CHAPTER NINE
Knight
I missed you, too.
For a long moment, I sat there and wished more than anything I could have taken those words back. It wasn’t because I didn’t mean them, it was because the look that clouded her eyes both elated and killed me. Even though I wasn’t looking directly at her, it didn’t meant I didn’t catch that shit out of the corner of my eye. I could see that with one simple statement, I had opened the gate to all things emotional.
My only relief was when she walked off into her room without a word.
Being around her was the sweetest kind of torture. Touching her was like being cold and touching the hottest fire. I knew it would burn me, but at the time I didn’t care.
I wanted to go back in time. I wanted to be ten again. I wanted to be playing checkers with a six-year-old Gwen and doing my best to make all the wrong moves. I wanted that childlike giddiness that she held on her face when she thought she beat me. I mean she did, but only because I let her. Because that joy that radiated off of her at the end was worth more than winning.
I wanted our lives to be as simple as they had been back then. Carefree days of hanging out with my best friend in the summer sun. Little moments when we told our secrets to each other when no one else was around. Those times of feeling the closeness that seeped past our skin and into our souls.
When I was younger, I never imagined that life could be so hard. That the choices I made would stick and haunt me for a lifetime. And here I was, not sure if I wanted to try and fix my mistakes of the past or hammer that decision in harder.
As much as I wanted to push Gwen away, I knew I’d never be able to. So, I had a choice to make and this time I had to be sure because either way, there was no going back from it. There would be no fixing it. No do-over, so to speak. This would carve our destiny in stone.
As I lay in bed later that night, my hand inching its way to my throbbing, hard cock in search of some relief, I couldn’t help but wonder if I really even had a choice in the matter. That there was just no way in hell I’d ever be able to let her go.
“Oh, fuck,” I whispered in a harsh breath as I gave into my fantasy.
The one where Gwen pushed her way into my room, wearing only those thin cotton shorts and barely there shirt. I could almost see her perky little tits attempting to peek out of that shirt, her nipples hard peaks beneath the flimsy fabric.
As I pushed the waistband of my boxers down I knew there was no going back. My fist wrapped around my hard length, squeezing just a little tighter than necessary. I didn’t care. I tugged as I imagined how hot and tight her pussy would feel around me. I heard her damn breathy moans as if they were right in my ear.
I heard myself grunt a little less than quietly but I was too far gone to care. Imagining what her breasts would look like as she rode me like there was no tomorrow, had my balls drawing up. My hips bucked with a sporadic rhythm as I fucked my hand trying to find my release.
I was so close I could feel it. I fisted myself harder, tugged a little faster. Every muscle felt locked tight in my body. My heavy pants of breath filled the room. Then I saw her fucking amazing smile in my mind and I came, calling out her name on a strangled whisper.
My bones melted into the mattress beneath me and though my dick was deflating and sensitive, I didn’t release it. My free hand slapped against my bare chest right over my heart. I felt the fast pounding slow to a normal rhythmic beating. Releasing a long, drawn-out breath, my hand finally slipped free of my cock.
The feeling of my cooling cum had me getting to my feet and making my way into the shower. The hot water pelting down on my skin did nothing to ease the tension that had returned to my muscles. As I washed, I couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to shower with her. I wondered what it would be like if she was here right then. The stupid thoughts had me hard again in seconds.
I slammed my hand against the cold tile and my head soon followed. I stared down at my cock and shook my head as it mockingly pointed up at me.
“Fuck,” I breathed out in a harsh breath.
There was no way in hell I was going to stand there and jack-off again. I had to regain some damn control at some point, and I swore to myself that it was going to start right then.
Without another thought about Gwen or how sexy as fuck she would look in the shower with me right then, I flipped the handle all the way to cold and stood there until I could no longer pound nails with my damn dick. Which took a long fucking minute.
What the hell was wrong with me?
Gwen. That was what. I couldn’t be around her yet, I had no choice but to be. And now, with this new friendship, shit, I felt like I was locked into actually being nice. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be, it was that it was really hard to walk that thin line between friendly and want. Because let’s just face it, I wanted her like I’d never wanted anything or anyone before.
I shut the water off with an angry flick of my wrist. Then dried myself off until my skin felt sensitive even to the soft touch of the towel.
The night went by in a blur of images and thoughts. Maybe I should just explain everything to her. I knew this ‘forget the past’ thing wasn’t going to work but then again, it was almost like I was given a second chance. Bringing up what I’d done and why I’d done it would only snatch that gift away. Was I really ready to throw it all away?
While I was smart enough to know that this would all come back to bite me in the ass, by the time morning greeted me, I had decided to make the most of it. I’d take this second chance, this new beginning, and fucking run with it the best that I could.