Six Months Later

The music thumps so hard through the speakers, my bones vibrate. Sad and angry rifts play through my guitar, accompanied by lyrics filled with pain and regret. Desperation. Guilt. I blame her for not holding on to me, for letting me be the most stupid man in the world.

I lost her, and I’m dead inside.

“You denied me your body,” I sing, closing my eyes. My angel. My magical fairy. The woman who stole my heart from the first moment I saw her. These days that’s the only way I can feel her; when I’m on stage singing—just for her.

The progression of the melody doesn’t stop. The drums are pounding on a wicked sequence of beats, hammering against my chest. Once the tempo builds, I open my eyes, run to the left of the stage, and continue bleeding lyrics.

“You deprived me of all the things that feed my soul.” My voice trembles reliving the last moments with her.

You deprived me of your love.

I begged you to stop me, not to let me destroy us.

How do I live without you?

Without your scent,

your magic,

Don’t let me go,

Hold on to the memories

Hold on to my love

One day I’ll find you

Here or in another world

One day I’ll find you

And when I do, I won't let you go.

My guitar weeps along with my heart in her absence. The images of our last night play in my mind. Her long, chestnut with purple and pink locks tangled between my hands. My lips pressed against her sun-kissed skin. My cock thrusting inside her while I poured out my love to her and branded myself in her soul.

“Marry me, Hades!” Someone from the audience screams, another one professes her love for me.

The applause and shrieks from the crowd last long enough for the sweat to clear along with the tears.

Fucking tears.

Who the fuck cries while working?

But tonight of all nights, I feel like my heart’s been ripped from my chest—for a second time. That I’m losing her, this time forever.

Despite my body shakes and dripping sweat, I gather all my strength and smile at my public. The world doesn’t have to know that I’m broken and that the music I play is my life support.

“We love you, LA,” I say, playing the last riff of my latest song. The one I composed for her the day I pushed her away from me. “You were wonderful tonight.”

I nod at Jax who takes over, performing his last drum solo as I walk toward the backstage. Thank-fuck this tour is over. Visiting thirty-three cities. Playing thirty-four concerts in less than sixty days was my salvation to avoid what would’ve been my honeymoon. But I’m physically and mentally exhausted.

How am I going to survive when I get home?

From the moment I met Sadie, she made me feel like I couldn’t live without her. Everything about her was addicting. A unique drug made just for me. The elixir that saved my soul.

It’s hard to hold myself together without her. There’s a strong need to be by her side. It increases with every second that passes. I carry a craving I can’t satiate, and I know not even the strongest kind of drug would erase it.

Fuck, I’ve been broken, but I’ve stayed sober. Though, I’ll admit that since we broke up, I’ve been tempted more than a few times. What if I drank my weight in alcohol or snorted enough cocaine to forget my own name?

But my heart knows she’s the only thing that can soothe my soul.

I shove my hand into the pocket of my pants, touching the ring she left behind after we broke up.

I never follow the rules. Not when I met Sadie or after. I should break the one she imposed when we ended our relationship and call her. Her voice would control the demons, her light would brighten the darkness at least for a few seconds.

I miss the way I felt when she was with me.

Sadie Bell made me believe that everyone deserves to be loved. That life could be different for me. My past didn’t define me. She loved me with it and because of it.

I miss her.

All of her.

Those soulful dark brown eyes, her long hair. The melodic, sweet voice that called to me like a siren in the middle of the ocean, completed me and gave me hope.

With her, Kaden Hades was a regular man whose sins didn’t matter. She didn’t judge me for my past. Never claimed me for my fame or wanted more than my heart.

“Kade,” Duncan, my manager marches toward me.

“Duncan,” I greet him, grabbing the towel he hands me.

“Encore!”

“Encore!”

The auditorium shakes as the audience claps, stomps their feet and continues demanding one last song. Their energy is incredible, but I just can’t give them more. I’m empty. Though, I hate to leave them hanging. Their support is what keeps Killing Hades in the number one spot.

“Are we going out again, man?” Jax pats my back, tossing his drumsticks toward the ratty, old couch.

I let out a long breath. As I’m about to turn around back to the stage, Duncan snaps his fingers.

