Brant
“Dude, you sleep naked?!”
Am I dreaming?
The bed starts shaking under me and I lift my head from the pillow only to be met with two green eyes and a grinning face.
“Jesus, Alex.” I groan loudly, still only half awake. “What time is it? How did you even get in here?” I look around the room trying to gather my thoughts.
“Oh,” he says as he stands again and points his thumb to my door. “Abby let me in. She’s hot. And awesome. Funny too. A little tightly wound but…” I don’t let him finish.
“Abby.” I murmur and jump out of bed. I almost run out the door.
“Dude, pants.” Alex throws a pair of shorts my way and I nearly fall over in my haste to get them on. Only one thought running through my mind. Abby.
I lightly knock on her door before I open it to peek inside. She’s not there. I head to the kitchen and then check the living room but she’s nowhere in sight. Alex walks up next to me, chewing a mouthful of apple as he looks around the room. “What are we looking for?” His eyebrows are raised at me.
“Abby, she’s not here.”
“Yeah, no. She left already.” He shrugs and takes another bite of his apple.
“Where did she go?” I’m irritated.
“How the fuck should I know? She snarked me out and then left in a huff. Oh she said to tell you to turn the music off.” He looks down at the bare apple core in his hand. “That was a nice apple. Do you have more?”
“Alex,” I say to get his attention. “Yeah?” He looks at me. “What are you doing here?” He seems confused by my question. “Er, we said we were going to the gym this morning?”
“Right, yes. Right.” I shake my head. “Let me just…” I trail off and point in the direction of my bedroom.
I grab some workout clothes from my cupboard and head to the bathroom to brush my teeth and take a piss. Once done I head back to my room to grab my gym bag but stop short when I see Alex is there looking at the canvas on the easel. When he spots me hovering in the doorway he gives an impressed nod.
“I see you had a breakthrough. Looks good.” I have nothing to say as he looks at me like he’s appraising me. With a final nod he gestures to the canvas again. “Abby.”
“What?” I haven’t even looked at the paintings since I woke up. Not even sure what exactly I painted. I step closer and I open my mouth to deny it but I know that would be useless once I see it. “How can you even tell? There’s no face.”
Alex simply shrugs and then gestures around his head. “Hair.” I look from him to the painting again. Yep. Hair. Big, dark swirling curls all around her body covering her face. Hundreds of needles stuck into her contorted body. It’s both breathtakingly beautiful and painfully sad. Just like Abby.
“So uh, does this mean,” he looks down at my crotch. “Your little problem is solved?”
“What? No!” I think about what I walked in on last night and it all comes flooding back. The moans, the smell, the look on her face. “Yes. I mean, no. Maybe. Just shut the fuck up and let’s get going.” And as I walk out the door I say the same thing over and over again:
Don’t fuck your roommate.
Don’t fuck your roommate.
Don’t fuck your roommate.
Don’t fuck your roommate.
Don’t fuck your roommate.
“Dude, can I eat these chips? And this leftover pasta? Why does it taste weird?”
Alex and I are back at the apartment, and while I’m on the couch catching up on episodes of Game of Thrones he’s been in the kitchen rummaging through cupboards for something to eat for the past hour. The dude can pack it away, all right. But looking at the size of him it’s no wonder he needs to be fed at all times.
Just as I lift my feet to place them on the table in front of the couch, the door opens and Abby walks in. I put my feet back on the ground and lean forward to grab the remote and turn the TV off.
“Hey.”
She looks up from where she was putting her keys back in her bag and her eyes grow wide like she wasn’t expecting to find me here, and isn’t pleased by my presence, either. She looks back down and shuffles her feet before mumbling something incoherent and moving to the kitchen. I frown after her.
I woke up with an uneasiness in the pit of my stomach and when I couldn’t find her in the apartment I knew something was up. Her strange behavior now just cements that fact. It feels as though something shifted between us between yesterday and now. She couldn’t know that I saw her last night, could she? I’m still mulling over my thoughts when I hear a surprised shriek coming from the kitchen followed by a pissed off looking Abby bolting back into the living room. Alex hot on her trail.
“What is this giant man-baby doing in our kitchen unsupervised?”
“Hey short-stack, words hurt feelings.” There’s a look of hurt on his face but I see the glint of humor in his eyes. “It’s okay, I know you didn’t mean it.” He rubs a hand over her head and I swear I can see red rising in her complexion. She swats his hand away, takes a deep breath and squares her shoulders.
“I’m going to my room. Please remove… this,” she gestures at Alex with his mouth full of pasta. “So I can study in peace.” She gives him a final glare and then stalks off to her room.
“She’ll get used to me,” he shrugs and collapses on the couch next to me. “They always do.” I shake my head at him and grab the remote again. Alex. Optimistic as always.
“So,” he says through a mouth full of pasta.
“So,” I reply, pretending not to know what he’s about to bring up.
“So,” he repeats, gesturing with his fork for me to carry on.
“So,” I repeat, keeping my eyes on Dany and her dragons on screen.
“Are we going to talk about it?”
“It?”
“Yeah, IT. All the sex you had with your roommate.”
