Nadine

I didn’t come to Libby, Iowa for a man like Miller Timms. Hell to the no, but my God, was it everything plus more than what I could have ever dreamed or imagined.

He and his father were two peas in a pod. I imagined all the sons had similar demeanors. Sometimes rude and surly but smart and compassionate. I mean, my head stayed spinning. He was in my bed, picking me up and now we were on a date. At a drive-in of all the cliché romantic things to do and I was probably giddier about this than the time I was allowed to wear my patent leather shoes with a heel when I was eleven years old.

Why this irritating man did it for me was beyond me, but he did. If I had to be in Libby for a little while, I wouldn’t complain if it was under him.

So I thought.

We were at a drive-in movie theatre, where cars were lined up to watch the movie being displayed on a white sheet draped from the trees. There were some drop tops, but mostly trucks with couples in the back of them with covers, pillows and I am sure much more in the vehicles with them. Mills and I were doing the same thing, but he had popcorn, beer and some food Pops had given him in containers.

About halfway through the movie where it was just getting good, a hard pounding came from the driver’s side of the truck bed causing me to jump and Mills to pull me closer to him, shielding me from whatever was happening.

“Miller Timms, I know that ain’t you hugged up with some woman that’s not Rebecca...” a loud screech was made by a paper-thin woman. She was beautiful by American standards, but I couldn’t see that beauty as my heart nearly fell out of my chest.

“You come all the way out here, so you can cheat and we wouldn’t know?” She kept going. “You know my mama live on the other side of the creek. Shame on you.”

At that point, I had already started to pull away from him.

“Clara Ann, you don’t even know what you’re talking about. Now, get.” Mills hissed.

“Oh, but I do.” She wagged her finger at him. “I spent the past week consoling poor Becca because you ain’t been acting right and now I see why.” The woman’s eyes hit mine, then she sneered. “And of all the women.”

Before I could even get offended, the woman had walked away and Mills was beet red.

He was still trying to hold me but I was scrambling out of the truck bed.

“Let me go,” I screamed as I landed on the dirt road.

Mills was right behind me but I no longer cared. My head turned from the right to the left, frantically looking for somewhere to go or a bus or something. I forgot I was in Iowa where the one Uber guy was probably thirty miles away.

“Nadine,” he had been calling me. “Nadine. Listen to me. She’s lying. I swear on everything Rebecca and I are no longer together. I swear it.”

I jerked around to look at him and more words came to my mind but all I said was, “Take me home.”

God knew I did not want to be bothered with that man but I had no way home.

“Nadine, will you listen to me?” He was pleading.

“Take me home,” I said louder and then hopped in the passenger seat of his truck.

With a loud door slam he joined me, started the truck and the man drove me home. He used that time to plead his case but I had tuned him out. When we finally reached my place, I didn’t move but sat there awhile.

Mills cut the engine and took my hands in his.

“Nadine,” he called. “Sweetheart, please.”

At first, I just stared off then I looked at him and asked one question.

“Did you take me to another town, so we wouldn’t run into your girlfriend or her friends?”

He took a long breath before hissing, “She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Who gives a fuck,” I yelled. “Did you take me to another town to avoid your ex-girlfriend?” I corrected the term.

Mills' eyes met mine before he nodded and that was when I ripped my hands from his, hopped out of the truck and ran on the porch. Making quick, superhuman work of my key, I pushed inside and slammed the door in the nick of time.

“Nadine,” Mills was pounding on the door almost immediately after. “Nadine, would you fucking listen?”

I turned the deadbolt and went to take a shower while washing my sheets, clothes and spraying my room because they contained the scent of all that was Mills. There was no reason to have the offending odor around me.

Tears didn’t come until the middle of the night as sleep evaded me. Needless to say, I was not going back to class, ever. So, I’d have to find an alternative or take the failing grade, which would prolong my time in Libby. It was only supposed to be for one semester.

Oddly enough, I had not seen or heard from Mills. I wouldn’t lie and say that didn’t bother me but I was glad he made a clean break. My body was craving him but we would just need to go through withdrawals.

Did he cheat on his girlfriend? Did he lie? Or was he just going to act like I was his secret black girlfriend? We never discussed race, but I’d be a fool to think that didn’t have anything to do with the equation, even if it was in other’s eyes only.

