CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Knight
I stood outside of my apartment door. There was no place I’d rather have been but at the same time, I was having a hard time taking the steps that would lead me in there. I’d almost lost her. It had been hitting me over and over again how close I had come to never holding her again. As much as I tried not to focus on it, it was the only thing that filled my mind.
It had been two weeks. The first three days she slept and didn’t get out of bed. On the fourth day, she showered, dressed, and faced the world like it was any other day. Did this surprise me? Well, no, because that was how Gwen handled things.
Two things were going on right then.
One, she was taking the first steps to accepting what had happened. Just because she didn’t talk about it didn’t mean she wasn’t trying to work things out in her head.
And two, she was doing her best to move on from what had happened.
I made sure she knew I was there for whenever she was ready to talk about it. The thing was, I didn’t even have to tell her that because in her heart she knew. She knew that I’d always be there from here on out. Even still, I made sure to tell her every second I could how I felt about her and how I’d never let her go again. I was sure that by this point she was downright sick of hearing it.
I shifted the bags of groceries in my hand and unlocked the door. The moment I stepped over the threshold, her face turned to me with the biggest smile plastered across it. That smile that was all for me. I was home and everything felt right. I wouldn’t even try to deny that feeling, not for a second.
“Did you get the ice cream sandwiches?” she asked as she hopped off of the couch and followed me into the kitchen.
“Of course,” I said with a smile as I pulled the box out of one of the bags and handed it to her.
“Thank you,” she said sweetly then pushed up on her toes to kiss me. “What else did you get?” she began to dig around in the bags, pulling things out and putting them away.
“Just enough to keep us fed for the next week.” I gave her a sly smile but tried to play it off as joking.
Though the last week she’d spent sleeping in my bed, we hadn’t done anything other than sleep and kiss. And, if I was being honest, those kisses had been too short for my liking. I wasn’t sure what was different now, but we both seemed to be holding back.
I mean, I was well aware that she had been through something traumatic. And I wasn’t about to push her in any sort of way. Hell, I knew we had our whole lives together and I would wait as long as she needed.
“Knight,” she said in a tone I hadn’t heard before. Her eyes looked up at me with a heat that I couldn’t ignore.
“Yo, Knight,” Sketch’s voice called out as he walked through the door.
My teeth gritted together as I closed my eyes. A hard, frustrated breath forced its way out of my nose. I loved my brothers, but right then I just wanted them to go the fuck away.
Multiple pairs of footsteps made their way into the apartment. I hated all of them right then.
I was doing my best to calm myself down. I was horny and frustrated, but I couldn’t take it out on them.
Then Gwen slipped away from me to greet everyone, or so I thought.
“Out,” she barked in a tone that couldn’t be ignored. “I love you all, but get out now.”
I held back a chuckle. And I couldn’t deny that I might have been a little nervous at that moment because if she was kicking them out with such haste and bluntness, it could only mean one thing.
“Get it, princess.” I heard Ky say right before the door slammed shut in his face.
The apartment was silent once again. Maybe too silent.
“Knight,” Gwen called out and I could tell she was getting further and further away from where I was.
“Yeah, baby?”
“I need you. Now.”
I turned my head to peer over the half wall separating the kitchen from the living room. My eyes connected with hers as she reached for the hem of her shirt.
This was it. I was going to finally have her. And fuck if I was going to stand there another second.
With wide steps, I made my way out of the kitchen and caught up with Gwen just as she reached the threshold to my bedroom. Her shirt already gone, abandoned in a pile on the living room floor.
“I love you,” I whispered and I dragged her body into mine.
“I love you,” she responded back as I cupped her ass and hauled her body up.
I froze for a split second. Those words rang out over and over in my ear. It was the first time she’d said them to me and I wasn’t about to take it for granted.
“Say it again,” I said, my lips ghosting against hers.
“I love you,” she repeated with absolutely no hesitation.
“Fuck!” I growled as she wrapped her legs around my waist and I closed the distance to my bed.
Her tits crushed against my chest and I could feel her hard nipples against my skin through the thin lace bra she had on. I wanted her naked like right fucking now, but at the same time, I wanted to take my time with this.
“Are you sure?” I asked in a strained voice as I lowered her to the bed.
“Fuck yes,” she said as she looked at me with a smile on her face.
I peeled her pants down her legs, placing light kisses down the soft skin as I went. I kissed my way back up, loving the softness of her against my lips. I unclasped her bra and pulled it free like I had all the time in the world. Her back arched as I lightly licked around her peaked nipple. Her breath came out in pants as I continued my almost lazy torment.
I wanted to lick and kiss every inch of her. I wanted to paint a map of her body with my lips alone. Her fingers threaded through my hair almost like she was trying to hold me in place. I made my way up her neck and finally, my lips met hers.
With every kiss, she gave me all of her. This time was no different. She told me she was mine. She told me she loved me. She told me she would never let me go.
All the things I wanted but still wasn’t sure I deserved.
Her fingers drifted down my body only to slip under the hem of my shirt. My skin prickled at her touch and I knew I’d never get enough of her.
“Please, Knight,” she begged as her body arched into mine.
I reluctantly climbed off the bed and rid my shirt as she sat up and worked my belt free. Her hands were shaking as she unbuttoned my pants and pushed them down. I kicked out of my shoes and shed the rest of my clothes.
Her hungry eyes raked over my naked body. I was torn between wanting to drag this out forever and needing to be buried deep inside of her right that second. I settled my weight over her again. Her blue eyes sparkled as they stared up at me. My cock was so hard it was throbbing.
