Present

One long week without any news. I should be patient. Every doctor who checks on Sadie tells me those exact word when I ask them how she’s doing. No one understands what it’s like to see the woman I love fighting for her life. She might never wake up. I might never be able to hear her voice again, to tell her that I love her more than anything and anyone. She might never meet our baby, and fuck, I know she wanted that baby more than anything in the world.

And no matter how many times I ask her to forgive me for leaving her, she might never hear what I have to say. I caused her pain, left her homeless…

“Should I just leave you?” I take her hand. “I should have left you that first day. But you opened yourself to me. You listened to me and made me feel like I was worth something. That I wasn’t just an excuse of a man, who could barely hang onto his sobriety.”

She made me feel like a person. Like a regular man who was more than his fame, his failures, and the demons that dragged him to the darkness.

I touch her forehead, caressing her delicate face. “What’s on your mind, beautiful?

“Good morning. How is our little one today?”

I turn around to find Aspen Hawkins, and right behind her, Raven—glaring at me.

“You,” Raven points at me. “My name isn’t on the list of authorized visitors. Why?”

I flinch, “There’s a list?”

“Yes,” Aspen confirms, checking on the Little Beanie who is out of the ventilator. The doctors were confident that moving him to Sadie’s room was safe for him. “Your people said it was you who suggested the list.”

“My people?” I frown wondering if Duncan did something or if it was Pria, my public relations manager, who ordered it.

“Well, you’re trying to keep the media away, aren’t you?” Raven narrows her gaze.

“While you two catch up, I’m going to check on my patient.” Aspen walks toward my Little Beanie. “I heard from the nurses that he’s spending too much time with Daddy.”

I shrug. “Can you blame me?”

“No, I like that you’re giving him just what he needs. Love.” She smiles.

“He’s so little,” Raven marches over to see the baby. “Wake up, boss. You need to meet him.”

“Keep your voice down, Rae,” I mumble.

She flinches.

“Nothing you say will wake her up. At least not right now. She’s still heavily sedated,” Aspen informs Raven. “Brynn plans on keeping her that way for another week or until the swelling in the brain goes down.”

I tune Aspen out when she begins to explain Sadie’s injuries. Nothing new has happened since the surgery. This wait and watch shit is driving me crazy.

“Maybe they’ll get out of the hospital at the same time,” Raven suggests.

“That’s what we’re hoping for,” Aspen reassures her. “We have to figure out the logistics, but that’ll happen later.”

“I’m surprised to see you here,” Raven saunters closer to the bed. “How did you learn about it?”

“He’s listed as her in case of emergency contact,” Aspen intervened. “I haven’t checked who her next of kin is. Technically, we’re breaking protocol. Unless, the administration has done something and I’m out of the loop.”

“I’m her next of kin,” I assure her.

“That would be her parents, since you two aren’t married or together,” Raven informs, her voice is calm and her answer right on point.

“Don’t call them,” I request. “Sadie’s father won’t come, and her mother might be in rehab.”

“No, she got out a month ago,” Raven informs me. “This time for good, or so she promised.”

“Same thing. Catherine won’t care right now. You know her pattern. I’m taking care of Sadie.”

“How are the girls?” Raven’s passive aggressive hints are wearing on me.

“Fine, I haven’t spoken to them. They’re on vacation with their mother.”

“That explains why you’re here. I bet you wouldn’t be here if they were in town.”

“I’d be here,” I protest. “What makes you think otherwise?”

“You walked away from Sadie,” she accuses me.

“Raven,” I warn her.

“Fine, I’ll just be around to hold her when you do it all over again.”

I change the subject to something more pressing.

“Hey, did Sadie have names for the baby?”

“Not yet, she was going through a baby book. Nothing seemed to sound right with Bell.”

“The baby is Hades,” I protest and realize one fucking thing. “She was never going to tell me about him, was she?”

“How would I know?” She twitches her lips, huffing. “Her only focus was the baby. Not to hurt you or anything, but she stopped talking about you a long time ago.”

Because Sadie doesn’t talk about the things that cause her pain.

“When did she learn about her pregnancy?”

Raven presses her lips together and looks down. That’s all I needed to confirm what I’ve been thinking all along. If the baby’s gestation age had been thirty-one weeks and five days, she had been seven or eight weeks pregnant when we broke up. There’s no fucking way that Miss I never miss a period didn’t know about it.

“Fuck, she knew before we broke up.” I clamp my lips together.