All of them was bad but I suspected the last one was true which made it worse. He didn’t come off as a cheater and when he did kiss me before he should have, he apologized.

One day, I finally got the courage to go grocery shopping, the one place that Pops wouldn’t go.

Rogers Produce.

At first, I ran into Ms. Ida.

“Hey gal,” she laughed and gave me a big hug. “You ain’t learned ya lesson, huh?”

“That’s not my lesson to learn,” I shook my head. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, just getting some odds and ends,” then she leaned into me and said, “you know that advice you gave me. Well, I took it and have been seeing some other chaps. The crazy part is, pretending to move on, helped me to move on.” 

“That’s awesome, Ms. Ida.” I was smiling.

“Well, wouldn’t ya know. I ran into Tony, Mills’ pop. The man, to my surprise, asked me ‘Where ya been? I wanted you to help Nadine cook the green bean casserole, she’s coming over on Thursday. Can ya come, cause you know, she can’t boil water?”

I was looking at her like she had two heads. Ms. Ida was nodding her head as if she were shocked as well.

“What’d he say? My cooking was bad?” I snapped back. “He said he liked my meatloaf.”

“Well, honey. I wasn’t concerned about your cooking more than your advice. Tony Timms has never asked me where I’ve been and he damn sure ain’t never asked me to make a green bean casserole. The old geezer is usually insulting me as he cleans the plate.” Her hand waved in the air as if she was in church and waving at God. “He basically asked me to dinner and it’s usually his sons that do that bidding. So, don’t care about your cooking but you are a genius. I have been chasing that man for years.”

Well, lucky for her.

I almost laughed out loud. Apparently, I wasn’t a genius because a genius would have known to learn about someone before letting them rock their world.

So, not a genius.

“Right, well I’m excited for you.” I tried to smile. “So, are you going over there and just so you know, I won’t be there.”

“Oh no, honey. I’m not going over there. I have a date with Grady Palms.” She smiled to herself. “He’s such a grump. I guess I like the Oscar the Grouch type. Anyway, I told Tony and he nearly spit. Told me to go on my stupid date and stormed off. Then I saw Mills who looked like absolute shit. Don’t know what he was murmuring about but I heard his ex was giving his new girl some shit. Had friends interrupting and saying small town shit. I ain’t never liked her. Told Mills so myself. She is small town. Ain’t trying to do nothing but be a housewife. No ambition, that gal.”

Ex-girlfriend?

Friends interrupting?

Goodness.

Ms. Ida was shaking her head with her small, rosy nose up in the air like she smelled something sour. Even with all of that knowledge, that still didn’t stop the fact that he was hiding me like we were forbidden.

“Well, I got to run because my date with Fester Royles is in two hours.” She patted me on the hand that held my cart and said, “I’ll see you around and give the man a chance.”

She didn’t wait for my reply and sashayed out of the store.

Give who a chance?

With a quick wave to Ms. Ida, I continued to shop for my groceries. In the last aisle, which happened to be the dairy products, I saw a tall man with a baseball hat on his head, standing in the middle of the aisle with no cart or basket and emptyhanded. I tried to ignore him but he was staring and about halfway down, I began to recognize that figure.

Gotdammit.

My option was to turn and leave or keep shopping as if he didn’t faze me. I’d run once so I guess I should stand my ground now.

Fuck.

I was a grown ass woman and he was a mere man.

Okay.

I calmly walked, inspected and deposited my groceries in my cart until I passed him. I needed eggs and I had to examine them for scratches or any abnormal marks. It was then I heard the rumbling of the man’s voice, which still startled me even though I knew he was there.

“You’ve been missing class.” He stated. “You don’t have to. My brother, J.D. will teach it from now on.”

This statement had me staring blindly at the carton of eggs in my hand but my mind was still processing what the man said. After a moment, I put the container down, deciding that I really needed to get out of there. I would have an eggless breakfast, no cake or anything that required any round white shells with a yoke and slime inside.

In an attempt to flee the scene, I pushed my cart forward. Again, he said something in a strained voice which caused me to stop.

“Nadine,” he paused. “I...for what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I didn’t keep anything from you. She and I were and are no longer together. I...”

Mills sighed and for the life of me, I made the decision that was probably counter to my rational mind. Pushing my cart away from the man that was beckoning me verbally and emotionally so I could continue towards my original reason for coming to Iowa. To live my life the way I wanted and not dance to the beat of anyone else’s drum. If I wanted to be hidden, then I would have stayed in Bowie where I was no one’s child. Even though I looked just like Edwin Gratz, the notorious gangster.