I knew I’d want to feel everything about this moment when it finally came, so I got tested and left my results out on the counter, once I had received them. I didn’t want her to feel pressured but I wanted her to know my expectations when she was ready. Later that day, I noticed a paper next to mine. It was her results dated six months ago. While I wasn’t thrilled at the thought that someone had gotten there before me, I could hardly blame her. It wasn’t like I’d saved myself either. But that one thing let me know that we were both on the same page and cleared for takeoff.
I reached between us and lined myself up with her. Her slick heat enveloped me with a tightness that had me panting. I eased in slowly until our hips were flush.
Our lips met as my hips pulled back. With slow, languid thrusts, I made love to her like she had been the only one. And to be honest, she was. I’d never taken my time like I was with her. I had never wanted to before. I wanted this to last and I wanted to remember it for a lifetime.
Her hips rocked with a with a painful need as she dug her nails into my back. To say that she felt amazing would have been an understatement. She felt like she was made for me. And I truly believe that she was.
My cock throbbed and my balls drew up. Her walls sucked me in and quivered around me. Her moans became longer and louder, bouncing off the walls and filling my ears with the best sound in the fucking world.
“Knight,” she moaned, dragging my name out as a plea.
My hips bucked faster, pushing into her harder. Her hands moved to my ass, squeezing like she was trying to hold me in place.
Then she shattered around me, her back arching, her head pushing back into the pillow as she breathed out my name. A few more deep thrust and I was crashing over the edge with her, burying myself as deep as I could as I spilled everything I had into her.
Her feet hooked behind me like she wasn’t ready for me to pull away. Holding my weight up on shaky arms proved to be a challenge right then. I peppered her neck with kisses before burying my head there and inhaling her sweet scent.
Her fingers traced lazy lines up and down my back. There was no place in the world that I would have rather been and even though I was thoroughly spent at that moment, I couldn’t wait to take her again. And again. And again.
“Let me up, baby,” I said feeling the sudden need to collapse into a pile of mush. With a sad whine, she reluctantly released me. I didn’t miss the sigh of air that fell from her mouth as I slid from her tight channel. I pulled her into my side and tossed the covers over us. A nap seemed like the only thing my mind could process right then and as I watched her eyes slowly drift closed, I knew we were both on the same page.
“You awake?” Her soft voice filtered through my ears pulling me from sleep.
I had no idea how long we’d been out but as my arm wrapped around her tighter, I didn’t care. It didn’t matter if an hour had passed or an entire day. All that mattered was that I had this beautiful, amazing woman by my side.
“Yeah. What’s up?” I asked after clearing the sleep from my throat.
“I keep thinking about it,” she let out a sigh and I knew she was talking about what had happened with Tara. “I keep trying to find all the clues that I missed. And I can see them now, well some of them. But I don’t get why I couldn’t see them then. I keep asking myself what I could have done to stop this. I realize that it’s pointless because it happened and there is no going back. But I can’t seem to let it go.”
“You’re right, there is nothing you can do about it.” I kissed the top of her head as I ran my hand up and down her bare arm. “I could sit here and tell you that it happened. That it was all real. But you know that. I could tell you that there was nothing you could have done or that she was a crazy as fuck bitch. I could even tell you that I do the same thing, replay it all over and over in my head, wishing for a different outcome. Blaming myself for being too blind to be able to protect you.”
“Knight,” she rolled over and propped up on my chest so that she could look down at me. Her blue eyes were full of sadness and pain. I wished more than anything I could take that away but I knew this was something she would have to work through and accept on her own.
“If you’re going to sit there and tell me that it wasn’t my fault, then I need you to believe those words for yourself as well,” I said as I pinned her with a serious look. I knew it wasn’t that easy but I’d hoped that if she saw it from the other side, then maybe it would help her understand. “You’re here. I’m here. Tara is getting the help she needs. She’s in a place where she can’t hurt anyone. Not you. Not me.”
As much as I hated saying her name, I needed to make a point. I wished more than anything that we could both push the whole terrible experience out of our minds, out of our lives, but that was simply not how life worked. Gwen needed to face it, heal, and move on. And I vowed I’d be there every step of the way.
I kept close tabs on Tara. Or, I had Cable doing it, rather. I didn’t want any surprises in the future because the truth was, I just didn’t trust her. It didn’t matter how many locked doors were between us, or medications they had her on, it would never be enough. Nothing would when it came to the safety of the woman I loved.
It turned out those sealed records were just as bad as I had imagined they were. Tara had shown signs of being unhinged long before she’d met Gwen. Her parents had done a good job of covering it up and moving on but the only thing they succeeded in was nurturing her off behavior. In my mind, they were a huge part of the problem. When I contacted them to let them know what had happened, her father simply told me that ‘he would take care of it.’ To which, I kindly let him know that he would make sure she actually got help this time. I also in so many words let him know who I was and left him with a not-so-friendly warning of what would happen if I ever so much as saw Tara again.
“Okay, then,” she said then placed a light kiss on my chest. “So, right here, right now, we let go—both of us. No more blame, no more obsessing about what could have been done. I don’t want this to dampen what we have. I finally feel like my life is right and I can actually see the future. I want to focus on that.”
I couldn’t have said it better.
God, I fucking loved that woman.
“Deal,” I said as I pulled her body onto mine and kissed her until the outside world faded away.