Chapter Thirteen
Grace
The consultation appointment for Hayden’s surgery was today and I was a nervous wreck. And I wasn’t really sure why. It was just a consultation appointment for a hip surgery. Probably a replacement would be necessary to regain his full mobility. It wasn’t that big of a deal and Hayden seemed to be in great spirits, so why was my mind flying out of control? The nurse in me was taking over. Fumbling through every hiccup that could go wrong on the table. From fat embolisms that produce fatal heart attacks all the way down to nicked arteries that force him to slowly bleed out over the course of forty-eight hours.
It was all tumbling around in my head as we drove to the hospital.
The car ride was silent, and I was glad it was. I knew Hayden had a lot on his mind, and I had a lot on mine. I white-knuckled the steering wheel as we pulled into the parking lot, my nerves getting the best of me.
“Grace?”
“Yes?” I asked.
Yikes. I’d said that a bit too loudly.
“Are you all right?” Hayden asked.
“I’m fine. Didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.”
“Keep yourself up all night worrying about me?”
I looked over and saw the shit-eating grin on his face and felt my cheeks flush.
“Not necessarily,” I said.
“You’re a terrible liar, Nurse Grace. Now, let’s go figure out what the doctor can do to get me to walk again.”
I rolled my eyes as he unhooked his seatbelt.
I pulled his wheelchair out of the back of my car and set it up. Then I helped him into it before we approached the hospital entryway. He was getting very good at wheeling himself around, especially since his shoulder and his ribs were completely healed. I had problems not staring at his muscles, however. His arms had grown and his veins bulged more and more everyday, and it was hard not to imagine his arms wrapped around me.
I shook my head as the two of us stepped into the elevator.
“I have a feeling I know what the surgeon’s going to suggest,” I said.
“Then enlighten me with that mind of yours,” Hayden said.
“They’ll probably suggest a hip replacement. It’s the easiest solution, but it does come with serious recovery time. If you get the best hip replacement joint, it’ll last you about twenty years. But you’ll have it replaced again at least twice in your lifetime.”
“So this won’t be the only time I go through this,” he said.
“No. I’m afraid it won’t be. But it’ll get you up on your feet within a few weeks, and after two or three months you’ll be walking around unassisted like it never happened,” I said.
“Great,” he said flatly.
I knew he wasn’t happy with my answer, but in my eyes there was no other option. The elevator doors opened and Hayden wheeled himself out, whipping around the corners with the anger that flowed through his veins. I closed my eyes and tried to prepare myself for the surgical consultation. There would be a lot of questions about his care thrown my way and I knew Hayden wouldn’t enjoy all the answers I had to give to the man.
I was hoping things wouldn’t go drastically wrong with this.
Hayden knocked on the door and a gruff voice asked us to come in. He opened the door despite me trying to reach over and do it for him, and he shot me a look before he wheeled in. Great. Hayden was angry. I told him he’d be walking in a few weeks and somehow I was the bad guy.
Wonderful.
“Mr. Lowell, it’s an honor to meet you. I’m Dr. Campbell, and I’ll be the one performing your surgery. And this must be your in-home nurse, Miss… Grace Hunter?”
“That’s me,” I said with a smile.
“Very nice to meet you. Take a seat,” the doctor said.
“It’ll be nice when that statement’s directed at me,” Hayden said.
I looked at the doctor and apologized with my eyes before he started flipping folders open.
“So I was taking a look at your accident and the damage you sustained was pretty extensive,” the doctor said. “How are you doing with your recuperation?”
“Shoulder’s fine. Wrist’s fine. Ribs are healed,” Hayden said.
The doctor shot me a look and I rolled my eyes. He chuckled and I saw Hayden shoot his gaze over to me. I crossed my legs and tried to suppress a smile, but Hayden’s eyes were boring a hole into my forehead.
“Nurse Hunter, how has his overall care been going?” the doctor asked.
“I can answer that for you,” Hayden said.
“I need a little more than clipped comments. I need to make detailed notes about your nutrition, your ability to stay with your medications and your physical therapy schedule. I also need notes on your mental status.”
“I’m fine in all those areas,” he said.
“I get that you’re ready to do this surgery,” the doctor said, “but I need more than that. Your nurse understands how this has to go because it will affect the procedure I use to get you up and moving.”
“Wait, what?” I asked.
I watched Hayden’s eyes light up as he turned his head back towards me.