I tried to contact him once when I was thirteen, unbeknownst to my mom. She had already told me who he was, what he did and commanded that I have nothing to do with him. In my head, there were these fantasies of my father and the day I connected with him.

When I finally was able to catch the man by himself at a local baseball game. His son, my half-brother, was playing and it was a Glen Dale tournament. The boy and I resembled each other and could have almost been twins. The man that fathered me was coming from the restroom and I intentionally made my presence known, which probably threw him off guard.

“Hi, you don’t know me but I’m the daughter of Takia Woodrow and you’re my father,” I blurted that out in the empty stadium hall.

Edwin looked around and then inspected me with a sinister expression on his face. His mouth opened several times before he closed it and said, “Your mama is Takia?”

“Yes,” I was all smiles because recognition crossed his face and he was no longer upset.

“Your mama tell you to come see me?” He asked.

“No, no. She doesn’t know that I’m here.” I clarified because I didn’t want him to tell her.

“Ahh,” he sighed. “Okay, look, uh. It’s best that this stays our secret, okay. Our, uh, relationship. I have other obligations, and no one can know about you. How about you take my number and if you need money or something, just call me and I’ll have one of my guys send it to you? Your mama won’t take it from me, but there’s no reason, you can’t.”

Say what?

Even at the age of thirteen, I knew it was something seriously wrong with what was happening. He didn’t want to introduce me to anyone. There would be no introduction party. No, there would be nothing. He wouldn’t even bring me money, he’d send one of his men.

I found my head nodding as I agreed with myself and understood what my mama had said when she was lucid enough to impart wisdom.

We make our own way.

“No thanks,” I pressed my lips together in some sort of an attempt to smile and I turned around and walked away.

The man that fathered me said not one word and probably thought that he dodged a bullet. Oddly enough, I felt like I avoided one too.

Standing in line, the cashier rang up everything and when I pulled out my money, she said, your bill has been taken care of.

“Excuse me,” I replied.

“Your grocery bill, it’s already been paid.” She smiled like she just told me I won the jackpot and it was almost like a déjà vu moment.

“Miss, I don’t mean no harm, but I really need to eat my food and I need to pay for my groceries. I don’t want whatever was given. I’d rather pay.”

“But–but...” She tried to talk.

“I don’t care. This isn’t towards you. I just want to pay for my food so I can go home and cook a nice meal without eggs.” I was about to get a little emotional because of my thoughts of my father and the situation with Mills and the reality of that shit was too close for comfort.

“Ma’am,” she said slowly, probably catching on that I was about to lose my shit in that store. “I can get you some eggs. Do you prefer a brand?”

I sighed in relief.

“Yes, anything besides Timms’ Produce.”

She blinked but quickly left as I took deep breaths and bagged my groceries. Once the transaction was reversed and then complete, I sent a request for the Uber to come and get me. Chris knew I would be done soon so he said he would stay in the area.

Thank God for that.

***

ON MONDAY OF THE NEXT week, I decided to try out class and like Mills said, J.D. was the only one there. He was more serious than Mills, but he knew his shit and was very smart. He had a ring on his left finger, so that meant the man could commit or at least act like he could. When class was over, he had called up several students and spoke to them individually. I was last, but I didn’t think anything of it since I was the last to arrive.

“Nadine,” he raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, that’s me.” I nodded.

“Good,” he replied. “You’ve missed a week’s worth of work, so you’ll need to do something else to pass this course. Do you have any suggestions?”

“Uh, not really. Do you have packets or a project I can complete?” I asked.

He shook his head.

“No, I don’t but the next few days and weekends, me and some of your other classmates will be working on a new cross-breeding project off campus. They, like you, will need the extra credit and more importantly, you’ll have more hands-on experience if this is something you want to do for the future. It is optional, but it will count.”

My head nodded because working with J.D. Timms, the founder of CAN-IT, would not only be a killer on my resume but the hands-on experience alone would put me in a position to ask what I wanted in terms of jobs and salaries.  

“Yes,” I finally replied. “I am willing to do that.”

“Good,” He handed me a packet and said, “Be sure to read those over because that is what we will be doing. It’ll make more sense once we are in the labs.”

