arms up in surrender. “No, Princess.”

“But you’re a member?”

“Well, yeah,” he says, smiling sheepishly. “But not for the reasons you think. Everyone here has to sign a non-disclosure agreement. No one who isn’t a paying member can get in on member nights. Tonight is a member night, so if anyone sees us in the hall or whatever they can’t say shit to anyone. I wanted to protect you because I know you’re not ready for anyone to know about us yet.”

“Oh … so what is the name of this club?”

He motions for me to take a seat and then sits next to me. “It’s called The Scene. It’s owned by a friend of Ben’s.”

Sawyer pours a shot of tequila and knocks it back. Then he pours another for me, licks his hand, and shakes salt on it. “Lick it, Princess,” he says, and although I’d rather be licking his cock, I do as he says and knock back the shot. He leans in with a lime between his teeth and I suck it before he spits it to the floor and pulls my mouth to his.

Sawyer kisses me with a desperation some women only dream of, and I return it with the same amount of reckless abandon. When he pulls away, it takes a moment for me to catch my breath. Once I do, I’ve got questions I’m dying to know the answers to.

“Have you ever used the rooms here?”

He leans back and angles his body toward mine. “No, the only rooms I’ve ever used here are like the ones we’re in now. And before you even ask, I’ve never been here on a date. Just with the guys. It’s a chill place to hang out and stay low key.”

“Do you know how many women you’ve slept with?” I blurt out.

He doubles over in laughter. “Where did that question come from?”

Now I’m laughing at my ridiculousness. “I don’t know. I guess you’re just really good at … being sexual? I figured it took a lot of practice?”

“Sorry, Mel, I couldn’t tell you how many girls I’ve been with. I’m not even sure I could give you a ballpark estimate. I know that’s probably a huge turnoff. Do you know your number?”

“Of course, but I’m not really proud of mine, either. I was kind of a whore in my teen years. Do you really want to know?” I’m hoping he says no because the only person who knows my number besides me is Belle, although it’s grown by one since she left me.

“No, I don’t. Thinking of you with other guys will only piss me off. I get you’ve been with Eli and Noah. I can handle that, sort of. It’s easier to deal with if I keep the mindset Eli had a small dick and you were doing him a favor.”

I practically choke on my water. “You believe that if it makes you feel better,” I tell him with a wink, and he groans.

“You know, Princess,” he says, moving closer to me, “I don’t think it has to do with practice so much as chemistry. I’ve never felt so connected to anyone. I’m drawn to you. Even when I should have been letting you go I was never able to keep you out of my thoughts.”

I want to admit I feel the same way about our chemistry, but if I do it’s like soiling Noah’s memory somehow. Noah and I were off-the-charts compatible, but no matter how much I don’t want to admit it, Sawyer and I are electrifying. I knew it all the way back from that first kiss we shared in his bathroom.

“Good, because I only want you to have eyes for me,” I reply, and he slides his hand up the skirt of my dress. “Sawyer, what are you doing?” The words fall from my lips as his finger slips inside of me. He pulls it out, brings it to his mouth, and sucks it in. When he’s finished, he drops to his knees between my legs.

“Tasting what’s mine,” he growls before swiping his tongue across my panties and inhaling loudly. “Fuck, Princess, the smell of your pussy makes my cock ache for you.”

“Sawyer,” I cry out as his fingers move my panties to the side and his tongue laps up my wetness, “the windows, we need to stop.” He chuckles against my pussy and the vibration lights me on fire. He pulls his head back and lowers my skirt.

“No one can see in, they’re one-way mirrors.” He pulls my mouth to his and shares the flavor of me on his tongue. I love how everything about him is so sexually charged, but it raises concerns about his capability of commitment.

“I need another drink,” I say as we separate.

“Your wish is my command,” He says, pouring us each a shot.

“Can I ask you something?”

“You always ask me that, Princess, but there’s never going to be a time you can’t ask me anything. I love it when you say or ask what’s on your mind. I don’t ever want you to worry about anything.”