“We didn’t have sex.”
He frowns at me and places the now empty bowl on the table.
“Yeah,” I shrug. “No sex.”
“I don’t believe you.” He states simply.
“Dude, I don’t lie.”
“Ok, so you’re telling me that you jumped out of bed, naked may I add, to go find her and then looked like a lost puppy when you couldn’t,” I open my mouth to interrupt but he holds up a hand to stop me. “And then when she came in here you were all bright eyes and puffed out chest. Plus those paintings in your room are all of her. But you’re telling me that no sexual practices of any kind occurred in this apartment between the time you were all depressed about not being able to paint and this morning?”
I was telling the truth. I don’t lie. Well... I try not to. And I can’t deny anything he just said without doing so. I look down and bite the inside of my cheek instead.
“AHA!” He jumps up from the couch and puts his arms in the air like he’s just won a major touchdown. “I KNEW IT! You totally boned her!”
“Would you lower your fucking voice? I don’t think the neighbours across the street heard you.”
“Ok ok, but was it good?” He wiggles his eyebrows as he says it with a huge smile on his face.
“I didn’t bone her, ok? And even if I did I wouldn’t be telling you about it.” A strange look crosses his face but it’s quickly replaced by one of confusion.
“But, the paintings?”
I draw my shoulder up but I don’t answer. I see him narrow his eyes at me from the corner of my eye until I finally give in.
“I didn’t have sex with her. I swear. I just kind of… you know, helped myself. And maybe she was my inspiration. For the paintings and…” I gesture down to my groin. Understanding finally dawns on his expression and he’s quiet for a long time.
“I see.” He states. I know I don’t need to say any more. He’s known me for a long time. Probably knows me better than anyone so all these things in my head, my reaction to her just now, the paintings, everything; it doesn’t need to be said out loud.
What he can’t possibly know is that I’m in serious danger of losing my mind over this girl. He can’t possibly know that the twitch in my hand from last night is still there. The need to have her under me went from only curiosity to a need that grows in intensity with every passing minute. I’m hungry for this girl.
"I'm amazed you're this calm, dude. You clearly need to fuck something and she can't be making it easy on you."
I slump in my seat and hold my head in my hands. "I imagine her naked. Like all the time. Even when she's not there. I don’t know what to do.”
“I don’t know, man. But if we’re still on board with the plan to not get kicked out on your ass again I would start getting really familiar with my hand.”
I groan into my hands.
“Anyway,” He gives me a clap on the back. “I have to head out. Got a race tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yeah man.” I nod at him and watch him leave the apartment.
I sigh and glance in the direction of Abby’s room, wondering what she’s doing. For the love of god, man, pull yourself together. She’s just a girl. Even as I think it, I know it’s not true. I don’t know what it is about her. She’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met. There is so much to her, so much passion and fire just burning under the surface, but it’s all locked away behind a cold, steel door. All someone would need is the right key to have all of that come crashing through.
I’ve long since lost interest in the television. My thoughts are still with Abby and her strange reaction to me. I’ve gotten used to her standoffishness but this is something else. An awkwardness I don’t know how to get rid of. I stand up and head to my room but once there all I do is stand in the doorway. I’m restless. Bored. I want to talk to her. Just be in her presence. But I can’t just knock on her door and start making small talk. She hates that.
I strip off my shirt and head to the kitchen instead to make dinner. At least that will give my brain something else to fixate on. I’ve always loved being in the kitchen. My parents were never around but Nan was always in the kitchen. Ready to praise my drawings and ask about my day. I shake my head at the thought that the only real maternal affection I got growing up was from the Irish cook my parents paid. I was devastated when she died, but I was never allowed to really grieve. I had to attend her funeral in secret. My parents would have never allowed it, didn’t even show up themselves. But I remember her every single time I turn on the stove. Remember her patient instructions and quiet admonishments when I did something wrong. I open my phone to search google for a diabetic friendly recipe and finally decide on beef and veggie kebabs.
Once dinner is ready I arrange the kebabs on a plate and grab two beers before heading into the living room. I turn the volume of the TV up a little too loudly and start an episode of House M.D. Then I wait. Once the familiar opening song starts, Abby comes rushing out of her room. I smile to myself, satisfied that my plan had worked.
She stops short at the living room entrance, tangling her fingers together. “You’re watching without me?” Am I imagining or is there a hint of hurt in her voice?
“No,” I say smoothly. “Just waiting for you to join me. Dinner is ready.” I take a kebab from the plate and pretend like everything is totally normal.
She slowly walks towards me but then changes direction.
“Where are you going?”
“To get a plate and cutlery. And glasses for the beer.” She says as if that should be obvious.
“No, babe,” I chuckle at her. “You don’t eat kebabs using a knife and a fork. And the beer already came in a glass. Come sit down. You’re getting your hands dirty.”
Looking towards the kitchen and then back at me, she gives a sheepish shrug and then comes to sit next to me. She picks up one of the kebabs and places it in her mouth. I watch her as she slowly slips off the mushroom on the end. The semi in my pants tells me that maybe kebabs weren’t a good idea. I keep watching as her teeth bite gently into a cube of beef and slowly pull it back into her mouth.