“Okay.”

“See you on Wednesday.” He was officially dismissing me.

“Thank you and see you on Wednesday.” I left and found myself smiling from ear to ear.

That smile faded on Saturday morning after I met with the other four students in the class who had attendance problems but really smart. The smile turned into a frown when I was told that I would only be working with J.D. on a part-time basis because I was needed elsewhere. At first, I was alone in a top of the line laboratory and almost instinctively, I turned to see Miller Timms standing with a white coat on.

“Gotdammit, I should have known,” I hissed as I tore off my goggles.

I merely glared at the man who still looked fairly rugged even in a lab coat, goggles and gloves on his hands.

“Get your grade, Nadine.” He was trying to appease me.

“You set this up, didn’t you?” I was stomping towards him. “You did this.”

“Fuck yeah, I did.” He was suddenly pissed. “You won’t talk to me. Won’t accept anything I offer. Won’t even listen to me. You left me no choice.”

When I thought there was nothing left in me to fight the man, I hadn’t realized how pissed I actually was until I was in his face screaming.

“No!” I yelled. “I won’t talk, listen, or accept anything you have for me when you want to keep me a secret. I’m worth more than being a side piece. I won’t let you do that to me. I won’t let anyone do that to me, ever in life.”

Mills' eyebrows were pulled together as he stared at me in confusion.

“What?” he asked after the anger seemed to dissipate away.

I tugged off my gloves and said, “It’s doesn’t matter. I’m not working with you.”

That was when, in full Mills’ mode, he grabbed my bicep, pulling me back, lowered his head and hissed, “You tell me what you’re talking about.”

This part of him took me back a bit but I powered on and repeated, “I’m not working with you. I won’t be hidden by you or anyone else.”

“You think I want to keep you hidden?” He asked. “Are you fucking serious right now?”

“I do think that’s what you were trying to do!” I stood my ground.

“How?” Mills challenged.

“The out of town movie theatre,” I was certain my neck was rolling by this point. “The theatre was out of fucking town. That wasn’t hiding me? I asked you and you even admitted it.”

“Fuck, Nadine,” he yelled. “I took you there because my ex didn’t like the way things ended. The very thing that happened was what I didn’t want you to have to endure. I was not hiding you. Why would I hide you? I want you and everything that comes with you. I fucking want the world to know you’re the woman that is under my damn skin. I’ve been a gotdamn wreck since you left. You want to paint the town red, let’s go. I could give one fuck about these people in this town. My family, who you’ve met, are the people that matter to me. Pops is busting my ass about you now because he warned me not to fuck up. He said you were a good woman and he doesn’t want me to be like him, a surly bastard that let a good thing go.” Mills shook his head. “I know you’re a good thing and sweetheart, I ain’t letting you go. So, you need to figure out what that means in your so-called world.”

My heart had probably stopped as his words ran across my mind like a bull on the loose.

“What?” I managed to ask.

“You heard me. I ain’t gonna stop, so...” he shrugged his shoulder. “Nadine, I–”

No more words would escape his mouth because my lips were on his as both of my hands pulled his face down, so I could take everything I wanted. Once Mills got his wits about him, he took over and lifted me so my legs wrapped around his hips. He pulled back and whispered, “Fuck.”

“Shut up,” I kissed him again and began to grind into his hard cock hidden behind that lab coat.

Mills had us against the wall of the lab and it wasn’t until the lights dimmed that we both stopped and looked around. Nobody was there but once he loosened his grip on me, I saw that I had accidentally turned the light switch.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” I whispered as my feet landed on the ground. “We should probably get to work.”

He cleared his voice and nodded but he still nabbed my hand and led me through each part of the project. We were there for hours and did not hear J.D. when he came in with lunch.

“Groundbreaking, huh?” J.D.’s voice broke through our haze, which startled me.

We were so engrossed with our task, food wasn’t even on our minds. Oddly enough, even with our sexual tension, we were able to stay focused. I liked that about Mills. The man knew his shit and was about his business. Except when he was arguing with an ex-girlfriend.

“Yeah, we got caught up,” Mills hopped off the stool to face his brother.

“Y’all good?” J.D. asked in a low voice but I still heard.

Mills nodded with a slight smile causing his older brother to pat him on the shoulder.

