Kieran’s a sweet baby who babbles when he wakes up. Though, we only have about a minute or two to get to him before he cries. It never fails when we take too long to retrieve him; he makes good use of his lungs. Like tonight when I didn’t hear him, his shrill cries were loud enough to wake up the entire state of Washington. He’s gasping for breath in-between his frantic sobs.

“Got him!” Kade announces, rushing into my room.

“I was going to get him.”

“Did he babble?”

“If he did, I didn’t hear him.” After I put him down the last time, I crashed, blocking out everything.

“Me neither,” he shows me the monitor. “I was just coming upstairs from the studio.”

“So late?” I check my phone. It’s two in the morning.

“The beauty of having my own studio.” He picks up the baby. “We’re recording a few tracks.”

“New music, huh?” I chew on my lip because Kaden usually played his new stuff to me first.

Then again, I’ve refused to listen to him sing ever since we broke up.

“You want me to play it for you?”

“Maybe, someday.” I rise from the bed and put on my robe. “When it hurts a little less.”

“Can we talk about us?” Kade glances at me briefly before turning back to the changing table, giving his full attention to Kieran.

“Nope, I’m not ready for that,” I answer honestly because he has too much going on in his life, and I just want simple.

“I’ll get his bottle ready,” I announce, leaving the room.

“You don’t want to talk about it, and yet, we function like a real couple who happen to have a newborn,” he says loud enough that I can hear him as I make my way down the stairs.

In a way, he’s right. We are almost a couple. Except, we don’t share everything, and that includes the other part of his family. He’s still dealing with his daughters, and I don’t ask him much about them because what’s right for them could be wrong for Kieran. These moments break my heart again and again. I wish things were different between us.

Once I’m back from the kitchen, I spot Kaden sitting in the rocking chair. My heart skips a beat at the sight of him. This tug-of-war between my head and my heart is tearing me apart. I’m aware that what we share can't be replicated with another man. This love, this feeling, is just between him and me. Centuries could pass, I could travel the world looking for someone else, and I’d still have to come right back to him if I wanted true love.

Yet, I’m not strong enough to risk being broken all over again, to let myself love again.

“You should go to sleep.”

He opens his eyes and smiles at me.

“Nah, this is my favorite time of night. Being with two of my favorite people.”

“I wish I had breastfed him. That mother-son bonding is missing, or maybe it’s not, and I’m just obsessing.”

“You two are close. Kieran is always looking for you when you’re not around. But in case you miss it, you’ll get another chance to do it with Aubrey and Grady.”

“We are not having an Aubrey or a Grady.”

“Is that a challenge?”

“God, you’re stubborn, Hades.”

“No, I’m a man of faith and who has lots of patience.”

He’s a man who never gives up, I know that about him. It’s not just with me, but with his whole life. He’s not stubborn, but perseverant. Right now, his focus is Kieran and me. Every day he’s around, helping me with my exercises and caring for our baby. He takes his rehearsals and visits to his daughters right around nap-time. We spend hours talking. Even when I push him away, he keeps coming back to me.

“We have a lifetime, an eternity. It’ll happen sooner or later. Your heart can only be far away from mine for so long.”

“Why would you say that?” I close my eyes, paying attention to his voice.

“Because mine is withering without yours, and our hearts are a lot alike.”

“Lines, stay behind them.”

“Walls, Sadie. You built walls of steel that I’m not interested in breaking because you feel safe behind them. For now, that’s what you need.”

“Do you know what I need?”

“To sleep and stop this nonsense.”

He begins to sing, a lullaby I don’t think I’ve ever heard. Once he’s done feeding Kieran, he walks around the room with him, patting his back. After the baby burps, he sets him in the bassinet that’s next to my bed.

“You’re still awake.” He walks toward me.

“Sometimes I have trouble falling asleep after he wakes up.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Sleepy?” I shrug. “I don’t know. This is the time of night I like to focus on tomorrow’s schedule.”

“May I?” He asks, sitting on the bed.

“I should say no.”

“Promise not to do anything other than hold you until you fall asleep.”

“Kade,” I sigh.

It’s impossible to stay away when he knows exactly what I need—him. His arms, and that safe bubble he builds around us at night that no one else can penetrate. It’s just the two of us.

“Yes, Hummingbird?”

“I wish I weren’t afraid.”

“Me too, love. Me too.”

“Are you afraid of anything?”

“Too many things to count, but a wise woman once taught me to lead with my dreams and not with my fears. Focus on building my future, not what destroyed my past.”

“What’s your focus?”

“Co-parenting, helping you recover your health and in doing so, recuperate my friend.”

“You want to be my friend.”

“I enjoy your company, Miss Bell. If you allow it, we can be friends.”

“I thought we were friends.”

“Friends don’t have barriers the size of the Great Wall of China.”

“One day I might let you back in, Hades.”

“I hope so, love,” he whispers as I’m falling asleep.

Battling my sore, unsteady legs, I am finally going faster on the treadmill. Despite my heart pounding, throat rasping, leaden feet, and wheezing as my burning lungs gasp for air, I did it.

“Look at you, running.”

I move my gaze from the dashboard toward Kaden who leans against the doorframe and holds our little boy.

“It’s more like fast jogging,” I correct him, smiling at the sight of my guys.

“How was your run?”

“We broke our record.” He grins, lifting our son’s arm as a sign of triumph.

“Little Kay and I just decided that you have to come with us tomorrow.”

“No, no, and no. Little Kay sounds like a cereal. Stop that nonsense.”

Jax made up that stupid nickname, and they’re trying to make it stick, but I’m not allowing it.

“Kieran isn’t going to have the name of a rapper from Sesame Street. Today’s song is brought to you by Little Kay and the number three.”

“You can be funny, Hummingbird,” he laughs.

“And mean, so stop calling him that or else.”

“Are you going to punish me?” he throws his sexy smirk my way.

My legs wobble, and it’s not because of the treadmill, but because of the lust that I’m carrying.

“Ugh, you’re impossible, Hades,” I feign annoyance and slow down my pace.

“The flowers arrived.” He changes the subject.

We’re making a few changes to the landscape. I’m adding iris, lavender, and sweet pea to give my backyard a purple tone that matches perfectly with the already white and blue ambiance I have.

“Are you helping me?”

“Yes. I got a baby swing, so Kieran can watch us.”

“When do you want to start?”

“In a couple of hours. I have to check on the girls if you don’t mind.”

“How are they doing?” I dare to ask.

“They’re fine. Their grandparents are driving me crazy. You know they like to say that I’m a worthless piece of shit in front of my kids.”

“Sorry about that.”

You’re sorry, but you don’t plan on doing anything to help, do you?

“It is what it is. Don’t worry about it.” He walks toward the door. “I’m going to take a shower.”

I stop the treadmill. I have to take a bath before he leaves the house, but as I’m heading toward the stairs, I hear someone knocking on the door.

I open it and find Tess standin there stoically.