There he is, the sweet man who lives right under Sawyer’s rough exterior.

“Do you think with your sexual history you’d have a problem remaining faithful in a relationship?”

“I’m not a sex addict, Mel. I enjoy sex. I enjoy women. I especially enjoy you - much more than anyone who has ever come before you. The answer is no, I don’t think I’d have a problem being faithful. Especially being faithful to you. For me it was never really about having X-amount of women. It was about the release. Freeing my mind and relieving stress and anxiety. And sure, maybe some of it was kind of a high because so many women wanted to fuck me just because of who I am. But that’s the part that got old the fastest.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah. I mean, it’s one thing to see someone and think ‘Damn, they’re hot, I’d like to hit that.’ It’s another thing to plot landing a rock star and hope to keep him tethered to you by getting knocked up. Or by hoping your pussy is the one to cast a magical spell and get him to want to be with you and buy you things. Groupies are the worst. It’s all about bragging rights.”

“So why did you do it for so long?”

“Because it was my only option. Blowing off steam with a quick fuck was better than any release I could get from exercise. I need sex, Mel. But something changed when I met you. Even the quick random fucks weren’t enough. You have no idea how guilty I feel for the amount of times I got myself off thinking of you.”

As he pours us both another shot, I let his words sink in and down my shot. I can’t even be mad at him, there’s no point. He’s allowed to get off to whomever or whatever he wants; in a way, it’s flattering he chose me.

“That day on the bus, the day I was supposed to be interviewing you and you were late. Were you really watching porn and jerking off?”

“Drink this,” he says, handing me another shot. After knocking it back, I grab a couple of crackers because I’m starting to get lightheaded. “I wasn’t watching porn, but I was jacking off to mental images of you riding my cock. For the record, it’s so much better than I could have imagined.”

“Shit, Sawyer,” I hiss.

“What? I’m being honest.”

“You sound borderline obsessed.” I’m only half-joking with him.

“Maybe I was, am, I don’t know. You’re the first woman who has ever made me feel, Mel. Our kiss in my bathroom was the hottest kiss of my life up to that point. But as I got to know you, I started to fall for you. Your smartass mouth, the way you didn’t put up with my shit but still wanted to get to know me. Me, not Sawyer Weston from Bastards and Dangerous. The way you loved my brother and my family. How you acted with Saylor and Emme. All of it, Mel. You fucking took my breath away. You still take my breath away. Dance with me.”

“There’s no music,” I say, relieved to lighten things up a bit. Sawyer grabs a remote from the table and presses a button. The room fills with the beats of the music I’ve been feeling beneath my feet all night.

He pulls me to my feet as the beginning notes of “Chandelier” by Sia pipe into the room. We move over to the window and look out at the people dancing below. Sawyer moves behind me and pulls my back to his front. His mouth moves to my neck as he blazes a trail of kisses along my collarbone. I’m completely buzzed and not even paying attention to the music anymore, just him and the incredible things he’s doing to my body.

Song after song plays while Sawyer plays my body like his own personal instrument. His erection presses into me and his mouth drops to my lips. His mouth never leaves mine as he pushes me back against the window.

“Open your legs wide, Mel,” his husky voice murmurs against my skin as he drops to his knees in front of me. He hikes my skirt all the way up and peels my panties off. We’re right in front of the window and I hesitate. “Remember, they can’t see anything,” he reassures me as his tongue greets my clit. He lifts one leg over his shoulder and groans. “I want these heels wrapped around my neck tonight when we get home.”

The thought of fucking him again makes me even wetter, and from the way he’s relentlessly working his tongue against me, he’s appreciating that fact. When his tongue hits my clit again, and his fingers slide inside of me, tingles flood my body as I grip his hair.

“I’m going to come, Sawyer!” He hooks his finger just right and as his teeth graze my clit, I’m off like a rocket.

As I ride wave after wave of endless bliss, he swaps his fingers for his tongue, making my body hum. The way he insists on drinking down every drop of my release makes me drunk with lust. With careful ease, he places my leg back on the floor and turns me around to face the window. “Lean forward, Princess, and keep your legs spread. I’m going to fuck you now.”