“So, Nadine.” J.D. turned towards me. “You are coming over for dinner this Sunday. My fiancé is coming and maybe my other brother, Knox will grace us with his presence. Troy, our other brother will be there too. Oh, I think Ms. Ida is coming. She’s been scarce lately, though.”  

Oh damn.

I know I said I didn’t want to be hidden but the whole damn family. Mills looked at me briefly and then he said, “Yeah, she’ll be there.”

“Good,” J.D. nodded. “Here’s some pizza for y’all. Don’t need you passing out in here. Gotta eat.”

Then he was off.

I looked at Mills as I grabbed a slice and said, “How do you know I don’t have a prior engagement?”

One of his eyebrows rose but then he smirked, “It just got canceled.”

I gave him the side-eye but took a bite out of the hot cheesy pizza because I was hungry.

One we finished working at the Libby campus for CAN-IT, we went back to my place where Mills showed me all the ways he was sorry. I accepted every single action, smack to my ass and bite to my nipple. They were still sore the next day, but I gave not one fuck.

We spent the morning in bed and then ventured out for lunch and then went to Pops for Sunday dinner. Just like J.D. said, Tess was there and she was a beauty. The man was so in love, it was apparent. It was funny, seeing this big guy getting her plate and doting on this woman who was quite a force to be reckoned with too. The funny part was that the same way J.D. was treating Tess, Mills was doing the same thing to me. She and I hit it off very well. Ida showed up too, as usual, I learned.

***

TUESDAY, UNFORTUNATELY enough for me, was not as romantic as Monday. It started off that way with Mills waking me up with his head between my legs and that tongue doing an excellent job on my clit. Breakfast was served much later because the man had me in a sex coma after I woke up the first time. Then he had to go to work and I had to study.

Late afternoon, I ventured into town to get a few things from the all-purpose store and was thrown back into a blast from the past. I was back in high school again.

Three women were crowded around the batteries talking but when I walked past them, their voices grew louder.

“That’s the bitch.” One of them said.

“No, not the homewrecker,” another gasped in an exaggerated manner.

“The one and only,” the first woman confirmed.

My head swirled back to see if there was someone else in the aisle.

Nope.

The third girl chimed in, “You’ve got to be kidding me. He dumped you for her?”

“Right,” the first one said in a high voice.

“Maybe he’s following in his brother’s footsteps with the black girls,” the second one said out loud.

I stopped.

I couldn’t help it.

“Excuse me?” I turned all the way around. “I couldn’t help but overhear your comments. Are you referring to me?”

A long-haired brunette swung around and snapped, “Well, of course.”

Ha.

How silly of me.

“Homewrecker?” I started walking back towards the mean girls. “Black girl?”

The brunette kept her same cool resolve but the other two seemed taken aback by my coming towards them.

“Yes, my best friend, who was happily on her way to being engaged, was dumped and only after you moved in next door and moved in on her man.” The brunette shrugged as if she was quoting the Bible facts of life.

“Are you kidding me?” I laughed. “Are we ten?”

The blond huffed and I realized that they were, in fact, serious.

“Listen, you’ll have to forgive me because I haven’t had one of these fights since middle school. I mean, we’re grown and all.” I jabbed my thumb towards me and continued, “I’m grown. I don’t argue over men or even try to make someone else feel bad because your man dumped you. Clearly, it wasn’t anything substantial or no one would have been able to come in and uproot anything. Not me. Not the black girl or any girl for that matter. You know that, right?” I really hoped she knew these facts.

The blond huffed and I knew it was her, the scorned girlfriend.

“Look, I’m not sure why Mills and you broke up, but I can assure you it wasn’t because of me.” I nodded my head and walked away from them.

All of my upbringing would have had me interacting in another way. However, here in lily-white Libby, I’d probably be the one getting arrested. I was no novice to discrimination, injustice and perception. I also didn’t tolerate it, which made me think of Mills. What did he think?

What were his motives and goals?

How could he have been with someone like that?

This was probably the wrong line of thinking, but maybe it wasn’t.

Later that evening, there were two knocks on my door. I opened it to see Mills standing there with a big smile on his face.

Jesus, the man was gorgeous.

“Hey,” I greeted him but didn’t move so he could come in.

The smile on his face slightly faded before he said, “Hey. What’s wrong?”

When he said that, I stepped aside and said, “I’m not sure yet. Come in so we can chat about that.”