Six days after Sadie woke up, we finally left the hospital. Sadie and I hadn’t spoken about my daughters since she reminded me that they’re my problem—not hers. I’ve visited my girls daily and was honest with them about Sadie. She’s afraid that Alicia would ask them to hurt Kieran. They assured me that they wouldn’t do anything to harm him, but as I explained to both of them, it’s an issue of trust.

Alicia remains in Europe, but I have the feeling that she’s coming back soon since I stopped the direct deposit to her checking account. Her parents are the ones getting the child support money since they’re housing my girls.

“You did all this?” Sadie asks as we enter the house.

The room looks like it could be on the cover of an interior design magazine.

“I’m afraid to step foot into the house. It’s that perfect.”

“We got some of the ideas from your Pinterest. Raven and your father’s interior designer helped me with the rest.”

“It’s gorgeous.”

The couch is cream. The cushions are the same color but inlaid with delicate green silk leaves embroidered so skillfully that they looked like they could have landed there in spring. The white curtains are organza, the kind of white that’s untouched by hands and devoid of dust.

We added a couple of recliner chairs around the bespoke fireplace. The photographs on top of the shelves and around the walls are snapshots of our family. Most of the pictures that Sadie had in our old apartment and a few new ones of Kieran. The floor is high polished wood, dark and free of either dust or clutter.

“What did Dad do with his things?”

“He donated everything and had his interior decorator furnish the pool house with brand new furniture.”

“I’m not sure how I feel about living with my dad.”

“You were living next door, weren’t you?”

“Yeah, but it was temporary. This is permanent.”

“He travels a lot,” I remind her, which is what I keep telling myself every time I think about the asshole living next to me.

We’re on friendly terms, but until I see that the change is permanent, I’ll continue watching my back.

“What did he do with his car collection?”

“Honestly, I didn’t ask, but the garage is empty. It’s a big room, and I’m wondering if you’d allow me to fix the acoustics and use it as my studio.”

“Don’t you have a studio?”

“I lease space from the Deckers, but I have to drive to downtown. I don’t want to leave you for long periods of time. Yet, I need to practice, and the garage is the best place for that. It’d save me money. Would you mind renting it to me?”

She presses her lips together and nods. “Okay, but where are we going to park the cars?”

“I’ll have a contractor come over to help me set up the studio, and he can split it, so we have three or four spaces for the cars. Is that a good compromise?”

“Yeah, that sounds reasonable.”

“Okay, let me get this little man to bed.” I lift the baby carrier. “Then I’ll help you upstairs.”

Instead of taking him to the nursery, I place him in the bassinet I bought for the master bedroom. I set the baby monitor and make my way back downstairs. Sadie sits on the second step of the staircase. Her head resting on her knees.

“Hey.” I sit next to her.

“How is he?”

I hand her the monitor that shows the master bedroom and Kieran.

“This isn’t the nursery.”

“No, it’s the master bedroom. I bought a bassinet for that room and a crib for his nursery.”

“You were busy.” She smiles, playing with her long skirt.

“I can’t take all the credit. Your dad helped me a lot.”

“Thank you. You’ve been great. I know I sound ungrateful when I’m only taking and not doing anything to help you,” she pauses, taking a deep breath. “But I do appreciate everything that you’re doing for me.”

“It’s a lot to take in, I understand.”

She stares at my arm where I have the hummingbird tattoo. “It’s just … I have to protect Kieran.”

“You don’t need to explain yourself. I get it.”

“Your ex is scarier than we thought.”

“That’s something I have to figure out before she gets back.”

“Just file for full custody,” she suggests.

“I did. The hearing is soon. But where would they live?”

“With you, of course.”

“I live here.”

“You don’t have to. I know they come first.”

“Sade, for fuck’s sake, stop that! Tess and Hannah don’t come first.” I shake my head.

“Kieran is as important,” I say, pointing toward the stairs. I take a deep breath. “This is the last time I want to hear you pushing me away to keep him safe. My three children matter, just as much as you do. We’re a blended family that has to learn how to live together. Kieran’s safe with me. I won’t take him away from you. There’s no custody battle between the two of us. Did I fuck up a few months ago? Yes. I accept that I handled the situation poorly.”

“You did what you thought was best for Tess. The way they set everything up was a replica of how your sister died.”

“Alicia knew how to fuck with my head.” I tap my temple.

“I wish I could help you.”

Sadie sounds genuine, but I bet she doesn’t have an answer right now. At least not a solution that can be used long term.

“I’ll figure everything out. Don’t worry.”

We both stay quiet for a long time just being there with one another. I want to know what she’s thinking, just like I want to tell her that I need her help.

“I still love you,” I whisper with conviction.

“Please, Kade,” she groans.

“Shut up, I got it.” I salute her.

“Where’s Sinatra?” She looks around.

“Still at Raven’s. She’s going to bring him once you’re settled.”

“She’s amazing. I couldn’t have survived the past months without her.”

“Can I ask you why you didn’t tell me about the pregnancy?”

“It was the surprise that I had planned for after our dinner,” she says, placing her chin on top of her knees, hugging her legs. “There’s a onesie somewhere with the Killing Hades logo and the sonogram. But how could I tell you when Tess couldn’t even stomach me. A baby would have pushed her off the cliff.”

“Alicia screwed with my head in the worst possible way.”

“Why do you think the girls went along with it?”

“To make Alicia happy.”

“I wonder how she’s treating them emotionally. It must be hard for them to be held accountable for their mother’s happiness. I bet nothing makes Alicia happy, but we know she enjoys seeing others suffer.”

“That would be a pretty good assessment.”

“She hates me.”

“Because she knows that I’m in love with you. You weren’t like the other women who I slept with for a night … you made me work for it.” I smile remembering the times I spent with her at the flower shop or the nights having dinner together and just playing board games.

“You enjoyed it, Mr. Hades.”

“Anything that involves you is enjoyable, Miss Bell.”

“I wish I could trust them—you. It’s just …” She shrugs. “Kieran is all I have.”

“Hey, I get it. I’ll figure it out. One way or another I’ll make all this work.”

She closes her eyes, and I fucking know that this is breaking her just like it’s tearing me apart. Sadie’s right. We can’t put our baby in jeopardy, and I can’t stress her either. She has so much going on that pushing my problems on her might become an issue in the long run. Without thinking, I put my arm around her and kiss her shoulder.

“For now, just focus on getting better, Hummingbird.”

“Don’t touch me, please. You have to keep your hands off me.”

“It’s hard.”

“Look, I get that you worked through our breakup while I was fighting for my life, but I didn’t. I’m not in a good place. I’m trying to catch up with my surroundings, my mind, and my body. I have screws in my arms, and my emotions are all over the place. I can barely walk or hold my baby.”

“Hey, as long as you let me help you, I’m happy.”

“I appreciate that. It’d be stupid to think that I could do everything alone when I can barely lift a cup of tea.”