With my head against the glass, I hear the sound of his zipper and the tear of the condom wrapper. “Arms up,” he commands, pulling my dress over my head when I comply. I’m not wearing a bra with this dress because it’s got built-in support. His hands cup my breasts and he pinches my nipples. His whispered words flutter against my ear. “Imagine they could look up here and see us, Princess.” He takes one hand and thrusts his cock into me, making me cry out with pleasure.

“Do you know how fucking hot that would be for them to look up and see us fucking? For them to see your eyes roll back into your head as I thrust into your body? See that guy down there in the blue shirt by the D.J. stage? He’s looking up this way.” Sawyer moves a hand down to my clit and circles it while he pinches my nipple. “Do you think he can see us? He’d be so fucking jealous that I’m balls deep inside my Princess.”

“Fuck, Sawyer!” My orgasm comes without warning. My pussy clenches around his cock as he slams into me harder and harder.

“That’s it, Princess, ride my cock like you fucking own it because you do.” His teeth come down on my shoulder and he bites me again and again. The pain is exquisite. I know I’m going to bruise, but the thought of him marking my skin excites me.

“Make me yours, Sawyer, please!” My walls convulse around him again as he slams into me one final time.

“You’re so fucking amazing, Mel,” he says huskily into my neck after screaming his release. As my heartbeat comes back down to normal levels, I relish the feeling of his body clinging to mine. I know this is only the second time we’ve done this, but I love how he likes to hang on to me after sex.

“You’re sure they can’t see anything, right? Because that guy is still looking up this way.” He laughs against my bare skin and turns me in his arms.

“As much as I’d love for the world to know you’re mine, I’d never let anyone watch the way you fall apart under my touch. That is for my eyes only.”

Sawyer hands me some napkins to wipe off with while he disposes of the condom. Then he picks up my dress and helps me back into it. He even adjusts my boobs to make sure they’re situated right. That is such a man thing to do and it makes me laugh.

“What? You need to make sure the girls are looking good. I’m just helping you out.”

“Thanks, I’d hate to walk out of here lopsided.”

“Well, your freshly-fucked hair is a dead giveaway to what was going on in here.” His devious smile is met with one of my own.

“Yours isn’t much better than mine.”

“I’m sure it’s not, but men can use the just-fucked look as a style. Women, on the other hand, don’t typically opt for that look. It’s okay, though, I’m happy to give you that freshly-fucked look anytime.”

“Gee, thanks.”

Laughing, he pulls me into a hug and I melt into him. I still don’t know what it is about Sawyer but he just makes me feel so damn safe.

“Do you want to stay and do some more drinking and dancing?” he asks as he releases me.

“No, I want to go home and wrap these heels around your head instead.”

He pulls my hand to his cock, which is already hard again, and groans. “This is what you do to me. Let’s get home.”

The two of us walk hand and hand back to the elevator and out to the main desk. Dawn is standing watch and looks like she ate something sour when she sees the two of us appear. She quickly schools her features and flashes a fake smile at us. Yeah, bitch, who gets the last laugh now?

“I hope you enjoyed your evening, Mr. Weston. We look forward to seeing you again.” I’m pretty sure I can taste her bitterness on my tongue.

“Thanks, we had a blast,” he replies without even looking her way. This is a much different man than the one who talked to her when we first arrived.

After helping me into the car, he turns to me. “There’s a time to be pleasant and a time to show people you know what assholes they really are. Don’t ever doubt my ability to be faithful to you when I’m being nice to someone to get something I want.” His eyes lock on mine; they’re radiating with such sincerity it leaves me breathless. “I’m in this for the long haul, Mel. Whatever it takes to end up in the house by the creek with you.”

When he lowers his mouth to mine, I lose myself in his kiss. I don’t think about Noah, or how messed up people are going to be over this situation. All I think about is Sawyer and how he’s brought me back to life.