CHAPTER FIVE
Knight
I stumbled into my apartment sometime after midnight. I was beat as all get out. The previous night I hadn’t slept at all, no surprise there. I counted my blessings that the place was dead quiet when I walked through the door.
The reason I’d waited so long to come back here was that I was avoiding. Yep, like a big ol’ pussy. But the thing was, I was completely blindsided by this whole thing. Not only was Gwen in the same city as I was, she was in my mother fucking space. I would never be able to escape her now.
My eyes scanned the area. Nothing seemed out of place or different. I had no idea what I expected. Maybe some girly pillows on the couch or one of those fuzzy throws tossed over the back. Maybe some flowers or candles spread about. But there wasn’t any of that. If I didn’t know any better, I would have said I was still living alone.
I had no need to stay out as long as I had. And really, I didn’t even need to leave as early as I did, but I wasn’t ready to handle the closeness yet. And sure, I knew I was being a dick to her, just like I had all those years ago. The docks were fine, and I knew this even before the words came out of my mouth. I simply had to do a quick run through today to make sure nothing seemed out of place. But no one needed to know that.
My head turned and looked down the hall that held the door to her room. I tried my hardest to keep my focus straight, but I simply couldn’t. When it came to Gwen, I could never ignore her presence, even if she thought I could.
My bed was calling me. I forced my feet forward and not soon enough, I flopped down in the middle of my king-sized bed. Then, like every other fucking night, I pulled out my phone. My fingers flew over the screen as I typed out a message. I stared at it for a long minute before I erased it and tossed my phone to the side. I couldn’t tell you how many years I’d done this. Over and over. Always the same thing. But I’d never hit send, convinced that it was for the best.
The thing was, it was even more pointless now. Because the very girl that I was typing that message to was across the way. We were only separated by the width of the living room. Feet that seemed to be too much and not enough all at the same time.
With a heavy sigh, I rolled over and tried my best to go to sleep. I tossed and turned all night long. Memories from the past flashed through my head like a happy home movie. I remembered everything about her. Her smell. Her smile. Her laugh. The way her eyes would light up when she saw me. She always looked at me like I was her fucking hero. Like as long as I was around nothing bad could ever happen to her.
That was the worst part about it all, I was one of the bad things that happened to her. I couldn’t deny how broken she was after I cut ties. I saw it. There was no way I couldn’t because I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. Even though she didn’t know it, I was still looking out for her. Until I couldn't anymore. Until I ran like a damn coward. And though we were miles apart, I never stopped thinking about her.
The sun came up, filling the room with too much light. Then came the sounds from the other side of the door. She was in the kitchen, making coffee I imagined. By her light steps, I could tell she was trying her best to be quiet and I could almost see her walking around on her toes like she used to do when she was younger.
Then the faint knocking sound on the front door caught my attention. Before I could even process who it might have been, I was out of the bed, gun in hand, and bolting out of my room. I caught Gwen just as she was about to walk out of the kitchen.
“The hell, Knight? Shit! You scared the crap out of me,” she screeched as she stared at me with wide eyes. Then she noticed the gun I held down at my side. “Oh, for fuck’s sake. It’s just Mouse.”
The fuck? What the hell is he doing here and how does she know it’s him without even opening the door?
The blood pounded in my ears and I gripped the handle of my gun tighter. I had no right to feel what I was feeling, but that didn’t stop me.
“Mouse?” she called out to further prove her point.
“Yeah,” Mouse said through the closed door. “It’s me. Knight freaking out?”
I rolled my eyes and tucked the gun into the back of my pants before pulling the door open.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I barked and I knew my shit mood wasn’t missed on either one of them.
“Taking princess to breakfast.” He shot me a look like I should fucking know better.
“I’m ready,” Gwen said, shooting me an annoyed look as she shoved her keys into her pocket. She turned and didn’t even give me a second glance as she walked out the door.
“You hungry, man?” Mouse asked and I knew he could sense the growing tension in that moment. I also had an idea that he knew what the fuck was up, seeing that he had been around the club a lot not too long before shit went down.