“Kaden, I’m talking to you,” he repeats, exhaling harshly.

Finally, paying attention to my manager, I noticed his pale face and haunted eyes.

“What’s going on?”

“We received a call,” he says, his gaze studying the area, he pauses, “Kevin, from home.”

Kevin’s a friend of mine. I met him years ago when Killing Hades opened for his former band, Without A Compass. We all became friends, and sometimes still meet at the studio to play around and make music.

But why would Kevin call? And what’s up with Duncan’s attitude. His worried tone and long pauses don’t sit well in my stomach. He usually talks non-stop, and I can barely keep up with him.

“Is everyone okay?” My pulse begins to beat fast because fuck, something must have happened back at home.

“What’s going on with Kevin?”

“It’s not about him, but you.” He licks his lips. “I’m not sure if it matters or not, because you never talk about her. But he wanted you to know.”

My gut clenches. “Her?” I arch an eyebrow.

“Are you talking about Tess?” I hold my breath waiting for his response.

Just six months ago, my oldest daughter tried to commit suicide.

What is it this time? I check my watch, trying to remember the time difference between LA and … where is she today? I can’t remember where they are, but I know she’s safe. She’s in Europe with her mother.

He shrugs one arm. “Well, I wouldn’t know, but this isn’t about her. It’s about…”

He clears his throat. “Sadie.”

“Sadie?” I repeat, holding my breath. “What happened to her?”

“Kevin said that you should head to Seattle ASAP.”

The air around me disappears.

“Is she alright?” I demand because my gut tells me that he’s hiding something from me.

But I don’t wait for him to respond. I rush through the backstage toward the dressing room that was assigned to the band. Once I’m there, I search for my phone. The screen has a few missing calls from Kevin, and several Seattle numbers I don’t know register on my phone.

I dial Sadie’s number. Her voicemail picks up right away.

“Hummingbird, it’s me, Kade. Can you please call me? I just need to know that you’re okay,” I beg her frantically. “Tonight, I’ve been more miserable than ever. There’s this fucking pain inside me that’s growing at a scary pace. Help me numb it and make everything better. Forgive me, please. We can work this out.”

I close my eyes and breathe harshly before calling the flower shop, but it’s closed.

“What else do you know, Duncan?” I look up at the ceiling waiting for an answer, or for Sadie to call me telling me that she’s okay.

“Just go back to Seattle.”

“You’re hiding something,” I growl, grabbing his tie and pulling him closer to me. “You either fucking tell me what you know, or I can’t be responsible for my actions.”

“There’s been an accident,” Duncan says, flattening his suit once I release him. “She’s in surgery, they don’t know if she’s going to make it.”

My head pounds. Every cell in my body screams for oxygen—and for Sadie. I feel like my head’s about to explode. I need to take a breath. But I can’t. I begin to fall into the nothing. I fall further and further into the darkness until it threatens to swallow me whole.

“Hades.” Duncan shakes me.

“No, fuck, no.” I gasp for some air and hold my head with both hands as my entire world begins to spin out of control.

My phone rings. I answer it automatically. “Hades.”

“Hey, it’s Kevin.”

“Where is Sadie?”

“At Seattle Medical,” he confirms my suspicions. “She’s in surgery. Brynn was attending in the ER when she arrived. She called me before going into surgery. You need to come like right now. They need you.”

“I’m on my way,” I say, looking around for my manager. “If you can, tell Sadie not to leave me.”

“Duncan,” I call my manager who’s on the phone. “Get me a plane. I have to fly to Seattle, now.”

“Got it.” He gives me the thumbs up, walking away.

It takes me only a couple of minutes to shower. I needed to wash away the sweat and the tension.

“What’s going on?” Jax enters the room changed and carrying his stuff.

“Sade’s in the hospital,” I inform him, pushing away the fear and anguish that’s ripping my insides.

“Everything is set, Hades,” Duncan says, entering the room. “The car is outside waiting for you. I’ll make sure to send your things to your house.”

“Ship this too, man,” Jax throws his duffle bag toward Duncan and follows me.

I look around, remembering the last time Sadie and I were in this stadium. I wish I could turn back time.