Suddenly, I connect the flu-like symptoms. She went to the doctor, but I was too busy with the next EP release to even call her. I was trying to have everything set for the wedding.

“But what I don’t get is why she didn’t tell me.”

“It was a surprise. But …” her voice trails off as does her stare. She concentrates on Sadie. “Look, this is not my call. I’m her friend, not yours. For now, focus on the baby, and once she’s better you two have to find closure and a way to co-parent.”

Can we find our way back to us? Is that even a possibility?

Why would she want to be with me? I wasn’t any different from her father or the fuckers she dated. Once things got complicated, I left. Fuck, I abandoned my pregnant fiancée. Would she forgive me for that?

“How’s Tess doing?” Raven asks, touching her head slightly. “Is this something that she’ll be able to handle?”

I hold my breath for several beats. How am I going to break the news of the baby?

“She doesn’t have to handle anything,” I respond with conviction. “Tess and Hannah have a brother. He’s mine.”

I look at my broken Sadie. “Until Sadie is strong, I’m all he has.”

And in some way, he’s really all I have. The only person who might give me some unconditional love. My daughter’s innocence was shattered by their mother, and in exchange for some of their love, I have to meet a lot of conditions.

My alarm sounds. Call time.

“Hey, can you stay with them for a minute? I have to make a call.”

“At the moment I’m not available, but please leave a message,” Alicia’s voicemail picks up immediately.

I hate that I have to call her. Why didn’t she let the kids take their phones with them?

“It’s time for my daily call. Text when you’re ready for it. And about your email, the answer is no. I gave them enough money for their personal expenses.”

Fucking bitch. She’s a piece of work. I should call my lawyer and fight her for full custody. But with Sadie and the baby … what am I supposed to do now?

Alicia: The girls had a long day. Call tomorrow.

Kaden: We have an agreement.

Alicia: Do we? You promised to provide for them, and yet, during their time of need you’re turning them down. Send money.

Kaden: Have them call me tomorrow. I won’t send you another cent.

Alicia: By the way, there’s a rumor that you’re dating a new skank. You need to start thinking more about your daughters and a little less about your fucking dick. Tess’s mental health comes first.

There are no rumors. Alicia is the one who calls the tabloids to sell them fake news. She gets paid and then uses them against me. I regret the day I met Alicia. My daughters mean the world to me, and I shouldn’t think that way. But other than Hannah and Tess, everything related to Alicia is toxic waste. To think I tried to make things work with her in the name of family. Maybe it’s me. I’m not meant to be happy or loved.

Everything and everyone I touch ends up hurt.

I turn around toward the hallway that takes me to Sadie’s room and second guess my next step. Neither Sadie nor the baby need me, or my problems. I should go home. Take my drama with me.

“Relationships between two people are complicated,” she once told me. “Families even more so. Not everyone is the same. Each member of the family is unique and important. You learn to love them and make everything work in the name of love. You don’t give up. You fight together.”

That’s why I didn’t give up on Tess or Hannah. Alicia will always be a part of them, and that’s why I deal with her. After what happened to Tess, we should all have fought. But I let one member of our unique family go. I never fought for her. My lungs collapse because the fear of losing Tess made me listen to Alicia. For a few seconds, the same fear almost made me leave and give up again.

Will she still love me when she wakes up?

I trace the seven letters tattooed on my right wrist.

Forever.

It’s part of a couples tattoo we have that was inspired by Lily and Snape. The woman who didn’t like fiction absorbed my love for the Harry Potter books once I began reading them to her. And then, we created our own version.

We’ll be together forever, no matter space, or time or … I take off, running to her side. For the first time, I don’t give a shit about washing my hands or changing my scrubs.

Holding her hand, I look at her wrist. Together.

I press them against each other for a second and breathe out.

“The flame of our souls fused a long time ago, and it can’t be separated. It’s forever and always,” I whisper in her ear. “I’m sorry for giving up so easily, but we’re a family, and you taught me that we should fight together.”

I look at her unmoving body. The only way I know she’s still with me is when I see her chest rise and fall. I brush the strands of hair from her face and kiss her nose and then her cheek.

“Meet me in your dreams. Hold my hand. Don’t let go, baby. We have years ahead of us. Our son is waiting for you. I can’t lose my best friend and the love of my life. We will fight together.”

Carefully, I hug her and press my forehead to hers. “For the next hundred years, even after this life, we’ll be together. I promise.”