CHAPTER 22
Joanna
I knew Anderson had been trying to call me, but I just couldn’t muster the energy to speak with him. After leaving the gala, I’d turned off my phone and went straight back to Tobias’s, hating that I didn’t have anywhere else to go. When I got back to Tobias’s big empty mansion, it was almost too much for me to bear, thinking back to the utter disappointment and disgust that had been on his face when he’d caught me with Anderson.
I shuddered just thinking about it, for never in my life had my brother looked at me that way. It was a look that I hoped to never to receive from him ever again.
I had contemplated packing my things and staying at a hotel, but before I had a chance to act on it, my stomach heaved with nausea again.
I spent the rest of the night and the following morning vomiting. I could only presume the fancy food provided at the gala hadn’t agreed with me at all. Clinging to the toilet bowl, I wished I had just opted to stay home that night entirely. Perhaps the whole Lauren fiasco had been foreshadowing that the night had been doomed.
It had been late when Tobias made it home from the event. I had just cleaned myself up from another bout of vomiting when I heard him tinkering around in the kitchen. I halfway wanted to hide from him indefinitely, but doing so made me feel too much like a child, as if I was refusing to come out of my room after upsetting my parents. So I forced myself to go downstairs to greet him.
When I reached the kitchen, he was facing the refrigerator, throwing back a drink of some kind.
“How did your speech go?” I asked, my voice cutting through the icy silence permeating the house.
Tobias turned around, slammed his cup onto the kitchen counter, and walked passed me without saying a word.
I started to feel sick all over again, but felt grateful that he hadn’t kicked me out of his house, at least…
Taking the hint that he didn’t want to talk, I headed back to my room, where I remained for the rest of the night, fighting intense bouts of nausea every time I thought of Tobias and Anderson and what I could possibly do to remedy our situation.
* * *
The night of the gala, I went to bed, hoping and praying that I would feel better when I woke the following morning. But the sickness persisted, and even got worse in the morning. I had wanted to ask Tobias about the dinner that had been served and whether he was feeling all right afterwards. But he continued avoiding me like the plague and was out of the house before I could even think about trying to have a heart-to-heart conversation with him about what had happened.
Anderson continued to call and text me, but I resisted responding to him. As much as I hated ignoring him, I felt that talking to him would only make things worse. I needed to get things right with my brother first, because deep down, I agreed that Anderson and I had been disrespectful to him in hiding our relationship.
Plus, I didn’t think I could even carry out a long conversation with the way my nausea had me constantly running to the toilet.
When Monday rolled around, I woke up feeling just as sick. Tobias still hadn’t bothered to speak with me, not even caring that I wouldn’t be going to work that day. While I understood his disappointment, a part of me was growing increasingly annoyed. I was his little sister, for crying out loud. He could have at least checked to make sure I wasn’t dying, because I certainly felt like I was…
My mood souring by the second, I was grateful when my nausea started to ease by that afternoon. I was positively starving by then, particularly since it felt like I had been throwing up everything I’d ever eaten in my entire life.
Still in my pajamas, I went to the kitchen and rummaged through the refrigerator and the cabinets, thinking that I should probably eat some chicken noodle soup and crackers, with ginger-ale. But I noticed I had a sweet tooth. When I spotted a tub of vanilla ice cream in the freezer, my mouth practically started to salivate.
Don’t be stupid. You don’t need ice-cream while you’re recovering from food poisoning, a voice in my head warned.
But my craving for the ice cream was too strong and ultimately won the battle.
Moments later, I found myself curled on the couch in front of the TV, in danger of finishing off the whole tub. I hadn’t eaten ice cream in years, having lost my taste for it sometime ago. Yet now, it tasted amazing.
As I began scraping the bottom of the container, I tried to recall the last time I’d eaten ice cream. My mind drew a blank for a while, but then I finally remembered…
It had been during my senior year of high school after I broke up with William Towly…
The break up had been bad, primarily because I’d been so young and naïve. Will had been my first love and first loves were hard to get over. He had asked me to the homecoming dance at the beginning of the year, even after Tobias had threatened to give him a black eye to match his suit. Immediately, I’d felt that any guy not frightened away by my overprotective big brother was a keeper. My little teenaged heart had presumed that me and Will were going to be together forever. He was handsome, smart, charming, funny, and had a bit of a bad-boy edge to go along with it that had left me smitten right from the start.
We dated for almost the whole school year, right up to prom season. I had fully anticipated going to prom with him until I caught him red-handed, kissing another girl. Katie Joseph. A pretty cheerleader who half the guys in the school had a crush on.