“There are different procedures we can use to get Mr. Lowell up and walking, but a lot of that depends on how he’s been for you. So, let’s start with his nutrition.”
“What kind of procedures?” I asked.
The doctor looked at me as he furrowed his brow lightly.
“Answer my question, please.”
“Sorry. Um… well, his nutrition’s fine now. I’ve gone to great pains to keep good fatty meats and fresh foods to prepare for Mr. Lowell.”
“Though I took over all the cooking a couple of weeks back. Grace is terrible at it,” Hayden said. “We frequently have salmon. Steamed vegetables. Fruit salads. Freshly-pressed juices. Things like that.”
The doctor grinned at me as I sank a little into the back of my chair. And of course, now that there were ‘other procedures’ on the table, Hayden was more than willing to cooperate.
Spoiled brat.
“Nurse Hunter, how is he with medication?” the doctor asked.
“He’s fine with it, to a point. Sometimes I can’t get him to take his pain medication because he’d rather suffer through the pain then risk addiction, I suppose. But when it becomes unbearable, I can get him to take it.”
I watched the doctor make a note as his eyes flew up to Hayden.
“Mr. Lowell, how do you feel your mental state is?”
“I’m fine,” Hayden said. “I have my bad days, but everyone does.”
“Nurse Hunter? Do you agree with that statement?” the doctor asked.
“He’s combative. There are days where his pride gets in the way of a lot of things. Like me helping him with basic bathing techniques and getting frustrated during his physical therapy. He’s cut those sessions shy more than a handful of times,” I said.
Hayden’s eyes were hard on me. Trying to intimidate me. But I was going to be as honest as I possibly could. I wasn’t going to let him get himself into a surgery procedure that wasn’t going to fit with the outcome of his mental state. It would only cause him to fail in his recuperation and maim him for the rest of his life.
“I think what Grace is trying to say-”
“I told you what I was trying to say,” I said.
The doctor nodded slowly before he made a few more notes. I sat on my hands to keep them from trembling. Hip replacement surgery. That was the easiest. The most straight-forward. The surgery that required the least amount of risk.
Anything else wouldn't do. Not with his attitude, not with his fortitude, and not with his combattance.
“Well, taking all of this into consideration, I want to talk to you about an experimental procedure,” the doctor said.
Oh, no.
Oh, shit.
“What procedure?” Hayden asked.
“It’s still in the testing stages, and lucky for you we’re one of the hospitals testing it out. But I need to be upfront with you, there’s only a fifty percent chance you’ll regain full mobility with this surgery.”
I shook my head as my lips parted in shock.
“Hayden, with hip replacement surgery-”
“Would I have full mobility after hip replacement surgery?” he asked.
I whipped my head over to him and tried to find the right response.
“No,” the doctor said. “You wouldn’t. That’s the limitation to that specific surgery. That’s also the reason why this technique is being developed. It has the chance to give people with hip issues full mobility back even with the extensive amount of scarring that takes place over time with something like this.”
“Then tell me about it,” Hayden said.
“I don’t think this is-”
“Know your place, Nurse Hunter.”
My eyes panned up to his as my heart shattered. Know my place. That was what he wanted. The doctor looked over at me with pity in his eyes as I sunk back into my chair. I hoped he was witnessing this. How combative and controlling Hayden could be. Because if he got himself into any experimental surgery and didn’t want to follow my instructions explicitly, he would risk everything.
“Continue, Doctor.”
“The surgery is still dangerous. Setting aside the fifty percent change of full mobility, the risk of death is something to consider. We’re move around a lot of major muscle groups and veins in order to make this kind of surgery happen, and other hospitals have lost patients to this procedure.”
I felt my stomach turn upside down at his comment.
“What does the procedure entail exactly?” Hayden asked.
“It starts out like a normal hip replacement. We go in, remove the damaged parts of the socket, file everything down and make it smooth again. But instead of replacing everything with a template metal ball bearing, we bring in a sterilized 3-D printer and take internal scans of your hip pocket. It constructs a very sturdy, stable, non-biodegradable hip implant made specifically for your body, and then we put that in. We weave all the muscles and veins back together piece by piece to lock everything in, then we sew you up from the inside out. That gives the muscles the best chance at healing the way they need to with minimal scarring. Advantages are huge though, never another surgery. That new hip will outlive you by a hundred years. No wobbly walking, or concerns of reinjury. You’ll look and feel like this was all a bad dream. But after surgery, the physical therapy is extensive. That little comment you just made to your nurse?”