I shift on the couch and discreetly palm my groin to shift my erection to a more comfortable position. I drag my eyes off her and try and concentrate on the show. It’s only half working because while my eyes aren’t on her, the sound of her sucking her fingers clean is making me imagine those lips wrapped around my dick. Christ. I sigh and drop my hands back into my lap, trying to add a little pressure to my ever growing dick.
Have I mentioned that I’m completely confused by her reactions to me? I know she’s attracted to me. I’ve seen the way she looks at me and I heard her say my name last night, but she still won’t give me an inch when any other girl would have been all over me by now. She’s the most complicated girl I’ve ever met. But I can’t say it’s not fun trying to figure her out.
“It’s a Da Vinci drawing.”
“What?”
“The tattoo you’re looking at.”
“What?! I wasn’t looking at your tattoos.” She sputters for a moment. “I’m watching the show. And it’s finished now, anyway, so I will go to my room.”
I hadn’t even noticed the episode was finished. I was too enthralled in watching her reactions to the show. And the way she ate had my mind going to places I am trying really hard to keep locked up. I feel like an utter bastard thinking these things.
“He was a cool guy,” I say in a desperate attempt to keep her here a little longer. She looks at me curiously so I keep talking. “He was an amazing artist but also really smart. His imagination was just… so epic. The things he invented. Way before his time. Like the things needed to make all these inventions didn’t even exist yet. Some still don’t actually.” I have her full attention now and I’m stunned for a moment. She’s so goddamn beautiful. Her eyes are so unique. Purple.
And I’m so fucking worked up.
“Anyway, so yeah..” I shake my head when I realize I’m just staring at her and gesture to my arm. “These are anatomy drawings from his journals.”
She’s looking at my arm now and I fight the urge to puff out my chest and flex my arm. Her hand twitches on her textbook like she wants to reach out and touch them.
“You can touch them if you like?” I hold out my arm a little.
“No, I… that’s ok.” She shakes her head and starts making a move to get up. No. I grab her hand and place it on my forearm.
“It’s ok… you showed me yours and I’m showing you mine, right?” I half smirk at her when she looks at me in confusion, not immediately grasping my meaning. “The insulin. You shared something personal and now I’m doing the same. It’s ok to touch.”
Her fingers move tentatively up my arm and I feel her touch tingle its way down my spine and grab hold of my dick. I take a slow breath to try and gain control as she continues her exploration. Her fingertips are light on my skin, like little kisses as she whispers to herself.
“Ulna, Radius, Humerus.” Naming the drawings as they’re placed on my arm. Her fingers move up to my pec where they circle around the spiral shell tattooed there.
I swallow hard. “That’s,” I close my eyes against the sensation of her touching me. She’s so close that I can smell her. Jasmine and Coconut. “That’s his drawing of the Nautilus Shell. It’s supposed to have the Golden Ratio but there’s some debate over it.”
“Oh, I know about that.” She’s still looking at the shell on my chest as she answers. Still drawing her torturous little circles. “We learned about it in one of my classes. It’s found in anatomy too.” Her eyes finally look to mine. I swallow.
“Right. It’s found everywhere.” Her pinky grazes over my nipple and it’s like an electric shock through my veins. I can’t stand it anymore and I place my hand over hers to flatten her palm against my chest. “Nature, humans, design, art… it’s all around us.” When did I start whispering?
She’s so close to me now her hair is brushing against my arm. I’d only need to lean in a couple of inches and our mouths would meet. I can see the desire in her eyes as she look at my lips, but something is always stopping her. Is she afraid?
I remember her little slip about her first and only experience being painful and I can’t stop myself. “I was serious before,” I blurt out.
She looks at me, confused.
“Sex isn’t supposed to hurt.”
I swallow and meet her eyes again. “It’s supposed to be the greatest thing you’ve ever felt. Two bodies exploring, finding those places that make you forget everything but the pleasure you’re feeling. Stripping away everything else in the world and pulling out your most basic needs. Slowly bringing you to the brink of ecstasy and then letting you fall into an abyss of wild need. Other times the need to fuck is so intense you can’t get each other’s clothes off fast enough, raw, animalistic, intense. The only thing in your mind your need for release. Being inside you. Having him fill you. Thinking that your need for each other will never be sated. And you just keep thrusting, and clawing, and devouring, and fucking.” Those light purple pools hold me prisoner and I can’t breathe. I watch her watch my mouth, her irises huge. My jumbled thoughts are now singular. I can only think of the sudden intense need to take her, right here, right now… until she jerks her hand away and quickly gets to her feet.
“I have to go study now.” She announces and grabs her things. She looks at me and it seems as though she wants to add something but then decide against it. She turns on her heel and disappears into her room instead.
I brush a hand over my face and let out a frustrated sigh. I pushed too hard and she went to hide back in her shell again. Maybe it’s for the best, anyway.
Don’t fuck your room mate.
Don’t fuck your room mate.
Don’t fuck your room mate.
Don’t fuck your room mate.
Don’t fuck your room mate.
Fuck. I need another shower.