My heart had shattered into a million pieces, and I soon realized that Will had simply been using me. Throughout our time together, he had mentioned more than a time or two exactly how far he wanted to go with me… And I had been under the impression that he would indeed be my first, whenever was ready and could work up the nerve to go through with it. But I supposed I’d been taking too long, and since he wasn’t as serious about me as I was about him, he just decided to move on to someone prettier and more willing. He hadn’t even had the decency to officially end things with me. He just stopped speaking to me cold-turkey with no explanation.
After spotting him with Katie, I’d gone home and eaten a whole tub of ice cream, half in response to my broken heart, and half in response to the fact that my period had started that day and I was just a hormonal wreck.
Never wanting to feel that way again, I swore off ice cream afterwards because the cold and sweet taste of it would always remind me of that miserable day.
Just like it currently was. It was too late to do anything about it now though, for I had devoured the whole tub.
Too late…
The word ‘late’ began to bounce around on in my head, making me uncomfortable for some reason.
I began reflecting on that day of heartache with Will again, how that heartache, the cramps, and the PMS had created the perfect storm that had me crying for the rest of the night. It was almost like how I currently felt, minus the PMS part…
The tub of ice cream slipped from my hands. I watched it roll across Tobias’s pristine floor, a steady panic growing inside of me as I realized that I’d been staying here for over a month and hadn’t had my period yet.
I hadn’t had a period since Anderson and I started…
No, a voice said sternly in my head. It’s just stress. Stress is making your period late. That’s all it is…
I so desperately wanted to believe this was the case, but another voice in my head chimed in.
How do you know though? Your period has always been like clockwork. You’ve never missed it before…
Was that nausea or morning sickness?
Climbing to my feet on shaky legs, I clambered up the stairs to my room, pulling a jogging suit on over my pajamas and then dashing out of the house, heading for the first Walgreens that I passed.
My whole body felt overheated as I walked through the aisles, looking at row upon row of pregnancy tests, overwhelmed regarding which one to get. My anxiety increasing by the second, I closed my eyes and grabbed the first three my hands landed on, and then headed to the checkout line.
A teenaged boy worked the checkout line. “Good afternoon, ma’am,” he said, pleasantly enough, and then raised his eyebrows in embarrassment as I slid the three pregnancy tests toward him. He quickly scanned and bagged them. I shoved the money at him without bothering to get my change back.
The whole time, my mind spun with panic. By the time I got back to the house, I was practically numb. I headed upstairs to my room, went to the bathroom, and sat on the cold floor for a moment, terrified.
I stared at the three pregnancy tests, suddenly afraid to open them…
Afraid to take them…
Knowing my whole life could potentially be changed forever.
You need to know though…the voice in my head reasoned.
My hands trembling, I tore open the first box.
Sure, I’d thought about having children before. What girl didn’t? I just thought that whenever it came time for me to seriously think about having children, I would be married to the love of my life and it would be a decision we’d make together. A few years ago, I had always envisioned that discussion happening with Zander. But when things started falling to the wayside with him, so did my dreams of having a family. It had taken me a while to get the strength to leave him, but I had decided long ago that he would never be the father of my children. I’d at least had sense enough to know that making him a father would have been the worst thing I could have possibly done.
But this though…
This I hadn’t expected in the slightest.
Taking a deep breath, I carefully read the instructions for the first test, and then I went for it. The subsequent minutes that ticked by as I waited for the results felt like the longest I had ever experienced in my life.
Positive.
I swallowed, starting at the little blue plus-sign for a moment.
I then ripped open the second box, read the second set of instructions, and went downstairs for a glass of water. A half hour later, I took the second test.
Positive.
I stared at the two blue lines, confirming the first results.
I waited a whole hour before taking the third test. That one resulted in another plus sign.
Positive. Positive. Positive.
Pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant.
I was pregnant. And there was no doubt whatsoever who the father was. I’d only been with one man since leaving Zander…
Right that moment, I heard my phone buzzing. I didn’t need to look to know it was Anderson, but I sure as hell couldn’t talk to him at the moment. I needed time. I needed to think.
I need to wrap my mind around this extremely unexpected turn of events in my life and determine what it meant for me.
I needed to think about how I was going to go about telling Anderson…
And worst, I had to think about how Tobias was going to take the news.
I went to lie down on my bed, flat on my back with my hands resting on my stomach, feeling a mixture of awe, shock, and nervousness. When the nausea started to slowly creep up on me again, I didn’t know if it was my emotions running amok that caused it, or the little seed growing somewhere in my womb.