I rose my eyes up to the doctor’s as Hayden’s gaze panned over to me.
“It can’t happen. She’s in complete and full control of your recovery. If you make it out of surgery, that’s the only way this can take place. If you give her one hundred percent control.”
I felt tears spring to my eyes as I turned my gaze out the window. An experimental surgery that could kill him? Possibly maim him for life? How was this even an option? Hayden wasn’t their science project. He was a prominent man in their community. I tried my best to keep my emotions at bay as the men kept talking. I followed my order to the letter… I didn’t speak unless I was spoken to. I couldn't. Because I knew if I did, I would be protesting my hatred for this procedure.
Because I’d fallen in love with Hayden.
I didn’t want anything to happen to him. I didn’t want him to die on the table. I didn’t want him to risk absolutely everything for a procedure that only had a fifty percent chance of working. But I knew Hayden and I knew his stubbornness and I knew he would consent.
And I knew I didn’t have a choice other than to follow his lead.
I felt he could still have a full life with only partial mobility. Or even in his chair. I knew he saw it as a hindrance, but we were making strides towards something better. Something greater. He was out grocery shopping without the disguises he was wearing and I was able to get him out to another movie. He was accepting the chair, and I knew he could accept partial mobility in his hip if it meant walking and returning to a life on two feet.
I wanted to punch his fucking doctor in the throat.
“Nurse Hunter?”
“Yes?” I asked as I turned my gaze towards the doctor.
“How does all of that sound?”
“Do I really have a choice?” I asked.
“You’re his nurse,” the doctor said. “You have input.”
“I don’t,” I said plainly. “Whatever Mr. Lowell chooses to do, I’ll help him as best as I can.”
“I hope you realize how wonderful of a nurse Miss Hunter is,” the doctor said. “I’ll get you set up with the O.R. If you sit here, I can have a date and time for you within the next fifteen minutes.”
“Thanks, Doctor,” Hayden said. “We’ll be here.”
I sighed as the door to the office closed. I felt Hayden’s hand come down onto mine, but I ripped myself away. I didn’t want to look at him. Or speak to him. Or even think about him.
“That comment was uncalled for,” he said.
“You bet your sweet ass it was,” I said flatly.
“Grace-”
“This could kill you, Hayden.”
I whipped my watery gaze to look at him and I could see he was taken aback by it.
“This surgery has a fifty-fifty shot of killing you right there in that O.R., and the only thing you can see is walking with full mobility. Do you have any idea how many things our bodies actually do with full hip mobility?”
“I have a feeling you’re going to tell me.”
“You’re damn right I am. Thirty positions. There are only thirty positions the average male body is capable of that requires full hip mobility.”
“Well, I don’t have an average body.”
“You sure as hell have an average mind.”
“Need I remind you that you’re still under my employ?” he asked.
“And need I remind you that your doctor just told you that unless you give me full and complete control, you won’t even come out of this. Assuming you get off that table. You could risk your life and go through all of this and still be stuck in that chair, Hayden!”
“What would you have me do!? Huh? Stay in this damn thing for the rest of my life? Settle for second-best when there’s the promise of the best?”
“Why are you willing to risk your life for this? Why is this so important to you?” I asked. “Because I’ve been unable to walk, and the only thing it kept me from doing was-”
“My image is everything, Grace. And I don’t expect you to understand that. This wheelchair? It’s a sign of weakness. A sign my company can’t bear to have. If I come into work and attempt to run my company when I’m staring at the crotches of every fucking client that comes walking through my door, they’ll unseat me in a heartbeat to save their own reputation.”
“You own the damn thing, Hayden! Change the rules!”
“It isn’t that simple!”
I drew in a deep breath as I sat back deeply into my seat.
“This isn’t that serious, Grace. And not walking isn’t an option for me. If there’s a chance I could resume my life as normal, then I’m taking it. And I know you understand that.”
I bit down on the inside of my cheek to keep myself from agreeing with him. Because the truth was, I did.
The two of us sat there in silence as the doctor came back into the room. And sure enough, we had us scheduled for Thursday morning at eight. In two days, Hayden would go under the knife and none of us knew if he would make it out alive.
And the thing about it?
Hayden didn’t seem to care.