And because I was a man that decided he wanted a side of torture with his eggs, I said yes.
I didn’t know what Mouse’s play was here. I wasn’t sure if he was just being friendly or if there was something more. But I needed to know, even if I had no right to infringe. He should have known better, though. She was Brass’ daughter and there was a loud unspoken rule that you didn’t fuck with her.
That was the biggest issue I had. I respected Brass and saw him as a second father. So when it came to my feelings for Gwen I had to do what was right. I had to stay away.
At the diner, I made sure Mouse sat first, then I planted my ass right next to his. That way they would be separated. And there was no way I could sit next to her. I knew I would break if I did.
She was fucking stunning. I hadn’t really let myself look at her since she had resurfaced into my life, but now there was simply no way to avoid it. I didn’t say much, choosing to let the two of them catch up, but I did hear every word and noticed everything about her. Like how her laugh still had the same sweet ring to it only less childlike. Her smell was still floral only more grown up. It was like roses and honey instead of daisies and sugar. Her face was thinner but still held that same light when she talked about things she loved. She was still my Gwen, only she wasn’t a girl anymore.
Truth be told, it was killing me. I considered myself a strong man, but I knew she would end up bringing me to my knees. I only wondered how long that would take.
It didn’t go unnoticed that she practically acted like I wasn’t there. I supposed my icy welcome hadn’t helped any. But I knew it would be for the best if I kept her at arm’s length.
Halfway through my plate of food, Brass showed up and I knew that he was here to have a last goodbye with her before he headed back home. I also knew that he was here to remind me one more time that she was his baby girl and that I was to look out for her with my life. Which he did tell me, in those exact words, as we left the diner.
I followed her home, not because I was being a creepy stalker, but because we were both going to the same fucking place. Sure I could have passed her, done the dick thing and left her in the dust, but I couldn’t find it in me to do so. By the glances she kept throwing me in her rearview mirror, I had a good idea she noticed, too.
Once we were inside the apartment I opened my mouth to say something. But then nothing came out. Her blue eyes shined up at me as she waited to hear what I had to say. The seconds ticked on and I felt myself getting hot and not in a good way. More like, in that awkward and flustered way. The longer I stood there, the more I realized how fucking close she was to me, the more my head began to swim.
“I gotta shower and head out.” The words fell out of my mouth with a sharp bark to them. “You need anything, you can call Mouse,” I said his name with bitterness on my tongue. So much so, that I could taste it in my mouth the entire way to my room.
This was not part of my plan. She was not part of my plan. Too many years I’d spent trying to forget her only to have her come back into my life like a fucking hurricane.
The club, that was what I needed to focus on. This chapter was still too new and we had to go the extra mile to stand our ground. We were no joke and most people knew that but that didn’t mean we could slack off even for a second. I didn’t need or want for any distractions. So, I decided I was going to push her out of my mind as best as I could and really dig into the things I needed to take care of.
The docks were mine. We had guys on it around the clock, patrolling and making sure that nothing got by under our noses. Even with it handled, I made sure my ass was there more than not. I may have been hiding behind my work as an excuse, but no one needed to know that. I may not have even wanted to admit it to myself.
For the next week, Gwen and I danced around each other in awkward chaos. She was in and out, doing who knew the fuck what. And me, I did my best to avoid her at all costs. The biggest cost was my sleep followed closely by my sanity.
The only reason I went home at the end of the night instead of crashing in my room at the clubhouse was the fact that I told her pops that I would look out for her. While I might not have been there all day to keep watch on her, I made sure that I had someone on her at all times. Just because I felt like I couldn’t do it didn’t mean that I didn’t have prospects to do that shit. Did I trust them to do it as good as I could have? Well, truly, no. But I didn’t have any other choice and if I really thought about it, they were chomping at the bit for a patch, so I had no doubt that they would take it seriously.
“What’re you guys gettin’ into?” I asked Sketch and Mouse as I flopped down on the empty chair at their table.
The bar was pretty hopping considering it was only five. There were a bunch of women in next to nothing doing their best to flag down one of the brothers for the night. I didn’t even give them a second glance as I tipped my beer back and waited for an answer.
“Heading over to your place in a bit actually,” Mouse answered and the smirk on his face made me want to slap him.
“Really?” I grunted, wondering why the hell they were going there when I hadn’t fucking invited them.
“Gwenie invited us over for dinner and a movie. She’s cooking, if you can believe that.” His eyes didn’t look away from me as he spoke.
Not only was she invading my space, she was also taking my boys too. I wanted to be mad but I couldn’t find it in me to be. I knew she didn’t have any friends here yet. I could only pray that once her classes started that she would get some of her own. And female ones at that. I didn’t need any more fucking men sniffing around her. Though she was fucking gorgeous and I knew it was bound to happen.
Then my mind went haywire thinking about previous boyfriends. I had no clue if there had been any but come on, a girl like her, there had to have been. I hated them all even not knowing them. I didn’t need to. None of them would ever be good enough for her.
So who would be good enough for her then, asshole?
Yeah, I could really be a dick to myself when I was being an idiot. I knew this. I knew that it would kill me to see her with anyone other than…well, me. But it didn’t change the fact that it could never be.
“Yo, Knight?” Mouse snapped his fingers in front of my face and by the look on his face, I had missed something.
“Huh?”
“You gonna be there or what?”
“Oh…” Did I want to be there? Yes, I did. I needed to be there to watch what the hell was going to go down. As I studied Mouse, I wondered what his intentions were with her, but I wouldn’t ask him, not just yet. “Yeah, I’m headed that way after this.” I tipped my beer back and did my best not to chug that shit.
“B-ry and Ky are coming over too,” Sketch added as he looked up from his phone which he had been typing away on.
“Great,” I grumbled.
I knew that she was friendly with B-ry because he was a club kid too. Though he wasn’t from our chapter, he was there at every big get together when we were growing up. But fucking Ky, I wasn’t sure I wanted her to be friendly with him. He was one of those laid-back guys with a panty dropping smile that had just an edge of darkness to him. A combination that had all the ladies flocking to him whenever he walked into the damn room. Though he was usually one to play into all the of attention, sometimes it was like he didn’t even notice. I wasn’t saying that he was a saint, he just seemed to be more selective with his choices. But that being said, I could see how Gwen might like him, and that bothered me more than it should.
I finished my beer and ignored the speed limit on the way home. I had no idea why I felt the need to beat all of them there but I made sure I did.
The door opened and the scent of dough and meat hit me immediately. I turned the corner to Gwen in the kitchen bent over and the oven open. She straightened and turned with a bubbling hot pizza in her hands.
“The crap!” she screeched obviously not having heard me come in. “Shit, Knight. Really? Make a little noise next time.”
I brushed off her mini panic attack and walked to the fridge. I pulled out a beer trying to find something to say. It didn’t use to be like this. At one time in our lives, I felt like I could tell her anything and her the same for me. But now it was all strained.
“Smells good,” I croaked out and mentally kicked myself.
“Thanks,” she said eyeing me with suspicion. “Are you sticking around to eat?”
“Yeah.” My head bobbed a few times. “The guys should be—”
“Gwenie!” B-ry called as he walked in the door that I’d left unlocked.
As they started to talk, the noise floated down the outside hall and into the apartment. Not long after that, we were all scattered around the living room.
My shoulders actually relaxed and I realized I was smiling. It was hard to be around Gwen and not. Her smile was beautiful and bright. Her laugh was infectious. I wondered how I’d lived without it all these years.
A pain stabbed me in the heart and I knew I was going to break soon. I couldn’t keep my walls up around her. I found that I was fighting harder with each day to keep her in the dark corners of my mind. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do that much longer because she was too bright, too bold. She was everywhere around me even if she wasn’t physically there. And as much as I hated to admit it, she was my drug.